Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My parents don’t agree with my dream

muslimah education

Assalamualaikum,

I'm sorry if the title of my question sounds weird, I simply do not know how else should I word it.

I am a 18 year old girl. I have recently graduated from high school with flying colours, thank you to Allah S.W.T. I've always wanted to study abroad, which is one of the reason why I studied hard during high school. My parents know about this dream of mine and they used to be alright with it. The reason why I want to study abroad is of course, to get a better education with new environment. I was born and raised in an islamic country and this country that I wish to go to is not an Islamic country but has a huge amount of Muslims. My intention is really pure.

However, lately my parents are changing their mind because of what their friends told them. Other way to say it is that their mind is simply affected by what people around them said. I wish to study business in university but my father's friends have been telling him that business is not good and that I might ended up being unemployed and so. His friends have also been telling him that studying abroad is bad and dangerous.

Few days ago, my parents told me that I should just be an engineer and just forget my dream to study abroad and just study in local university. I have been really sad just thinking about this because I don't want to hurt my parents but I really do want to achieve my dreams. I've been working hard since high school.

Here's the thing. I know that my parent's blessings are really important and I want it more than anything else and I'm worried that if I keep on achieving my dream, they might not give me their blessings. I don't want to be the bad daughter to my parents but I also don't want to do the things that I don't like to the rest of my life. I just simply want to get a better education abroad and not anything bad. Will it be a sin if I just continue on achieving my dream?

I need advice on this, thank you. May Allah bless all of you.

ariana.19

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9 Responses »

  1. Salam.

    Congratulations on completing your high-school education and may Allah (SWT) allow you to use your knowledge to serve the Ummah. Ameen.

    Personally, I would like you to go into engineering as the number of sisters in engineering is low and you can use this opportunity to break barriers and inspire sisters in Islam to pursue an education in this demanding field. The choice is ultimately yours.

    However, before you choose a path to follow, I advise you to look up data regarding each field relating to the job prospects available after graduation. Often, this information is provided by the government and is available from government websites in the country you plan to work in. Google this information and you should be able to find it easily. This will help you make an informed decision regarding your choice of studies and the subsequent career options available to you after graduation. Secondly, do not listen to hat your parents' friends have to say; rizq is in the control of Allah (SWT) and it will be provided to you regardless of which path you choose. Once you have this firmly set in your heart, make Istikharah and proceed in the direction you are most inclined to and In shaa Allah, Allah (SWT) will provide a way for you.

    However, Islamically there is a problem present with you dream to go over seas to study. Women are not allowed to travel alone without a mahram accompanying them (to the best of my limited knowledge) so the choice you make to travel overseas will be against Shari'ah. If you can convince your father or brother (if you have one) to go with you, I would highly recommend that you pursue your dream rather than obtain a degree that you have no interest in.

    May Allah(SWT) provide you with ease. Ameen.

  2. I think there's potential here for compromise - maybe you can tell your parents that you're willing to a study at a local university if they let you go into business instead of engineering. Ultimately if your dream is business than that is what you should pursue. You can enhance the education you get locally with work experience during vacations. Perhaps later on you'll get the opportunity to study abroad, maybe for a semester abroad in your undergrad or after you graduate for a masters degree.

    Do you have any family who live abroad, perhaps in a different country than the one you were considering? If you really want to experience the world, perhaps your parents will let you stay with relatives abroad, even if it's only for a semester.

    Good luck with your career! Regardless of where you go, you have a lot of great opportunities ahead of you Inshallah. My biggest advice to you would be to study what you truly love and are interested in. This will become your life, and life is too short to spend it hating your job.

  3. Salams sister,

    Although dreams are good, your parents know best in most situations. To study business you dont need to be thousands of miles away from family. That sounds like a recipe for loneliness and haram actions like dating boys, drinking to be with non muslim friends, ect. And what happens if you meet the man of your dreams in college and he wants to marry you; now how can you live so far away from family and raise your own family far off? Take it from me...its lonley, and as much as you may disagree with your parents now, thats how much you will miss them when they are gone.

    Unless you plan to move there permanently with all the details worked out, or have some extended family like uncles or aunts that you can visit/stay with, it is not advisable. Living in a strange city, strange country is an experience that will teach you more than just business, but teach you about how bad the world can get...are you ready for that test? Its always best to have a support network like family and old friends to fall back on, in case things get too hard.

    Hope I helped,
    Shereen

  4. Since you are looking for an "Islamic Answer", I will give you one.

    As muslims we should not separate from our families unless it is absolutely necessary.

    You are a young girl, not even an adult yet. Why are you so keen on crossing an ocean in order to obtain a university degree, when to do so would require that you separate from your parents and live in a non-muslim environment? What are the long-term benefits of that choice?

    Is it your intention to return to your country after getting your degree? Even if you have that intention, like most immigrants you are not going to do so. Perhaps your parents know all this, and they are not prepared to allow you to live a lifetime away from them.

    Who is going to pay for your tuition and living expenses? do you have money saved for this purpose? Tuition fees for foreign students are usually double what is paid by residents. Who is going to bear this cost? Surely, you do not expect your parents to do so?

    I agree with someone above who said there are few girls in engineering, so it is a great thing that your parents are encouraging you to pursue that area. Of course, if you are not interested in engineering then don't pursue it. Pursue another degree that is available in your country.

    Maybe when you are in your mid-20s and have matured, you can consider moving away for a few years, and then returning to take care of your parents. They are not getting any younger.

    • I'm not sure what you mean by separate from our families - there is nothing in the Quran or Sunnah that says you can never leave your family unless it's necessary. She's a young, smart, ambitious woman and she wants to take advantage of all that the world has to offer, and there's nothing wrong with that. If anything, it's great to see a young Muslim woman excited about her education and career. Perhaps this is not the time to travel just yet, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't pursue that opportunity later when the time comes. The reality is that education and work opportunities are often significantly better abroad, and even in our own countries they are more respected.

      It's natural that eventually every young adult will detach themselves from their immediate family and move towards increased independence. That could involve travel, whether temporary or permanent, and it often involves marriage and getting wrapped up in a family of one's own. That doesn't mean that they cannot or should not still be there for their parents, to visit them, honor them and take care of them if and when a time comes where they need extra care, but to suggest that because of that obligation one must never leave their family's side is a bit extreme in my view.

      • I think everything you are saying can be accomplished without her crossing the ocean. If she attends a university in the same city as her parents or even in another city, she will still be pursuing educational and economic opportunities.

        I've seen people immigrate to non-muslim countries, and they do visit their parents and send money to them, but never re-integrate into their lives. I have elderly parents and I have noticed that after a certain age, they start to need help. Then they start to need medical attention. Then they need help with day to day activities. If I was not here for them, they would have to rely on strangers and friends.

        That is not how Islam structures the family. At 18 years old, this young girl does not recognize the responsibilities that lie ahead of her. We are allowed to pursue our goals in every sphere of life while also caring for our family members. That doesn't mean we stick to them like glue or smother our own independence. Just because you stay in the same country as your parents does not mean you are foregoing your independence.

        • I don't disagree with you that perhaps it is not the time yet for her to travel alone. My issue is that yet again you seem to be implying that it is unIslamic for people to travel away from their families or immigrate to other countries, and I have to take issue with that. It's absolutely permissible to do so, and to suggest otherwise is really problematic. I also don't understand why you have to live near someone to be integrated in their lives - in my experience you can be fully integrated with someone's life from across the ocean, especially in this day and age with Skype and whatsapp and all other kinds of communication devices.

      • I am facing the same problem so i know exactly how it feels and i agree with you.

  5. Hey dude the sme thng has hppnd to me. But i just pray to Allah whose a lot mercifull n wuld advice u the sme. Maybe Allah might giv r
    parents the passion wat v hve 4 r dreams
    INSHALLAH ill pray 4 u

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