Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My parents rejected the boy I love because of his looks and financial status

empty wallet, poor

Assalaam Alaikum,

I'm in love with this practising muslim boy but my parents would not accept him because they think he's not good enough for me in terms of looks and his financial status. Im truly in love with him and wish my parents would see that.

Im hoping that you would be able to help me because I know Islam teaches us not to disgrace anyone but thats exactly what my parents are doing and they also are making false accusations on him.

I really want to marry him but I wish that my parents would accept him 🙁 I would really appreciate your help.

Jazak Allah 🙂

- PrincessAli


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11 Responses »

  1. I begin in the name of Allah, the Most Merciful the Most Kind.

    All praise be to Allah, Lord of the Universe.

    You need to realise your pre-marital relationship, is inexcusable, if you're in love outside of marriage it is a pre-marital relationship and it is categorically stated as being haraam. No ifs and no buts, you must end this haraam relationship.

    You obviously do not respect your parents, your parents care about you, although their reasoning is slightly wrong, they want best for their daughter. You should always take the advice of elders. When you're ready to marry you must ask them to find you a suitable partner, I hope just for the sake of not getting married to some unlucky man still in love with the first guy, that you do actually marry the first guy.

    Parents want the best for their daughters, a financially stable man is more appealing, it should not be the main criteria, deen and character should come first, but financial stability matters too. If he's got a job and earning a decent amount, parents should not refuse, but if he's not working then parents should not give their daughter away. Anyone can find a job, but people who don't find a job are either lazy or have high expectations.

    This is a messy situation and it all started because 2 people didn't adhere to the basic Islamic law that, you should not be involved in pre-marital relationships.

  2. dear siister after reading ur story it cam 2my mind wat excttly happend 2me b4 i gat married ,ME N MY HUSBAND LUVED EACHTHER FROM COLLEGE THERE WASNT ANY LONG TEARM REALTIONSHIP COZ DAT IZ ACTULLY HARAAM IN ISLAM ANYWAY I TOLD MY FAMILY ABOUT UZ THEEY WERE SHOKET 2 HEAR FROM ME COZ I WAS DA KIND OF GRIL WHO U COULD NEVER THING OF DOING SUCH A THING LYK THIZ ,BUT COM ON SIIS WAT CAN U DO IF LUV FINDS U N U ALLWAYZ THNK OF GETTING MARRIED N HAVING UR OWN LYF ,SO THEY REFUSD HIM JUST COZ OF HIZ RISE EVEN THOUGH WE KINDA OF DA SAM COUNTRY THEN THEY STARTED 2 BRING FOLSE AKIZISHING ABOUT HIM SO THAT I HATE HIM N 4GET ,BUT THAT ACTULLY MAD MY EVEN MORE STRONGER ,HE DIDNT HAV EVERYTHING BUT WITH PASHENT N TREAST EVERYTHING COMES ALAHMDULAH IN 2009 WE GOT MARRIED N NOW I HAV A BBY G SO WAT IM TRYING 2 SAY IZ MONY IZ NOT EVERYTHING N YES I DO AGREE WITH DA PERSON WHO ANSWERD UR POST B4 ME ABOUT FINANCIL N A PLACE 2 LIV COZ DAT IZ IMPORTENT HOW EVER THEY CAN HELP U IF HE IZ A GOOD MAN DONT GIV UP EVEN THOUGH U HAV STRATED A HARAAM REALITIONSHIP U CAN END IT NOW N MAK IT HALA SIIS UR YOUNG DONT LET DA SHYTAN TAK U OR HIM 2 HARAAM WAY(U KNW WAT I MEAN)IM SURE UR DAD LUVED UR MUM N GOT MARRIED OR DA OTHER WAY ROUND BUT UNFORTUNNATTLY IN SOM SOCITY LUV DESNT EXCISTES WHY LUV IZ ACTULLY SOMTHING A MAGIN THAT ALAH GAV UZI HOP AFTER REPLYING 2 U U WILL INSHLAH MAK UR WRIGHT DISCTTION N EMBER THIZ IF ALAH WRITTES 4 U THAT HE IZ URZ NOO 1 COUD STOP IT MAK DUCAA N PRY SALAT ALL IISTAKARA JUST LYK I USD 2 DO SALAAM ALKIUM MAY ALAH HELP U INSHLAH

  3. Princess Ali,

    I disagree with John Fisher when he says that 'Love' outside of marriage is haraam and I also do not believe that this is a messy situation. Why is it messy Brother Fisher?

    Sister I will not assume that you have committed any sin in getting to know this person. Perhaps you know of him through work or college and have come to know of his character and have hence fallen in love with what you know of him? Why do we assume that every person who loves another must have done something wrong to end up feeling that way? I don't know the Prophet(saw) personally, but I am inlove with his character and personality from what I have been told about him; so I am sure it is possible for this to occur in other scenarios aswell.

    So your parents are disagreeing for you to marry this man because they are not happy with his financial status or looks. Parents always have ideals for their daughters (for their little princesses), so when their children present someone to them who does not match their mental picture, it can be difficult for them. But of course if the parents get to know the prospective man and warm towards his character, looks become less important. I believe that beauty is entirely in the eye of the beholder. What one deems good looking, another may not.

    If your parents are not happy with the financial status, what is the reason for this? You just need to know that your prospective is capable of working, is willing to work, is hard working and knows his duties towards you as a husband. You do not want a husband who is lazy.

    ***
    I would suggest that if you know that this man is hard working, pious and has a good character, then try to convince your parents, take the help of other family members if need be. It may be difficult, but try to start some dialogue with your parents, its the only way for them to start warming to the idea of you marrying someone who they are not completely happy about.

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor
    (PS: Sorry for the rushed reply, house duties call)

    • well the best statement aftr a long time! we need to have faith in allah beg to him and offer nimaz n remain firm and stand comiited

  4. Salaams PrincessAli
    I do not agree with john fisher’s comments? Who are you to judge? Do you know her? How do you know she don’t care about her parents? Why you making such harsh comments? And love outside marriage is not haraam if not committed zina. Please use your words kindly towards people.

    I totally agree with sisterz comments her advice is straight forward and I think if this is the man you chosen is a practicing muslim and of a good character then you should convince your parents because at the end of the day its your marriage life not your parents. Also looks are not everything with money it doesn’t buy happiness I seen this over the years and it doesn’t work. You need to love someone who will respect you, trust and offer you a future of a building relationship and marriage. I know you are in a difficult situation but talk to your parents and tell them how you feel and what you want and why maybe then they might change their mind.
    All the best to you

  5. this is what i want to show her that what rest of our mulsim brothers and siters ! are suggestin her
    1itz nt only i am telling her to pray to allah and fight with society and dont worry when we will face it we will win! her mom dad are more than to me than my mom dad! they will agrress just she needz to be strong and that too aftr her eduaction is completd that wd take 3 years and in that time i would b woorkin at a good post ishallah!
    help! my muslim mates ! show her i am nt wrong for her! and hope and faith in allah will make us win!
    thanks to allah!
    and princess all sister she has shared some good things with us!
    ALLAH BLESS YOU SISTER!

  6. well this is mansoor ahmed mir insted of mansoor agmed mir that i worngly upoated

  7. @samina sister! allah bless you thanks a lodz hope after reading your statemnt she relazes that she is doing wrong with herself! and she callz me and hope she bez ready to face her family and not scared of them!
    az i knw she is in a fix! betwen her family and me!
    i never lied just followed the truth always fighted for her and wd fiight for her! az my allah is with me

  8. well aslamu alaikum dear sisters!!
    this is mansoor ahmed mir
    i am from kashmir india
    and i am a muslim and unluckily a sunni.
    well i just knw one thing that our PROPHET NABI S.A.W was a muslim and rest all are musliims!
    this sunni shia is created by us!
    DEAR brothers and sisters! az you are muslim brothers and sisters
    help me! give a good suggestion to me!
    in marrch 2010 i met a gal namin ........ and i came to knw that she is a muslim also. bt she told me show was shia! bt i az a muslim told her that that dosnt ,matr to me!
    the one who knwz allah is the only one who is creator of world and everythg and Prophet nabi {s.a.w}.. is his messenegr ..so we were mutually agrreig on every terms and we stared to discuss islam that what is right and what is wrong.. if i was wrong at any place she gave me refernces from islamic hadiths and she corrected me and same i did! i told her that dont follow shiasm and i wnt follow sunnism just we need to b muslim. i was so much impresd by her islamic knowledge,.. then we stared to chat .. we were good freinds at that time ,, we used to just chat . and then we futher went ahed and kept on discusing... then i realized that qualities in her are the onez u was lookin for . so i always wanted that kind of gal for my mom whom i can ake to my home for my parents/// as she said to me she needz ,mom dad of mine she would love them more than me! so i falli in love with her!
    then i proposed her and told her that i love ya and i beleive in islamic way i love ya and i want to marry you,,then i told her that even i am a sunni i am just a muslim and ur shia muslim i dnt belive in the comunity just we need to beg to allah and follow quran and Prophet nabi (s.a.w_)
    so even at this time i havent seen her i waited for her response and then she said yes!
    u thanked to ALLAH for this!
    then az i was studyin in delhi i told her that for me it doesnt mater what she is wheter she is rich or poor how she looks and what her family is! i and i am impressed by her islamic knowledge and her humble sober attittude and i was so much happy that she was gona love my mom dad more than me!
    so aftr few months i chekd her snaps and then
    I thanked to ALLAH she was llokin decent and even i told her i am not goo lokin. i dont have money ,every family condition of mine! then we met in kashmir and then she said yes! and then then aftr that
    i told my mom about this whole scenario!
    mu mom said that she is a shia gal and mom wdnt acptd her finally
    i told mom that my islam has given me the right to marry any gal if i am ready and she is ready i cried in front of mom dad and then i told that gal that mom dad are not acptin this relationship bt az i have already swared on my allah and his prophet that i wd make ur my wife so dnt worry i wd nt leave you so she even said dnt leave me and i said i am not gona leave you then finaly within two months when i beged to my mom dad they accptd her and on the same day i told her that mom has acpted you and dad will also acpt her later .juts have faith in ALLAH!
    WHAT WE can do is pray to ALLAH! thanks to ALLAH almight that my mom dad agrred and i even told them that she is not gona leave me ever if if her mom dad wont agree, az she promised me she wd stand for me or nt marry anyone!
    finally aftr that i was happy and came back to delhi for stuides and then she was in kashmir! i fiighted the whole society no freinds at all for my support they said i was worng and i shdnt have done that i should have sorted any other gal from sunni . i told them that okay freinds you dnt suport me dnt worry my allah is with me and that gal is with me ..
    now for me the point was that i have to wait for gals education to be over and and in a year i wd get free form education and would go for a job and then aftr 3 years definitely she would go ahead and disclose this to her mom dad and t because right now was nt that good time so was happy and now i was waiting for my eduaction to b over still i am about to graduate,, yet
    then i am here in dlehi and my gal was in kashmir she started avoidin me az her dad told her that she ever in life come up with that she has choosed then her dad would sucide!
    i was so much broken with that statemnt when i hear she said she is nt gona leave her parents ever .. she dsnt want to kill them .. i told her that dear dnt worry itz ok i am with you our allah is with us we will walk together and we will make it in the end.. dnt worry bt she kept on avoidn me later on!
    not given me time talkin to me dam arrogantly tried to b rude to me for abt 4 months i cdnt go home even back because my education was here in delhi now i was frustrated wiith life cdnt even tell my mom dad that this is whats hapinin with ,me , we used to tak for 2 hours a day then she behaved like she dsnt have 2 mints even for me if they were bt she was talkin to me like i am a beger finally she told me that for abt a year i was nt able to keep her happy ever , she wants freinds i restrict her from freinds and all that and now she wanaa break through wana persue her futher mba az she has graduated now she wont have any guy in he rlife she will see what her family does in the end!
    i told her that i love ya my allah knws it! my allah knw i would have send your family the nikaah offer and we both are ready and even my family is reday bt we knw we all peoples have made communities like shia sunni and have embaraced our selves ,islam never tells us to discriminate ..
    i cried in front of her lodz told her that my mom dad are ur parents and there is no one xcpt you in my life!
    i did it for us! you knw i fighted against thw whole society now itz your turn in future now y are u doing this to me bt she didnt listend to me at all!
    I loVE HER more than myslef MY ALLAH knws that my mom dad knws that i enevr hided anytg in front of my family and i coninced them and now they are happy and now she said she dsnt want to be with me !
    i knw she loves me lodz bt now what she is doing ,, is that she is killing herself and her emotions az well by fear of facing family she thinkz when her dad would listen this he would suicde! and lal that!
    well my mom dad also for a month behvaed rudely with me i faced it and did it because! i have to faced allah that how come i play with a galz emotions i offred nikahh propsal to her already and made my familt convice i left every freind of mine for this gal az they dodnt suported me i knw i have to give her respect she is a gal! bt i want a sincere suggestion from you all my muslim brother and siters!pray for me to allah that our problems get solved and we get married and
    one more thing could you all suggest me what i shd do!
    i wd fight till the end she dsnt tak to me now she is comin to same place of mine to complete her grdauatiion now i dnt knw shetr she wd contcat me or not bt i told that girl that whether you are with me or not i wd come to your family aftr 3 years and offer them a nikaah name!
    may b u might have respect for me you wd stand for me and may b you wd tell ur parents that you dnt knw me and i wd face disrespect!

    in want a suggestion for m you all! you al tell me now what to do!
    she is geting scared now , she was never like this!
    i knw when a child cries in front of their parents then parents cant see that they go ahead and full fill every dream of their child az i did my mom dad are ready now itz time for her aftr 4 years bt she is runnig away from me that her mom would have to face society problems!
    oh my allah i am mulsim ! and her mom is shia,, her shia community would raise questions and luagh on her!
    even my parents also manged to keep me happy!
    same he rparents wold also do that
    just we will beg to ALLAH and we will stand together , bt she is stilll not getin coninced!
    my muslim brothers and sister!if i lost that gal i wd llose my self respect in front of mom dad and every one whom i told that i am fighthing for sunnat of nabi gal is ready i am too now why this shia sunni at all!
    now she is ruunig aways whe is doing those things by which i wd go angry on her and hate her!bt i cant bt aftr avoidin me for 5 months i am in dam depresion she broke up with me!
    bt i knw she loves me still and she is killing herslef! now plzz sugest some things az a geiune muslim for that girl what should she do! so that i cant tell her !that OUR ALLAH is with us! just we need to have faith in him and HE will help us! and we will get married just tht i need your support right now if i dnt get her suport i wd die and i wd end my life like my slef respect in front of mom dad would be lost and every one would laugh on me and i cant take that i wd kiill myself!
    plzz suggest what that gal shd do! because she is frusrtaed between her family and me!
    allah bless us all!
    dear i need help and sugestions from ya all so that i can show my love that i am not wrong may be u alll can make her relaise we can face it and she dsnt have to b scared n stand for me

  9. may b she can read ur good comnnts and realise that and come back to me .... and we will get married because i am not gona leave her till my last breath

  10. @samina sister thanks for such nice statements! allah bless you and bless you with ur soulmate!

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