Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My parents reject my choice, but I can’t live without him


I am around 22 now, I love someone very much for the last 2 years. I told my parents about it but before knowing anything about the boy, they rejected and they are so against him. Whereas the boy's family knows about us and accepted us, just they asked time for the boy to graduate but my family is so against it and I don't know why. Specially my mother is against it and every time she raises a new issue regarding the boy, either she says "he's black","he's not good looking","his family is bad",and so on. Every time the topic rises my mother abuses him.

Considering my parents I tried to get over him but unfortunately I couldn't. Since we both are in the same university, to get away from him (as my parents want), I asked my parents for my study break. But they didn't allow.

For my parents I agreed to get married to any guy of my parents' choice. But I don't think I will either be able to love someone else again, or be able to fulfill my responsibilities towards my husband or his family as his wife. I am in such a condition that I don't want to hurt my parents, want them to be happy and want to do what they wish, on the other hand I am not being able to get over my love, cannot hurt him as well and also I cannot accept someone else.

And these days my parents are receiving a lot of marriage proposal for me from relatives of ours and this is creating more chaos. Sometimes I feel like committing suicide or running away because I can't see my parents like this nor can I accept what they want completely.

What should I do now? It's been a year I am suffering like this and as well as my family and the boy and his family. I was even taken to psychiatrist by my parents. I have no idea what I should do and what I shouldn't do right now to fix everything. Day by day I am breaking down from inside and losing hope from life. Please help me out.


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4 Responses »

  1. Hey Ariah...

    Chill everything will be fine..... trust in God....

    Don't commit suicide..... before even thinking of that think of what will happen to your boyfriend after your suicide......

    My suggestion would be to wait till you both or who ever graduates 1st and then run away to a different place and start a new life....

    At times parents want to only please the society and hence they ignore their daughters happiness......

    So when you finish reading this both of you start saving and then run away to a far of place but don't use the ATM card or your old phone number as they can track you.....

    Keyt it

  2. Assalaam ou alaikoum Ariah,

    You are a very strong woman. I can read that you are trying your best. Make lots of dua! He is the only One that can hear your call, that truly knows how you feel and will reward you for your patience.

    As for advice I want to tell you the following: you will never find peace with the boy you have feelings for, because your parents don't agree. It seems really unfair that your parents reject him without a real reason, but being disobedient towards your parents isn't the right thing to do.

    You will love someone else. You will be happy with someone else. It only takes time and patience. And only satan wants to make you think you won't get over it.

    Lots of love,

    Your sister

  3. Dear sister
    Advice by K is the best as for advice by key it is stupid and pathetic.
    You need to work with your parents not against them honey, try harder towards your current situation, has your partners parents tried coming to your house for your hand in marriage. If so and still it's a no no then I suggest be patient and just do dua, maybe you have a uncle or aunt who can talk to your parents and tell them how you really feel. Anyway best of luck and please remember that it's not the end of the world if he is not the right one for your parents and they can't accept . We all go through this test at some stage though our lives and we manage to overcome obstacles or forget our first love. In time things will become better and easy, pain does fade away.

  4. Dear Sister

    State clearly and objectively in detail about the reasons of the rejection of your choice by your parents. Also tell us about the mind set of your parents. Are they educated, from some village or city? Do they know about the religious freedom given in Islam to woman to decide her partner?

    We are here to help to find reason with your parents and your own-self. But we cannot do so if we are unaware of the complete background of your problem just like a lawyer needs to know everything about the case before helping his client.

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