Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My parents were impatient to get me “married off.”


Asalamu alaikum,

My parents rejected the marriage proposal of a guy that I have liked for ten years. He is my age, which means we both graduated around the same time. Now, in this economy, it is impossible to land a job fast. Moreover, he wishes to pursue a master's degree which will take more time.

My parents said that he cannot provide for me and so they can't let me marry him. I asked them to only do Nikah and let me move in with him once he starts earning, but they said "We don't have that much time...we need to get you married off ASAP!" Who is to say that he won't fall in love with someone else during this time? Is this valid?

I am now stuck in a miserable marriage to someone who is five years older than me and does not practice his Deen. He lives abroad, earns well, and has a PhD degree. But that is another story. I just want to know if my parents' reason for rejecting the other proposal was valid as per shariah.


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1 Responses »

  1. Asalamualaykum Ammara,

    It is required that a brother be able to provide for his wife, but there are many ways that can happen and parents should not rush their adult children into marriage. If you are indeed married now, then that brother naturally will have to find someone else. It's not realistic to think he will wait around to see if your marriage works out.

    You shouldn't have agreed to marry before you were ready, but parental pressure is a real thing so you'd have to weigh the pros and cons based on your personal experience with your if they would make your life miserable if you did not marry...I understand.

    A brother being five years older than you is nothing. There are happy marriage between people of much larger age gaps. Do you get along with your husband and is he respectful of you? Perhaps you should give him a chance, as "what ifs" are often detrimental to ponder over when they involve past decisions.



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