Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My parents won’t agree for my marriage out of caste

caste system prejudice

The caste system is not from Islam. It is prevalent in the Indian Subcontinent because of Hinduism.

Slaam, Before I start I would like to give you all some background information. This man whom I wish to marry is from the same place as my family back home, we are both the same, just caste difference.

Anyway, there is a person whom I wish to marry and he also wants to marry me too, We have known each other for two years. At first his parents did not agree for this since his parents said they only want him to get married within family. He kept saying no he wants to marry me, out of anger his dad met my dad and told him to tell me to stay away. Eventually his mum now agreed, she said she will speak to her husband, and chances are he will agree too. However now the main problem is my parents. They wont agree because they are scared what people will say, I have tried a lot to convince them but nothing is working. My father told me that if I want to marry this guy then I may leave this house and if not then I have to marry whoever they say. I understand my parents too since I am the only child, also as this guy I want to marry his dad told mine to tell me to stay way and they're scared. I have done isthikara too and I keep getting positive signs, also I pray all my namaz and also i do a lot of dua. I do believe Allah will listen to me. But is there not anything i can do to convince my parents.

Also they say they want to marry my uncle's son as he is very well educated, yet me and my cousin are like best friends. We both treat each other like siblings. He even told me he would never want to marry me as he cannot as he sees me as a sister. I told my parents that too and they said " Ok but this doesn't mean you can marry anyone you want, out of caste". I feel so depressed I do not know what to do. Please Help me.


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3 Responses »

  1. ok leave the house but make sure you get nikkah down at mosque and do it accordingly to sharia or else you will lose the blessing for your marriage .When you get married make sure you live life accordingly dont get carried away in this duniya.Raise your hands and ask Allah to change there hearts and they will inshallah especially when they hear you have a child! So be patient and dont be a stranger but be wise and humble

  2. If the guys Deen and Character is good then there is really no reason you can't marry him. And Insha'Allah even if you did marry without your fathers consent then I'm sure Allah will still shower his mercy and blessings on your marriage However if his Deen and Character is weak then I'm not sure what barakh there will be.

    Read more on Istikhara as you dont get feelings or dreams as such ... Maybe your father not agreeing is part of the Istikhara working ... As Istihara is meant to make things easy if they are good and difficult if they are bad for you.

    Allah knows best but you just have to be patient and like you say Allah will do whats best for you whether you understand it or not but please never marry anyone who you dont want to marry ... Never be forced ... That is not part of our deen.

    May Allah SWT make it easy on you and grant you success in this life and next - Ameen.

  3. Salaam sister

    I am going to give you some serious advice now whether you take it on board is entirely up to you.

    I married out of my caste, my parents especially my father were also against it. It had nothing to do with what people would say, it was because the caste I was asking to marry into was incredibly cultural and very much into their rasms and traditions for eg women not working, driving, leaving the home, no talking breathing (I am not joking) - I did not see the difference in our upbringing etc because I wanted to marry him desperately. His mum was very traditional and infatuated with him, she was very unhealthily attached to him. We married and I lived with them - I had so many problems and pains living with them it was surreal what my life had become in such a short space of time. I cried most nights. I can not go through the ins and outs of it all but ultimately our parents, upbringing and values were totally different. They had absurd expectations of me as a daughter in law and after marriage my husband was weak and a coward. I could not believe this man was once so vocal and confident about marrying only me. Our marriage ended in divorce after 8 months. The moral is be very careful marrying against parents wishes especially if you have very fair and rational parents like mine. Also if your in laws are already against you than be even more careful. If you are still intent on marrying him than be sure to live seperately.

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