Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My parents won’t let me marry the man I love

love

Aoa all. I'm a muslim girl my age is 22. I want to marry a person. I know him from five years, he is muslim too ,we love each other a lot. We are trying to get married and make our relationship halal..

His parents are ready for our marriage but my parents don't agree. They abuse me by saying they will kill me if I marry the one I love. I'm very scared and upset. I cry every day and night. I find myself so helpless.

Sometimes I feel like our relatives to talk to my dad but my dad is very strict, he will not listen to anyone. And my parents say "what will other people say about us if you do a love marriage" and things like that. My dad will treat me very bad after knowing all the situation.

I don't understand what to do. We can't live without each other. He is always telling me to do something. He tell me to persuade my parents he said "I can speak to them if you want me to" but I know my dad will not listen to anyone....

I know in Islam love before marriage is not allowed. I know I did wrong but now I'm trying hard to make it halal but feeling very helpless. We are going ill day by day. He is in hospital right now and it is always happening. I'm very upset. Can anyone give me something to read or can anyone  give me the best solution? I will be very thankful to you guys.

flowers

Advertisements

Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

6 Responses »

  1. Salaam-alaikum,

    Your parents are simply rejecting the proposal because it is a man of your choice. That is not allowed in Islam. There has to be a valid reason as to WHY your parents are rejecting him. For example, is he a criminal, is he not an enough practicing muslim etc? What is wrong with him? They cannot judge simply because you and him want to get married. Islam ALLOWS men and women to marry of their choice. Forcing a marriage upon a man or woman is UNISLAMIC.

    Further, love is just an emotion. It is NOT haram until you act upon it. For example, see each other secretly, touching, kissing holding hands, Zina etc. are all HARAAM acts. If you are attracted to someone, or feel like you have fallen in love, the emotion is natural, NOT HARAAM.

  2. Wa alaikum assallam sister ds question was already discussed plz read all people coment and take a dicision

    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/parents-wont-let-marry/

    no doubt their are many answers in that link so go through it but decision u have to only take do so much of dhiker and perform hajat and eistekhara sallah.Plz don't go for sucide and runing Wd ur bf as In such cases few people go for it ur parents even matter a lot.

    Plz read all quranic duvas and u can read this too this are for worry and grief and ask with Allah the goodness of this duniyah and akhira

    The scholars of Islaam have extracted from the Qur’aan and the authentic Sunnah many remedies and cures to help us in our daily affairs and remove our Depression and Worries .

    1. It was reported that the Prophet (PBUH) used to recite this Dua:

    اللّهُـمَّ رَحْمَتَـكَ أَرْجـوفَلا تَكِلـني إِلى نَفْـسي طَـرْفَةَ عَـيْن، وَأَصْلِـحْ لي شَأْنـي كُلَّـه لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أنْـت

    “O Allah, I hope for Your mercy. Do not leave me to myself even for the blinking of an eye (i.e. a moment). Correct all of my affairs for me. There is none worthy of worship but You.” (Abu Dawud 4/324, Ahmad 5/42. Al-Albani graded it as good in Sahih Abu Dawud 3/959.)

    2. In al-Saheehayn it was reported from Ibn ‘Abbaas that the Messenger of Allaah (Peace and Blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say, when he felt distressed or depression and worries:

    لا إلَهَ إلاَّ اللَّهُ الْعَظـيمُ الْحَلِـيمْ، لا إلَهَ إلاَّ اللَّهُ رَبُّ العَـرْشِ العَظِيـمِ، لا إلَهَ إلاَّ اللَّهُ رَبُّ السَّمَـوّاتِ ورّبُّ الأَرْضِ ورَبُّ العَرْشِ الكَـريم

    “La ilaaha ill-Allaah al-‘Azeem ul-Haleem, Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah Rabb il-‘arsh il-‘azeem, Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah Rabb is-samawaati wa Rabb il-ard wa Rabb il-‘arsh il-kareem”

    “There is no god except Allaah, the All-Mighty, the Forbearing; there is no god except Allaah, the Lord of the Mighty Throne; there is no god except Allaah, Lord of the heavens, Lord of the earth and Lord of the noble Throne.” (Al-Bukhari 8/154, Muslim 4/2092, )

    3. It was reported from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (Peace and Blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say, when something upset him:

    “Yaa Hayyu yaa Qayyoom, bi Rahmatika astagheeth (O Ever-Living One, O Everlasting One, by Your mercy I seek help).”

    4. It was reported that Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me:

    “Shall I not teach you some words to say when you feel distressed, Depression and Worries ?

    اللهُ اللهُ رَبِّ لا أُشْـرِكُ بِهِ شَيْـئاً

    ‘Allaah, Allaah, Rabbee laa ushriku bihi shay’an’

    Allaah, Allaah, my Lord, I do not associate anything with Him (Abu Dawud 2/87. See also Al-Albani, Sahih Ibn Majah 2/335.)

    5. It was reported from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says:

    للّهُـمَّ إِنِّي عَبْـدُكَ ابْنُ عَبْـدِكَ ابْنُ أَمَتِـكَ نَاصِيَتِي بِيَـدِكَ، مَاضٍ فِيَّ حُكْمُكَ، عَدْلٌ فِيَّ قَضَاؤكَ أَسْأَلُـكَ بِكُلِّ اسْمٍ هُوَ لَكَ سَمَّـيْتَ بِهِ نَفْسَكَ أِوْ أَنْزَلْتَـهُ فِي كِتَابِكَ، أَوْ عَلَّمْـتَهُ أَحَداً مِنْ خَلْقِـكَ أَوِ اسْتَـأْثَرْتَ بِهِ فِي عِلْمِ الغَيْـبِ عِنْـدَكَ أَنْ تَجْـعَلَ القُرْآنَ رَبِيـعَ قَلْبِـي، وَنورَ صَـدْرِي وجَلَاءَ حُـزْنِي وذَهَابَ هَمِّـي

    ‘Allaahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi’

    “O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety”

    but Allaah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him in their stead joy.”
    (Ahmad 1/391)

    May Allah help u ameen

    No love is true then the love between Allah and His humble slave

    Salam dear

  3. Assalamu'alaikum

    Sorry, I never heard that you may not married the one you loved. Where is it based on?
    Fatima married Ali, the only one she loves (and the other around) - she reject proposal from other man - till Ali come to propose her.

    Choose the man/woman, based on their religion. That's was the suggestion.
    But before receive/ propose the man/woman, you both need to see each other first - to check if you both attract to each other, and the proposal going.

    ***
    Your parents should not reject your married proposal without any syari reason (reasons except the material, the race, or education level).

    In the other way around, you supposed to not marry somebody without the permition of your elders.

    ***
    So, what do you need to do, you both need to convince your elders. Take you both time, sabr, and make lots of dua.

    There is no dua which not be listened up.

    Sister above has give you lots of dua you can practice.
    Other - you both do Tahajjud and sadaqah.

    ***

    Remember, tahajjud - sadaqah - dua - effort - and sabr.

    Your story has been happening to other people - one of them is somebody I know.
    He convert to Islam. Since then, he is serious in practicing the religion.

    First he ask to marry - his family reject - so he work so hard try to convince the family that he is mature enough to take the responsibility as the leader in the family at his 18th - by organize everything of his elders huishold and his younger brother things (for examp: pay the electricity, take better care of his self, go to his brother school for elders meeting, giving presents, and other huishold problems which come appear).

    During the time - trying to convince the family to marry - he met a woman - her big khimar and her loyalty of practicing Islam make him fall in love.

    Unfortunately - his family reject her - they don't accept a moslem woman wearing headscarf as their daughter in law (since the elders are not moslem, and see moslem as - just not the part of the world).

    So, he try to convince the elders that she is good for him.

    From explaining "a woman without headscarf, shows that she doesn't obey her Lord. If she doesn't obey her Lord, why should she obey me - her husband? that's why I choose a women with headscarf. It shows that she obey her Lord, and that means - she will obey me (because the Lord ask her to do so)"

    From giving presents
    come visiting his elders, bringing presents - they reject - leaving (at the moment he rent a room because he studied in diff city) - come back with presents - reject - leaving - come back with presents - and again - and again - and again till the elders give their permit.

    Now, they are married and having 3 children.

    Ofcourse, other action needed.
    Tahajjud - sadaqah - dua - sabr (patient).

    And the most important - never have fight with your elders. If the situation heating,leave the room or shut your mouth - let them talking - without no words back from you or just a smile or other sweet words from you.

  4. wow parents shouldnt say thise things. Thats unislamic. I think you should ask a sunni mufti thats your best bet

  5. Somebody please help me!

Leave a Response