My partner left the house
Salam brother and sisters I have been married for 3 months this is my second marriage. my wife suffers from depression before I met her. throughout the marriage it caused problems between us like one min she will be perfect second she will be complete different person
her family and grandma don't like me from day one because they didnt want us to get married for finance issue but we done kata ktab. my wife tells her family everything between us from small to big. I have sat down and explained to her that it's not right I feel less then a man when you tell your family our problems and she continued to do so.
My wife has a bad unti that's married and sins I don't allow my wife to be around her and makes it difficult becourse that unty mum is my wife's grandma ! After 3 months off marriage I allowed her to go see her grandma
everything was great to the second day she asked me to go buy her stuff and I went and got her what she needed I get home after 20 min and she's not home she has taken all her stuff and we had nothing bad going on we even went on nice holiday a week before. I went to her family house and asked them what's happening they complained that she doesn't have new bedroom and she been abused and mistreated and she had enough. I asked them to bring her out and let her tell me that they said she doesn't want to see u. I told them I'm trying my best to give her what she needs I don't have more then what allah gives me and they said I hit her and all this stuff which is not true in anyway from day one to today I have not put a finger on her I said wallah they said your a liar we never liked u from day one. my wife changed her number and I left. what should I do? I feel weak hurt disappointed and left in my house alone please help.
Mohamed tibz
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Walaikum Asalaam Mohamed,
Sorry about your situation, that's a tough one and it all happened so quickly.
I would advise you to be patient with your wife. Understand that she has a problem that may seem small to you but may be really big for her.
Try to help her through it, help her earn your trust and have you be her "to go to" person. Try to get to a level where she finds herself not needing to go to her family to vent.
You will find that this may take you a few years.
You will also need to assure her family that she is in good hands and you made a promise to her family that you will take care of her.
Be careful and mindful of your choice of words, say things that they would want to hear and would bring comfort to them.
Try to be in their shoes, think of what they might be thinking about. They want assurance and a peace of mind that their daughter is in good hands.
As for yourself, go work out! Keep yourself busy, don't think about it.
But at the same time try to be in contact with your wife and just simply send her cute messages full of love. 🙂
You're in my prayers.
Love,
Em
Brother, it may be helpful to remind yourself that your wife is sick and isn't really able to be in a relationship with you at the moment. You mention she suffers from depression and it sounds like she may be bipolar.
Regardless of who influenced her to leave you and the marriage, I really don't think she intended to hurt you. She is unwell and needs to get better. She can't have a relationship or a good marriage with you in this state.
You are hurt and feel abandoned, naturally. I can't imagine the pain of being suddenly left by someone whom you supported and wanted to be with.
She is unwell. That's all there is to it. Keep reminding yourself "she didn't reject me or abandon me. She is sick and needs time to get better." She loved you and may still do.
Try to keep the lines of communication open between the two of you without putting pressure on her to return to the marriage. Just messages along the lines of "I'm thinking of you and I'm always here for you. Let me know if you want to talk".
Of course she may get better and you may go on to have a happy marriage and this experience will make the both of you appreciate the other more. Or she may not come back to you at all. So pls keep this in mind.
In the meantime, you need to take care of yourself. Lean on family and friends for support and understanding. Don't suffer alone.
It maybe helpful to set a time limit for this marriage. So for example, if she shows no interest in our marriage within the next 6 months for whatever reason, I will allow myself to make a decision to end the marriage and move on with my life and seek happiness elsewhere".
You sound like a good, kind and patient man and you deserve to be happy.
May Allah swt bless you for your patience and grant you ease.
Aslamualoqum 🙂
Dont mind this:)
I am also suffering from severe depression problem and you should not ignore it
You should treat her with depression -anti depressants:
Its very serious problem which you cant ignore:)
You are suffering every second of life, nothing makes you happy, you cant think, its hard to do anything, you feel like your lost confused,,, dont want to live:)
PLEASE dont ignore it, You her husband, you should talk to her about it:)
I was once married to a man, i told my husband too so he would help me but he didnt he instead told his family i was a crazy girl 🙁 which made me upset because i was starting to feel attached and in love with him
He never respected my feelings instead he made me feel weak.
Depression is a disease of the brain which cannot be controlled by human, it needs medical treatment:)
Thats all i will inform you, you dont know unless your in that situation
maybe she is already married with someone but you didn't know.she didn't tell you
To the generally good advice above I wish to add the following:
Some women come up with unfounded accusations of abuse when they feel hurt and want to get revenge. You may have hurt her feelings without realizing it. She telling every problem between you to her family may be a sign that she does not feel understood by you (I cannot tell whose fault this is or whether both of you need to work on that). The sudden changes in her behaviour could also be a reaction to something you said or did which you thought was perfectly normal while she perceived it as insulting
At any rate, right now you can do nothing but wait for her to cool down and regain her composure.
Dear brother,
try to find a way to communicate her even by using her friends AND her family...If things don't work and she still doesn't want you---then you should move forward with serious and bravely decision...what is that decision?
...to ignore her too(as she did for you), divorce her, AND (if possible, even after a time) find another women to marry...
***ALL THE BEST***