Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My past is haunting me; I don’t know what to do?


stressed woman, repentanced

Assalam O Alaikum,

I am a Muslim girl (teen) and I have had lots of problems in the past. I never prayed and always masturbated (have been doing that since forever). During last Rahamadan I wanted to repent so I slowly started praying but I still miss my paryer. I hardly complete my daily prayers. I have recently started listening to Quran and I cry alot because I think of how merciful Allah is and to know that he is always protecting me and always believes in me.  I have recently started masturbating again and I swear it kills me but its hard for me to stop because its an habbit. I cry when I hear Allahs words because I think of my sins I even cry in my prayer at times. Sometimes I think my tears are crocodile tears and that makes it worse but I always end up saying Allah knows best.

My iman has increased but each time I masturbated it kill me like hell. My friends thinks am a good muslim because I dont listen to music (I stopped that a very long time ago) and don't watch movies and because I cry whenevr I listen to Quran and think about the creation of humans, hajj and things like this so they ask me for advice and I do advice them in a good way. Sometimes, I think I am a hypocrite and I almost told them about my masturbation so they wouldn't think I am a good Muslim. I badly want to change but it is really hard I feel like a sinner and sometime I call myself  shaytain. Please I don't know if my writing sounds desperate but I really am. I really need help with my life and to talk to someone who understands. I didn't write a lot but this is all I can write for now.


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18 Responses »

  1. Salaam waleikum waragmatoelah hibrakatoe,

    My dear sister i'm sorry to hear about the situation you are in right now.

    But dont despair my dear sister because you have to know that there are many teenagers in the same situation as you and this is a cycle that keeps going on of guilt and repent and it will keep going on untill you actually stop this bad habit.

    The good things are that you are already repenting and actually are busy with your deen.

    My dear sister I am not a scholar therefore I do not wish to post actual hadiths because I would have no knowledge or experience to back it up.

    Therefore what I know is that, Allah would never test us with something that we could not carry the weight of.

    I am sure my brothers and sisters will add beautiful hadiths here for you as they are very knowledable and all the editors are very helpfull on this site.

    This cycle of yours will keep repeating it self untill you will be strong enough to get out of it.

    This might be a test from Allah to see how strong you are to quit your habit, or it might be your own doing. Allah mo Aleem.

    What I do know is that if you want to quit you can quit. It's always hard to quit such habits, because you have to fight yourself and shaitaan at the same time.

    But you have too know that your reward will be great as well.

    You will emerge stronger from this, You will get better from this, You will quit this. Allah will make your deen even stronger and InshAllah you can progress your way to being like Aisha Peace be upon her.

    And please Don't speak of your sins to others.. There is a reason Allah has kept it hidden, so keep it with you and your Allah. You only need him to speak to (about sins).

    Always stay sincere in your repentence and prayer and you will reach your goal. You have to make up your mind and go for it and always keep trying, The key to stopping bad habits is: Never Give Up,

    Never give up doing dua's
    Never give up praying
    Never give up asking Allah for help
    Never give up trying to stop
    Never give up with everything and anything

    I really recommend you to look around the website for other posts, If you require me to post some URL links ask and I will. Because there are many others who have had this problem and Alhamdulilah have stopped or are still trying.

    Many brothers and sisters have written a lot of advice also, so please check those other posts out and don't despair cause you are not alone and we all care about you and love you.

    If you need a shoulder to cry on, Think about your Ummah we are there for you, even though sometimes you can't see us, when its time Allah will put us on your path.

    I am really truly deeply sorry I could not give more advice, as you wrote in despair, I write back in despair trying to help you, but the true helper is Allah my dear sister..

    So I hope I have been of any help if not I am sorry and also please forgive me if I said anything wrong to you or anyone else reading.

    May Allah bless you, Guide you, Do whats best for you and help you top this problem, Ameen.

    May Allah do whats best for us all, Ameen.


  2. Walikum assalaam wa rahmatullah sister Hadija,

    Before I offer my words/advice, I want you to read what Allah swt himself has to say to you (and all of us sinners):

    "O son of Adam, as long as you call upon Me and put your hope in Me, I have forgiven you for what you have done and I do not mind. O son of Adam, if your sins were to reach the clouds of the sky and then you would seek My forgiveness, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, if you were to come to Me with sins that are close to filling the earth and then you would meet Me without ascribing any partners with Me, I would certainly bring to you forgiveness close to filling it."

    SubhanAllah. This is the mercy of our Lord. It brings tears to our eyes to see him say such to us and yet yes..we continue to sin. But this is the promise and word of Allah my sweet little sister, this is the mercy that He promises us. So firstly, DO NOT lose hope in this mercy. Don't let the devil make you despair. Do you know we have been prohibited to despair from his mercy?

    "O My servants who have transgressed against their own souls, despair not of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. " (Surah az-Zumar 39:53)

    "Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allah except the disbelieving people." (Surah Yusuf 12:87)

    We are not expected to be perfect. Allah knows how he created us. Adam (a.s) was the first human but also the first to commit a sin. And none of us are exempt from this - no matter how hard we try to reach perfection, we will slip, one way or another but everytime we slip, we should use that mistake of ours as a means to become a better human being, run back to Allah, repent to Him and continue striving for perfection. A good Muslim is not one who is perfect or even close to perfection necessarily but one who despite his weaknesses and sins continously runs back to Allah ain an effort to convert those bad deeds of His into good ones and seek His forgiveness.

    ""Except those who repent and believe and work righteous deeds, for them Allah will change their evil deeds to good deeds, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." [Sûrah al-Furqân: 70]

    Allah here is talking to you because alhamdulillah, you feel remorse. You are on the right track acknowledge your weakness and you want to improve and very importantly, you keep turning to Allah and seeking his forgiveness. Don't give up. . You are doing the right thing; you are in the process of overcoming your weakness by constantly turning back to him and repenting but because you are not quite there yet and still slipping, and Shaitaan wants to use this and try his best to make it a means of making you despair and feel hopeless. You are in the process of increasing your Imaan and giving up bad habits, what else could be a greater fear for the devil? So remember, his aim now is to use any method to stop you from rising and becoming a better Muslim, be that to make you hopeless or make you feel like you are a hypocrite and not worthy of the title of a Muslim.

    This is your battle with the devil so first and foremost, stop calling yourself the devil! You are not shaitaan, in fact that is the one who exists, is there and is the reason why you feel so low (its just you cant see him, yet). Fight him the way Allah has commanded us to in the Quran and treat him like your enemy by taking certain stepS:
    First and foremost - continue repenting. Keep repenting and listen/read to the Quran the way you have been doing and let yourself cry. Alhamdulillah it is great that you feel such remorse and your eyes shed tears because this a sign of Imaan. Make the Quran your best friend - make sure you contact it every day. Read it/listen to it in the language you understand best, not only Arabic. It will help you in your journey towards betterment and if the words of Allah and his reminder daily does not motivate you to stand in Salah, what else can?
    You fall masturbate again (or any sin), when you pray the next time and you feel like a terrible Muslim, repent AGAIN. Let your tears roll for that is exactly what your sins are being washed with! Every time you commit a sin again, do repent again .

    Remember this - We cannot last with both for a very long time (a sin and its repentance intact)- either your constant repentence to Allah and efforts to give up the sin will wipe away your sin and strengthen your Imaan enough to give it up... or your constant sinning will take you further away from Allah, however, this will happen if you do not repent to Him and take measures to give it up.

    Secondly, do practical things to help you become a better Muslim and give up the bad habit. DO things that will bring you closer to Allah and increase God conciousness, like keeping good company. I dont know what your group of friends are like but if they are not practising/pious sisters, then make friends with such sisters. Visit your local masjid perhaps and get to know people who will be a positive influence and remind you of Allah. This in turn will help you become a better Muslim in every way, not just give up one bad habit.

    Thirdly, although I doubt this is an option you've even considered (given your still a teen and the world we live in makes it a crime to marry before your semi old atleast).. but if you can, get married! That is of course, the most effective way of getting rid of the habit yet satisfying your desires in the most halaal manner. If you feel you are mentally mature enough to handle married life and its responsibilites and not just physically ready, then do what it takes to get married. I don't know your situation, you know best how to go about with that. If you have to talk to your parents...if you have to first convince them or they will be okay with the idea..if its gotta be a matrimonial service. Whatever (as long as halaal of course). If your in your late teens that is, say 18/19. Of course if you are still a 13 year old, then do not consider marriage yet, lol.

    Was salaam

    • Anothing point I wanted to mention and forgot was : DO NOT EVER DISCLOSE ANY OF YOUR SINS TO ANYONE.

      Actually ...let me put that in bold as well.

      Firstly, you have been prohibited to do so. Secondly, do you know what you will get by doing such? There is wisdom behind everything that Allah swt has instructed us with..and indeed there is wisdom behind this too. If you think that by disclosing your sin you will feel better, it will help you in any way, or your friends then you are very wrong. By exposing your sins to the world, you are putting yourself at a vunvrable position- to be judged by mankind ,majority of whom are very judgemental. If you repent to Allah, he will blot out your sins totally and you can "start fresh" again with Him anytime you truly feel remorse and repent, but with people, they will never forget even if they find it in their heart to forgive or feel sorry for someone.

      You do not need to tell people of your sin like that in order to be helped. If anything, you'd be doing the contrary and harming yourself. If anyone, it is Allah you need to turn to and speak of your sins to and ask forgiveness for.

    • salaam.. Dear sister. I can only say, the best way 2 deal with ur problem is to keep fast (roza's)...(if u r dealing with this prob, start keeping fast's, even in non ramzaan months.) Keep ur nafs hungry n then see the results..... N dnt forget to make dua that Allah helps u in leaving ths habit. Coz Allah never cancle the dua of rozdar. Do dua especially 2 times b4 iftaar n in tauhajjud... Implement ths n inshaAllah u'll see d difference by urself... Dua 4 me too... As i ws also hvng same prob bt ths thing helped me.... Allahhafiz.

  3. Assalaam wa alekum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu sister Hadija,

    Say this duwa inshaallah it will help :

    O my lord you know I am not worthy of what people think of me.I ask for your forgiveness for they praise me only for good virtues you have gifted to me and they dont know what bad I do.And I ask you to make me better than what people think of me. Aamin.

    Sister, Congratulations to you for having knowledge of deen and guiding others with that. From experience of a child whom I know very closely I advise you to strive always to keep strengthening yourself with knowledge of Hadith Mubarak of Aap sallallahu Alaihi wa sallam. See below link for online hadiths.

    That child used to have same problem as you, but later he started reading this hadiths.And he made a practice of reading atleast one or two after each prayer.And slowly Almighty opened the door of his heart for true essence of Islam.

    That child told me that he realised that it was his pure heart and love for knowledge of Almighty which was his gifted strength.And everytime he used to masturbate he used to be made to think by his nafsa and shaiyatan that " hey what are you doing you cannot be learning Islam, advising others ,while you commit this grave sin".He also told me that everytime he used to repent and after 2-3 days again he would do the dirty work.And at that very moment where his mind used to be flushed out of Islamic principles, he would see a stranger in himself who likes to dwell in bad things which Allah tabarakta wa aala has forbidden.At that moment he used to be no longer the god fearing real child.He would resist hard to get that personality out of him.But eventually give up thinking that Allah is all merciful, he knows my state and helplessness,And then he would do Masturbation.And immediately after that he would feel guilty, and in this gulit Shaiytaan would put in his mind, "give up acquiring knowledge of Islam you hypocrite".

    That child says, as he started reading hadiths, just reading only not even trying to memorise., he felt that the above situation changed, his short term memory used to improve.The moment he had some bad urge, he would be reminded by almighty of some or the other Hadith and he would seek help from Allah by saying that Hadith.Sister there is a short term memory loss about our repenting which we made earlier in times when we feel urge to go towards bad things.And constant keeping in touch with hadiths, Quran e paak, and salaat helps to protect us from that memory loss and fall into pith.

    Till now what you have been trying to achieve by Allah's help, that child I have known is trying for last 13 years and still he is fighting.Although he has stopped the bad act, but the fight remains on, as Shaiyataan is after believers 24X7 (MAY ALLAH PROTECT US).So I congratulate you for starting the fight. May Allah bless you with feeling of purity of body, and soul, and keep you among righteous.Aamin.

    Lastly the veil of Allah over our sins is one of his names.He has kept that on every one of us.So let it be there, for sure he will help my sister overcome her trial.Inshaallah.

    Remember the following words of our prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam:

    My companions are like stars, if you follow one you will be guided rightly.

    Sister now its only quran e paak and Hadiths what we have , so recite them with all faith, paying deep respects to Allah rabbil izzat. And also keep in mind the high status of Rasul sallallahu Alaihi wa sallam, and his companions Radiallahu taaala anhu.Through them we recieved pearls of Hadiths unto this time.

    To summarise :
    1. Please keep up fighting, pray five times, especially dont miss in any circumstance morning prayers.
    2. Try to wake up 30 minutes before fazar and offer atleast two rakaats of nawafil before fazar ( very helpful for your case)
    3. Never give up your quest to learn Islam( Knowledge is limitless) - Dont feel that you are not worthy for that: actually no one is , its only through mercy and beneficientness of our lord that we have been blessed to acquire knowledge.You are one among those gifted few who are attracted towards it.
    4.Never tell about your sins to someone on your own, let the veil be there.
    5.Keep yourself always in wudhu (Ablution)
    6. Always ask for forgiveness no matter how many days or lifetime you abstain from this bad deed.
    7.Also never give up prayers if you happen to be in that bad deed state( thinking that your mind is not pure for namaaj)Thats wrong.Do Ghusl, ablution and make it a point not to miss prayer.
    8. Always keep your body covered .
    9 If Allah forbid still you end up doing the bad deed, dont forget that our Lord is all merciful, ask for forgiveness immediately.
    10.Even if you feel bad about yourself due to this bad deed, if me or some of your friends ask you for advice in deen dont stop yourself from giving right guidance.Always guide others.As gaining knowledge and spreading it is important. Practising the knowledge has degrees, Inshaallah one day you shall practice it as acceptable to Almighty.Aamin.

    Also remember sister we all brothers and sisters out here are with you in this time of difficulty: as righteous people say: '" Allah resides in the hearts of those who are heart broken"

    Finally It was pleasure knowing you.I will Inshaallah pray for you and also please pray for me, as I feel you are better off infront of Almighty than me as you cry once you hear Allah's Kalam.May Allah bless you with further closeness to him.

    May Allah protect you. Aamin

    There is no one worthy of worship other than Allah .

    Allah hafiz wa Nasir

  4. Dear Hadija,

    Occasionally it was meant that I read your post although I haven't been searching for any related problem.
    I want to give you hope and share with you my suffer from masturbation and how Allah blessed me to stop this bad habit. I am a girl now aged 24. Since the age of like 19, I started this awful habit, although I swear I haven't been ever watching any sexually stimulating stuff. Every several months, I felt I was in need of it.
    I have always felt guilty of this habit, especially that I pray all prayers regularly since the age of 14 & haven't made any relation to boys.
    Whenever i fall into this sin, I cry deeply, ask Allah for forgiveness, ask for tawba, and decide sincerely to stop it forever. This happened several times. I also searched on the internet & found people saying "if you want to stop it, you will". Then, since close to 2 years, Allah accepted my dua & never done it since then.
    Also ask Allah to bless you with the righteous husband to fulfill your needs in halal. And never give up on Allah's mercy.
    Also don't tell your friends, I know your feeling when people look at you as a pious person, and you feel you deserve less coz of your sins. But still, you should know that all humans have sins, of different kinds. Each of us is weak in certain issues. What we can do is help ourselves to stop bad habits & ask Allah to help us. But saying this kind of sin to people won't be helpful much. If Allah made you secure & haven't shown it to others, don't tell others about it yourself.
    Also involve yourself into several useful activities, like doing sport, reading books, going into trips, learning a language, doing charity..
    May Allah accept you and bless you with a forever-stop of this habit & replace it with a much better habit. Ameen
    I will ask Allah to let you through this problem.
    Pray sincerely & ask Allah while "sjood" to make you stop it forever & take the decision to never do it again.
    If it happened later that you felt the need of doing it, then remember how guilty you would feel after, remember your decision, best thing to do then is to quickly go & have "wudu" and pray for Allah again. It is like if the Shaitan approaches you, you secure yourself by going to Allah & surrender.

  5. Assalamualikum
    Sister, it is painful to know that you are caught in this trap and beware it is not just a problem you are in but it is a serious problem unless Allah saves our soul. You have to understand first thing that what you mentioned you are in is actually an addiction, a serious kind of addiction and it is not going to be easy for anyone addicted thus to come out of it. The things you mentioned are common in this addiction, things like feeling of shame remorse low self esteem, feelings of guilt, desperation and all. sister don't try to judge yourself too much about your actions and your character, that is just a part of the problem. The thing is when we commit a sin our understanding of what is good and what is bad changes accordingly. we do not realize this and always aim at what we think is salvation when in reality our sense of good and bad is got diseased in us. what we aim at is satisfying our guilty consciousness. Nobody knows what Allah will do with us, may be even though we think we are extremely bad He still forgives us or may be the time when we think we are at our best, we might be the worst in his eyes.
    I can suggest you only some things and wish Allah helps us and puts good in this:
    1. Understand the fact that you are addicted to a deadly sin and your life is going from bad to worse.
    2. Don't feel confident that you can come out of it of your own, nobody does unless Allah does something extraordinary to help a person without his or her realizing that. So ask for his help.
    3. Don't feel you are alone in this many Muslims are in this deadly addiction and struggling to survive out of it, moreover it is a sin like other sins people do and there are worse one than this one.
    4. Stop judging your faith and your guilt, just be happy that Allah will definitely guide you out of it and out of other problems you are unaware of.
    5. Read sura yousf inquisitively and try to see that even the prophet was saved from falling into evil by Allah's grace. it is only Allah's grace that saves some from evils of all kinds.
    6. you brain has got conditioned for this habit and it would be hard for you to stop it but you can recondition it for something good by developing a good replaceable habit.
    7. You need to be in company as much as possible, so avoid being alone as much as possible.
    8. avoiding your habit is going to be impossible but you can avoid the means that lead to it, like avoid getting closer to those means that trigger this bad habit in you.
    9. Involve yourself in reading something good, don't read Quran as a compulsion and think this is going to make up for what you did bad. Instead read to see what is in there inquisitively and ignore who you are and what you have done in the past. Don't read Quran until you feel happy and peaceful to do so. Being restless and depressed means that you have become your own judge and are following your ego rather than seeking what Allah has to offer.
    10. Feel confident that Allah has helped you and that you have to and are going to come out of your bad habit, rather feel that you have left it behind, and now you need not worry about your past, leave that to The Merciful to be taken care of, you better concern about future.
    11. Start making a chart keeping track of all the prayers you pray on time, and make entries daily regarding your other follies you indulge in, be careful regarding the big sins people often do without a moments thought.
    12. every morning and every evening think positively about your future, imagine if you did not refrain from bad things like masturbation, where are you going to end up in. and always say to yourself, "I am not going to do the bad thing again"
    13. you have to make yourself accountable to somebody, and we Muslims are forbidden to tell anybody about our sins except Allah who knows already, but since one's faith is weakened after committing a sin, he of she can be accountable by recording the follies and instances on a notebook and the later on check himself or herself about it.
    14.The most important thing, do worry that you are not perfect and you indulged in this or that, nobody except Allah is perfect. we are all imperfect, only our sins vary in nature. Your brain is conditioned to masturbating and this has taken away some other sins away from you, if Allah wishes he can make this bane of yours a real boon if you are able to divert this conditioning to something good.
    And be careful, if you don't come out of it completely, your married life is going to suffer as well. because these habits interfere with our normal sexual functioning and disturb us in every way. this habit erases our real personality because it disturbs our normal thinking process making us fake and definitely nobody would like to live a fake life.
    There could be many sociological, psychological reasons as to why a person indulges in some disturbing behavior and it would require a master psychologist, sociologist a great doctor to understand and cure accordingly, and none knows better than the one who created us, seek his help.

  6. the easyest way is that...get married as soon as possible..JAZAKALLAH..
    M Tayyab

  7. Dear Sister,

    You might not beleive this , I guess but i dont even know what you are talking of.. The above posts say that this a problem that many teens undergo but I have not known how to masterbate.. :/ evn typing it here gives me the creeps.. I know its something wrong but I have no idea what it is..

    I have a vague idea about how a guy might attempt da said sin..

    I have no advice to offer you since you know why, but I just highlited the fact that there people in the world who dont even know what that "M-word means"
    Please do look at this as a small defect of yours and try to change because I am living proof of not committing of it!! You can join the club too.. 🙂


    Allah bless you..

  8. Asalaam alaikum,

    I would like to share with you the fact that when you masturbate, essentially your mind, since it is addicted the the temporary high of orgasm, is looking for the fastest way to achieve it. It does not matter the costs, because it only wants a temporary pleasure while putting you in danger of sin and great remorse afterwards.

    The mind and body are lazy things, and look for the quickest "fix" for its' lower desires. Your brain, knowing that masturbation gives it what it wants very quickly, without any emotional investment of a halal relationship, creates an addiction wherein you feel helpless to stop yourself and you masturbate quickly to achieve your "high." The brain knows that spiritual satisfaction and an orgasm through a halal marriage would take you more time, but it just wants something quick and easy. Please understand the psychology of this sexual addiction.

    I am including this link on masturbation and what is called "touch deprivation." You'll find that as you masturbate, some techniques become "regular" and you attempt more. What happens is that you are becoming used to your 'fix" and this is why, frequent masturbation occurrences happen. Just like a drug addict, you are need more of your 'sexual drug" to give you the same feeling repeatedly.

    I'm going to copy and paste this article to you, albeit edited for content. I hope it helps.

    However, in my experience as a healthcare practitioner I have found that socially, culturally and physically , masturbation can be a debilitating, brain-altering act. When I hear the word ‘masturbate’ I think of how it can take a person away from another human being’s touch and affection, what we truly want as pair-bonding beings, and how it has the tendency to throw us into a neurochemical spiral without the benefits of human touch, cuddling and kissing.

    I’m referring to touching yourself as an act of solo-sex, for the purpose of climaxing and getting ‘high.’ This can create a dependency on self-touch, and turn into an addictive obsession. I probably don’t even have to mention porn here, an industry where they count on you to throw away a real mate, and become addicted to the illusion you see on your screen. Masturbation can create a driven mindset, which can backfire in daily life and especially in romantic situations.

    As pair bonders, we were meant to form a union with a partner and are naturally at peace when we are bonding with someone we love. Selfless acts of love, both in and out of bed are always ideal, but we may not always have access to this kind of healthy connection. When we turn to masturbation as a substitute for lack of connection, we create a whole slew of new problems. After the initial aaaaah of orgasm, a new wave of aggression can arise. This wave of aggression may scream to future/potential partners: “See?!? I don’t need you!” Such an energy may not only cause us to close in on ourselves reminding us that we do not have an active partner, but may scare potential mates away, too. As a healthy woman would naturally be repulsed by an overly-aggressive man, a healthy man is naturally repulsed by a woman who seems to scream independence bordering on desire for isolation.

    For women, excessive masturbation can cause an unusual amount of dryness during penetration and disinterest during actual marriage partner sex. Sexual aids are actually more effective in desensitizing their precious female parts. Sexual aids desensitize those parts because they give too much supernormal stimulation which can easily become a problem because it decreases brain sensitivity (and thus satisfaction). If a future husband walks into a situation where he cannot compete, do you think he will want to stick around for very long?

    Typically, the purpose of masturbating is to get off. Orgasm can be such an absorbing goal that some people turn to it for everything. Bored? Masturbate. Lonely? Masturbate. Happy? Excited? Trouble sleeping? Procrastinating or don't want to study? The list goes on and on for why someone might want to masturbate. For some people, masturbation is treated as though it were an instant solution to almost any feeling. And few people seem to remember how to do it without today's brain-numbing porn. Like the sexual aid, porn's constant novelty over-releases dopamine, gradually numbing the brain to subtler pleasures. Today’s stimuli also spare users the bother of developing interpersonal skills and mood-regulating skills because they are such powerful instant diversions from reality.

    Moods are variable; having an addictive relationship with masturbation is like using the chemical release of orgasm as a drug to regulate one’s mood. Having such an addiction, can get in the way of learning how to accept variations in moods or learning how to regulate moods in more healthful ways. Many, especially the younger generation of masturbators, are just not used to the fact that moods come and go. Almost all of us need to learn techniques that counter these natural mood swings in healthier ways. Regular meditation, exercise and socializing are among some of the techniques that work quite well for this purpose (though consistency is advised for best results). Even if your body turns into a sex machine after kicking your addictive habit, you would still be wise to develop some of these other mood-regulating skills.

    As a health care practitioner, I can almost always tell when a patient or a new friend masturbates too frequently. These individuals seem shut off to social cues; their moods tell the tale that they are disinterested in anything other than going home to masturbate; they can have a shortened temper or their personality can seem to flat line along with their social skills. Of course, they think masturbation is doing their bodies a favor, and that it’s everyone else that is growing gray and boring. As their addiction escalates, they sometimes think they are special because their sex drive is so high. But it is only high because every time they masturbate, their dopamine receptors (the reward center of pleasure) shut down, and they need more stimulation (orgasms) to get the same high. They are literally training their bodies to need increasing stimulation to get former happier results. They are now no different than the cocaine addict who keeps using more of his drug to get back to that same “first high” he experienced long ago.

    When someone has masturbated long term, they have weakened adrenal functioning (in Chinese medicine we call it Kidney Yang deficiency), and possibly an insatiable sex drive or erectile dysfunction (ED). It is not unusual for me to suggest to a patient to stop masturbating, even if this is not why s/he came to see me. Men always seem to be shocked when I say this, and ask me how I know they have been masturbating frequently. The way I know is that I can see it in their eyes; there is certain lifelessness in them.

    Orgasms can't replace marriage sex. We need marriage sex for social bonds to soothe our brains. The doctors who claim, “an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away” provide no scientific evidence for these claims. In actuality, it is the human touch and intimacy that causes us to live longer, healthier, more satisfying lives. In other words, it is marriage sex that is beneficial, rather than the orgasm itself.

    By going cold turkey from solo-sex for several months you will, in effect, ‘reboot’ your brain by allowing it to return to its normal sexual responsiveness. As far as I know, this is the only way to tear away from the cycle. Depending on how addicted you are, and the length of your use, you might feel better after only two-weeks. However, many highly addicted do-it-yourself addicts may need months to feel better, especially if they are not married. Watch out for certain symptoms that may arise such as: intense “need” for an orgasm, less responsiveness to sex, fantasizing about extreme stimulation, cravings, irritability, snapping at others over nothing or feeling uncharacteristically deprived, anxiety, dissatisfaction and/or feeling unfairly treated.

    So what to do in the absence of a marriage partner? Go and get one! My first recommendation is to be proactive in finding a live, consenting partner. Tell your friends you are single and ready to marry.

    The problem is the addiction that starts a downward spiral of making you crave more stimulation even though you receive less satisfaction. As most of us are go, go, go in our daily lives, having one more thing that is goal-driven (sex for the purpose of climaxing) adds yet another stress to our daily lives (even though we may think it is the thing that relieves the stress).

    You cannot have a deep, nurturing relationship all by yourself. Nothing will ever take the place of the feel of a real live human being.

  9. Assalamualaikum dear sister who is always in Allah's protection In Shaa Allah. I'm a 20 years old girl having the same problem like you. When I was reading your post, I was just like seeing my reflection of myself. I'm a muslimah girl known as a pious one. My parents, sisters, brothers, family and friends always consider me as a nice and innocent girl. However, I feel so shy to myself, I just feel like wearing a masker to cover who actually I'm . I have this bad habit (Masturbation) since when I was in Senior High School. I always feel guilty every I do that but I don't seem to have control over my desire. I also like giving any advice for those who ask me specially about things related to Islam. I feel dirty, I feel worst but how will i let them know the real me. I really wanna stop but it just doesn't ever seem to work.

    Now, I'm in process of Ta'aruf which means that I'm going to marry In Shaa Allah. He is known as a righteous muslim guy In Shaa Allah. I regret of what I was doing in the past. I wanna be my better self and to be honest, I also feel scared to think of whether I'm still a virgin or not due to masturbation. I'm afraid if my future husband may not find any blood in our wedding night because I was teared by myself. Now, I only want to leave it to Allah. May He forgive everything we had ever done in the past. I blindly trust in Allah that He is the most merciful and forgiving dear. May you be able to stop doing this bad habit. In Shaa Allah, you can my dearest sister. May Allah help you.

  10. Dear Hadija ! You don't need to be worry its a part of life ! understand it but we are humans not an animal we have some powers and we can do any thing just remind it ! now I am telling you some exercises if you do this you can control your self and do any thing !
    Now number 1 : MIND CONTROLLING :- First of all you have to control your mind and be strong because you will do what you will think ! so think positive !
    number 2 : YOGA :- Do yoga daily !
    number 3 : Read QUR'AN daily with translation !
    number 4 : make a daily plan and make your daily routine with your important and daily tasks and never make a sex task in your dairy !
    number 5 : you should have to avoid sex things in your mind some times we feel sex in our mind and thinks that we are just feeling sex and we will not do masturbate but you will definitely do ! so you never have to think about sex in your mind ! and you have to do sex only for create generation not for fun understand it ! If you think sex you will definitely do masturbate within 2 or 3 days !!!!
    number :6 pray SAL AH 5 times ! and be strong !!!

  11. Just pray to God, "Oh God please get rid of my bad habits", and try to not to do this and not to think to do this. God is great and almighty and mercyful, so, God will give power to you to get rid of from these bad habits.
    All the best dear.
    Take care, Bye.

  12. (قال الله تعالى:(قل ياعبادي اللذين اسرفو على أنفسهم لاتقنطو من رحمة الله ان الله يغفر الذنوب جميعا إنه هو الغفور الرحيم Allah (subhenehwtele) said In Holy Quran in surah alzumar:
    Don't despire my dear sister because Allah is KAREEM
    May Allah forgive all of us

  13. My story is very similar
    I belonh from a very humble and islamic family. I my self was very strict towards my religion but ir doenot take time to get shaitan ever urself. I am very young. I am like almost 13. I study in co education. My parents are not very modern but still they trusted me and gave me best education they can. So I changed my school at 13. It was also a co education. Things like relationships are very common here. I was a staunch muslim I studied Quran thrice at a very early age but after looking at my surroundings I tried to be like them. I fell in love with a guy but never crossed my limitations but then my school was changed. A guy from that school messaged me some nude pics of girls from the same school. I was like what the hell ASTAGHFIRULLAH. He said me to give my nudes to him and I was like never. I can give my life but I can't give my self respect. I was a girl who could not even imagine that one day she will be known as "slut" or "prostitute.
    So the guy forced me for almost two months and finally unwillingly I gave him my haraam pics. After that he leaked them and ofcourse the result was regret
    almost one year has past. I cried over day and nights. I wanted to kill myself. I look at my parents and I cries even more hard. I ask forgiveness of Allah and his mercy all the time. Like I am too young and so much has happened to me. My past haunts me. I don't feel like living.
    Please help :'(

    • "unknown", there's nothing you can do about it now. In the future, take responsibility for your own actions. You can say the boy forced you and you did it unwillingly, but in reality you had a choice. Why did you continue communicating with that boy when he was pressuring you to do something you did not want to do?

      Alhamdulillah, at least it did not go further. Take it as a lesson and avoid such situations in the future. Stay away from boys and stick to well-mannered girls as your friends. There's no need to continue crying every night or thinking about suicide. Your life is not over. You made a mistake and I'm sure you will not make it again.

      Wael Editor

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