Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My sins have made me depressed

Woman alone

Assalamuwalaicum,

In my past I have a long distance relationship. When we met, he forced me to do same sins, I told it is against our religion, he was also a religious person, he taught me more about islam, islamic dresses, I trusted him. When he forced I have no option at that time, I was scared a lot, I thought about my parents' reputation. But he couldn't listen to me and we did sins but not sex. I think it is equal. Then he broke up with me. I beg him for our marriage, but he didn't listen to me.

Then I get depressed every time, read Quran some time, then I repented every time. Now doctor told me I have some mental disorder, I took medicines from 5 years when it was happen. Now I am thinking about that incident, if someone make my video or capture in hidden camera and load in social media.

If my parents know about my past, they hurt a lot. They trust me, believe me a lot because they thought I am religious one, couldn't do any mistake. They tell to other about me and I am hurt a lot at that time. I compare me with other girls and think how characterless I am and want to die. I didn't study well, I think all that matter every moment. When I want to enjoy with every one, I think about that and stop.

My father is more religious person, he taught me more about islam, I also pray but not 5 times. I think about my father's reputation.

What about my marriage? I want to tell everything to my parents but I can't. Please help me & dua for me and my parents. My family is a happy family, I don't want to hurt them. Please don't judge me, if my sentence is not clear to you please forgive me.

sara88


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6 Responses »

  1. Asalaam alaikum. Sorry to hear this sister it sounds terrible to be living this way. You need to forgive yourself. It is not up to you to judge yourself and if you deserve to be punished or not, that is Allahs role in our lives. We have to trust His forgiveness, when we have repented we have to close the door and trust He has forgiven us. You are not the only girl who slipped up, everyone has sinned in one way or the other, you cant lookat other girls and assume they are better or they have never done anything. Its not your role to judge yourself and make yourself feel bad , this is from shaytaan making you feel youre not worthy or not a good human, to keep you in a depressed state. The muslim is optimistic and tries to carry on, you are worthy of forgiveness and happiness. Pray x5 times and move on from this, Shaytaan is trapping you in the past. Get counselling. The paranoia about photos etc is also an illusion- wouldnt you have seen the pictures and heard about it by now? Allah provides a spouse not your parents, you dont need to reveal sins to them or to your potential spouses in the future, it is between you and Allah. Their opinions do not matter, we will all answer to our own sins, they cannot 'forgive' you or make you feel better. If Adam AS could make a mistake in jannah, then who are we? It is in our nature to make mistakes, so do not despair.

  2. OP: a long distance relationship...... we met, he forced me to do same sins, I told it is against our religion, he was also a religious person, he taught me more about islam, islamic dresses, I trusted him. When he forced I have no option at that time, I was scared a lot, I thought about my parents' reputation. But he couldn't listen to me and we did sins but not sex. I think it is equal. Then he broke up with me. I beg him for our marriage, but he didn't listen to me.

    A religious guy who taught you Islam and Islamic dresses, used you for sex. Where did you meet him? Did you meet him alone in a Hotel/Motel room? What did you expect was going to happen during your meeting? Did he leave you right after the first meeting?

    You say he forced you to do stuff? Did he kidnap you and rape you? Did you go willingly and both of you undressed?

    What mental disorder you have? How it is affecting your life?

    You should move on. Forget about what happened. Get married. Keep busy, find a job if you are not working.

    You are not the only one who had done this. Many girls do what you have done. It is good you did not go all the way.

    • Allah is Raheem.He surely has forgiven you cos you repent on what you did and it is a great gift that your conscience is alive.you must go on with your life.you are lucky that a sinner has wiped out of your life.Allah has saved you.you should marry according to your parents advice.don't need to tell anything to anyone. Just pray and have faith in Allah.you are surely lucky that Allah has saved you from that sinner. It's a blessing.

  3. whatever had to happen has happened, you can't go back and change it again. So get over it and start a fresh chapter in your life!

  4. Sara don't be sad this happened to me too! I was in a long distance relationship with a man I thought he was religious and I trusted him. We told our parents that we want to get married so since he talked about me to family I thought he was serious about us. But then when we talked on Skype he started to ask for things he asked me to take off my cloths so that he masturbates, I was in love n trusted him so I did. I felt very guilty after n promised my self that I will not do it again since we were not married yet. Guess what the day after he asked me for masturbation again I tried to say no. He said if you don't do it I will not marry u. That was a shocker so I said no cause I don't want a man like that. He left me n I'm happy he did, because he is a coward. Don't be sad and move on a lot of people do those mistakes today not just you. Don't think about the past it's from Satan.

  5. Sister, I know its late to reply but I cant just refrain from writing to you because if nothing least it my responsibility to respond to the call any of this ummah in difficulty.

    Sister, you done a mistake, I agree. But it wasnt an un-patchable mistake or sin. There are such un-patchable sins. Always remember sister, YOU ARE A MUSLIMA, AND YOU ARE DEALING WITH KIND ALLAH. Islam has its solution for such patchable mistakes. Allah's nabi says "Everyone of my ummah will be forgiven expect those who expose their sins" He (s.a) further explains that When a person committs a sin at night, Allah covers his sin using veil. But that person will wake up and share his experience of sin with others is removing the veil that alah has provided to him" Hence sister my first advise is to dont tell the sin to anybody in family , it is not suggested or ordered by any scholar or by quran or hadees. So dont unveil the cover of allah. Allah kept it secret, let it be secret. Its not you keeping it secret but its Allahs mercy who kept it secret.

    I will explain a hadees which really suits to you and your current mindset..

    Allah (s.w) will call up his servant on judgement day and he will speak to him. No one will hear that conversation including angels. Allah will ask him to read his book of record. He will turn the pages and will find a small sin, as he started turning the pages, sins will grow big and bigger upto a level he feels he assured his entry to hellfire. The servant will bow down with unique disappointement and tell allah that he is sure that he will enter hellfire. Allah will ask "why you where hiding your sins from the people in duniya?" He will say bcs he was shy people get to know he is sinning. Allah will say "You hidden your sins from people in dunya, now i will hide your sins from everyone and all your sins are forgiven". This your Allah sister. Then he will turn the next page, he will find the first good deed, and good deeds will grow. Now he suddenly turn back to see his sins, pages will be empty. I am only conveying the importance of hiding our sins.

    Hence sister, allahs nabi said "regret itself is towba" You are making towba throughout the time sister. Never feel Allah is not kind. It may be any one this replying people or me or someone Whom Allah appointed to take care of you at this situation. Feeling regret is good but never think that everything is over and you cant have a come back. Allahs says in Quran "Tell to those who transgressed themeslves, "Dont despair from the mercy of Allah". Allah is watching you sister.

    I am saying, you dont have a mental disorder, whichever series of action which doesnt relate to the theory of doctors is called mental disorder in their language. I am saying you are a healthy person medically and islamically. Your imaan is at the best condition, dont make it worse by loosing faith. Just think about the crors who trangress all the limits and had never felt bad about it once.

    You enjoy your life, dont think about that, Allah covered and its a closed chapter. Indeed you may smile at the way allah covered it for you and cherish.

    About your marriage.. just go for it. It will make everything allright. But never tell parents or wouldbe about your sins. Its never an act of good muslim.

    There is one dua which you can recite.. "Laa ilaaha illaa antha subuhanaka innee kunthu minazzaalimeen" if pls let me if you want meaning of this. Also increase you good deeds which will erase the ill effects of your sins and make you feel fresh according hadees.

    Pray for me sister. If you could embibe, then this may be the deed rescue me on the day of judgement. Please feel free post back for any further guidance from the little knowledge Allah had blessed me with. (only for aunthenticity: this is a student of islamic knowledge and all quoted references are authentic")

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