My sister is a disrespectful child
Salam ,
I have family issues. My sister is SOOO disrespectful to my mom, it really hurts me. She's 21 years old and she steals from my mom everyday & she made all her bank accounts zero, ruining her credits! That's not all of it either, she yells in my mom's face & call her names, & talks back. If my mom tries to hit her she goes NUTTTS!
I don't know what to do wallahi, my mom is in Great Depression, she crys everyday. My mom does EVERYTHING for us! She cooks, she cleans, she works, she sacrificed her life for us. Instead of going to school, she left her country to come to America to help us have a better life!
I don't want my mom to die! I know this is haram but I wish my sister died! I hate her! She is so rude , I don't know how she does that! Just yesterday she broke everything in my mom's house & stole 400$.
Please help, why doesn't Allah do anything? WHY? WHY? WHY?
ridwaan
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Wa 'alaikom alsalam!
Seems like your sister is out of control. If you think that she might in any way suffer from a mental illness or condition, please seek professional help. If not, then maybe it would help if someone had a serious sit-down with her about her attitude and her behaviour. They are unacceptable and she needs to understand that. It would probably be more effective if you got someone she has much respect for to talk to her.
OP : If my mom tries to hit her she goes NUTTTS!
She's 21 years old. Hitting her may not be a very good idea. It could make her a whole lot more defiant. I gather that you live in America? Wouldn't that be seen as assault in the eyes of the law? And, overall hitting her would be to treat her as a child. Try not to hit her and let her know that she is not a child anymore, and that there will be consequences to her actions.
OP : why doesn't Allah do anything? WHY? WHY? WHY?
Because Allah SWT is the All-knowing and knows that it is either in your best interest or hers (if not both) that things are the way they are. Perhaps he wants you and your family to be patient and expiate your sins through that patience? Perhaps he wants her to commit those mistakes, learn from them and become a better Muslim? Or perhaps he wants you to find a solution to the sticky situation your family is in and show excellent Islamic character when dealing with it thus setting a good example for your fellow Muslims and presenting the beauty of your religion to the rest of the world? In the end, that's all just speculation and Allah knows best.
I love this response the most. MashaAllah!!!
Ridwaan, As-salamu alaykum. Hitting is not the answer, even if she deserves it. It's not appropriate or legal to hit a grown woman.
Is it possible she has a drug addiction?
It seems to me you have two choices:
1. Tolerate her and hope it gets better with time. Lock up the valuables. Make sure she has no access to the bank accounts or credit cards. Don't keep any cash in the house. Ignore her verbal tirades.
2. Kick her out of the house. Let her go stay with a friend or whatever she can find. It's extreme, but sometimes extreme problems require extreme solutions. Allow her to return (if she wants to return) only on the condition that she reforms her behavior, goes to rehab if she needs it, and sees an anger management therapist.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
With regard to the second choice, perhaps, if she stays somewhere else she may turn into a bigger monster, and harmful to other people out there. I think there should be involvement of the authorities instead.
I was thinking the same thing: it sounds to me like your sister may have a drug problem. Stealing and being agreessive and violent are for sure strond indicators that drugs may possibly be the issue here.
I would not advice your family to tolerate this kind of behaviour. It's extremely toxic and destructive to the entire family, not to mention your mother. I think you should report her to the police for theft and assault. At worst, I would say the best solutions are:
1) If she has a drug problem, force her in to a rehabilitation center where she will be monitored and helped out of her addiction
2) If she doesn't have a drug problem, then give her conditions to fulfill and live by if she wishes to remain in the household with you. She's not the only person who has to stand living in the house, her toxic behaviour is affecting the entire family horribly. Then kick her out, and tell her she will be reported to the police, if she returns without having changed her ways DRASTICALLY. She's not a child anymore, she needs to be held accountable for her actions, like any other adult
Kick her out of house .She is grown up girl now and you don't have to tolerate her further .even if she lands up in bad company it's not your fault ...let her face the real world and appreciate the importance of family .
Dear sister,
I begin in the name of Allah, the most beneficient and wise.
The best place to look for your answer is the Qur'an but I am aware that this time is very hard for you and your mother so I am here to help you find your answers and I pray to Allah to guide you and provide you with peace in this life and the Hereafter.
Whenever a tear or smile enters your face, you must realise that it is God-given and that He tests you with trials and He tests you with ease. Therefore, you must have patience; patience isn't simply the ability to remain silent but it is also to be able to remember that you are always waking up to and living in a test and surely will be rewarded for your reactions.
In surah Al-Baqarah (The cow), Allah says:
'[But] do you think that you could enter paradise without having suffered like those [believers] who passed away before you?'
This should instantly make us remember our Prophets (may Peace and Blessings be upon them) and their initial followers and our beloved Prophet Muhammad's (PBUH) Sahabah (companions). Some of the greatest tests Allah (SWT) has given to mankind was endured by them. One such example is that of Bilal (may Allah be pleased with him). When members of the tribe of Qur'aish who hated our Prophet (PBUH) and our religion, they tortured Bilal in an attempt to break his faith in Allah (SWT). They covered him in sheets or rods of hot iron and allowed the metal to burn into him further as they lay him down in the hot desert. Repeatedly Umayya Bin Khalaf of the Qur'aish tribe questioned "O Bilal do you worship and bow down to the God of Muhammad?" and each time Bilal (may Allah be pleased with him) replied louder "AHAD-AHAD" meaning "One God-One God". Now even though he knew this would anger Ummayya who would then increase Bilal's torment, Bilal (may Allah be pleased with him) used his trial as an opportunity to strengthen his faith. Not once did he cry in despair and give up hope that he would be rewarded for his endurance. Surely there is no better reward than faith in Allah's words and One-nes which is stronger than iron and the ability to go to Jannah.
We should look at every hardship in our life as a trial from Allah in an attempt to bring us closer to Him. These trials of the very first Muslims were some of the hardest and we should learn from their reactions and their strengths.
In terms of your specific trial my sister, you should remind your sister of how haram it is to even say "uff" out of frustration or pain to your mother as a reaction let alone cursing and stealing from her as well as destroying what Allah (SWT) has blessed her with. If you cannot make her listen to you, ask your mother to try. If she cannot, ask another family member such as an uncle or aunt. If no one can get through to her with warnings from Allah (SWT) and our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and she does not fear the threat of being hit, leave her. Accept that she has gone astray and has given into the disgusting whispers of shaytan but NEVER give up hope that Allah may turn it around. Allah (SWT) gives life when He wishes and gives us death when He wishes. He alone decides who to guide and when to guide them and if your mother and you pray sincerely then He may bring light into your sisters heart and if she does not realise her errors and repent then accept that Allah the most Wise and merciful is more wise than us and he perhaps has another response to your prayers which is better than you and I can ever imagine. For now however, be patient. Do Salah, Fast and give charity. Read Ayat-ul Kursi so that shaytan runs out of your home and Allah (SWT) blesses your family. Do not despair for a lack of hope and faith and trust in Allah's decision and power kills the heart. Hold onto your imaan and your mothers. Offer her comfort and read with her the words of Allah and the hadeeth of our Prophet to help you maintain faith and strength. At the same time, do not be careless. Lock your mothers things and keep them safe. Call the police because theft is a crime. If your sister does not accept the words of wisdom from Allah (SWT) and his Messenger (PBUH), your mother has the right to call the authority for security if no one can change your sister's heart.
We should all pray for your mother and wish to be blessed with her patience and we should all pray that Allah the All-mighty never lets us go down the road your sister has been taken down and that she should return from it because she is our sister in Islam and we should pray for her protection from shaytan and the Hell-fire Allah (SWT) has created.
May Allah (SWT) forgive me for my mistakes in life and in this response. May Allah (SWT) protect our souls and keep them pure with faith so that we should return to him as obedient servants who excel in our tests and trials to be successful enough for Jannah. May Allah (SWT) help us respect our parents and mothers who have sacrificed so much for us and have gone through so much pain. May Allah guide us to him.
Allahu Akbar, Allah is the Greatest. Greater than shaytan, Greater than his test, Greater than your sister and Greater than your mothers pain. Remember this my sister and remind your mother. Love her doubly, on behalf of your sister.
Ameen
Salams Ridwaan,
If you are still reading this, then understand that perhaps your sister is reacting because she is not being listened to. Yes, in Islam there is respect for parents, but the prophet pbuh never, ever hit his daughters or any woman. Talk to your sister like a good friend, instead of shouting or being aggressive. Your mum has made a lot of sacrifices but her reward is with Allah and she must also try to be very calm with your sister and speak kindly. If your mum has wronged her by hitting her then she must ask forgiveness to her and to Allah. Your sister too should learn to see her mistakes and ask for forgiveness to your Mum and all those she has hurt.
Try and be good friends with your sister and be very patient and calm with her. Keep praying for her as Prophet Yaqub (as) prayed for all his children. In the end Prophet Yusuf's brothers saw their mistakes, repented and asked for forgiveness. Your sister too will realise hers.
Always be there for your sister and always wish every good for her and pray for her, even if you have to wake up at tahajjud.
Study and understand the Quran follow Allah and Sunnah of our beloved Messenger, know that doing good deeds, especially for your mum and for your sister, and having sabr, will bring you all success.
May Allah bond you all as a good loving family, increase your iman and show you His Mercy ameen
________________________________________
Issah said it very nicely:
Because Allah SWT is the All-knowing and knows that it is either in your best interest or hers (if not both) that things are the way they are. Perhaps he wants you and your family to be patient and expiate your sins through that patience? Perhaps he wants her to commit those mistakes, learn from them and become a better Muslim? Or perhaps he wants you to find a solution to the sticky situation your family is in and show excellent Islamic character when dealing with it thus setting a good example for your fellow Muslims and presenting the beauty of your religion to the rest of the world? In the end, that's all just speculation and Allah knows best.