Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My step-mother’s behaviour toward me!

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Asalam alikum brothers and sister. Sorry for bad english . ๐Ÿ™

We are 5 brothers we were living happy life every one was happy my father my mother me every one ..i am younger one and my 4 brother were elder than me .. I was living a happy life when i come from school my mom hug me she love me a alot but, when i was 15yrs old my mom admitted to hospital and passed away in 2010. i was in big shock i cried whole night in the grief of my mother.

Then after 1 month my father get married with my mother-sister. She looks very innocent and religious person before marriage but after marriage she behave bad with us and with my father .. She dont give us food, sometime she fight for no reason ..and she made my house like a hell...she seized on my mother jewellery she want to seized everything in my house.

My father knows everything what's going on in house but he kept quiet coz he is scared of her .. Then me and my brother take stand for that and start fighting with her (not beating her but shouting at her) whenever she get angry ... After that one day she steal my pocket money i ask her to give me back but she said what you can do in front of my father then i fight with her and my elder brother call her parents and tell everything to her parents.. then her parents came and insulted her shouted at her then she start acting she is going to die ....

Then she is ok for a 2 years but after that she again start behaving bad with my father and with my brother she almost have fight with everyone... Now she is ok .. Coz she is scared with us now because we start behave badly whenever she behave bad with us But sometime she stare with us with angry look and say double meaning words.. We sleep with empty stomach in night sometimes.

She knows very well about islam, she knows the rights of husband, kids, humans but she do not practice it... But now i am 19yrs old .. Whenever she behave bad then i have to answer rudely... Sooo everything is ok coz she is ok ... But i am also very islamic person i behave lovely with my father... But not with my step mom ... whenever i behave kindly with her she replied kindly but after 1 week she again forget her way and behave rudely so i also have to behave rudely to correct her... But i dont want to do that .... I dont like to behave with her like that she is my mom-sister i do this coz i want peaceful enviroment...

We all 5 brothers are like friends they encourage me that i am doing right but i am not satisfy... But what islam say about this if we dont act like this she will made my house again like hell .... She cook food for me only for one time but thats ok ... I am stuck. What ever she give me i gave her back if she talk nicely so i also replied nicely thats it .

What islam say about that plz tell me i am doing right to mantain peace or wrong .. My father also encourage me for that .. But what islam says?

The important part: My brothers say that they will leave the house becz it is very difficult to live with her. I also think same when i get job and get married ill leave her and leave my house but I am not going to leave my father. I will come at my house in weekend coz my father not going to leave her and he is right ... Am I doing wrong or right? Tell me in islamic way my behaviour and about my thinking is correct ???? jazakAllah .. Every one.. ๐Ÿ™‚ And sorry for bad english again ... ๐Ÿ™

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8 Responses »

  1. Asalam o alikum,

    Don't leave your father alone. Just go and talk to him. Your father is aware of this situation then discuss this with him and your grandparents. How long will you keep this rude behavior. Your father have to decide something so that you guys can live peacefully. Ask your father to control this situation. Why to be scared of a woman who is not treating you and your father correctly. Settle the situation with the help of elders. You re young, focus on your studies, your emaan, your career.

    Pray, read Quran, offer Salah, Tahajudd. ALLAH is there for you. Just go and ask Him. ALLAH will do whats best for you. Do you Tahhajudd is one of the best times to share your problems with ALLAH.

    I'll pray for your family brother.
    Remember us in prayers as well.
    INSHAA ALLAH, ALLAH will help you, Stay Blessed.

  2. Salam Reilgious pious its just because i guy reads Quran and prays.This is all words but not in lifestyle of muslim today.A muslim is a person who obeys the commandments of Allah and follow the teachings of prophet Muhammad.Success in both worlds is in this.You see shaitan is sneaky evil smart.His job is to have enmity hatred for one another.The most important qaulity missing in people in general is character behavior.How he treats people How he talks to the person.How he deals with the person.A muslim can pray all day but if he doesnt have this qaulity he will not go very far in life and judgement on the scales will be critical depending on the magnitude of effect and result.So be soft and gentle give gift and treat her special....You must use hikmah understand that women are different and go through emotions.Just look at the story of Ayyub A.S in the quran and tafsir...So we are all tested everyday is a different story...Remember shaitan doesnt like unity....If you feel that she is making it difficult then you brothers should live together somewhere else close to mosque and visit them regularely because that is you family and your brothers should looking for wives to save themselves or else dissobedience spells problems and disaster to follow......Listen to tariq jameel bayan o you tube. you need some food for your soul

  3. Asalam Alaikum

    I understand living with a step parent isn't easy. I myself have lived with three different step-mothers after my mother passed away when I was only 8 years old. My experiences have been quite horrible and even though my current step-mother is quite nice it is still very difficult for me.

    I have been through what you have and I just want you to consider this. There are always two sides to a story. You are only looking at things from your point of view right now. Try putting yourself in her place for a moment, it will help you understand things better.

    You mentioned your step-mother is your aunt and that your father married her just a month after her death. As difficult as all of this was for you, it was probably not easy for her either. Marrying the man you knew as your brother in law for a number of years and accepting five children as your own, isn't easy for anyone.
    Just like you can't accept her as your mother, she probably has a difficult time accepting you as her children even if you are her sister's children.
    No woman wants to become a man's second wife, be his second choice, unless she is in love with him which I probably wasn't the case with your step-mother. Who knows what she wanted from life. Maybe there was someone she liked and wanted to marry but the circumstances forced her to marry your father instead. It was probably your grandparents who convinced her and you don't know if she was pressured to marry your father. It's probably the case that she was and most likely for you guys. Maternal aunts are considered to be second mothers so often parents force them to marry their brother in laws for the children's sakes which is unfair because not every woman wants that. You have to understand that her life, her choices were probably taken from her and she may resent you for that. Which is unfair but quite natural. You can try talking to her, tell her you know it hasn't been easy for her. Question her and try understanding her point of view.

    I did that with my current step-mother and Allhamdulilah we have a fairly good relationship.

    Your step-mother's behaviour may be wrong with you but I will advice you not to behave badly with her. Live by the teachings of our religion. Do not ruin your ammal for anyone. She is your father's wife and your aunt, so no matter what you should respect her. Don't stand by wrong, try and stand up to it but in a respectful manner. Be patient, be kind, be respectful even if you don't get the same response in return. Who knows maybe your good behaviour will make her realize her mistake in time. In Sha Allah in time you will be rewarded for it, if not in this lifetime then definitely by Allah. Just remember that He is the one we are all answerable to in the end and this life is just temporary so do your best to live the right way.

    Also remember that relationships are easy to create but they take time to become strong.

    More importantly, it is only a matter of time. Time never stays the same for anyone. You will begin your own life very soon In Sha Allah and will have your own family in the future. Pray for yourself that you find a good life partner who will ease your pain and become your support.

    I have done the same and while it is difficult, my conscience is clear and I have faith that Allah will reward me for my patience.

    This is just my advice. I am no learned person just someone who has experienced what you are going through today. The rest Allah only knows best. I'll pray for you, that He helps you and guides you to the right way and helps you find answers. Ameen.

  4. Assalamu alaikum.....I also would like to ask a similar question.After my mom died I'm living with my stepmom who was already married to my dad even when my mom was still alive. She feeds me and my siblings and we respect her as we should, the only problem is that she won't allow me to help her whenever she is working. I was used to helping her earlier when my mom died, but after her daughters grew old enough she didn't want my help anymore. Even though I insist she still wouldn't allow,in fact she gets angry with me. My father doesn't say anything but he of course will notice that only her children are helping her, and other relatives think that we are lazy and don't like doing anything. I've tried countless times but I end up getting humiliated, she and her children hate receiving help from us. So please I just want to know what I'm supposed to do islamically. I'm tired of trying so I gave up, if they don't want my help that's it atleast Allah(SWT) knows my effort. This has lead me to tears so many times, please what should I do?

    • Makina, perhaps you could simply do some of the chores yourself when no one is watching. You could also have a sit-down with your father and stepmother together and try to work it out. Lastly, don't worry about what the other relatives think.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. May Allah ease the situation for you. Donโ€™t understand why people are like this, I myself have the same issue of step mum hating me and my own mum

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