Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My wife is pregnant and I want to divorce

wedding rings divorce

Hi I want to get divorce now. Its nearly 8 months . Now I don't like her I'm not happy with her. She is so selfish and she don't trust me even if I talk with my cousins sister she thinks I'm sleeping with them. And she is pregnant now. She need only sex from me and she want to me to serve only her family members. She said dont look to your parents you are not only the son for them, don't do for brothers and sister.

I have so many responsibilities and we are only middle class family. Her family is rich, they give dowry amount and they gave car - her brothers gave and they registered it on their name. Later they said we will send you gulf country sell the car. Her brother planned now they sell the car and I am in gulf country now. She is forcing me too much, saying "I gave you money so you need to listen." I was working on 15k salary. I told them I'm not interested but they beg me that time don't wait, they do maybe black magic or not.

I have a girlfriend also who I didn't get marry with her. Now I can't forget her. She is giving me mentally pressure I attempt suicide.

Please advise me what to do - can I take divorce? Do I need to return all the money what they give me, the car and everything? But there is no proof of car registered on her brother's name. Please advise me, I'm jobless, I have so many problems and she don't understand me at all and I don't like her - I just had a physical relation thats it.

Please advise me please. What if they book false case if I ask divorce? Please tell me please, I dont want to die.


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9 Responses »

  1. Well I think you will have to return everything and yes its possible for them to put a false case especially if they are influential people. Why don't you talk to your wife about this issue before going for a divorce?

  2. Assalam alaikum,

    I'm afraid you are not going to get the advice you want. *sigh* Brother, you married a girl, not a car or money or a thing. After taking all the gifts, that you weren't entitled to anyways, getting your wife married, realizing you miss your girlfriend, you suddenly realize...wait, I don't want to be married to this woman who is carrying my child? Life isn't fair, but it is really unfair for that poor child that the both of you are brining into this world.

    Stop thinking about your girlfriend, that relationship was and is haram.

    Stop thinking about divorce and own the responsibility of marriage. You are no longer a kid.

    Stop taking money from your wife's family and start living on what you can earn. What's happened has happened, but you really should return that money to them--it is unIslamic for you to take dowry--this is wrong and was not practiced by our beloved Prophet, peace be upon him. You are practicing an ancient Hindu practice--so this is imitating those who do idol worship.

    Obviously, your decisions have caused a rift and imbalance in your marriage because now your wife thinks that you should do what she wants since her family funded you--another reason for why you should not take their money--it's going to take time to build a proper marriage. You might face problems with your wife at first, but you need to work on making her understand what you can afford and what you are capable of doing. This isn't about you anymore, This isn't even about her anymore. The both of you are about to have a baby! Please stop making rash and emotional decisions--take a moment to calm your nerves and make du'a to Allah swt --start reading Quran and understand your rights and responsibilities in Islam as a husband and read about your wife's as well--you will learn to establish a better relationship once you are focused away from the things that are breaking your marriage.

    May Allah swt ease your difficulties, Ameen.

    • Beautiful Advice, I think it resonates with what every god fearing muslim would say.
      I think you should take this adivce

  3. Assalamoalaikum... it is very sad to read your post. You are only concerned about whether or not you will have to return the stuff given to you after marriage and worried about false cases against you but you are not worried about your child at all! Have you thought about the child? What exactly is his/her fault in all this? The way you started your post shows how mature you are. Do you have any idea how serious divorce is? more so now that a baby is involved?

    "Now I don't like her I'm not happy with her"
    What about honoring the commitment you made? Why is it about you only or the woman? Did you not take up a responsibility? How will you answer to God? "i didnt like her God so i left her and the baby"

    Brother, take a deep breath I know things are tough for you financially but this baby is yours. This woman is YOUR wife whether she's good or bad. These people are under you and you are responsible for them so instead of looking for the nearest exit and worrying about paying them back focus on being the man Allah swt expects you to be and fix things. talk to your wife, go to counselling, fix your marriage! And why is this girlfriend even in your life? Brother, sheitaan is trying to tempt you which is why you "cannot forget her" be strong and do the right thing. if not our wife, think about your baby.

    May Allah swt give you hidaya and the strength to do the right thing ameen.

    • I don't understand this really. We made a commitment? I am sorry but is it really our fault of how our spouse turns out to be? Our parents just choose our spouse based on her or his parents or their reputation, I mean maybe they really are very good, but even that doesn't mean that just because she or he is a good person we'll be able to connect and understand each other. And if that person isn't even good, then we are just supposed to continue living miserably? I am unmarried, and have always followed islamic teaching and have never touched a woman or became friends with one, never had bad intentions with anyone, but now my parents want me to get married and they are right of course, but I am damn scared and it's really things like this that scare me. I mean marrying a complete stranger and just committing to her no matter how she is? How am I supposed to do that? Maybe she is educated, but her likes and dislikes are completely different, maybe she is very good wife but not somebody I would like, because maybe she's a good wife in sorts of always doing what I want, but I want a wife whose a strong woman. I don't want kids soon after marriage, but because of our culture and because she might want to have, we would? I am sorry but I really don't get this.

      • Assalamoalaikum... See the thing is, marriage is not just perfection or something that is supposed to bring a happy ending to you served in a plate. Marriage like any other step in your life is a responsibility. Just like when you start a job you cannot predict every single thing about it and have to compromise on some aspects and enjoy the good things associated with it. just like that marriage is a mix of both good and bad not all good. Nobody is perfect and your future wife whoever she is will NOT be perfect some days you will dislike her, some days you will like her but the question is why is this person SO disposable? Like our siblings, parents, friends they aren't perfect right? but do we abandon them because we dislike one particular habit no we do not.

        See the thing is marriage requires a lot of time and patience which unfortunately most of the people lack these days. Since we get information online readily, we get ready made clothes, fast food everything is easily avaILABLE To us hence the lack of patience in our personalities. we need results FAST! however, marriage is completely opposite. During the first few years you need to understand the person you need to look at how you can work on yourself to handle this better.

        I wouldn't suggest marrying a complete stranger AT ALL. Get to know the other person as much as you can in a halal way. A) first comes the appearance are you satisfied with that. B) next comes her religion is she a God fearing person because if she is chances are she wont treat you like garbage and will fear Allah in regards to you

        Likes, dislikes can change, you can enjoy doing what she does and she can enjoy what you enjoy its all a matter of COMMITMENT not COMPATIBILITY. We can never find anyone who is 100% US. who likes what we like, eats what we eat, watches what we like to watch. and honestly even if you DO find such a person after a while you will be bored. It's the differences that sometimes make you enjoy your spouse. See we enter marriage with a selfish perspective "I" should be happy otherwise it isnt worth it. That's not the case you get married because it is another step in your life, it brings many pleasures, it gives you a person who you can share bad times and good times with, you can get a chance of having kids Alhamdulillah.

        Happiness depends on yourself. do not expect a person to make you happy that will never happen and even if it does it'll be inconsistent. only you can make yourself happy. A spouse is there just to share your happiness and worries. As far as having kids is concerned, look after youre married it's not about what YOU want because there are two people involved and you will not have your way ALL THE TIME. the other person involved has desires, dreams too. be kind to that person and her dreams. NEGOTIATE! sometimes she gets her way sometimes you get yours. Like any other relationship. You probably dont want kids because you first want to be sure about whether you would want to continue the marrige or not right?

        I would say, leave divorce or even the thought of divorce out of your mind before you get married. Enter marriage with the true faith that it will be forever. Only then you can make it through. Because there will be tough times trust me. but remember Allah swt makes men the protectors and maintainers of women. So be that. Do not run away at the first sight of trouble you have to be a strong man to be a good husband. Stop thinking what YOU can get our of marriage and start thinking what you can GIVE in the marriage to make it last. Just like you would do anything to succeed in a job, keep your boss happy, make sure you perform your duties just like that work on yourself in the marriage. As far as your partner is concerned be patient with her, communicate your problems to her and listen to her problems. Everything can be solved through communication and patience.

        Chances are if the woman is as committed to the marriage as you would be you guys will make a healthy marriage. But if there's divorce an option at the back of your head you will run away after every conflict. so first get rid of that. Trust me in the end marriage is all about commitment. nothing else.

        Let go of the petty worries just make sure there are no major flaws or incompatibilities and you can have a healthy marriage inshaAllah. If you keep dwelling on the negatives you will only find negatives. But stop expecting marriage to be perfect or make you the happiest you have ever been. You are taking up a responsibility so you better be prepared. lower the expectations and inshaAllah you wont get disappointed. If you do not think only of the negatives you will see that inshaAllah the tranquility that comes from knowing that there is someone who is there for you and you can share your every moment with them will be priceless.

        May Allah swt bless you with a healthy marriage when you're ready. ameen.

        • I have seen relationships where one isn't happy at all but has been just moving on due to child and commitment. That's what I am scared of. Sometimes, we really are not compatible. I have always found it hard to actually be frank and intimate, I am rarely that even with my family members and am very closed off. Honestly, I wouldn't be able to love her because to me marriage is only and only a responsibility. I want to hold off a kid because of too much responsibility really. I mean, I don't know if my wife would be compatible with me, would I be able to see her as anything but responsibility especially if she wants a child, and the thing about the community nowadays is also that people want a kid soon after marriage. My parents have talked to a family, and whereas I know the girl really likes kid. Hell the talks of it started, and my mother already is talking about how much she wants to hold her grandchildren in her hands before her death and all. If I get married, I don't think I'll ever open up. Because of many things in my life I just won't be able to. I am actually scared that my wife might even just have to be with me for the sake of commitment. I mean, I don't know really. I just hate the fact that once two strangers become so called life partners, they have to compromise too much and if the other can't then have to just go through with it all their life.

          • Then don't get married. No point getting married if you already know that your too guarded to love another person or let them be a part of your life. It would be difficult for you and painful for your wife. In marriage, there needs to be love and some form of connection between the spouses, that's the whole point. They trust each other, enjoy their time together and confide in each other. They look forward to starting s a family together and raising kids together. If you can't see yourself doing any of this then marriage will only ruin your wife's life because she doesn't deserve a husband who is guarded and only in the relationship for the sake of his parents/community/tick box! Work on yourself before you get married, see a counselller and deal with your anxieties and your underlying reasons for feeling so guarded. Once your in a better and more balanced mindset marriage should become more appealing to you, and you will be able to do justice to your wife.

  4. As Salam O Alaikum

    Brother if you had taken all those materialistic things from your in laws side its obvious you will have to return it to them. Am sure if you divorce your wife you would definately have atleast some SELF RESPECT ? Even it they pressurize you to return the things you should be returning them all back before they should ask for.

    If you dint like your wife at first place why did you marry her ? For the car and gulf country thing ? Remember the talks you had when the marriage was getting fixed up.

    Have fear of ALLAH brother. Your like for materialistic things and your wife being adamant now did you even think what is the FAULT of the baby who is not even seen this world ? That is being called Selfish. I am humbly sorry for being Blunt but thats how the scenario you have mentioned herein.

    Fear ALLAH my dear brother. And its very obvious if you have taken things from your in laws at the time of marriage you definately had the RIGHT to DENY all those things. I wonder why you dint.

    All The Very Best.

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