Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My wife’s family want khula

Physical, Verbal, Emotional, Financial... Domestic Abuse is WRONG!

Physical, Verbal, Emotional, Financial... Domestic Abuse is WRONG!

I've not been nice to my wife. I've not been treating her nicely and hitting her too. Everytime we speak, I always speak over her and I always show her anger. I think our communication broke down, I stopped listening to her and she used to threaten me with khula; I never took her serious until she stepped her foot down on me once and for all. she's also stopped talking to me.

I still love my wife of course and want her back. I've sent her flowers and other things in order that we reconcille. She is a really nice woman and I love her, but when she was with me I didn't care. Inshallah we will be together again.

But, she's not number one in the world. Most women seem to think they are!

I'm not perfect, hey if women are trying to find mr right they never will. Marriages are about working through your problems and not running away from them.

Allah is with the patient ones and he knows my intentions better than anyone.


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49 Responses »

  1. My brother,

    she was there and you mistreated her. You lost her respect and she does not trust you. Hitting is a pretty unforgivable act from a woman's point of view.

    You do what you can to talk to her and keep trying to convince her, show her that you are ready to go to counselling and that you have changed.

    but if she has made her decision, you have to divorce her.

    Show her you care but also let her go if that is her choice.

    Imagine if you had a daughter and her husband hit her and treated her very badly, you would not want your daughter in that situation.

    There is a consequence for very action my brother. Pray iistikhara, turn to Allah and whatever is meant to be will happen.

    This is a lesson for you to treat all women with respect maybe the lesson is for another woman or inshallah your current wife.

    Have hope, but also let her go if she doesn't love you anymore. You can't force someone to love you.

    • Normalguy the fact that you have stated what you have done to her in your own words says to me that at least you know how you treated her. So respect for telling the truth and saying it how it was.
      My brother in law did alot worse to my sister and denied everything and his parents supported his lies which made the already deep wounds even deeper . I Believe it helps the victim a little when the wrong doer admits his mistakes or even not an admission just says it how it was. It breaks my heart when good people suffer through no fault of their own.

    • Thank you sister. You are the only person who is supporting and encouraging me. Thank you for your kind words.

      May Allah bless you.

      • Normalguy my response was just to give you a little example of things from the otherside. I do not want to whip the carpet from under your feet but nothing takes away from the fact what you did was wrong. The damage you have caused will take years for her heal if they ever do at all. I dont know her but I can feel her pain through your words. If I can give you some advice for now it would be to work on getting yourself put right, as soon as possible, and do it for the right reasons.

    • Its not that she dosent love me lolz.

      I need a strong woman who can take a few punches and still be with me.

      Honestly, anglo saxon women there too soft and get brain washed... everything from their eyes seems to be abuse. Even shouting!!

      Lord help

      • You are you are not willing to change your ways and better yourslf and want instead a woman who would be okay with your physical abuse.

  2. Ѕαℓαм αℓαукυм brother
    I guess I understand your situation.May Allah grant us all goodness.
    U said "Allah is with the patient ones " right? Can you bear witness that you yourself were patient on every situation that occurred then and are you exercising patience on this present situation of things?
    You also said "But, she's not number one in the world. Most women seem to think they are!"
    Brooo,you really need to cool it mahn...we all got ego,alright but in Islam, and our marriage we need to try our best and make sure we don't use that to spoil things..this statement alone is enough for your wife to breakdown into deep thoughts allowing Shaytan to take the stage..Watch it bro,tho am not married yet,soon In Sha Allah but I have an elder sister and a mother so I know how women take things.

    You also said.."I'm not perfect, hey if women are trying to find mr right they never will. Marriages are about working through your problems and not running away from them."
    That's true and no one is perfect either but remember bro, you made her run away from the problem probably after she had tried her little best to fix the situation.
    Women are weak bro and you know that,don't expect you wife to jack up a car just the way you would do it without you giving her a this is your marriage,she can't fix all the Ps herself need to call your mind body and soul back and seeks Allahs forgiveness and guidance and promise her to be a better person In Sha Allah and remember this would be a promise to Allah also so when next that anger comes,swallow it bro.. May Allah grant u strength and goodness,اللهم آمِيّنْ ..So remember bro, you got a lot of work to do on yourself and the first thing is to turn to Allah and make the best use of this Rαмα∂αη In Sha Allah to get rid of all the negative attitudes. May Allah grant us the best of Rαмα∂αη,اللهم آمِيّنْ .. I hope I addressed the issue and not added more problems,
    Ѕαℓαм αℓαукυм

    • Assalaamualaikam

      Some of us sisters can jack up our own cars... And do our own DIY... And learn self-defence... Etc.

      I don't think women can really be described as "weak". Even if the average woman is less physically strong than the average man, there are many other ways in which women are as strong as men, and some areas in which women tend to be more successful. Men and women are different, and those differences need to be recognised, but different does not mean inferior or weak.

      Midnightmoon editor

    • Thank you my dear brother for offering your kind words.

      May Allah give you a pious wife. Ameen.

  3. Assalaamualaikam

    ... I really don't know what to say. Do you not even realise how major a wrong you have done?

    Hitting your wife, subjecting her to emotional and verbal abuse and mistreating her - this is not Islam. Islam teaches that women should be honoured and respected. You should be ashamed of yourself for acting in such a manner.

    As for your comment about her not being number one in the world, she should be number one in your world. This is a woman who was willing to share a life with you, and you have treated her appallingly. I'm not surprised she has decided to leave. I'm only surprised she put up with that behaviour for so long.

    Most women aren't on an idealistic quest for Mr Perfect. What we do look for, however, is a man who is practising and of good character, who is right for us. You have not treated your wife in a way that would cause her to feel that you meet these criteria.

    You're correct that part of a marriage is working through problems, but marriage is not about being a victim of domestic abuse. My advice to all women and men who are in abusive relationships is to leave and get to a place of safety. There is never justification to physically or psychologically abuse your spouse.

    I hope that you realise that your actions were wrong, and that inshaAllah you can change your ways. If you truly wish to change, I'd suggest that you find a therapist to help you with anger management and communication skills, and look to see if there are any local services to help people break out of abusive behaviour patterns. Get back in touch with Islam, and read the Quran and ahadith - reflect on the respect and love shown to women, and try to think about ways in which you can change your behaviour to be more like this. Make sure you are praying all your obligatory prayers, attend prayers at the mosque when you can, and get rid of any un-Islamic influences and temptations in your life. And repent. Pray to Allah for His forgiveness, and resolve that you will never again treat anyone (male or female) in such a way.

    I think that you owe it to your wife to allow her to leave if she wishes, and to respect her decision. It may help her if you let her know that you are truly sorry for what you did, and that you are taking steps to change so that you don't hurt anyone else that way. If your wife is willing to give you another chance, then say Alhamdulillah, and never hurt her again.

    May Allah guide you and your wife to find peace and healing.

    Midnightmoon editor

    • All women are brain washed by white british society.

      Times have changed. But i never will insha allah. Woman will always be number 2 in my eyes and its not an ego thing... thats just me.

      • All women are brain washed by white british society.

        Times have changed. But i never will insha allah. Woman will always be number 2 in my eyes and its not an ego thing... thats just me.

        Brother, the issue isn't women at all, but rather your perception of women. Maybe you aren't really ready to reconcile with your wife and you need to dig deeper into your soul.

  4. normalguy: I've not been nice to my wife. I've not been treating her nicely and hitting her too. Everytime we speak, I always speak over her and I always show her anger. ....... Marriages are about working through your problems and not running away from them.

    You really think you are a normal guy? Normal guys don't mistreat their wives and beat them. Why did not you try your own advice " Marriages are about working through your problems."

    One can not work thru problems with people who get angry easily, don't listen and beat up spouses.

  5. It sounds to me that you wish to control your wife; control how you are with her in terms of your conduct towards her, control how she responds to you, and finally, when she has had enough of your maltreatment, you want to control her decision to want to leave you.

    There is a saying - "you have made your bed, now lay in it". Well, brother, you have made yours by chipping away at her patience and her love. You cannot expect to mistreat your wife and then want her back when you decide it's time you want her back. Where were you when she expected warmth and kindness from you. From you post, it sounds as though she has given you all the chances possible. But remember, as well as being your wife, she is, on her own, an independent human being with own faculties and logic and reasoning and therefore there are only so many chances she can give you.

    You say: "Marriages are about working through your problems and not running away from them". Well where was your own advice when you were needlessly shouting at her, and worse still physically hurting her? Was this how you decided to solve your problems at the time? Now that you've lost her, suddenly she has to agree to your demands of talking through your problems? Now you are ready to stop emotionally, verbally and physically abusing your wife, she has to run to you with open arms?

    I am sorry for both you and your wife that you do not think she is - as you say - "number one". No, she may not be the number one woman in the world, and no the universe does not revolve around her, but you, when you made the decision to be her husband, also made the decision for this woman to be the number one in your life. I am not married, but I would imagine this is what marriage is about. Everyone - regardless of gender - wants to know that they are "number one" in the eyes of their spouse. It speaks volumes about your feelings towards her and also what you want from her in a relationship.

    Please remind yourself brother that your wife is your companion, your life partner and Insha'Allah one day your spouse in the heavens. Your conduct towards her should be consistent in kindness, affection and RESPECT (of course, we all make mistakes and have disagreements, we are insaan!). You have shown nothing but harshness towards her, and now , with a few flowers, you think you can simply erase all the wounds you have inflicted on her emotions?

    Yes, in your defence you are trying, you acknowledge your mistakes, but do not be fooled into thinking a few kind words when YOU feel it's okay in order for YOUR wants to be fulfilled (i.e. getting her back) will make things better. If you wish to win your wife back, you need to show her commitment and dedication to better yourself and work through the holes in your marriage, and mend the holes in her heart. Counselling, long talks with her, SHOWING her you can be a better husband to her. You need to show her that IF you have her back you will continue to sustain treating her well, not just for this duration of time as a means to an end.

    And do not forget - whether she accepts you back is her decision. If you have damaged your marriage beyond repair then that responsibility is yours. If the pain of being with you is too much to bare, and her trust in your is damaged, then grant her her wishes, for she does not deserve the treatment you have subjected to her.

  6. You have been violent with your wife. That will only change if you undergo serious counselling, anger management and behaviour modification training.

    I know you love her and you want to be with her, but she does not deserve you. Men who are violent with their wives rarely change. The CAN change, but they have to be motivated and serious to do so.

    If you have sought psychiatric treatment and anger management training, then let your wife and her family know. Once you have made progress, she and her family can meet with your treatment team in order to be reassured that she will no longer be subjected to violence in the marriage. At that point, the two of you can begin the repair work towards building something trustworthy and meaningful.

    Hopefully you do not have children but if you do, I sincerely hope you did not misbehave in front of your children!

  7. Assalam alaikum,

    It is good that you acknowledge you have mistreated your wife. I don't know if you have any children, but if you have a daughter, would you suggest that she tolerate such treatment? Something to think about.

    Listen, no one is more powerful than Allah swt. Yet, Allah swt, the one with ALL power over all things doesn't show anger upon on us for each and every error that we make--isn't that power? Just because most men tend to have more physical strength (which isn't the only type of strength btw) than women, is exerting this physical strength over women strength? or is keeping it under control strength? If striking a woman is so easy, is that true strength? Allah could wipe us off the face of the earth for the sins and mistakes we make, but instead, Allah gives us chances again and again and again to improve ourselves in this world--THAT is strength--controlling it.

    You say that you love your wife, but I'm sure you know that actions speak louder than words. You sent flowers to her to get her back during this time--this is all part of the cycle of abuse--please read up on it and as others have suggested, seek counselling because you probably can't get out of this cycle unless you get help.

    The one thing that you stated was really disturbing:

    But, she's not number one in the world. Most women seem to think they are!

    Brother, how would you feel if you are not number one to her? It isn't about being number in the world, it is about being number one to your spouse above anyone else in the world! If you are not to her and she is not to you, is there any point being together? How do you differentiate between her and another person if she isn't number one?

    Being hit isn't easy to accept--if someone stronger than you, hit you, would you even befriend them? How can you expect her to be hit and continue to be more than a friend...but a wife?

    I think when you are ready to further accept your responsibility and show your improved self to her family, inn shaa Allah, she and her family will see the changed you--but you will have to excercise patience since you said it best Allah is with the patient ones....

    May Allah ease your difficulties, Ameen

    • Thank you sister. You have a kind heart and your words are beautifully written. Thank you for taking the time to read. Jzk.

  8. I started reading this thinking this brother is genuinely remorseful but getting towards the end I thought how cheeky.
    Not only did you be harsh with her during the time she was with you, she was not worth much to you during your marriage and this separation. Personally I think your missing someone being there maybe you did have good times but I wouldnt put that down to love because she isnt your number 1 and your excusing your behaviour by saying there is no mr perfect and women should accept this in a marriage. No woman or man should be degraded or humiliated like your wife had been.
    Brother, like some of the comments you received please get therapy and sort out your ego. You have taken the prostration to the husband quote and made yourself feel your the boss but marriage is about friendship, love, peace and much more. Get rid of your macho image and try to be a proper gentleman like the prophet pbuh was. The more kinder you are the more soft you are with a wife the more love you are going to get not that shes going to walk over you and make you her slave.
    InshaAllah Allah wills you will get backk together if its good for the both of you
    Ma salaam
    P.s i find it quite ironic that youve made it out how 'patient' you are and she is not. Shes making the situation worse by running away from a abusive husband

  9. You really think that after all the abuse shes suffered and all the patience shes had in enduring you that a few flowers and gifts will win her back?

    Look im not taking her side here. I know often times it takes 2 ppl for a marriage to reach the point it does when things degenerate. But I cant believe what u just typed. You seem to think that admitting your wrong doing will make ppl feel sorry for you?

    You say u love her but... u dont hurt the ppl u love. Not mentally. Not physically. Not emotionally. And definitely not intentionally. And if u love her she should be NUMBER ONE.

    • Thanks for your encouragement.

      Have you ever wondered that they are always 2 sides to a story.

      But i only want to share mine.

      Thank you

  10. Mashallah thank you everyone for your comments.

    I guess I am to blame for everything. Allah knows how much i really cared for her. May he forgive me.

    I dont think i can ever treat any woman right its because i am number one in a relationship and i am always above a woman.

    After Allah a woman should bow down to her husband and not her parents.

    I hate woman who are not honest with their husbands. I cant stand woman who answering back and think they should be given all the attention. I tell you what they can get lost.

    Im sorry for being the way I am after all id rather be honest to everyone on here than being a lier and pretending to be someone im not.

    Allahul mustaan ala ma tasifoon.

    Whoever Allah guides, he guides .

    • OP said. I guess I am to blame for everything. Allah knows how much i really cared for her. May He forgive me.

      In addition to Allah your wife also needs to know how much you care for her. Do you agree??if your wife will forgive you Allah will forgive you too insaAllah.
      Rest of your statements are genuine .
      You sound like a reasonable person but at same time something is missing in you .....( I'm unable to put finger on it)

  11. Brother,

    Unfortunately with your train of thought I believe you are correct that you may not ever be able to please any woman who has a mind of her own and ounce of self-respect.

    A marriage doesn’t have anything to do with being number one nor two. It is actually about companionship and since Allah swt has made the man the leader of the home, he has a greater responsibility to uphold each and every person’s respect that is a part of his safe haven. This means he exercises mercy, compassion and forgiveness whenever possible.

    There is no denying that a husband has tremendous respect in Islam, but please don’t forget that a woman is extremely precious in our deen as well. When she is born a door of jannah opens for her parents, when she gets married she completes a man’s deen, and when she becomes a mother jannah lies under her feet. Then how can you dishonour such a creation that God himself has uplifted?

    Perhaps this event is supposed to be a wakeup call for you, if you choose it to be.

    -Helping Sister

  12. Normalguy: I dont think i can ever treat any woman right its because i am number one in a relationship and i am always above a woman.....After Allah a woman should bow down to her husband and not her parents.

    How will you feel if a man your sister is married to tells her to bow to him and ignore you and your parents?

    Every thing your mind can think of has been learned from others, people whom you met (inlcuding your teachers, imams) or lived with you while growing up. In many cultures beating a wife is an acceptable thing, but beating in wife can lead you to jail in many countries.

    People can't be classified as number one or number two based on their hormones

    You need to let your mind learn some new things based on your own experience(s)

    "Always above a woman" what do you exactly mean? Are you always right?

  13. Ok thanks for your comments everyone.

    Now how do i delete this blog? Any siggestiins?

  14. One more thing. I love all you sisters for your comments. Thank you,

    I love women full stop.i just want to be around them all the time. I wish i could keep 4 wives but i know i never could. When i see women i think of children. What more happiness is there in this world, other than having a family of your own.

    Allah surely created them beautiful and they must be treated equally with care.

    There is no doubt that women in this world are special all.

  15. I just ask Allah forgives me for my short comings and beautifies my character. Insha allah.

  16. Brother,

    You said, "I've not been nice to my wife. I've not been treating her nicely and hitting her too. Everytime we speak, I always speak over her and I always show her anger. I think our communication broke down, I stopped listening to her and she used to threaten me with khula; I never took her serious until she stepped her foot down on me once and for all. she's also stopped talking to me."

    A woman isn't number one in the world however she should be your number one. Your rational that most women seem to think they are number one shows how very small minded you are. Love. What does that word mean to you? When you love your wife, your are nice to her as she is to you. You do not treat her in a cruel manner nor hit her. The fact that you feel the need to speak over her shows that you are insecure in yourself. It seems her threats of khula didn't phase you until now.

    You aren't perfect and neither is she however what does that have to do in regards to how you treated her? Of course we all make mistakes however I personally don't believe it's a mistake to hit your wife and treat her without respect until she is forced into leaving her own home in order to escape it. She warned you but you didn't listen to her.

    If you really want to reconcile and save your marriage, why not suggest to her that you both go to marriage counseling? A good marriage counselor can help you both through this. They can also help you to see how very damaging your behavior is not only to your marriage but to your wife's physiological well being. Hitting your wife is never, ever acceptable. You say you didn't care when she was with you so show her you care now. Show her that you care enough to recognize that you need help in order to save your marriage. That my dear is love. Flowers are beautiful but they will die.

    What is this about "Mr. Right"? Mr. Right is the man a woman marries and cherishes. That is Mr. Right. He does exist and you can be her Mr. Right. Take responsibility for the state of your marriage and realize you are the cause of it's crumbling state. Marriages are about working through the good times and the bad however when your spouse is hitting you, disrespecting you and talking over you, it's time to reflect on the relationship and how very unhealthy it is. How do you work through things when your husband is slapping you across the face or pushing you? You don't. How do you have a conversation with a spouse when they can't respect what you say and feel the need to over talk you? You don't. Lets face it, you need help.

    If you truly love this woman who is your wife, get up and show her. Because if you don't, there are plenty of brothers who can and will show her the love that has been lacking in your marriage. That is not a is a promise.

    May Allah guide you both to a happy reconciliation and remember the old saying, "you never know what you have till it's gone".


  17. Ok thanks.

    Time to delete this blog. Goodbye.

  18. I really don't think she deserve to get back with u ;( u treated her like trash. Oh so now that she's gone that's when u realize that u love her, u said she's a really nice woman but yet u still hit her that's just sad brother.
    Brother, u are self-centered, Allah didn't create a man to be first and a woman to be second :/ we are equal What make u think that u

    U also said that "marriage is about working out problems and not running away from them" did u ever try to work out ur anger problems, I think ur wife was patient with u too long and that was her way of trying to fix the problem but since u never listened to her and continued to maltreat her, she had no other choice.

    Sorry if am being harsh but I know this family where the father used to abuse his wife but she never left him, one time when the kids were at school the husband cut her head off and when the kids came they found her dead 🙁 so be careful Akhi, am not saying that u could do such a thing but in Islam it is very unacceptable to hit/abuse ur wife :(. Allah will ask u about it, if u make her cry, Allah will hear her complains. Make dua so that Allah can help u, remember that satan hates marriages because marriage is half our deen. Satan wants happy homes to be broken up. Make dua for Allah to help u. I don't mean to offend u Akhi, I am just against people who abuse others.

    May Allah guide us All ad May He make things easy for u and all of us. May Allah forgive me if I said anything to offend anyone. Akhi, I wish u all the best inshaAllah 🙂

  19. This society breeds anglo saxon women and brain washes them into thinking that even shouting or arguing is abuse.

    • LoL your last comment made me giggle indeed there are some women take like that 😀

    • Shouting is a form of aggression -- hence it is abusive. It doesn't matter if you are Anglo-Saxon or Chinese or Arab.

      When you speak to someone, you don't yell at them.

      I'm not sure what you mean by "brainwashing". If you are suggesting that muslims believe that shouting is proper behaviour, then you are wrong. I'm afraid that with an attitude like that, you may never change.

    • The problem isn't women who think shouting and arguing is abuse, the problem is those men who think that shouting and arguing are good ways of communicating.

      Besides, let's focus on your admission for physically abusing your wife--that is why she left, not because you shouted at her (only).

      After reading many of your recent comments, I don't feel that you are sorry for how you treated her.

      It is becoming glaringly obvious that you are disinterested in advice but rather want affirmation from others for your behaviour and a pat on the back for your general comments regarding women.

      • Saba are you anglo saxan? Loooool : )

        • 🙂

          Listen...the thing is we can start slotting people under particular labels and stereotype away, but it works in the reverse direction too. If you start making all these generalizations about women, certainly we could slot you into a stereotype too...but is that really productive?

          I would venture that you probably find some kind of comfort in saying that women are number two and that women are the source of marital problems due to their "brainwashing." But none of that will help you. These thoughts will just make you feel free of responsibility of your behaviour (particularly your unjust behaviour) because you are seeking who to blame--but it is nothing short of sweeping dirt under the carpet.

          You write:

          I dont think i can ever treat any woman right its because i am number one in a relationship and i am always above a woman.

          After Allah a woman should bow down to her husband and not her parents.

          I hate woman who are not honest with their husbands. I cant stand woman who answering back and think they should be given all the attention. I tell you what they can get lost.

          Brother, you will never see the best of a woman when you consider her as a being beneath you. Who told you that a woman should bow down to her husband? How would you react if someone told you to get lost? Would you stick around?

          You can get a lot more positive behaviour from anyone when you invest something good in them. Dandelion seeds don't grow apple want to give less than your best, but you want better than a person's best. You want a "strong woman who can take a few punches and still be with [you]"--did you think striking, yelling and shouting at her would make her loving towards you?

          I strongly urge you to avoid thinking about generalizations and rather focus on yourself and your wife. This isn't about putting blame on you, but rather trying to mend a tear in your marital life--You can call me a brain-washed non-anglosaxon, but namecalling will prove to be unfruitful for you leaving you disappointed and lonely....May Allah help you to see the essence of the truth, Ameen.

          • Sister no one is ever alone. Because Allah is always with them.

            Who better to turn to. No human can forgive you in this dunya other than Allah himself.

    • Assalaamualaikam

      And what exactly is wrong with being Anglo-Saxon?

      The Prophet himself (peace be upon him) told us that no Muslim is elevated above another because of skin colour or race. So none of us has the right to think poorly of others because of these things.

      The Prophet (peace be upon him) also said: ''The most perfect amongst the believers in faith is one who has the best manners and best of you are those who are best to their wives.'' It may be worth bearing this in mind in the future when you are interacting with women.

      Realistically, people here aren't going to condone you being cruel to your wife (physically, emotionally, verbally, however). If you want to change your ways, the first thing you need to do is to accept when you have been in the wrong. We all need to take responsibility for our actions.

      Midnightmoon editor

  20. No i mean u know, i put my trust in Allah. Im not here to offend anyone but just to listen and grow as a person.

    I cant justify my actions, i need to change as a person and as a muslim.

    No doubt i have been wrong, i did things wrong.

    But i thank everyone on here jazakallah may Allah reward you all.

    I love the odd comments lool.

  21. Whoa. A woman should bow down to her husband? Only if she is a Hindu. I thought that one bows down only to Allah (SWT).

    Forget British white culture; your behavior does not follow the Sunnah of the Nabi (SAAW) who NEVER hit a woman in his life. In fact, he had a great deal to say about those who struck their wives, and it wasn't complimentary.

    I will suggest you find a counselor to help you learn to control your anger. Perhaps when you start to feel angry, you should try leaving the room and saying dua until you calm down.

  22. Brother everyone has mentioned and given good responses in regard to domestic violence and how it is prohibited haram in Islam. The prophet salahu alayhi wa salam taught us that the best of you are those who are kind to their wives. Allah also commands you as a man to live honourably with your wife and made you a guardian over your wife, in the sense that you protect her, love her, feed her from your wealth, teach her islam, show her kindess. Allah didn't say you are number one or she is number two.

    I am giving you sincere advice, once you start thinking like that in life, not just in your marriage problems will occur and it shows an insecurity on your part. Why is important to you, who is number one, isn't a marriage about two people coming together, to complete each other, help the other person to be better, enable your wife or husband to fulfill their dreams islamic or dunya related. Have a beautiful family and be faithful and committed to each other.

    You are a man and I as a woman will tell you we are very different, Alllah ta'ala created us different and for different purposes. You are supposed to be strong, wise when advising, gentle to your wife, gentle in teaching her, AS Allah will ask you about those he made you a guardian over.

    She doesn't belong to you, she is an a gift from Allah and you will be asked yawmul qiyyamah about any oppression.
    Indeed the prophet said: Fataqqu dhulm, fear oppression for it will be dhulamaat yawmul qiyyamah
    IT WILL BE DARKNESS on the day of qiyyamah for the one who oppressed anyone.

    You can oppress your wife by denying her rights, treating her badly, speaking to her badly (Allah mentions many times in the Quran - wa qulu qawlaan sadeeda or speak with what is ma3roof (good))

    putting someone down - as the prophet ordered us to protect the weak and needy, your wife when under your care is weak, as th prophet told us women are created from a bent rib, if you try to bend it you will break it.

    Many times our religion emphasises good character, kindness, to be from the best characteristics and most beloved to Allaah. Furthermore it mentions good treatment to your wife and protecting the honour of a muslim which includes not hitting anyone, especially not your wife. Maybe Allah will punish you and you will be hurt on that day because you hurt someone when they was defenceless. As a man its a weak thing to do, if she upset you, sit down and explain what she did wrong, leave the house to calm down, make wudoo and if you feel it isnt working then divorce her after exhasuting the options.

    But hitting someone wont get you anywhere. She wont love you or respect you and once this is void in a relationship its useless.
    Also brother may Allah forgive me if I am wrong, but you come across as finding this funny and arrogant.

    Read about arrogance in islaam and how hated it is by Allah, a righteous pious man is humble and fears Allah too much to oppress others. He doesnt take his sins lightly laughing about them as he fears Allah might punish him for it, so he makes sincere tawbah and is lowly because a slave of Allah recognises he is not "number one" or "above" anything, he acknowledges he is weak and in need of the mercy of Allah and avoids sins as much as he can and when he errs as we all do - he is quick to repent and sorrowful.

    Please take my advice sincerely as sometimes in life, peoples advice is guidance from Allah, maybe your culture taught you ideas, but your a human, so is your wife, or any future wife, they need patience, kindness, mercy and something called forbearance - no marriage will survive if you have the thoughts you express you cant have pride or sense of greatness.
    It has to be about two people, determined to respect love and better each others lives and religion and get closer to Allah.

    Think clearly about our religion the characteristics showed by the rasool and lets all forget our cultures, if not a day will come sooner than all of us think and al-Haakim will judge AND noone shall be wronged in the slightest and each hand will have what it earned.

    wasalam alaykum.

  23. Your views towards women, especially your wife, are truly disturbing. You basically think that all British women have been 'brainwashed' to believe that abuse from the husbands mouths is wrong. Well guess what dude its probably because its friggin true. Respect her and let her go, you really dont seem like someone who wants to change as your practically belittling your wifes feelings of anger towards you all because you think shes been brainwashed. Ergghh brother get over your egoistic self and do the right thing.

    And i can not believe how you had the audacity to say that you want a 'strong' wife who can stand a few punches here and the, like seriously what is wrong with you?

  24. This guy is very arrogant and unbelievably childish. And I don't think he has the insight to ever realise who he is and I don't think he will ever (want to) change. These kind of people are full of themselves. "I need a strong woman that can take a few punches and still be with me" This is literally what he said. He doesn't deserve a wife. His parents need to buy him a punching bag that he can hang in his room and abuse every time he feels like it. Or better yet, he needs to live with a man like him so that he can return the punches twice as hard, that way he will experience it from the womans perspective. It's easy to beat up a woman because she is physically weaker than him. I bet he feels like a real man when he sees his wife bleeding or bruised on the floor. There is something seriously wrong with him. He doesn't show one ounce of remorse, and I know he will never respect a woman. I hope his wife has the sense to stay away from him. I'm sure he is hiding a deep rooted insecurety inside him, and he acts arrogant and mean to feel better about himself. This man will probably never grow up. He's a 5- year- old in the body of a man. I feel sorry for him.

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