Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I need a dua’ to get back the boy I love

Why don't you love me?

Unrequited love.

Assalam o Alaikum

I hope you would guide me with best :') I'm in love with a guy for almost 1.5 years. He also loved me. But whenever I asked him for marriage he always told me that his father wants him to marry his best friend's daughter. But he also promised me that he will make his parents agree for our marriage. I trusted him.

As the time passed I continuously asked him to go talk to his father but he start ignoring. At the end he end up with everything saying that he cannot go against his father decision and he left me.

I cried so much because my family know that I want to marry this guy. We were together in university. His sister also know about me but at the end he backed out leaving me in a stupid state. After then I decided that I will only beg to Allah for everything. I performed istakhara 2 times and it was positive the signs were cleared so my emaan gets more strong that Allah is listening me. From that day m only praying That O Allah make him better for me do some miracle in my life. I cried in sajood too asking Allah to fulfill my need.

The guy got engaged 2 weeks ago. I suffered too much because i make my family agreed with so much difficulties because m syed sunn but he backed out at 11th hour. I cant live without him. Still my emaan is strong that Allah will listen me. Kindly suggest me n guide me with some dua. Please m totally helpless now please help me.



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11 Responses »

  1. As-salamu alaykum sister,

    I have three points to discuss:

    First, the boy has been (mostly) honest with you from the beginning. You say, "whenever I asked him for marriage he always told me that his father wants him to marry his best friend's daughter." He told you from the start what would happen, but you didn't want to hear it. You fooled yourself.

    Second, your istikhara has been answered! Just not in the way you think. You say that you prayed istikhara and saw positive signs. What positive signs? Again you are fooling yourself. The boy began ignoring your requests for marriage, then he left you, then he got engaged to someone else. Those are your true signs! Open your eyes.

    When we pray istikhara, in the second part of our dua' we say, "O Allah, if You know this affair to be bad for my religion, my life, and my aakhirah, then remove it from me and remove me from it."

    That is what Allah has done for you. He has heard your dua' and answered it by removing this boy from your life, because Allah knows (in His wisdom and knowledge) that this boy would not have been good for you in your dunya and aakhirah. So accept Allah's decision and move on with your life.

    Third point: You say, "I can't live without him." Sorry, but this is nonsense. Of course you can live. Your heart continues to beat, your lungs fill with air. As for the pain of lost love, that passes in time. Just be patient. Stop pining over this man. Delete his emails and photos if you have them, and try to stop thinking about him. Let nature take its course.

    Wael Editor

    • I want to ask a question that what will be the punishment of such people due to which someone is suffering? Whatever the situations are, most of the time they ended up into a suffering... I am witnessing a lot of such scenarios where a girl is saying i can't live without him etc but that him is enjoying his life...

      • Allah will judge everyone and will give everyone justice in the end. However, the women should not put themselves in this position in the first place. They should not get emotionally involved or get in relationships with men before marriage.

        Wael Editor

  2. Sister, insha Allah in 1.5 years time you will be on your knees, thanking Allah for showing you this guy's true colors and removing him from your life. This period of heart break will be over soon and then you will see things from a new perspective and be a wiser person, through this experience. In the meanwhile, pray, pray and pray some more, not to get this guy back in your life, but to ask Allah to always protect you from toxic people and to always bring you towards what is better for you.

  3. A.salam alikum sister i have seen many case like this that and in many cases boy is fooling girl like this .. If he is intrested in u then he never engaged to another girl ... Open your eye this my experience i have seen this type of case .sister try to forget him ... By pray namaz think of death and azab e qabar after death this world is nothing we live here for some year which has no value ...may Allah forgive me for my mistake in the answer ... Allah knows best ...

  4. The first comment was some sage advice. I'm a sister too and I see sisters do this to themselves. It's in our nature for it to be difficult to detach once we're attached it's why we have to guard ourselves so preciously. Allah HAS answered you. he got engaged, sure you love him so much right now but how much does that show he loves you? not a lot. You are a muslim also so he couldn't even stick up to his parents to marry the woman he loves? some love that is. please don't devalue yourself so much. the right man will love to have you and would work hard to get you. Pray to Allah to strengthen you and like the comment said, Istikhara is what's best for us. you may be crying now but how do you know had Allah granted you marriage with him he could have made you miserable, he could have done countless things to make you unhappy you don't know! Allah knows our future and He knows things we don't know because we're only human with limited knowledge. You need to trust Allah more than yourself. I don't know what's good for myself and neither do you, when we pray istikhara that's why we pray it, not to try to bribe Allah in some way (astagfirullah) to give us what we want, sure sometimes Allah does give us what we want but it's when it's GOOD for us. Now grieve, do what you have to but pick yourself up and with time you will see love isn't like the movies. he isn't the only man who will show an interest in you at all, there will be others, but it's up to you to be strong to wait for the good one.

  5. Dear Sister

    As i understood from your post that person did not love you from the start but took you for fun only. There is even a remote possibility that he made a false excuse of his parents not agreeing at all. He made a fool of you. Such persons are not even worth doing istikhara for yet alone for remembrance.

    You need to change yourself. You are basically a romantic nature, who can easily be fooled in future by playboy type persons. Do not get involved with such persons in the future.

  6. Dear sister,
    The boy was just passing his time with you. And he was not serious at all about u. Now he is enjoying his life and left you with nothing.
    These things happens with hundreds of lovers all around the world every single day.
    Sister don't follow him as he is not made for you.
    ALLAH made pair for every soul he created. Maybe he tied himself with whom he was destined.
    Make dua to ALLAH to show you the right path. Maybe there is a better person waiting for you in your life ahead.
    ALLAH designed this world in such a way that no one could fulfill all of his\her desires.
    That's why he created jannat.
    Move on my sister ..... Don't follow ruins of a lost love. You have a long way to go.
    INSHALLAH you will get a much better person you desire. Be on Taqwah.
    Brother Shaan

  7. Salaam Sister,

    Very good advise from other brothers and sisters. May Allah make it easy for you to forget that boy.

    I have doubt regarding a sentence you mentioned in the question. You said you are a Syed Sunni and it was difficult for you to convince your parents to let you marry this guy who I'm guessing is not a Syed.

    What has being a Syed got to do with marriage ? A Sunni Muslim can marry another Sunni Muslim as long as they are both practicing muslim and we can't refuse the marriage on the basis of the person being a Syed or not.

  8. Very good advise from other brothers and sisters.
    dua for love

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