Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Need advice on picking between proposals

English Translation of the Dua for Istikhaarah

Dua for Istikhaarah

Aoa, I have a problem..

I got 2 marriage proposals - one from dad's side and one from mom's, now the problem is I don't know who to choose. My mom and dad give me permission to choose whoever I want to but there is a problem.

Before in past I had a secret relationship with guy from dad's side. We had done bad things but not complete zina and I am thankful of Allah we didn't. Then he moved to middle east and we stopped talking and now he says he still loves me but I don't.

I did istikhara and I got the boy from mom's side and a molvi did it and he got the same results as me. Now I'm very confused because I want to follow istikhara but I don't know what to do. Who should I pick?

miamia


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9 Responses »

  1. how can a molvi do istikhara for you if
    he doesnt know either of those men

    • The people who are tied to the Indian Subcontinent have also tied themselves to the cultures and old religions of the area. In the Hindu religion they consult with a pundit who tells them if a couple are able to marry, when to marry and all this other stuff and then this "pundit-ness" seemed to transfer to the molvis in the area and people actually think that someone else can do Isthikhara and give "results" for this--regardlessof whether they know the couple or not. And I'm not judging because I grew up in such culture and understand why some people, unfortunately, become slaves of these unIslamic practices.

  2. Pick the guy who is strongest in imaan and who has a good character, and of course make sure your attracted to him.

  3. You just answered your own question! You said you dont love the dads side boy, and you got answers from istikhara for the moms side boy...so take the moms side boy. Anyways the dads side boy sounds like creepy guy, and if he initiated the first relationship, how do you know he wouldnt initiate an outside relationship once youre married?

  4. Moms side. Istikharrah is for him it seems pretty clear wa Allah hu 'Alim. Good luck.

  5. Sister,

    For all intents and purposes...let us forget mom and dads sides of the family for a moment. You have two men who would like to make you their wife. As sister Bucks stated, pick the guy who is strongest in imaan and who has a good character, and of course make sure you are attracted to him. Know that no one can perform Istikhara for you. Istikhara can only be performed by you and you alone. I applaud your parents for not pressuring you and giving you space to make your own choice in the matter. God willing you will make the decision that you feel is best for you and your future.

    Salam

  6. Just curious - What do you mean by "results of istikhara"??

  7. OP: Before in past I had a secret relationship with guy from dad's side. We had done bad things but not complete zina and I am thankful of Allah we didn't. Then he moved to middle east and we stopped talking and now he says he still loves me but I don't.

    You did things with guy from your dad's side but you don't love that guy. Do you love the other guy? Among other things you should look for education, jobs, nature of the man you want to marry.

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