Do I need consent to marry based on race?
I'm a Pakistani and the guy I would like to marry is a Jamaican Muslim (convert). He has been a Muslim for over a year now and is on the straight path Mash'Allah.
My mother who has brought me up is having problems because he doesn't have the same culture, there's a language barrier and because he is black.
I don't see it as a problem as long as my children are Muslim. I don't want to live in sin, so I would prefer to be married to this man. Do you need consent from parents even if they are disagreeing for racial reasons?
I really need some advice and need to do the right thing in Islam.
-AK123
7 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
AsSalaamu Alaikum,
Relations between Asian countries (Pakistanis in particular) and some countries, has been something that never happened much in history, due to the unfamiliarity of the two cultures to each other, and this has become like a considered norm.
There are some other countries with different cultures, but yet marriages between them has been practiced many times in history, and successes have been achieved, and therefore two different people from such cultures no longer have difficulties getting used to each other. If this is the case with you, your Parent would be wrong in denying you your right of choice. So you may involve any local Imam.
As to those countries that did not practice marriage between them since history, will now encounter some obstacles and difficulties when trying to do so. Therefore in order to start it now, one must learn much about each other's culture very well, in all aspects of life, and then know if it's the type of culture they can learn to get used to or not.
I personally wouldn't suggest you to leave your family to struggle in a different culture. What if it becomes hard for you to get used to the new culture?
Your parent would be right if they looked at the matter in the cultural perspective and not the racism, as long as they are responsible for making sure that you will be fine in the new culture.
Hope this helps Insha'Allah
I agree with Ishaaa.
Assalaamualaikam
My personal feelings in such matters are that Islam is more important than culture or tradition, and that race and background should not by themselves be barriers to marriage. We live in an increasingly global community, and Alhamdulillah that means that more and more people of all races and backgrounds are able to learn about and accept Islam.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) advised that the only thing that places a person above another is their faith. We also have guidance saying that Islam does not change with culture, which to me underlines the universality of Islam and the need for us all to look beyond race and background to accept and love our brothers and sisters in faith.
Your parents may have concerns other than race, though, which it might be possible to discuss with them to come to a conclusion that you all feel is acceptable. Thinking about your situation, they may be concerned that you have formed an attachment to a man out-with marriage, and that this might mean he is a "bad influence" on you - I'm not saying this is the case, as I do not know the circumstances of you wishing to marry this man, but it may be something that your parents are worried about. If there is a language barrier between you and him, how will you both communicate and build a relationship - or are the two of you taking steps to learn each other's languages? If the language barrier is between him and your family, is he making an effort to learn the language of your family so that he can speak with your relatives - even just a few basic words would go a long way to showing he is in this for the long term?
Why not ask them what it is about this man's culture that concerns them, and then try to explore and work through the issues raised? Your parents may have valid concerns that you consider and agree with, or you may be able to reassure them about their worries. If they remain adamant that their refusal is based on racial prejudice, this is not a valid Islamic reason for refusing an otherwise suitable proposal - in this situation, you could ask a local imam to discuss the matter with your father to see if things can be resolved that way, and ultimately, if you and the imam both feel that this is a suitable proposal that is being refused unjustly, you could discuss with the imam about appointing another wali.
While this is happening, make sure you are both observing Islamic boundaries. If you have overstepped these, you should both take steps to ensure you don't repeat this, and pray to Allah for forgiveness.
InshaAllah, though, things may well be resolved by calm and open discussion between yourself and your parents, and this man and your father. May Allah guide you to what is best for you in this life and the next.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Masha'Allah I can really see guidance in what Sister midnightmoon is saying.
However, I would like to add to my above comment that, there are two dimensions of culture in every country or society:
1-The dimension that contradicts a moral of Islam (This is where choosing Islam is more important)
2-The dimension that does not contradict Islam (This is considered according to the precept of Fiqh which says: "The Custom is a ruling"). Therefore, there could be a custom in a particular country or society which does not contradict Islam, but at the same time is different from what others are accustomed to in their countries or societies (such customs may still be a fact regardless of the Islamic union between you). So it is about discovering what is there and working towards it, just as the way Sister Midnightmoon has mentioned above.
But again it looks like the two of you are not attached to your own customs or both of you are living in the same country (different from your countries). If so, then I don't think the culture thing will be a problem for you at all.
Also, just as your parent's advices and suggestions would be strong in this matter, they however cannot deny you getting married to this Brother (Follow the steps described by Sister Midnightmoon about the local Imam)
May Allah help you!
May Allah help you. Ameen
What i wished to say is already said by Issah.
Think about it with a cool head and decided accordingly.
Its your choice and you will be accountable/responsible for it.
i agree with midnightmoon