Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Need Dua and advice about this proposal!

Woman alone

AsslaamAlaikum community,

I have been dealing with some severe emotional distress for almost a week now.  I finally decided to reach out with my own story rather then trying to cope with reading other peoples similar stories.

Back in August my mom was informed about a potential proposal which my family began looking into (with my agreement).  After the parents had talked and my father talked to the guy my parents asked me if I would be comfortable talking to him which I said yes to. We began talking and things were going well. In the beginning for quite some time we were asking questions to determine whether we will be compatible or not.  Eventually both of us told our parents we are comfortable with this proposal moving forward.  His father called mine and he told him that it's a yes from their side of the family. My father requested some time as he was still in process with his investigation about the family and the guy especially.  His father understood and told my dad he can take as much time as he needs.  We had a couple of hiccups in the process but people my family talked to only had decent things to say about the family. We were doing Istekhara and everyone thought it was normal also because the path to this proposal was continuously leading towards a positive direction.  His family came to visit us and I should also mention that the guy lives in a different country.  When the family was leaving his mom insisted on keeping in touch a few times and also invited us to have dinner with them next time.  It was a mutual understanding that they are going to call to arrange the second meeting. In the mean time him and I also shared feedback on how it went and it was all positive feedback. We talked about the next steps and he said he was going to call his father to find out when they are planning the visit. We had even talked about what would happen after we meet for the second time.  And then there was silence, absolute silence. I hadn't talked to him because he had been really busy with work. But there was no movement from his family either.  So a week later I decided I'll ask him if everything is ok. We were going to talk after his work but by then I got busy with my work so we postponed it till the next day.

That evening my dad asked me if him and I talked after his family's visit and I told him what we said.  Then he told me that a friend of his at work mentioned the same family the same guy and said there's been a proposal in process for his niece and the family had mentioned my aunts name so he wanted to know if he knew the family.  He mentioned that the proposal had begun about 2 weeks ago and this coming weekend they're going to their house to set the date. I was shattered in that moment. My dad told him it's been on going for us since August.

My dad called his father to tell him that if it was a no from them then they should've had the decency to call and say it. His father said they assumed we said no because we were quiet.  Although that's not true his son and I had discussed it all according to what our parents discussed with us. We were on the same page so there was no room to assume that. They just disappeared and said yes elsewhere in a matter of 2 weeks.

yesterday I found out that this past Sunday, they made it official. That broke me again. I know It's over and I also know that had they tried to reconnect with us me or my parents wouldn't have said yes after being deceived and treated the way we were.

Right now, it's difficult for me to let go of the feelings that I had. Like I said, I know we were on the same page therefore there were wedding talks and plans that were being discussed and suddenly they vanished. I've been praying and praying a lot and asking to be healed but it's been tough! It's hard moving on without closure. I just wanted to know why this happened especially the way it happened but he didn't have the decency to reply to that message but instead blocked me.  I know this is a test for me and I have to have patience but every day there's a sulking ache in my heart and it's overwhelming.  From time to time I find myself thinking that was going to be me just 2 weeks ago and suddenly I'm aching.

Brothers and sisters, please if anyone has any duas that I can recite on daily basis I would really appreciate! Any advice that can give me the courage to move forward will be appreciated!

May Allah SWT reward you! Ameen

Enice

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3 Responses »

  1. Dear Enis

    I'm so sorry that you had to suffer the pain through this guy and his family.

    The good news is,You did IsteqaraH & I'm absolutely sure, Allah caused them to turn away from you, due to the result of it.??

    I would suggest you say Alhamdollillah to begin with. Allah answered your isteqaraH.The almighty has better plans for you. It's all quadr what's/who meant for you will be yours. What Allah knows we do not know indeed.

    You guys did everything right except the part when you started talking with him to the extent that you got emotionally involved.that's why you are heart broken.there is a reason why in shariyah we are only meant to talk with the prospective spouse in the presence of a maheram ..don't get me wrong I'm in no way judging you here.-- anyway what's done is done..we live & learn..

    InshAllah the spouse you meant to be with, will surely come along.trust Allah he protected you from that guy and his family.imagin if they deceived you after you got engaged/ NikAh you would have been more involved & more hurt?So think of this instant as a blessing in disguise.

    As for the doaS "Innalillahe Wainnah ILahe RajeooN" recitation will benefit you and give you saber.Please continue with salaH & remembereing Allah and count your blessings.

    May Allah increase our Eeman.

    P.S:Please forgive me if anything I have written upsets you.I just made a sincere effort. I'm no expert.

    Kind regards

  2. salaam sister, i am so sorry that you have to suffer this pain. You had hope that has been shattered, its not going to be easy for you unfortunately, how about Ya hayyu yah qayoomu birahmatika astaghithu aslih li shaani kulluhu wala takilni illah nafsi tarfata aynin, (Oh You Who is Everliving and Sustains and Protects everything, I seek assistance through
    the means of your mercy, correct for me all my affairs and do not entrust me
    to my Nafs (myself) for the moment of a blink of an eye.’). Do dua to Allah, people may not understand, however Allah does, i hope Allah answers your duas and blesses you with a lovely God fearung husband, who is exactly how you want him to be. I hope i havnt said anything wrong, xxx

  3. Dear sister, do not be put down due to this proposal, infact seek help (pray) to allah subhanata'allah, although it is a heart-breaking experience, we know allah does everything for the best, insha'allah may the Almighty give you someone better, i will pray for you surely in my duas.

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