Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He used me and my family cut me off

upset lonely womanI was with this boy for 4 half years I loved him more than anything. I was fooled that he loved me and would marry me. He always promised he'd never leave me and would be my husband so we became intimate.

I knew we was doing wrong we always asked for forgiveness we both did but I believed every word he'd say. Even when he was abusive swearing hurting me I still bowed down said sorry because I had been in a physical relationship. I'd go to his work place to make things better but the last argument we had was very hurtful.

I gave him my phone & I got a contract myself so he doesn't lose out on money. We met few week later where he was giving me money for his phone he sold I said I don't want it because I'll spend the money even though I needed it. I said that because he's just started his new job.

He was complaining about fuel. I thought I'll struggle but I won't stress him out despite knowing I'm expecting I'm 3 weeks here and I'll have to pay for my abortion too.

He said he wouldn't do the same for me in terms of the phone or anything. I was really upset and he was rushing to get to his friends didn't say a word or peep on the way home. That night I argued with him he ignored me all night I rang rang rang texts texted texted so upset I was crying all night he replied he will show me how much of a prick he is.

He left whilst I was expecting. He did not know I tried to tell many occasions but I couldn't. I am not married I hid it from him because I didn't want to get him worked up or stressed out. But two days after knowing about my pregnancy I randomly messaged him saying how we should get married asap and how we should stop doing zina. He was like yes let's get married.

In general we argued argued all the time because he always lied was at clubs he ignored my text calls. Then when I met him we argued & I ate I didn't speak to him because I was really upset. Normally I'd burst but I kept quiet. After he stopped replying to me.

I met him two days later where I tried to explain to him listen to me. I wanted to tell him I'm pregnant. He didn't listen he swore at me for going to his house I went to tell him I'm pregnant and I'm stressed this is why I behaved the way I did. He called the police.

I was heart broken I rang his sister so she could help but she didn't listen to me she said it's good it's over. I still tried I didn't tell her I was pregnant. I spoke to him telling him I'm pregnant. My mother found out I was pregnant - she knew I'm pregnant just by looking at me.

My sister heard pregnancy from my mouth later on when I argued with him to pay for it. But i have denied I am pregnant that we have had no physical contact. but mum knew she rang him he didn't answer. I rang I rang he blocked me off everything. I know black magic has been done but I did wrong too can't blame black magic when iv been sinning for such a long time.

I was so easy to believe he would marry me I thought he would but he didn't. My father took me out of work and hit me for saying I love this man and he doesn't want to talk to me. He's questioning why I can't leave him. I can't tell him? He'd be heartbroken 😭

I had an appointment for a scan at the private hospital. I wore my work uniform pretended going work. They went work they hit me when I got home.

I found out my pregnancy is in my tubes that day it's due to stress and I may have to have my tubes removed. I also will have to stay in hospital up to 3 days because it will be a keyhole surgery but I have to wait for dates but the longer I wait if it ruptures i can lose my life but I'd be happy to die.

I don't know how I'll go get it removed, how I'll be away from home for 3 days and I need to pay for it privately. I have borrowed money of a friend I said I need it for my education.

None of my friends knew I was with someone only my family did but I'm struggling for money as I've left work and studies. I'm not allowed to go because they have taken me out of studies and work. So I can't even pay installments. My contract is coming out money for my studies is still coming out because I extended my course.

I'm really stressed he said he will pay but he hasn't transferred any money. He keeps demanding proof. I sent him my abortion referral pregnancy test but he's saying give me solid proof what more proof can I give? He said I did fraud with him I fooled him and got pregnant. Why would I do it on purpose why would I want to ruin my respect in my families eyes why!

Now I have been in hospital for few days due to my mental state. I've been sedated. I keep having seizures. My family is not around. I have tried killing myself as my family doesn't want to speak to me and my boyfriend has left me after he used me and abused me. I feel I have no right to live, no man will accept me.

He left me when I needed him the most. I was pregnant the reason why I didn't say it because I didn't want to stress him out but it backfired Now I have lost the respect in my family's eyes. My parents don't deserve it. I was in the wrong and he's no longer here he doesn't care. He was the first man I ever spoke to he made me believe he loved me so I fell for it. Now he said I don't care I hope you die. For all I care.

So I don't know what to do. I'm praying I have no sabr what can I do? Please help me, give me some duas so I can get him to see my pain and know he's done wrong to me. And let go of his stubbornness. Just accept me and I will say sorry I will look after his mum I'll do everything, just don't leave me😭😭 or am I better without this man? I don't know. I need help or I fear I'll end up killing myself sooner or later.

- missl

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9 Responses »

  1. I would like to help you with some money inshAllah dont lose hope in Allahs mercy and ask for forgiveness Allah is most forgiving and most merciful

  2. salam sis, turn to Allah immediately and forget this guy! he has proven to you time and again that he does not love you, so please dont destroy your life anymore. start praying your salah regular and start developing a relationship with Allah if you havent started already. may Allah make this test easy for you and find you someone who would love and treat you better.

  3. Dearest sister,

    I have made a dua for you. Please know that Allah knows everything and can help you if you merely ask.

    Hugs,

    Nor

  4. Asalaam OAlaikum sister,

    You're in my prayers, InshAllah Allah will open a path for you that will solve all your problems. I'm very very sorry for what you are going through, and keep in mind that there are people in much more terrible state than you are. So say Alhumdulillah be very grateful count your blessings. What you have done with this man is something you will need to repent for over and over again. And Allah is most merciful. You need to get closer to Allah.

    When you find yourself all alone and with no one around you, turn to Allah because he is always there. He is testing you because of your relationship with this man. Turn to Him and forget this guy! He will not promise you a happy future, only a life full of struggles if he does come back to you. You are worth more than that, keep in mind Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear. You can do it! 🙂 You've been strong so far you can make it through this. When you find your will you will find a way. You just need to pray your salah and ask for dua and work towards it.

    Please remember that you are in my prayers.

    May Allah make this time of hurdles easy for you and grant you sabr and guide you to the path of success ameen.

    Em

  5. Sister I'm sorry for this turbulent time you are going through but you acknowledge you did wrong so I won't need to tell you that.

    I'm not sure what I can say to you to make you feel better other than keep your faith in God (Allah) and do what you feel is right. Forget that disgusting animal of a man who used you out; God will give him his dues don't you worry. He will either be punished in this world of the Hereafter unless Allah forgives him but, according to my knowledge, if one does wrong to someone else then Allah will first want that person to ask for forgiveness from the person they did wrong to.

    He will get his dues from God. You just keep yourself in a safe environment; your health is first priority and remember this: everything is temporary even though it may feel permanent.

    Trust me when I say that the hardest things feel like they are forever but they aren't. This turbulent time will pass but you have to be headstrong!

    Don't let your experience with that man colour your view of all men; there are good men out there who would accept you for who you are.

    I hope you get past this experience and come out the other side stronger.

    Your brother in Islam and humanity: Asim

    • Brother Asim,

      You write:

      "You just keep yourself in a safe environment; your health is first priority and remember this: everything is temporary even though it may feel permanent."

      "Trust me when I say that the hardest things feel like they are forever but they aren't. This turbulent time will pass..."

      These are such comforting words. May Allah bless you abundantly.

      Nor

  6. Salam,

    I think you're withholding the truth too much and it's leading you into situations like these. You didn't tell your boyfriend that you're pregnant and it only came out after the breakup. He's suspicious because he's wondering why you would only mention such a thing after breaking up with him. It seems like you're mentioning it to get back together. The same thing with your father, you withheld information because that would break his heart but again this is something he needed to know.

    When you hide information like this, your reaction to people is not in line with what's happening and inadvertently you push them out of your life. Your boyfriend had no idea you were acting the way you were acting because you were pregnant. So this is the main thing I recommend improving on in your life. If you can let people know what's happening instead of hiding it from them by saying you don't want them to handle it. Stop worrying about details as to what the other person can or cannot handle, tell them what's going on as they are a part of your life. If you can do that, then I don't see why you would not be able to sustain a relationship.

    As for your boyfriend, the reason for your breakup was more the fights and the pregnancy doesn't have much to do with being with you or not. Your parents though, after you explain to them what you did and why, have a good chance of coming back in to your life. So I recommend not killing yourself over this issue. Your relationship ran its course over 4 years it's not worth dying for.

  7. I'm really sorry sister..
    Il make dua for you.
    And you should do the same..

  8. Sister if you are no longer pregnant, you need to leave him. Don't waste anymore tears or years on him. He is nothing but trouble! He is no good to you. He is not a man. He got you pregnant and walked out on you. I don't mean to be mean but have some respect for yourself and your body and never speak to him again. Are you still pregnant? That part I didn't understand. If you still pregnant pray to Allah and put your trust in him. Sit down and talk to your family and ask for their help desperately. Apologise and listen to them. They are angry at the news. Please not kill yourself, do not let this man make you do more sins.

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