Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I can’t stop thinking about him!

free spirit feelings

Salaam-wa Alaykym Brothers and Sisters,

Please, I have no one else to talk to, and I'm on the verge of illness, anxiety and insanity. I would just like to share my story here.

I am a 19 year old girl, who attends university. Hamdilliah I am a practising muslim and I try my best every single day. I never ever tend to hurt anyone. In all honesty, I am a loner, I keep to myself and my intentions are pure, wallhi.

I have a friend (From the opposite gender), we are somehow related and we have always been friends etc. Our grandparents always kind of "joke" about how we should marry one another (as in, his grandfather will joke and tell me about his grandson, and my grandmother would tell him about me). We never really thought about it, at least I never did, until I started going to university, and would see him more every day (Not meeting up, but occasionally run into him).

Where I live, and the cultural and muslim community, many of us women worry about our futures because not very many muslim men are good news here, and I do worry that I will never be married to a man who is good in religion, deen, morals etc. This boy though, he is a great guy, very smart, religious, and I am almost happy (or is the word honored) that he does like me. ( His sister had told me, even though she was not supposed to.) The problem though, is that he isn't done with university, neither am I... but at the same time, I do believe in getting married at a younger age, for many reasons.

I obviously cannot talk to him about this, but I am really driving myself nuts.. Astugfullah, I really cannot stop thinking about him. I am fighting it, and praying, reading quraan, but...humans are humans? I can't stop, and if I ever hear rumors about him, I start to believe them, and it ruins my day, he has this effect on me that is so much.

I need help with a few things here:  How can I stop being so needy? Duaa's for patience? Duaa' for an early marriage? I don't know what to do.  I know this doesn't seem like a major dilemma, but I'd rather not explain the rest. Please help me, you are all my only hope.

I have a lot to say...and talk about.  Is there anyway I could contact a sister through email? Please?

-A Hanna

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13 Responses »

  1. We advise you to fear Allaah, for that will form a barrier between you and immoral actions. We advise you to lower you gaze and avoid looking at anything that Allaah has forbidden. You are only allowed the first glance which happens unintentionally. We advise you not to listen to things that Allaah has forbidden that may provoke desire, and to keep away from bad company and immoral friends who do not want anything for you except Hell in the Hereafter and shame in this world.

    These are some of the things that make a person fall into immoral actions. The more you keep away from them, the more you will keep away from immorality. After that, we advise you to do acts of worship, especially fasting, which is the remedy recommended by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in cases such as yours.

    It was narrated that Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, and whoever cannot, then let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.”

    (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4778; Muslim, 1400)

    We advise you to read Qur’aan and to make a lot of du’aa’, asking Allaah to keep you away from temptations both obvious and hidden. We advise you to find good friends who can guide you to the path of righteousness and help you to adhere to it.

    There are some of the means which, hopefully, will be the means of keeping you away from everything that is not pleasing to your Lord.

    We offer you the following useful advice:

    Ibn Muflih said – quoting from Ibn ‘Aqeel in al-Funoon – You listen to the words “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)” [al-Noor 24:30 – interpretation of the meaning], but you are staring at that which Allaah has forbidden as if you are desperate to acquire it or regretting that you have no way to get it. And you listen to the words, “Some faces that Day shall be Naadirah (shining and radiant)” [al-Qiyaamah 75:22 – interpretation of the meaning] and you think that they were revealed concerning you. And you listen to the words “And some faces that Day will be Baasirah (dark, gloomy, frowning and sad)” [al-Qiyaamah 75:24 – interpretation of the meaning], and you think that they were revealed concerning someone else! How can you be so sure? Where did this wishful thinking come from? This is a kind of deception which stands between you and taqwa. (taken from

    Coming back to your problem, What you have to do is, if this brother is religious and really committed and fears Allah a lot then I don't see a problem marrying him and there is a great problem delaying the marriage. so get married my dear sister and dont let the university be a source to stop you getting married as you can deal with both marriage and university InshaAllah! Seek the help of Allah and put your trust on Allah. Make lots of duas and seek the times when it is accepted, check here

    You have to stop thinking about him, as this is an obligatory upon you sister. Try your best and talk to a pious and good and religious Imam in your local InshaAllah!

  2. Salaams sister

    I agree with the post above, if you both like each other tell your parents about him and then they will do what they need to with the rista the correct way. It is better for you to get married to now than to let university be another excuses to stop you. Believe me sister i wish i had the guts at your age to have got married instead I put my education first now i realized at 30 how hard it is to find a decent man, don't make mistakes that later you may regret like myself. I wish you the best inshallah you will be fine.

  3. I agree with the above comments.

    This does not have to become a problem or a dilemma or a cause for anxiety. If you believe this man is good for marriage, speak to your grandparents about it since they are the one's who triggered this idea in your mind. However, if you have heard some displeasing things about this man's character, don't foolishly brush them under the carpet by allowing your feelings to take over your common sense.

    SisterZ Editor

  4. Dear my sis , plz stop b4 it gets late n its good u thinking to marry do it soon.. Fter committin mistk of satisfyin ourself d pain of repentece its jus nt forgettable, even i hav cm across such prob i wz giving more importanc to mk happy my bf so its jus shaitan which mk us to fall , b4 dng any wrong actions everythg looks perfect but after we pass out such situation , its jus impossibl to bare it our thinkin tks us suicide so plz my swts , cm out frm it b4 its too late.. I please u dear, jus think notthing is stable nor our feelings nor our pain n nor our fantasy......... Take care jazak allhu khair........

  5. The prophet (PBUH) have said "Whoever is capable of getting married should marry and who can't marry should fast, as fasting diminishes the sexual desires".

    In your case you want to marry the one you like and you know that the guy is still a student. If his family is rich and guy can have wife while he is studying, you can approach your parents so they can approach that guy's parents in regards to your marriage.

    Most people believe that a girl shouldn't propose a guy for marriage, however in Islam there is no such rule because Khadija (May Allah be pleased with her) had sent marriage proposal to the prophet (PBUH).

    If the guy is not financially stable, then no point of mentioning about marriage to him now. If he is financially stable then go ahead and talk to your parents. Also before you take a step further, involve Allah in your decision. Do Istikharaa.

    To overpower the satan FAST and supplicate to Allah to make things possible and easy.

    • @pseudonymous I disagree with you about the money issue and again can being with someone these days with financial balance really bring happy marriage this is all Allah’s doing and what’s written for us. I disagree has a lot of women these days are just as equal as men and can provide for themselves. Whether he is stable financially or not still wont change anything except she tells her parents of this man maybe then the family can make the decision along with her wishes. There’s no point her waiting if there is an interest and she can save herself a lot of time and feeling down that way at least it’s open and clear.

  6. AHHH I feel you sister! At least you know that he likes you so the idea of marrying him is possible where as I don't know if the guy likes me and I'm probably wasting time and making sins by thinking about him but I can't help it! I want to delete his number off my phone so I won't have to look at his whatsapp picture all the time but at the same time if he ever messages me one day I don't want to go like "who are you?" you know what I mean lol... Good luck and I hope you two get married inshallah!

  7. I would be really happy to talk to u sis,it would be really great to help a sis like u
    I actually write a long comment and I accidentally click sth and it all gone,it's middle of the night too so I guess I'll just have u my account, In Sha Allah everything will be fine sis..
    I'll be always there for u sis In my insta account
    Samantha Twahayra
    There r 2 account both r mine so u can follow both but one is broken. I'll see u there sis...May Allah bless u and all of us with the happiness of the world(Ameen)

  8. Sometimes sister, I can relate to this post. It does become overwhelming but you need to have patience and fate in Allah swt, because what is meant for you will come to you; 100 %. However, its best to distract yourself by listening to Islamic lectures or reading Quran. It's hard because the heart becomes restless; this shaitaan playing games on your heart and mind because he's found a weakness and he using it against you. Like I said, take a deep breath, smile and think & say; I leave it to the Almighty. It's best to even a simple talk with Allah swt asking if he is meant for me, please make it easy on me to marrying him. If he is not meant for me please remove him quickly without causing pain to me.

    I hope this works
    And take care

  9. Don't feel so bad, we are human. These feelings come up occasionally, but how you conquer them will define you, you're a very strong willed women with lots of passion I'm sure you can pass this obstacle Inshaa'Allah. If you need a sister to talk to and need private advice you can contact me through my email; ********

  10. Im in the same boat. Only I am a little older than you and the situation is more complicated. You can talk to me if you need, but I don’t have answers. Maybe some advice. If i were you, I would be optimistic. Just continue studying and make dua.

  11. I'm 13 but I would love to help you ou
    t in any way I can

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