Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Need help coping with a loss and turning back to Allah swt


I'm now 20 years old and met the love of my life at 16. We went through thick and thin together fighting our families to get married. Although his family or mother actually was more lenient and wanted to do the nikkah finally and he was very happy and excited, I said to him that my parents must be on board too. Although many times I wanted to just go ahead and do it, something just stopped me idk what but something just stopped me.

We were on and off and it was not halal. He had bought me an engagement ring. I loved it and loved him more but then things were rough. He changed from the oath of Allah swt and I got lost too  and we were on and off again.

He passed away with a very close relative of mine in a very bad way in the hands of someone else. May Allah swt grant them both Jennatul Fardowse (Allahuma'Ameen).

At first I was able to cope with the situation. I made plans to start praying again, getting back to Allah swt the same way I was when I meet him many years back .... I made it day by day watched lectures listened to hadiths but now I just keep thinking about him and I've seen him in my dreams. I cry when I'm alone.

I know death is from Allah swt and I accept death as well but I'm just in a very bad place and don't know what to do...!!!! I'm not a hypocrite. I love Allah swt and I know what the right things to do as a Muslimah are. I just need a helping hand and some advice plz and jazackallhu Kayr ...


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10 Responses »

  1. Salam alikoum sis dont give up, and do not despair at the mercy of your lord. This is a test from Allah to uou. I know what its like to loose yhe one you lve, not through death but it just didnt work out. Its stkll kinda unresolved. Ill always love him for the sake of Allah SWT, and moving on is the hardest thing to do. So I make dua alot of dua.

    Im 34 and goin strong. Best advice to yu listdn to surah baqara, pug on the headphons or listen to an Islamic nasheed, also I want you to go to productive InSha Allah itll help you out there sis, salam ill pray foryou.

    • Salam sister,

      " moving on is the hardest thing to do. So I make dua alot of dua" i am in a similar situation. Would you please tell me what dua do you make?

      I will pray for you.

  2. Assalamualaikom sister Munira

    I can feel your pain sister... how short and deceptive is life?? may Allah give you strength and patience..

    Indeed the first step in turning back to Allah is to accept His decree and make istighfar (ask for forgiveness alot) for yourself and those you lost.

    Duaa is the weapon of the believer and Istighfar is an integral part of any good/complete duaa which increases the chances of the duaa being accepted... istighfar counters the effect of sins, and cleans the heart and the soul. It is also the key to riches and happiness in both dunyaa and Akhirat ...and as narrated in the Hadith, the most superior way of asking for forgiveness from Allah is to say the following Duaa :

    " (O Allah! ......
    You are my Lord! None has the right to be worshiped but You.
    You created me and I am Your slave, and I am faithful to my covenant and my promise as much as I can.
    I seek refuge with You from all the evil I have done.
    I acknowledge before You all the blessings You have bestowed upon me,
    and I confess to You all my sins. So I entreat You to forgive my sins,
    for nobody can forgive sins except You.) "

    - In addition to the above dua, here is another one you should always say in difficult situation. It is the Duaa of prophet Yunus When he cried inside the whale, through the depths of darkness (saying):
    "(O Allah!) There is no God but You, Glorified be You! Truly, I have been of the wrongdoers” ...

    - Optional Night prayers.. make it a routine like once a week or so, try to wake up just like 30 minutes before fajr time and pray 2 rakaa, and ask in sujood for forgiveness for yourself and those you have lost and follow that with asking for all that you want. (like purify your heart, ease your pain, guide you to the best of dunyaa and Akhirat, help you to be a better Muslim, grant you and your lost brothers and you family the companionship of the prophet SAW in Jannah.. etc)

    - Remember to Always pray for them whenever you can.
    Yes they have departed , but this is the time they need your prayer and duaa the most.
    They have no way now to increase their good deeds, but you can.
    May Allah reward you for being a good muslim sister for them by remembering them in your prayers and doing charity for them.

    - Life moves on, and you too must move on with your life when you are ready.
    You are still young and one day you will meet a good Muslim brother with whom you can make a good muslim Family. Moving on doesn't mean we forgot our loved ones who passed away. It is just how this temporary life goes.

    God luck inshaaAllah sister

  3. Recite Surah Taha before and after Durud Sharif and then pray for marriage. Bhai Hanfi is a good scholar to assign you Wazifa. Please visit his blog.

  4. Salam the realationships friendship are all haram and so only these problems that humanbeings face are the results of there own actions.Allah has created the humanbeing for a special purpose..We must obey those commandments and teachings that Muhammad brought.The lose of any muslim is important .because in what state did he died.did he /she prayed 5 times a day .This is the worry and concern our prophet had.Aswell as the companions.It is only there sacrafices and hardship that we are muslims today!!My advice to you is get involved with the sisters at the mosque who help the community and help poor. Take Islamic classes and oviously read learn understand master Quran because it is the most important thing missing in peoples lives.In short quran not is only a source of peace n blessings but it elevates its reader to higher positions in both worlds.There are too many virtues of the quran to list so stick to it.Also the shaitan knows your weakness from small.It can never come near when remebering Allah especially reading quran because it burns him!!!When your foundation is not solid in deen oviously you will start to think about everything.So keep busy and prepare for your death because this life is short and it has no value...

    • raul, as a matter of etiquette and respect we refer to the Prophet Muhammad (sws) as the Prophet, the Prophet Muhammad, or Rasulullah (the Messenger of Allah). We do not refer to him by his first name only.

      Wael Editor

  5. I'm sorry. But at the hands of someone else? What the hell????? That sounds wrong. Seems like he was murdered. Damn.

  6. Sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you're able to get through this difficult time.

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