Need Help-Should i Marry him?
Can I trust him when he says he has changed?
There is a boy I met a few months back at work, we both live in UK. We were friends at start and now he wants to marry me. I never saw him in that way but after time I started to like him. He told me that he was bad before and that he used to go clubbing, smoked weed, drinking alcohol and had girlfriends. He said he left all that and is now mature. I'm confused dont know what to do. I don't want to let go of him but at the same time I am confused. How can I believe him as they say "Old Habits die Hard". I even discussed this with him at a point if he really has changed, he was convincing me, but I don't know if I should trust him or not.
Tyra123k
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ASSALAMAKAIKUM
IT IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND THE WHOLE LIFE AND BY CHANCE HE FINDS SOME OLD FRIEND AND AGAIN JOIN BACK FOR A MOMENT WITH BAD COMPANY IN FUTURE RETURNS HOME DRUNK WHAT WILL YOU DO?
THERE ARE MANY CASES OF OLD TIMES SAKE AND THE WIVES HAVE SUFFERED BECAUSE THEY HAVE CHILDREN ND CANT DO ANYTHING JUST BEAR AND SUFFER FINALLY HE WILL SAY YOUR FATHER DIDNT BUY ME AND I AM NOT YR GHULAM[SERVANT]TO LIVE S YOU LIKE I AM THE MAN OF THE HOUSE I WILL DO WHAT EVER I LIKE I CANT LEAVE MY FRIENDS FOR YOUR SAKE.
LIVE IN THE HOUSE AS WIFE DONT CROSS YR LIMITS AND SPOIL MY HEAD AND THEN HE WILL START BEATING AND ABUSING AND WHEN HE NEEDS YOU HE WILL DO SOME TRICK TO CONVINCE YOU AND IN THE MORNING AGAIN BACK TO THE PAVILLION.
IT IS BETTER LOOK FOR A DEENDAR AND RELIGIOUS PERSON WHO DIDNT TASTE THESE BAD COMPANY AND GROUPS JOLLY GOOD HARAM DAYS AND HARAM LINES-BECAUSE THIS IS THE TRUTH "Old Habits die Hard".
REGARDS
do istikhara! you wont go wrong.
maintain Islamic boundaries ! you wont go wrong.
ask him to send proposal to your dad! and let your family investigate! you wont go wrong
if after doing istikhara there are hurdles in your way , take it as a sign from God that its not good for you.
only thing i will say in his support is that if he wanted to mess around a bit more ,he wouldnt have said he had such a life style. he could have easily lied that he is such a clean man and that you are lucky that he has come your way.
having said that .... men who want to fool around will go to any extent.
now that you have feelings for him, maintain strict islamic boundaries as you are now the most vulnerable to fall into sin and be regretful....... you dont want to be fooled..... be sensible.... resist all temptation including frequent casual chats.
Assalaamualaikam
If this man has truly repented for his past sins, and is back to practising Islam, then we should try not to judge him for his past. Allah teaches that He forgives those who sincerely repent, so we as His servants should strive to do the same. The human heart is flawed, though, and does not have an infinite capacity for forgiveness. So, if you feel you cannot leave his past in the past, and that it would be a source of pain and doubt for you, the two of you may not be compatible.
Another issue that is relevant is how these disclosures came about. As non-mahrams, the two of you should not be engaging in private communication or intimate discussions, and the fact that he has told you of his past in such detail makes me concerned in case this boundary has been crossed. If this is the case, then you both need to offer repentance and reestablish Islamic limits in any interactions.
Pray istikhara and trust in Allah's plans.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor