Need help with my attraction to thin women and anime
Assalamu 'alaikum, brothers and sisters in Islam.
I'm a Muslim teenager, 16 years old. My problem may seem awkward to some people, but it's really making my life difficult.
My problem is that I'm very attracted to beautiful women, especially those who are thin. This is why I also like to look at pictures on the internet of women having sex. Actually, I like looking at pictures that are cartoons. I like looking at cartoons and comics related to sex. For example, I once searched for "Sex comics" on Google Images and a lot of pictures of women having sex came up. These types of comical pictures really stimulate my sexual urges, and I just can't help but surrender myself to them.
My sexual urges seem to have a lot of control over me. So, I often tend to masturbate in my bed before sleeping at night. While masturbating, I fantasize about myself having sex with a beautiful, thin woman. It gives me a lot of pleasure. Sometimes, my desires also lead me to watch animated porn videos.
I'm sometimes able to go several days without masturbating. But my urges would once again make me fantasize about a beautiful woman and I just start masturbating. I just can't seem to get my mind off women. Why am I so attracted to beautiful women, especially those who are thin? I don't know. I need help with this. I would appreciate an answer as soon as possible. Thank you.
One more thing before I finish. I'm not married yet. I know that one of the best solutions to masturbation is to get married. I'm not hopeful of my future since my sexual urges have a very good hold over me. When I do decide to get married, should I marry a beautiful woman with whom I can satisfy my desires, or should I marry a pious woman? Please do provide me suggestions.
-SMR20
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SalamAlaykum brother
About the present situation you are in,I think the best thing is to ask your mum to make dua to Allah for you that u need help from Allah. u dont have to tell her the details,just find a way d same way u find a way of making them buy things for u when you want them. And about marriage,if you have a family that would encourage/permitt you to get married early enough then thats good but if u get married to a woman of your desires that day you get cured of these desires which you are not publicly proud of,thats the very day your marriage ends or begins crashing but if u get married to a pious woman then with her dua and support u would get over this In Sha Allah and she would help u in getiing closer to Allah. But before all these,u really need to help urself as much as you can because pious women dont just fall from the skies,its a blessing from Allah to whom He wills,may HE out of HIS Infinite mercy bless us with such women,اللهم آمِيّنْ
May Allah grant you hidaya and make you a blessed child for your parents.اللهم آمِيّنْ
Insha Allah, I pray my advice helps you. I think you should first of all pray to Allah to help you suppress these desires. I would suggest that if you have your own computer, leave it somewhere in the house that's open, where there are also other people present. If you can't do this for some reason, or even if you do, try to find other things to occupy your time. Keep yourself as busy as possible. Sports, the masjid, extracurricular activities, volunteering, taking an Islamic studies class, there are so many options. Keeping yourself occupied can reduce the amount of time you spend doing these kind of things. Most of all, pray to Allah. I forgot which hadith it was exactly, but the Prophet (may peace and blessings be upon him) said that in the middle of the night Allah comes down to the closest heavens and asks His slaves 'Whom among My slaves should I forgive? Whom among My slaves should I grant something to?' I'm not sure of the exact wording, but praying in the middle of the night will help tremendously. I've seen it myself and I'm witness to that. Also, I recommend listening to Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan's lectures (you can find them in Youtube) that talk about these problems. He's a very good speaker because he understands the situations surrounding Muslim youth rather than judging them blindly. Listen to anything that will remind you of Allah, make lots of dhikr and make dua every time. Allah knows the struggles of those who try.
About marriage, as far as I know (I don't have much knowledge, just what I'm sure of), the Prophet (saw) said 'Marry the religious woman and you will be successful'. Having said that, he also said to Jabir bin Abdullah 'Marry the loving and the fertile.' I don't remember the other hadiths about this topic right now, although I wish I did, but the point is, you should make religion the number one priority in seeking a spouse. Howhever, you should also make sure you are satisfied with the looks of the person as well. That's the recommendation of our faith because marriage is a lifelong commitment.
Just remember to pray and make lots of dua, read the Qur'an and try your best. We'll all make dua for you insha allah and one more thing, I strongly advise you to fast.
The Prophet (saw) advised the young men who couldn't get married to fast, because it will make you conscious.
For the rest of the brothers and sisters who are soon to answer this post, if I made any mistake on my post with regards to the deen, please correct me, for I am only human.
May Allah help you be strong, brother.
Ameen.
Salam bro, I want to ask a question regarding this topic. I actually don't have problems with this but i am curious, you see sometimes you have cartoons and animation that don't show porn and dirty stuff but just show some innocent kissing. I am talking about cartoons and animated movies for children. Should a Muslim also lower his gaze for this, cause in the end it's just a painting and not photograph of a real person.
Assalam alaikum Brother,
Noor767 gave good advice--especially about leaving your computer out of your bedroom.
Controlling your thoughts and seeking refuge in Allah is something that you will have to work on to resist watching porn. It is a serious addiction that you may have to get professional help with.
As for marriage, if it is possible to get married in a few years, then do so.
You wrote:
I have some good news for you. Beautiful women that are pious exist!--you are indirectly suggesting that pious women aren't attractive. Yikes. So when it is possible for you, marry someone that is a practicing Muslimah and to whom you feel attraction, inn shaa Allah.
May Allah ease your difficulties, Ameen.
Asalam, I will advice you to do alot of fasting... As this will egage you in the rememberace of Allah... May Allah save us
Assalaamualaikam
In our late teens, it's natural to sometimes have sexual urges, so don't blame yourself for having these - having sexual feelings sometimes is entirely normal and healthy. What is important is: 1) How we control these desires so that they do not become obsessions or unhealthy; and 2) Avoiding expressing these in un-Islamic ways.
When we think about controlling our desires, there are several ways given to us in the Quran and ahadith, such as fasting, ensuring we lower our gaze and avoid private interactions with non-mahram men or women (depending on our own gender), making dua and asking Allah to help us guard our chastity, getting involved in wholesome activities to help keep our bodies and souls healthy, and seeking a spouse through Islamically appropriate channels.
It might help you to think about the following ideas, as some of them might be helpful for you:
- Incorporate fasting into your week - don't starve yourself, but a couple of days fasting per week can inshaAllah help improve your deen and help reduce lustful thoughts. If you have any health issues, it's important to check with your doctor that it's safe for you to fast - for example, some people with diabetes or other chronic health conditions are advised to be very careful about fasting and to have specialist support.
- Ensure you are lowering your gaze. Try to avoid situations in which you may be around temptation; eg. mixed sessions at swimming pools or gyms, mixed parties or discos (which should be avoided anyway, really); even busy parks or shopping centres can have scantily dressed people in them, so if you are going into these places, try to go on less busy days?
- Avoid watching inappropriate TV shows or movies. A lot of the current popular media objectifies men and women - eg. those "reality" TV shows (which aren't realistic in the slightest), a lot of music videos. If you are thinking about watching a TV show or movie, a helpful way to decide about it might be to think "Would I feel awkward watching this with my mum/gran/sister?" - If the answer is yes, it probably isn't appropriate.
- Avoid reading "lads mags" or similar websites. Again, these objectify women as sexual objects, which is contrary to Islamic values.
- Make sure your computer is in a public room in your house. You're far less likely to look at dodgy websites or pictures if your family are in the same room or could walk in at any time.
- Make sure you are praying your daily salat, and ask Allah for help in controlling your sexual urges.
- If you find that you have a lot of spare time in which you're having lustful thoughts and looking at inappropriate pictures, one way of changing this is to simply make sure you don't have that much free time. Look into getting involved in a community project or volunteering, join some after-school societies (halal ones, naturally!), start attending an Islamic studies course (a lot of mosques and community centres have evening or weekend classes), pick up a sport (physical activity is important for improving our physical health, and has positive effects on our self-esteem and mood)... There are lots of options. These will also have the advantage of improving any applications you're thinking of making for further study (university/college, etc) or job applications, as they show you're a well-rounded person who doesn't just sit at home watching pornography.
- Speak to your parents about things. Explain to them that you have been thinking about whether it would be a good idea to look for a spouse in the near future, and discuss the issue with them. You could then start thinking about what you would like in a spouse, and planning when and how to go about looking for someone. 16 is quite young, but it may take a few years to get ready for marriage, so there's no harm in thinking about it and starting to prepare yourself. When you're thinking about this, also think about the skills and qualities you will need to develop in order to be a good Muslim husband, and get to work on developing them.
When we express sexual feelings, it is important that we do so within Islamic limits. While there are several schools of thought on the subject of masturbation, there is a clear stance on pornography - It's a definite no-no. By its very nature, pornography is the objectification of men and women for others' sexual gratification, and involves showing the awrahs of the men and women being filmed. Don't watch it. Animated pornography is still pornography.
When you are married inshaAllah, you can express your sexual feelings within a halal relationship, with a woman you love and respect. Look for a wife who is pious and of good character - you may well find that these qualities mean she is far more beautiful to you than anyone from those videos.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor