Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Needing advice

Hi everyone!.i am writing here to ask for you advice, i am a single mother(a christian) and i have a child with a muslim man, we were in a relationship for 5years and engaged already but he got married with someone else and abandoned me and our child, he demands to still be a father to our child but he had not financially supported our child since he left us, what should be the right thing to do "legally" in islam perspective?.i need your advice for me to do the right thing.

raincander

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5 Responses »

  1. It seems as though your ex is only wanting fatherhood when it suits him and his own needs. As a parent,we should act as a responsible parent and should put the needs of the children first, which in this case he has not. This man has put his own needs before his family.
    My advice is not to allow him to come and go in and out of your child's life. Instead set clear boundaries of what you and your child expect and the duties he must fulfil in order to be apart of your child's life and yours. It seems he is not acting as a responsible adult should nor is he acting as a responsible caring father should. I believe he is not acting as a good role model for your child. I.e. If you have a son is this the way you ultimately want your son to behave if he has a family of his own, and if you have a daughter and you except this behaviour from your ex, is this behaviour ultimately what you want your daughter to exept from her spouse.
    My answer is follow clear Islamic guidelines do not communicate with your ex in a free manner keep it strict and only discuss things and topics that concern your children. Set clear boundaries of what you expect and make sure you tell him that this time there are consequences for his selfish behaviour i.e. Back pay for maintence for your children. Open an account for them and put the back pay in there for your children's future. Do not allow your ex to dip in and out of your lives on his terms and unreasonable wishes. Set times, when it is best for your children to see him and if he fails to adhere to your children's needs then follow through with the consequences you set at the beginning. Setting these boundaries for you and your children will protect you and stop you having any more problems from this man. Your children will witness this and realise they are worth a lot more than just fitting in to suit someone else's desires. They will know that in life boundaries have to be set to protect us and they will see how strong and caring you are as a mother and will ultimately respect you as their parent. You will be setting a very good example and they will look up to you as their primary role model.

    Hope this helps.

  2. Muslim men are allowed to get married with Christian women.
    He is responsible to support your son financially and morally.
    Even, financial support is compulsory for his children after divorce, whether the children stay with their mother or father. They get all property rights/inheritance as well in Islam.
    Contact any Islamic scholar for more details. You and the kid should not suffer alone because of a mutually committed sin.

  3. Go to the courts and get court ordered child support. Your child should have his father in their life, but not when he feels like it. At this point, since the child's father abandoned you and left you without any financial support, he is the last person to demand anything from you. If you are able, I would suggest you get some kind of legal advice regarding this. Each country and state is different. You might want to familiarize yourself with the rulings in the area you live in. If the father seems remorseful for abandoning you, behaving like he has grown up and realizes now he should be more responsible, ask him what he is willing to contribute to the child's maintenance. Don't fall for any ridiculous or nasty responses about you wanting money or worse demanding money from the father in order to see his children. That is also the typical behavior of men who abandon the women and children they are with and then marry someone else.

  4. I have to add that you do not need to meet with an imam or religious scholar. Maybe a lawyer, but not a religious leader. Use your own common sense.

  5. I have to add that you do not need to meet with an imam or religious scholar. Maybe a lawyer, but not a religious leader. Use your own common sense. Since you are not Muslim, and may not be following any particular religious doctrine, discussion about morality and sin does not apply to you. No one should even attempt to shame you or comment on this matter since Islamic law does not apply to you. A Muslim man involved himself in a relationship with you and dumped you and his child that you are caring for and more than likely loving and raising well. May Allah reward you for the good work can concern you have for your child. I sincerely hope you realize that while many Muslim men behave as your child's father has, most Muslim men are struggling, working hard and being proud to be good fathers to their children.

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