My new husband beats me and curses me
Salaam,
I was on here some time ago and asked for some advice. User name was Help. Anyhow, I'm married now because of course I love the guy and I did not want to make zina anymore.
On the day of my nikah He told me he was forced to get married to me and that hurt a lot. I know he didnt mean it. We werent happy, we didnt even sleep together that night. 2 days later we got into a fight, hes always disrespecting me and I use to do so as well but Ive stopped for a while now. I said something I shouldnt have which made him think of my past and put bad thoughts in his head of me and another i guess.
He got up grabbed my face forced it down on the table and wouldnt let me move. he later picked me up and pushed me against the wall here he started to strangle me. I didnt fight him off me, i didnt want to. he released me but continued to call me names lets say every foul thing you can think of saying to a woman he said it, and he believes i deserve it because that was my past.
Later in my state of anger and pain whilst he was speaking i told him i didnt meant it in the the way he took it but he didnt care, he was using foul language... Such as you enjoy the devils **** in you and he says such foul things like your itching down there and need something big. Excuse me for being discriptive I dont even know if im allowed but i need you to know how far the verbal abuse has been abused.
He continued to choke me, and this time I pushed him off me, I think I might have even hit him. I told him I had Allah and if he wanted to kill me than he might as well. Before the marriage he was violent worse than what I describe but I couldnt leave him because I am in love with him and am attached to him. The families thought we were married already, well its complicated.
I dont think he will change, and im not happy. I live in a different country and im tryin to learn the language and i hate it here. Im from the west myself but he makes me hate it and it hasnt even been one week since our nikah. I have been makin istikhara and my inner voice is tellin me to leave but how can i, after all of this..... My mom told me to clean up the mess i made and deal with it. My dad's mad at me and so are my siblings, except one.
I dont want to sleep with him either for his behaviour but i think i get the curse of the angels and i dont want that. i feel helpless. i have no family here i have no friends, i cant talk to anyone from where i lived, im in desperate need of guidance.
I am in hopes he will change and he constantly just tells me im the problem because of my past. Im a good wife but he says im not. i just dont want to enable his behaviour so when im upset i try to keep to myself but i still perform my duties as a wife in the house. Im 28, my self esteem has hit rock bottom, i know im not an ugly girl Allah blesssed me in this department but i am so ungrateful to Him. I feel so ugly, and old.
My husband always throws the past in my face and says he regrets meeting me and he could have married better and he says when hes sad or angry he thinks of his ex....... I feel suffocated and stuck. I cant go back home to my parents, with what face..-- Oh and lets say I want to leave he would not make it easy for me, he would make my life hell or lock me up, hes done it before. I am so stupid. I know...... But how can all of this be love to him, he says when he hits me it hurts him more.
I was never THAT girl. Im not the girl that gets beat down and talked down to, well I wasnt and now, ever since ive been praying i have more patience and Allah loves those who have patience. I am just so confused.
- Help
68 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Wa Alaikum as Salam sister,
You do not need to suffer. He has no right to hit you like that and insult you in that way. My sister, why did you marry him if he was violent even before marriage? This is the result of going beyond the boundaries set by Allah.
You have two options. One: stay with him and keep trying to change him. Suffer at his hand and be oppressed.
Two: Tell your parents that he has been beating you like an animal and doing dhulm. Fear of his locking you up is something that is a hurdle. You should involve your parents at once. Ask them: "Do you want to see your daugher dead? Do you want her to live like a prisoner being tortured?" Let them come and take you. They must know this and realize how dangerous it is.
Read the hadith in the image above. A person who beats his wife like this is not one who is good to his family but an oppressor.
Leave at any cost and let this man stay alone for a while. If he wants you to come back, then let your parents put this condition forward: If you hit her like this anymore, you will need to divorce her.
An alternative is that you approach the local Muslim community and ask for help against this oppressive man. Or even run to the cops if need arises.
May Allah Help you in this. You did make a wrong decision. But instead of regretting that, you need to solve the problem. Here, the first step is moving away from his house at any cost. He should know that past should be ignored if one does tawbah from sins. But you need someone's assistence and can't do it alone. So you should let your parents know and take them in confidence. Don't worry, they love you and will in sha Allah help you. Trust in Allah and Hope from Him that He Is with you.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam brother,
I left him. Its been a week and a half i think now.
I got married to him because I had faith in him and hope that he would change also because of the family.
After that post two days later he beat me again. I left him the next day. I ran away, I am back in Canada now and am staying with a friend. My family has disowned me, I am sticking to my faith and stronger than ever, I have Allah to thank fo rsaving my life so I am wearing a hijab now. I contacted a local mosque which will help me find a place to stay with some sisters InshaAllah.
pray for me brother and thank you for your advice.
Jazak Allāh
Im signed in under a different name now.. The problem is divorce, he wont give it to me and tells me he will change but just 2 days ago he started verbally abusing me again and is accusing me of doing bad things behind his back.
Wa Alaikum as Salam,
It is really sad how parents "disown" their children. Sister, they are very angry because they think you messed it all up. But you know that you have seen enough. Trust in Allah and seek His Forgiveness for your shortcomings. You may have been wrong to some extent because every Human being makes mistakes. Repent to Allah for those.
The decision is yours, but think again and again before concluding and acting upon. Would you want to give him one last chance with a condition that he will not hit you or speak a word about your past? If he agrees and you wish to give him one chance, you may stay, but with precaution. This way, you can even tell your parents that you tried to make things work. If it works, well and good. If it donles't, it is Allah's Decree and you could leave respectfully and seek separation. If he doesn't divorce you, you can ask for khula, which he can not deny. But the correct thing is that you involve an elder from your family to talk to an elder from his family before going for a divorce. If you can make that happen, and each of them discuss and see if there are possibilities for a reconciliation, it will be best. For this, you will need to convince your parents. Pray to Allah that He makes them accept you soon.
Go to your parents and tell them what you have had to face. Cry to them and tell them how difficult it was. Say sorry for your mistakes and tell them that you require THEIR help in this situation. Keep going to them again and again if required. They do have love for you in their heart. I pray that Allah opens your parents' hearts and makes them accept you and support you, which is THE thing you require at this stage.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salaam brother thank you.
I want to go back because he is my husband and i do love him and i feel bad for even leaving him at times but the reality is that he wont change and if he does it wont be with me. I have tried talked to the elders in his family. His grandma once seen me with bruises on my face and lectured him and he didn't change and his uncles had told him not to abuse me over and over again. he would say ok but did not change. this man swore on Allah he would not beat me, and repeated it over and over again. its more than the beating brother, he is disrespectful in every way, he talks to other women. even when his family is blaming me for him being miserable he never defends me, and i stay quiet because i don't want to disrespect anyone but when i ask of him to stick up for me he says "i deserve it" and fights with me. my family doesn't disrespect him. he is so foul, he calls my mother she gives him advice and he pours his heart out to her and she listens and when i left him he called her and tells her that i did this and that with other men... not only is he disrespecting me, but my mother as well..... my dad wont forgive me, my mom has tried to talk to him, he needs more time, my dad and i use to be like best friends i dont blame him for being so mad, he trusted me a lot and i broke his trust. they know what i was going through and they dont care they say that i put myself through this. my mom is supportive as much as she can be and i am grateful for that. there is no way i can go back home. he sent me an email today accusing me of sleeping around with other men, how has he changed, right? he said he has changed but 2 days ago he verbally abused me again. and i have left him 3 times brother and for the same reasons, and he never changed, so this time wont be any different either, at least i dont think so.....
Thank you for your prayers brother
Jazak Allah
Wa Antum fa Jazakumullahu Khair...
Sister; do not worry, in sha Allah your father will understand.
Your husband has no right to accuse you without evidence. Islam has a prescribed punishment for such a crime. If Canada was a Muslim nation, he would have been punished with 80 lashes, as Allah Says:
24:4
وَالَّذِينَ يَرْمُونَ الْمُحْصَنَاتِ ثُمَّ لَمْ يَأْتُوا بِأَرْبَعَةِ شُهَدَاءَ فَاجْلِدُوهُمْ ثَمَانِينَ جَلْدَةً وَلَا تَقْبَلُوا لَهُمْ شَهَادَةً أَبَدًا ۚ وَأُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الْفَاسِقُونَ
And those who accuse chaste women and then do not produce four witnesses - lash them with eighty lashes and do not accept from them testimony ever after. And those are the defiantly disobedient,
He becomes an absolute liar such that his testimony is never accepted thereafter.
Take help from the Muslim community, but keep trying to convince your parents because they are a key to Jannah. Try hard to convince them. If they do not agree, you will have done your part in sha Allah, but do not cease trying.
Allah Said:
17:23
وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.
17:24
وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُلْ رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا
And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small."
17:25
رَبُّكُمْ أَعْلَمُ بِمَا فِي نُفُوسِكُمْ ۚ إِنْ تَكُونُوا صَالِحِينَ فَإِنَّهُ كَانَ لِلْأَوَّابِينَ غَفُورًا
Your Lord is most knowing of what is within yourselves. If you should be righteous [in intention] - then indeed He is ever, to the often returning [to Him], Forgiving.
So trust in Allah and move ahead in His Name. Learn Islam, the correct creed from books like Kitab at Tawhid, Thalaathatal Usool, Qawaaid al Arba'ah, Aqeedah Wasitiyyah, Aqeedah Hamawiyyah, Explanation of Aqeedah Tahawiyyah (by Imam Albani), and so on. All of them are also available in English.
Build your taqwa and things will become easy, in sha Allah.
Obey Allah and His Messenger and listen, and may Allah show His Mercy to you.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamualaikum sister
please take no offence but i really dont think there is any love in this relationship. What i understand by ur post and the reply to this brother's advice is that the 2 of u r obsessed with eachother. Obsession does not mean love. He wont change coz he enjoys his role. If a man can act so violent and his attitude has steadily got more severe, the chances r that one day u could die at his hands or get or become disabled for life and he still wont feel bad for u. '' U deserved it, u made me do it, why do you make me hit u? U r the reason y im like this, u bring the worst out of me.'' r some very common reasons or excuses the abusers tend to use as justification for their acts. Sister u know best if he feels any genuine remorse. Even if he weeps for forgiveness after what he does and then bounces back into the same demonic mode u shouldnt go back to him. This so called husband of urz is indeed a psycho and needs phychiatric help. He has failed to fit in the role of a husband as a protector or a lover. He is not fit for marriage. He cannot reform u even if we were to believe that u r a bad girl.
i wonder if his previous relationship ended because of his abusive behaviour. even if he has a problem with ur past or he thinks that u r an adultress then he should divorce u right away, y is he not divorcing u if he is so mad at u because of ur Conduct (as he says). It is because its a sport for him, beating and humiliating u gives him a lot of orgasmic joy which will instantly end after the divorce. Dont go back. U have made a grave mistake by marrying him in the first place. U havnt been too smart in making that choice for 'love'. No sane woman would throw herself to a mad bull like him unless she was suicidal or equally mad like him. My advice to u is report the abuse. File a formal complain in the police station. Take help of the local community. Im releaved at the fact that u r not with him currently. The community imam and others could talk to ur family on ur behalf as mediators and convince ur parents to accept u again so u start living with them. If he is adamant about giving u divorce, u should know about khula. Ask sone1 to educate u on the process.
if i were u i would rather die at my parents door than get punched and strangl to death by some psycho somewhere.
I think i have adviced u b4 but since we were communicating on sum1 elses post our comments got deleted. I could b wrong but the problem and description of that girl was exactly like urz.
Hope u live long with dignity and peace of mind.
This is late and I hope you are ok . Abusers do not change so easily. You have already given many chances for your husband to change. His abuse is not your fault. Do not go back as you will endanger your life. People would not tell you to accept beatings from a stranger or give that stranger a second chance so why do they tell you to try to reconcile with an abusive husband. Marriage is not everything in Islam and that is why divorce is allowed in situations that our bad and abusive. This woman needs to protect herself and Allah commands us to take care of ourselves as an amana. We our not allowed to let ourselves get abused or oppressed and especially by a husband. He has locked her up. It is unwise to tell her to try to go back as if she went back she may end up dead or never get out.
Sister your safety should be top priority so stay away from this husband and seek Khula if you have not already. I am glad you are safe in Canada. May Allah ease your hardship and rely on Allah. Take care.
oops i said brother under your post applegreen sorry sister. I thought i posted under brother abu abdul bari
Lol. Its ok. It doesnt matter what matters is the fact that u have realised what needs to b done and u r taking necessary steps to keep urself safe. I will pray for u sister. I hope ur parents forgive u and take u back. May u move on in life.
Assalaamualaikam sister,
This man is abusing you, and from what you have described, his behaviour is getting worse. Normally, I encourage people to try to resolve differences within a marriage, but in this situation, I feel your safety must be the primary concern. There is no excuse for domestic violence, and the first step you need to make is to leave him and go to a place of safety.
Involve your family if possible, as their support will be invaluable to you. Regardless of any past disputes or concerns, they are your family and want you to be safe and happy. I'm sure they would be outraged to discover how this man has been abusing you.
There are many excellent resources and organisations that help women in your situation, so try to make contact with one near you.
Throughout it all, remember Allah, pray for strength to follow the straight path, and have faith that you can overcome this trial with Allah's guidance.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Salaam sister, my mother knew how he treated me. she told me to stay in the relationship.
I am not allowed back home but I have left him sister, its been a week and a half now and he is asking me to come back. he says he will not do this again and he feels bad and guilty and the works he wont give me a divorce i love him but i know if i go back to him it will be the same. he emailed me 2 days ago abusing me verbally again accusing me of makin sin here and sleeping around. I am wearing a hijab now because Allah saved my life and i am now trying to be a better muslim it will take some getting use to though. pray for me sister
Jazak Allāh
Salaam sister
I'm sorry but you brung this on yourself. If u had been a girl with honor then he would respect u...
U shouldnt break your marriage over him discipling u... its discipline ..not abuse.
I'm a woman and a strict follower in sharia..no such thing as a husband abuse his wife...only a such thing as a husband discipling his wife..
When we marry our bodies are no longer our own. It is his to do as he sses fit.
Honestly he should marry a second wife who has honor and her virginity intact...he deserves that.
Did your husband get a second wife because he didn't feel you were a good wife? Or not honourable ? Or not a Virgin? I guess from your explanations, you must've done something wrong for your husband to go out and marry a second time, and then stay away from you for months. But I guess that's ok, because he's your husband, even if he was to come back to you and then beat you black and blue because you put a little extra salt in his food, it would be perfectly OK, because he's your husband, your body is his like you said, so when he's frustrated he can just use you as a punching bag and beat you black and blue!
Sister, wake up, your not following shariah at all, your following your own twisted ideas.
Hiyyah: I'm a woman and a strict follower in sharia..no such thing as a husband abuse his wife...only a such thing as a husband discipling his wife.
he was using foul language... Such as you enjoy the devils **** in you and he says such foul things like your itching down there and need something big......He continued to choke me, and this time I pushed him off me, I think I might have even hit him.
So you think her husband was disciplining her when he verbally abused her and tried to choke her.
Hiyyah, your comments are ridiculous, uneducated and not coming from Islam or Shari'ah at all. I can't imagine how you got such a twisted idea of what is appropriate between men and women. Your advice here is unhelpful and dangerous. Consider yourself banned from this website.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
run ,escape, take your pasport and any money, go to embassy of that west country you are from. tell them about abuse they willprotect you and send you back to your country. you dont need to be with your parents if they are not helpful. you are adult , find a refuge place through domestic violence agencies in your country. once youhave a place .... start fresh.
YOU MUST BREAK THIS CYCLE OF VIOLENCE. you dont love him, you are just behaving like a violence victim.
read this to yourself several times.
HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. IF YOU STAY WITH HIM HE WILL TORTURE YOU AND MAY KILL YOU!
have mercy on yourself girl, make a move to move away from this filth youhave trapped yourself in.
I have left him sister. its been a week and a half now.
Jazak Allāh
good welldone.
remember Allah is with you.
the best thing is to involve your parents..... for sometime they might be angry at you.... of all the people at any situation its your parents who knows the best....... involve them, ask their advice, do as they say......that would be the best i guess
salaam friend, no my father is mad at me, and my mother told me to stay and work it out and deal with it. I am no longer allowed at my house, but my mother still talks to me.
Assalamo alaikum...mee too suffered same problem bt i left him coz allah created me not to b tortured & beaten...respect urself...marriage is not everything...only worshipping allah matters to us...inshallah u ll find a true soulmate...cz he is watch on us
Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.
sister my simple question to you is do you still love him and want to be with him ?
May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!
salaam brother,
I left him brother after the post i left he beat me again. I ran away, and i am asking for divorce but he wont give it to me and says he will change but we have been down that road and just 2 days ago he verbally abused me again and told me he was sorry and that he was upset. I love him but I do fear he will one day possibly end up in the hospital or a body bag, so i left. It took me some time to realize that he does not love me and what he is doing is not islamic.
Jazak Allāh
Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.
Wa antum fa jazakumullahu khairan.
Start becoming a practicing Muslim. Make sincere repentance to Allah if you had done anything haraam with him before getting married with him.
may Allah make it easy for you and us.
May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!
Jazak Allah brother
Wa Antum fa Jazakumullahu khairan [ And you too, May Allah reward you with Khayr]
May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!
Leave sister ASAP before you have kids. Nobody can change a man. He is who he is and you can't change that. Leave now while you are young and still have the time to better yourself and your future inshallah. Nobody needs to know about your past because its between you and Allah alone. there's no such thing as forced marriages in Islam or forced anything for that matter. No man has the right to physically abuse a woman. Period. So don't think about staying married to him because he didn't want to marry you nor does he want to be with you. So buy a plane ticket, pack your stuff and leave. These situations only tend to get worse as time goes by.
Repent for your past sins. Make pure tawbah. Supplicate to Allah for a pious muslim husband. Allah always hears the duaa of his slaves and will grant an answer to your duaa inshallah.
Don't fool yourself. Both of y'all made a mistake. Leave while time is on your side.
May Allah ease your situation and give the best in this world and in the hereafter. Remember, life is a test, so prepare yourself for it through salat and duaa. Allah is the All Hearer and He sees all
As Salam alaykoum
salaam sister,
I left him, its been a week and a half now.
Jazak Allāh
salaam
sister can you state which country you are in and if you are a uk citezen or other
I left sister I am a canadian citizen
Sister,
After reading your post, I am really happy to hear that you have left this man. I know that you might love him but the reality is, if he loved you...he wouldn't hurt you the way he does. I really do hope that you don't give in and go back to him. What the two of you have is a toxic relationship and the chances are, you are going to end up dead. Maybe not today or tomorrow but it can and often does happen.
It is a crying shame that your family don't have your back on this. A family should always be there to support their children. it seems that you have some help where you are now and that is a great thing. Your husband may refuse to divorce you however you have rights too. No where in Islam does it say that a woman must endure an abusive husband and on this alone, you do have rights. God willing if you get in touch with the right people in Canada, they can help guide you forward. Canada has a beautiful Muslim community from what I hear. I really do hope you don't let your heart rule your head in this matter and return to him. He is an abusive man and you are way too good for him.
Salam
salaam sister.
Thank you.
You are right it is great here. A friend of mine gave me some good advice and told me to go to a local mosque where they can help me and I am and InshaAllah everything will be fine.
Jazak Allāh
Assalamualaikum sis confused,
Wat a sad story u have sis, now really i believe that not all love story end up with happiness. Ya sometimes we make mistakes in our past but if that man loves u he will never remind u of ur past. If he love u he will accept u for wat u are. Sis i really think he didnt love as u love him and its a good decision to leave him. U just hurt urself being with him, not only physically but emotionally as well. Ur still young u can find better muslim man in future. Let Allahs love and mercy guide u. Be strong its only a test for ur faith. Allah will not give us problem beyond our capacity. Every door has a key likewise every problem have solution. Insha Allah soon ur husband will realize wat he did is wrong. May Allah bless u always with strong eman.
Dear brothers and sisters,
Thank you all for your help and guidance. Jazak Allah
Sister Apple green - Sister you are right, I am that girl. Jazak Allah
Brother Abu Abdul Bari - you have been very helpful to me. Jazak Allah
Sister, You should make note of the books which Brother Abu Abdul Bari asked you to learn from, try to get them and learn from them
Kitab at Tawhid, Thalaathatal Usool, Qawaaid al Arba'ah, Aqeedah Wasitiyyah, Aqeedah Hamawiyyah, Explanation of Aqeedah Tahawiyyah (by Imam Albani),
Here is a very useful link for you inshaAllah.
http://abdurrahman.org/tawheed/index.html
By the way even I have to start reading.
May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!
Take care my dear. Be safe.
Sister, you have a post pending, titled: " Divorce".
I am deleting it because this post has covered those topics also.
There is no point in having a separate page, when the discussion can happen here on this page. May Allah make it easy for you.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam brother,
I had a question...
Since I am not living in the house of my husband and am even in a different country he is telling me i am making sin and i am still his wife and have duties to him. he is getting bad thoughts of me making zina and accuses me of making sin and when i answer him i tell him "Allah knows best" hes constantly belittling me and i dont want to answer to him but sometimes i feel like i have too because we are still married and i do not want the sin and punishment from Allah. I dont know what to do. do i have to answer his questions and tell him what he wants to know? can i just stop talking to him? if i talk to an imaam about khul does the imaam have to speak with him, i fear he will not be honest as he tells me now i am telling people he beat me so they can all feel sorry for me even though i dont have contact with people and am embarrassed to tell people i am divorced and i put up with abuse.
Assalamalaykum,
Its your mistake that your "husband" is accusing you of cheating. The damage has been done.
Secondly, you are not sinning for staying far away from him, you are protecting yourself from an abusing monster. The explanation you gave of how he tortured you are good enough reasons to seek khul'. So go to a sharia council and ask the imam to initiate the proceedings.
Lastly let me ask, did you get married without your father's permission ?
Salaam,
My father and mother both knew i was marrying him and were ok with it. i left my fathers house while he was angry with me calling me all sorts of foul names a father should not be calling a daughter so in a state of being an emotional wreck and correcting what i had done wrong to myself and family i left the house and country to marry him which i thought would be the best thing for me and my family.
my mother and father and brother are mad at me because i didnt follow the traditional and cultural rules. my father was not present at my nikkah as it was done in another country. i , made sins and because i loved him and because of my reputation with my family and community i thought the best thing to do would be to marry him and not prolong it any further because I didnt want to fall into any more sin. i can understand why my father is mad, i have never done anything against him and now this... i call the house to talk to my mother and when he picks up the phone i knows hes mad but i try to talk to him and he hangs up the phone.
jazak Allah
Wa Alaikum as Salam sister,
If yor husband performed his duties, was not oppressive and gave you your right, you had no right to move away. You are not moving away for this, but because you have a danger, fear for life, of oppression.
He has no right to say you are sinning, while he has not sought your forgiveness for accusing you without witness. Your honor is held high in Islam, unless you yourself give it away. This is why the punishment of 80 lashes for accusing without witness. This is not all, but many others. If you have made some mistakes. Seek Allah's Forgiveness for them and say sorry to him.
If you have no hope that he will be fine, you can actually seek divorce. If he does not divorce you, you can force him to do so by seeking Khula.
Do Istikhaarah before you decide. In sha Allah, your Lord will help you.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Jazak Allah Brother
That's fine brother.
Thanks
Islam forbids a woman to get married without a wali (guardian), and it regards a marriage contract done without a wali as invalid.
the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.”
Narrated by Ahmad (24417), Abu Dawood (2083) and al-Tirmidhi (1102).
______________________________________________
You need to speak to a knowledgeable scholar whether your marriage is valid or not.
maybe Abu Abdul Bari can give you some scholars number.
Do you know to speak arabic/urdu ?
__________________
May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!
Salaam brother,
It would make me sad as i commited sin with this man if i wasnt married to him but it would give me some relief. I feel so bad for making such big sins.
I can understand urdu brother.
My wali was his good friend who i met months back and his brother. His brother is my moms half brothers grandson, is that valid?
Jazak Allah
Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.
I do not think I can answer whether your marriage is valid or not.
I do not want to say something wrong.
It would be inshaAllah best that you ask a knowledgeable scholar about this.
may Allah make it easy for you my sister.
Maybe brother brother Abu Abdul Bari can forward you the phone numbers of scholars as I feel he has contact numbers of many scholars who know urdu. alhamdulillah
you should ask them.
__________________
May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!
I don't think it's valid as far I know your wali has to be your father....
Wa Alaikum as Salam,
If this man acted as your Wali by your father's approval, he would be his representative and the Nikah valid (as far as I am aware, and Allah Knows Best), but if your father did not approve, then your other Mahram should be the Wali.
Even if they deny, the Imam or a righteous person can be the Wali, but when the father denies for an invalid reason. I can not say your Nikah was not valid, so it is better to seek advise from a scholar of Islam.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I got the phone number. thank you for your help brother.
Jazak Allah
May Allah bless all of us
Just take everybody advice please Do No Go Back To Him, I'm sorry If I might sound harsh but from reading all your post is like you want to go back to this man because your asking the same questions over and over again. You have to try to work things out with your family and do not go back to this evil men he will not change once a beater always a beater.
Salaam sister,
I do love him but I know I cant go back, he wont change not with me anyway there has been too much damage done. He accepted Khul last night
Brother Abudullah/Abdul this is valid right?
I know he cant divorce me in an emotional state last night he was swearing at me but after he said he accpeted my Khul I said "thank you for accepting my khul" I hope this is it because i no longer wanna keep in contact with him.
I'm sorry to ask the same questions over again, i just cant find what im looking for on the net so I ask you guys for help.
Jazak Allah
Sister, it is best to seek a fatwa from a scholar. Google can't answer all your questions, especially the specific ones. And in most cases, professor Google confuses people when they search information on sensitive issues in Islam.
From what I personally understand, if your Nikah was valid, your khula is also valid. You will have to return the money he gave you as Mahr and observe the iddah, which is one menstrual cycle.
Instead of taking my words, it will be better if you contact a Shaykh. I have sent you the numbers. Seek their advise, explain to them who your Wali was in Nikah, and how you got married, and why you asked for Khula.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Oh I returned everything he gave me before i left so i dont have this problem.
Thank you so much brother.
May Allah bless us all and guide us
JAZAK ALLAH
Let us know what the scholar told you.
__________________
May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!
Sister u keep saying u love him . I want to tell you something you dont love him i was in the same position if not worse for 4 years and kept taking him back although for 4 years at least once a week i would get a beating or phycological torture for anything little like not making enough rice for him (4 cups for him was not enough) even in the beginning of my marriage to him he would not sleep with me or come near me and he would hate to see me eat and tell me i cannot eat bec i will get fat . After 2 years of marriage i fell pregnant and he became angry when i announced it to him and he slept without speaking to me .
I never saw such foul behaviour from anyone in my life he curses me and my children and mother he curses muslims and then acts friendly to their face . These types of people are awaiting Allaahs wrath and what you are thinking is your in love because he has lowered u to such a level u are unable to see clearly . This is all having major effects on your mentality you cannot love a person like this , u can feel pity and its because u have a good heart that u feel sorry for them when they beg and cry for u to take them back . No do not go back please . Cry to allaah to make ur parents see clearly and forgive u . You have done nothing wrong dont let shaytaan make u think u have so that he can destroy u
Salaam sister. It breaks my heart when i read your blog. I was once like you and i cried a bunch of time for not letting myself to fight for my right. i kept it all by my self without telling anyone because im scared that one day my son will suffer because i divorced his father. im so frightened in a way that he is lowering my gaze and regret me. All the very bad words in the whole world is his words to me. Ure not alone Allah is with you.
Please leave him. I was in an abusive relationship & was married 10 yrs ago and all that stil haunts me at times.
No one deserves this, and should have to be abused. Men are not superior of women. You have ppl that care abt u and love u. Plz tc of urself for ur sake, for ur happiness u deserve sumone much better to take care of u and respect u not be abusive.
I will make dua for u dear sister and I hope Allah brings u ease and takes u outta this distress soon AMEEN
You know don't worry,ur not the only one,I am also married to someone,what should I write,it's been almost 6 yrs of marriage,blessed with two kids,and husband had some psychological childhood inferiority complexes,plus he had seen mayb poverty long time ago,I don't wana go in dat detail bt wt I have analysed he has psychological abnormal behavior of beating me or kid during study or mostly accusing me my family members or even his own parents ,never mind ,bt if five days in a week go good two days remaining he will make hell by arguing abusing n I feel v disrespectful to write my disrespect here coz I m also. A v qualified woman n Alhumdullila i m v much attached to Allah too ,I don't knw y life had to show things like dAt, I will give u advice if u ve no kids. Jst married n he is insane get over it,coz othr ws u will never or u will b guilty, last but not least thn live like a slave have patience n remember Allah is watching ,n in short remember me too in dua
Umatil, what does this mean: "I will give u advice if u ve no kids. Jst married n he is insane get over it"?
Are you saying she should tolerate the abuse? No one should live under conditions of oppression and abuse. The same is true for you. If you don't care about your own well being that's one thing, but if your husband beats your child and you allow it, then you are failing your child. You are failing your job a mother. You should divorce that man and get out of that household. Protect your child as a mother should.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
No I m not saying dis,just sayin if u ve no kids,it's good
Get over him
Means
Leave the damn pschyo guy
Wt else
And
Other thing is dat
All women out thr if married with control freak guys
Remember
It's always better to understand the next person
If can't
It's better to always keep a distance
And let pace of environment b in ur hands
Coz these men types r really really short tempered
So u keep n don't let that freak get agitated
I know you guys have religious rules but look if a man really loves you he would never do anything to hurt you, even if you got into a million fights. If he loved you he would never lay his hands on you. That's not a man that's a coward! You need to move on you are better than that!
Ya Allah sister. My husband doesnt do that to me but he also verbally abuses me. Ya Allah I wish we can find the strength to move on. I was a divorcee when I met my second husband. But my second husband abuses me so much (he is also a divorcee). My ex husband and I are still friends and I respect our distance and our divorce and we are okay with it but my husband hates my children so much because of my ex husband. Ya Allah. I wish Allah can find a way for me. I thought he loved me but now he only hates me. Everything I do is wrong for him. He only wants me to kill myself. Ya Allah what have I done that He punishes me this way? I was a good wife to my ex husband and I try my best with my second one and still. If i was so evil as an ex wife then why does my ex husband even come to take care of the children before my wedding? My ex husband has long had a girlfriend and I just wish the best for them. O sister I pray you can stand up and go home even if you are divorced. Please pray I can move on with the shame of being divorced again
My situation is very very similar. I am in a foreign country, I don't even know the local language here and I have been miserable in my marriage since I moved here for the same reasons. Have nowhere to go n do not know anyone plus the language barrier makes things even harder. I don't know what to do. It hurts a lot
May Allah be with u . I am in same situation as u, but I got enough and I am strong enough to leave. But than I always go back because I miss him. Inshallah this time was the last time I see his face.
What u are from Canada as well ??? Me too ! But my husband somewhere in GCC
My head is hurting due to the punches. I am crying in my sleep for someone who will do the same thing over again. I have forgave him numerous times but the situation would never change. I am weeping away, whilst my husband has no remorse or guilt. I just want to escape but do not have the courage to turn to my family as they were not happy with my choice from start.. Whilst I was pregnant he layed his hands on me and before that. Whilst he holds our child, he hits me.
Sometimes I question in my head, In Islam it mentions men have rights over women. Fair enough with that point but do men have rights to hurt their wives? Does Islam teach that! One day I hope Allah answers my prayer. I hope Allah takes me away one day and I will be more at peace than staying in dunya suffering. InshaaAllah one day, I pray that Allah resolves my inner self esteem, you know I am so hurt inside and whilst I am typing, my tears is running down like a tap.
Who ever is reading this please make dua for me.
Men do NOT have the right to hurt their wives and Islam does not teach that. You should divorce him. Why wish for death when you can simply divorce him and be done with it? Take your child and go. No one should live with such abuse and suffering.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I’m n the same situation, but I have a kid and I’m forced to say jz for my daughter... I cannot Barr his jottings, it’s really painful...
I want to stay away from him but I’m n Saudi and cannot live independent... I want to live this country and settle elsewhere... but I’m worried how I’ll make a living ??? Can s one guide me