Islamic marriage advice and family advice

New marriage – do I still need a divorce?

I am 21 and almost three years ago my parents got my nikkah done with a family friend. I never said “yes” when I was asked if I wanted to marry him but always gave the answer “I don’t know” or stayed quiet. During the nikkah I had two male witnesses, my dad and my brother, but my brother didn't want the nikkah to go ahead. I had to stay with my new “husband” for 5 days after the nikkah during that time he forcefully had intercourse. The marriage didn’t work out and I’ve had friends tell me that the nikkah isn’t valid because I never gave a definite answer and because I only had one consenting wali.

For the past two years I’ve been trying to get that family to give me a divorce so I can carry on with my life, especially since I met a guy and we both want to get married but we’re waiting for me to get a divorce. That guy’s family still isn’t giving me a divorce, and I don’t know whether there is something I can do rather than leave it all up to him and his family because the whole situation has made me severely depressed over the past couple of years.

Because my friends think I’m not properly married, they don’t think I should wait for a divorce because there is no need for one and I should only have to wait three months because my “husband” forcefully slept with me.

I try to do as much dua as I can to get this situation sorted out so I can try and get married to the guy I met but I want to finalise the divorce myself as quick as possible.

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9 Responses »

  1. What country do you reside in? There are Muslim Councils in many western countries that can assist you in obtaining Khula (annulment). - Islamic Council of Europe is one I can think of

  2. Salaam. I have listed answers below;
    Nikkah- in regards to your Nikkah, if you consented and signed the papers at the time of your nikkah then yes it is valid. All you have to say is ‘I do/ Khobul’. Your friends are not the best persons to advise you or judge whether your nikkah is valid. Get expert advice. Contact your local mosque or Islamic court of the country you reside.

    Divorce- You haven’t mentioned why you want to get a divorce? Does your husband treat you well? Is his character good? I understand you have met someone else whom you wish to marry, however don’t you think this is classed as cheating as you are still married? Why are you conversing with another man whilst married? The shaitan will work hard to break marriages. You do need to wait for a divorce, if you husband will not grant you a divorce then you can apply for khula, which is when a woman initiated the divorce. Speak to your local mosque or council about this.

    Be careful in what action you take and ensure it is the correct one for you. I guess if you are truly unhappy then get out before you have a child. However speak to your family and his, try and arrange a meeting to discuss this and a way forward.

    All the best


    • Rightly said

    • Lollipop,

      It seems like she just had a nikkah done and then the guy had his way with her in the five days she stayed with him. Their whole marriage consists of 5 days together where the guy forced himself on her and 3 years of her saying she'd like them to submit a divorce. I don't consider her cheating on this guy that refuses to finish up the divorce. This sounds like a horrible family.

  3. Salam,

    So you're not together for the last two years and you've asked for divorce? In terms of Islam if you've been asking for a divorce and it's been two years you two are divorced. He can't just hang on to you for no reason. In terms of legal rules in the country, you too could initiate a divorce so that the state recognizes that you're not married. This is assuming that the state recognizes that you were married in the first place. If there was nothing done to show you were married by the state then all that's left is the Islam side. If you've already asked for divorce two years ago, I don't know what else you'd have to do now.

    • Hi. Where in Islam does it say if you are separated and been asking for divorce for a long time this then means the couple are divorced? The divorce is in the hands of the husband and he must divorce her or she can apply for khula.

      • Salam Lollipop,

        As far as I know, a Khula translates to "divorce" as well. Divorce in English doesn't make a distinction as to who gets the dowry. If the man gives a "Talaq", which is also a divorce, the girl gets the "Mehr", or dowry. If the girl does a "Khula", which is also a divorce, she is letting go of the dowry or whatever she needs to be free. So this woman has asked for a divorce in that she no longer wants to be married to this man. There is no way her husband can hold on to her by asking her to fill out a form or something else. All he can do is ask for what he spent on her. As far as I know, if she's asked for divorce she would be considered divorced after the set waiting period.

        As for the point about applying for a Khula, there are no forms or applications to fill out with Allah. It is in the Quran that transactions should accompany witnesses and documentation but she wouldn't have to file an application by going to the same country. That process is for notifying a state authority that a divorce has occurred. In terms of Islam she would still be divorced. Does this answer you question? Salam.

  4. @M
    it is so arrogant of you to think you know more than scholars you are giving such bad unislamic advice do you have no fear of Allah

    you keep saying as far as I know, but this isnlt about YOU its about what is islamically right

    you and the evil friends are leading her on the path to zina and worse

    please become a scholar before giving fatwas

    the scholars like Imam Ahmad would say I dont know if they werent sure of the answer, yet we have people with no islamic education or training making up answers based on their whims, the true scholars are so afraid of giving bad advice as it is a huge responsibility, they didnt make up answers without being sure

    the girl clearly knows little to nothing about islam and should see a scholar for guidance

    to OP

    why didnt you just say no, saying I'm not sure or not saying anything could be considered consent, you were not forced as you never even said or indicated no

    everyone only has one wali, it is usually the father but if there is no father or he is unfit (as judged by an islamic court or scholar) then the right passes to other relatives, there is an order of who it passes to, the brother is not next in line, if there are no fit relatives then the matter goes to the islamic leader, usually the imam in non muslim countries,

    you cant complain about having only one wali

    your relationship is sinful whether or not you are having physical contact,
    it is not allowed for a man to propose to an engaged woman let alone a married one
    and no decent man would do this, is says alot about his character and not in a good way

    first, stop your haram relationship, break off contact, no blessing is in this haram
    then you need to see an islamic scholar or at least talk to an imam to sort out your marriage situation
    then after you both repent and both pray istikhara if it is positive the new guy can propose is an islamic way

    anyone who truly cares for your welfare will refer you and help you find a scholar or imam for guidance rather than making up things when they are ignorant , you also have a responsibility to seek advice from knowledgeable people rather than random strangers or people that lack knowledge, this is not a scholarly site you wont get scholarly answers here

  5. Salam P,

    If I was arrogant I wouldn't use words like "As far as I know". I would claim to know everything with certainty regardless of whether it was wrong or not. I also don't give fatwas, I point out what the Quran says and give references. In this case I was asking if I answered the question thinking maybe Lollipop knows the Quran already so I don't need to provide references unless asked. Lastly, I don't have evil friends and I don't think my friends are on here offering advice. I'm telling you all this because you're assuming evil where there is no evil, and I hope that in hearing this you will be encouraged not to assume people are evil without basis.

    If you need references from the Quran I can give them to you:
    Divorce is twice. Then, either keep [her] in an acceptable manner or release [her] with good treatment. And it is not lawful for you to take anything of what you have given them unless both fear that they will not be able to keep [within] the limits of Allah . But if you fear that they will not keep [within] the limits of Allah , then there is no blame upon either of them concerning that by which she ransoms herself. These are the limits of Allah , so do not transgress them. And whoever transgresses the limits of Allah - it is those who are the wrongdoers.

    If you feel that the answer is not given by a scholar and you want to correct that you can find an answer through Islamqa. Here's a similar case to hers:

    "The Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas was asked: A woman dislikes her husband, although she does not find any fault in his character or religious commitment. She gave him everything that she had taken from him as the mahr. Should this husband be forced to divorce his wife if he is keeping her even though she dislikes him so much?

    They replied: If the wife dislikes her husband and fears that she may not be able to adhere to the limits set by Allaah, in that case khula’ is prescribed, whereby she should return to him the dowry that he gave her, then he should separate from her, because of the hadeeth about the wife of Thaabit ibn Qays. … If there is a dispute between them, the matter should be referred to the shar’i judge to separate them. End quote. "


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