Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Newly married and facing problems

depressed man at waterside

am facing a problem in my life that I never imagined I will face it.

By the grace of Allah, I got married on May 7, 2015. The girl I married was my own choice. I had wanted to marry this girl for three years. To be honest, I was infatuated with her. The proposal from her side had come formally. Before marriage, we never talked and we even didn’t see each other. However, there was exchange of photos and I was satisfied with what I was getting into.

The marriage happened. I spent a lot of money on this marriage. We gave the girl and her family a lot of jewelry and other gifts. I spent a lot of money to furnish my new house. Also I bought a new SUV. It was a big wedding involving a lot of financial and emotional investment.

The trouble began after the marriage. After the marriage when I first saw the girl, I did not feel much physical attraction for her. Because of not feeling that physical attraction, it has been almost three weeks and yet we have not consummated the marriage. I am not in a hurry to consummate our marriage and my wife is not in hurry either, but due to this physical attraction issue, I am not having erection. In the beginning few days, I would have semi hard erection, and that was not enough for penetration. Penetration failed. And now a days, I am not having erection at all.

• My wife in general mashaAllah is beautiful. She is mashaAllah very fair skinned. I felt attraction for her when I saw her in picture and when I say her in abaya. However, the reason why I feel no attraction for her is because she is flat chested. In this day and age, hardly any young man can stay away from pornography, and I could not save me from this evil either, but I can assuredly say that I do not have this problem of pornography in life anymore and I have no desire left for this filth. From a young age, when I was 17 or 18 years of age and when I was not exposed to pornography, I was naturally attracted to large breasted women. No matter how beautiful a woman is, if her bosom is lacking, I never felt any attraction to her. I am sorry for putting it so crudely but this how I am hardwired I guess. That is why when I saw my wife after marriage, I instantly lost all my attraction for her. Of course as a Muslim we cannot know these things before marriage, and my wife most of the time wear padded up bras.

• Whenever I would think of marriage when I was single, I would imagine a life full of deep sense of overwhelming love for my wife. I would imagine a life where I would feel butterflies for her in my stomach. At the moment, my wife and I go along very well. We talk. We go for shopping. We visit and see our relatives. InshaAllah soon we will be going for umrah. However, although I love her, I am not having that deep feeling of love her due to this attraction issue. I do not lust her. I more feel like I am a friend of her and not a husband of her. This is causing me a lot of mental distress. I feel like I am faking everything, although I hate to fake and pretend. I do not know if my wife has understood it already, but I feel that she loves me sincerely. But my wife also feels self-conscious about her breasts and already said to me that her breasts are small. I reassured her that it was OK and something out of her control.

• Due to this attraction issue, I am going through a mental anguish that only Allah can understand. I feel traumatized because of my own shallowness. I feel traumatized because Allah blessed me with a fair, beautiful, religious muslimah as my wife and I am not able to overlook a simple thing and love her from the core of my heart. I feel traumatized that I am faking my love for her. I feel traumatized that I am feeling indifferent towards my marriage. This mental trauma is severely affecting me. I get stressed out severely and reach home from my work very exhausted. Sometimes I feel nauseated and feel that I will have nervous breakdown.

• My own imaan has received a big blow. I was a person who would happily pray five daily prayers, the Sunnah prayers, read Quran and do other activities. Now I have lost interest in worship and in life in general. Everything feels like a burden. I have not been regular with Quran recitation or my Sunnah prayers or my adhkars after marriage anymore. My disappointment gives the vibe that I deserved woman of certain features from Allah, whereas the reality is, no one deserves anything from Allah, and certainly I deserve nothing with all my sins in my book.

I know I have two options in front of me: (1) work on this marriage: I am trying to do so but so far, I failed to do it sincerely. I kiss her, try to be intimate with her, but I still get turned off by her and I have no erection or lust for her. Also before marriage, I was strict in lowering my gaze and my then imminent marriage would give me more inspiration to lower my gaze. But after marriage, I am ashamed to say this and I am struggling to lower my gaze, but I am trying my best. (2) Divorce her: this is not an option for me. Even if I do divorce her (and this will not happen), I will give her a very handsome paycheck (this is not her mahr) for the damage I have done on her life before releasing her. But divorce will not happen because this will break her, her father, and my mother. Her father is a cancer patient and she is his only daughter. My mother can never imagine divorce and divorce will make her a mental patient. And above all, divorce will make me suffer a major depression because I will never be able to forgive my own shallowness, my own failure to love a muslimah, and my own destroying of someone’s life. May Allah forbid, even if divorce happens, I think I will remain single for the rest of my life and probably dedicate my life for worshipping of Allah. I am just too tired of life and I think I have lost it.
I know that pregnancy changes women, but I am afraid about what if my wife does not change and there comes a child in the picture when the love between us is not strong. And also I do not know if I should share my thoughts with my wife because I am just too scared to break her.
I know I have written about a problem that has no solution. Thanks for reading though. And may Allah reward the site owner, for at least I have been able to write about a problem that has constricted my chest like never before.

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51 Responses »

  1. I think what might help is if you re-think what marriage is all about. You seem to have built up some pre-conceived notions about what your wife and marital life would be like, and now that your fantasies have not materialized you are very upset.

    Marriage is not about SUVs, big-chested wives, and butterflies in your stomach. That is the stuff of bollywoood, lollywood and Hollywood.

    Once you re-orient yourself towards what a true marriage should be, you might find yourself attracted to your wife. She is not going to become curvey and full-figured miraculously so you might as well learn to get over that. You may also want to ask yourself, if she was dark-skinned but big-chested, would you have been attracted to her? You seem to place a lot of emphasis on physical appearance. She is beautiful -- why is that not good enough for you? These are all questions you should ask yourself.

    Marriage requires maturity. You need to have a mental shift. Once you do so, you may feel less "traumatized".

  2. Sorry P/Star for the racist oriented well said

    To my brother...
    Just thank ALLAH for He has planned to you. Do not look on such small things like breasts in your marriage.Marriage is more than what you are thinking.
    I would advice you to sit down and critically think on your wife in the positive sides/behaviors and NOT ON HIS NATURAL figure.

  3. Now this is reality folks, why didn't you realise this before you were got married you fool. Didn't you tie you're camel first?!? It's simple you need physical attraction first or it's over mate!!! No book no prayers can help you now. You're only solution is breast enlargement are you and you're wife willing to go for that? How are you going to convince her you can't lie hide behind a bush or you're prayers this is reality mate. Before you jumped into bed you should have met her a few times and seen her before you were a little goody two shoes, Now you want two Subwoofers!!! This is our Ummah?!?

  4. Brother,

    I am saddened to hear that you have very recently married and you are beginning your married life with such conflicted feelings of sadness and disappointment. If you think that your wife does not have a larger chest does not bother her, it does or...maybe it doesn't. Your wife has waited three weeks for you to consummate your marriage. She was probably very excited as she too has waited a long time for you and is now wondering, "what is wrong with me"..."why does he not want me?" Remember she too has wants and needs of her own.

    Can you for one moment think about what is going on in her head? How conflicted she is? Take your wife out to dinner and get to know her. You may find, boobies or no have an amazing woman in your home. A woman who in time will bear your children God willing, and someone to share your life with. How wonderful is that?

    On the other hand, if you know in your heart that you simply cannot get over the size of your wives breasts and will not live a happy of satisfied life with her, you are better off not consummating your marriage and letting her go. I know this goes against everything we are taught as Muslims however, it isn't fair to her either if you find that you cannot truly love her or be with her in a physical sense despite something she has absolutely no control over.

    For the son married a woman whom he thought was the most beautiful woman to walk this earth. Long story short, she was beautiful however the buck stops there. I'll hold my tongue on that topic however know brother, beauty is only skin deep...remember that. Beauty does not make a marriage and neither will a perfect sized rack.

    I will be praying for you and your beautiful bride. Have you ever heard the saying, "If life gives you lemons, you make lemonade?" It's an old saying but so, so true. I will keep you and your beautiful bride in my prayers...may you find the happiness and lust in your marriage that you always dreamed it to be.


  5. Salam,

    I got married recently just like you, and i was having similar problem but i didn't have problem getting erection. I think it may take some time, because we are used to watching porn and getting erection through that.

  6. Salaam brother,
    I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I can't place myself in your shoes, and I won't criticise you for how you feel because I guess we all have different needs and desires.

    The only thing I would suggest is that no one is perfect. Everyone has a flaw or a weakness that can be off putting. There may be something about you that she doesn't like but it probably doesn't change the way she feels about you. Usually you learn to look past that flaw and focus on the persons good qualities. Who knows you could've ended up with a very attractive woman with an amazing body and breasts how you had imagined them to be, but she could've been arrogant, disloyal, with an ugly personality. So be grateful that alhamdulillah you seem to have a beautiful wife, with an amazing personality.

    It's difficult for me to advise about a practical solution, but if you want things to improve you need to change your thought process about your wife's breasts. Maybe try going alone to a psychosexual counseller and see if they can help you overcome this. But also pray, and ask Allah swt to help you and to protect you from the devil.

    However, if you don't feel you can love her or feel any attraction to her please don't consummate the marriage. It's quite selfish of you to keep her married because letting her go will depress you or your mum, what about her feelings. Just like you have expectations that haven't been met, don't you think she does too? You haven't consummated the marriage in weeks, I can't imagine what must be going through her mind, I don't think it's common to wait that long as newly weds!!

    Either way don't just think about how difficult this is for you, put yourself in her shoes too, intimacy is a big part of marriage and right now she's probably feeling quite rejected and confused.

    • I just wanted to clarify something from your comment so that this OP is not confused. Yes like you said, everyone has flaws or weaknesses that are off-putting, and no one is perfect. HOWEVER, the size of a woman's chest is not a flaw or a weakness. It is just who she is and how Allah SWT made her. People come in all different shapes, sizes, and colours.

      • Thanks for that clarification, yes it came out wrong - I think what I meant to say is that a person will never find everything their looking for in one person.

  7. Please brother just kick out your divorce thought out of your mind, I only suggested for divorce when your spouse don't loves you or don't takes care of you, if your wife loves you than you have the most expensive thing in the world, what you need more than that? And I also thinks you love your wife too, so what's the issue? Please don't cheat with your wife.

  8. Brother ,

    I can understand your problem . Now you are in a complicated problem . I think you need to try to work on the marriage till the last moment as you told in all other sense she is good for you except this particular part .

    I know normally are waiting for marriage with lot of interest and have this in mind that it is going to give us sexual satisfaction in halal way ...Also many try to stay away from girl/boyfriends and think that future is bright for us when we go for marriage ..But when they find their wife is not attractive it is like a disaster . Now these good boys are stuck in life . You might get a advise about having patience and all . It will be difficult to tell this reason to her too .

    I think the kind of marriages where you don't get to see women properly are gambling .
    If you take day to day example ,in colleges , offices etc etc day to day we comes across interaction with opposite sexes ..When you see some 5-10 times it gives a idea about her physical features but when you go for a girl in arranged marriage you don't get the full idea .. I think it is always better to see a girl many times ,in different dresses many times to get the idea . Just looking at photo and having a brief look at her with relatives is of no use .

    And Padded bras are kind of cheating . in my first night i am too was shocked to see my wife flat chested and wearing padded bra ...I too found my wife unattractive and had regrets ..On top of it had lot of problems but after some years we have solved it .. I have worked on my marriage for so many years and have kids ...Kids brings happiness to me .I have learnt to have sex with her and give pleasure even thought she don't look so attractive to me .......I know initial years will be hard but with time you might be able to manage it .....

  9. Im sorry to learn of this about your marriage brother.

    Being male, I understand the need for physical attraction in your wife.

    To our sisters commenting here, please be understanding, if you were married to some guy who did not get you sexually excited, how would you feel?

    There is only one way to look at this and that is, this is life.
    Every muslim is tested in some way or the other... I am not married yet but I know because this is Earth and NOT Jannah, it is wise to know...things will not be perfect.

    Brother think of it this way...maybe if your wife was physically just as per your requirements, she may have had other problems such as a terrible character...among many other things that could have gone wrong.

    It is tough...but thank Allah that he gave you a pious, beautiful and obedient wife. Try to mold your mind into getting attracted to the girl's piety, purity and obedience. Some men like myself are extremely attracted to shy, pious women for marriage OFC...not for Haram.

    So brother look at her good qualities that Allah has put in her for the both of you and be satisfied, insha Allah you will find your attraction.

    Jazak Allah

    • how do you get those lions in your picture , did the editors put them there for you? Can i have lions in my picture too!! hehe

    • Maybe some of the comments are harsh because the OP writes:

      "The girl I married was my own choice. I had wanted to marry this girl for three years. To be honest, I was infatuated with her. The proposal from her side had come formally. Before marriage, we never talked and we even didn’t see each other. However, there was exchange of photos and I was satisfied with what I was getting into."

      It isn't like he was tricked into this...he didn't see her--which is odd because he knew he was attracted to big-breasted women. One would think that he would try to find a woman, in the first place, that he was physically attracted, rather than choosing to NOT see his wife ahead of time, especially in person. That is what makes this rather sad.

      And, I know some men think this is a male thing and they get the OP's story because it's just men and attraction, but let me assure you that attraction is important to females as well. There is a spectrum of attraction for women and for varies.

      And finally, it is usually very difficult for Muslim women to remarry after divorce due to the stigma attached to women--but for him, he isn't going to face that. Obviously, the cost of his decision is a hefty one indeed.

  10. Salaam

    So I was thinking a lot about your situation because I do believe it is important for a couple to have physical attraction in marriage and generally speaking. I do think you should have had a female relative look at the girl w/o hijab to notify you if she is your type, this would have saved a lot heartache for everyone involved.

    Sex is very important in a marriage and there is a case somewhere in the see rah where divorce is allowed if even the woman is not sexually satisfied! And so I believe you should truly make istikharah about the situation and staying in the marriage.

    But try laying with your wife w/o clothes in bed and just hugging her and holding her. Really enveloping each other physically w/o sex. Don't be in a hurry to Consummate. Just close your eyes and bask in her beauty and in her being your wife and with you then and there. See what happens then. Let her chest touch yours.

    And please remember your not the only one in the marriage. She's important too and so is her sexual health. She also deserves to be satisfied. If your istikharrah comes out to divorce, don't hold back because of family. You need to be fair to her!

  11. Iv not seen one Solution to this problem this guy has. Only reg akiraa shapes and sizes, can't anyone give this guy a solution his problem come on ummah were are You?!?

    • Well what do you suggest brother?? A breast enlargement ?? im not sure if that's even allowed islamically. Sometimes there aren't any solution, most people have tried to give suggestions on how to handle the situation.

  12. I would highly recommend breast enlargement. I know some people reading this would frown and say no youre not allowed. But in your situation, I think it will be allowed. Your wife is suppose to do whatever she can to be pleasing to your eye..and if you want her to have larger breasts, then I would definitely tell you to look into this.

    She would only be doing this to please her husband and it is better that then getting a divorce. Also, you get along with her, nothing else about her that puts you off...what are the chances of finding another with whom you have such an understanding?

    Do some research, ask scholars and bring it up with your wife.

    Good luck. and don't stress...its not the end of the world. There's always a way if you look hard enough and are determined enough.

    Take care

    • What if his wife doesn't want to have the surgery? What if she believes it's haram? What if she's scared of having a major surgery for no good reason? What if she actually likes her body and the way she looks? This is not all about the husband and what he wants. He himself admits that his perceptions of women's bodies had been distorted from watching porn, which is a huge sin! Why should his pious, kind and beautiful wife have to risk major and potentially dangerous surgery to accommodate for his diseased mind? And did it ever occur to you that his wife would be humiliated if he made this suggestion to her? If my husband ever told me to get surgery to change something about my appearance, you can believe it would be the last conversation we have. The only real solution is for the brother to heal himself from the damage porn has inflicted on him and be grateful that he has such a wonderful wife. If he tries to change her he could lose her, and then he'll be truly regretful.

    • The solution is NOT for this lovely girl to butcher her chest. Should a woman ask her husband to undergo survey on his penis?

      Breast augmentation involves incisions to the breasts, as well as re-positioning the nipples so that the final result is not lopsided. The woman may also be left with diminished to no sensation in her nipples.

      This is humiliating and degrading. The surgery and recovery would be painful. Most cosmetic surgeons are men. Why on earth should a woman be put through this humiliation?

      I find your suggestion disgusting.

      • I agree .Either you continue life with her or leave her but breast enhancement is not acceptable.

        Also Breast enhancement for beauty is not allowed as you are trying to change creation of Allah .

        • Also padded bras are the culprits to some extent .
          Is it allowed to fool some one with padded bras ? I am just asking some straight question and please don't take it negatively .

          • A man is allowed to look at a woman's face before marriage, not her chest. This girl wears an abaya. The "padded bra" trick is irrelevant. A girl is allowed to wear whatever undergarments she chooses and whatever makes her feel comfortable, without worrying about whether she is "fooling" anyone!

          • Jazak Allah for replying Sr. Precious Star...

          • The most common reason for a woman to wear a padded bra is to make breasts look bigger. Wearing a padded bra is one way to attract the desired attention from men.

            Main function of breasts for a woman is to provide milk to her babies. I am sure almost all flat chested or small breasted women are able to provide milk their newly born/ younger babies.

        • You guys really need to stop quoting this islamicqa website. Everyone doesn't agree with the scholars on that site and the fatwas aren't accepted by all scholars especially the traditional Muslim ulema.

          For reliable fatwas sunnipath and Islamicseekers are more reliable.

          Anyway, if he can't find a sheikh then istikharrah, tauba, and salatul harsh should help him.

          • Salatul hajah not harsh.

          • Agree. I read a "fatwa" on that site some years ago about the punishment to be delivered to a rape victim. There are also fatwas about how women should not seek higher education or work outside the home in professional occupations.

          • I like islamQA because they answer with authentic references .If there are different views among different school of thoughts then they will mention all those different views of scholars with references ..Finally its you who can make out of this the best ...Majority of them mention refernces from Quran and hadiths .

            Regarding breast enhancement surgery i think majority of scholars shares the same view .It is not allowed for beauty but if it done to correct some faults or diseases only then it is allowed .

            In recent times many women died because of butt enhancement surgery and it is clear that these are not safe .

    • Women aren't objects. No I don't think it's ok for a woman to undergo breast enlargement to please her husband, I mean where would it stop - breast enlargement, then a nose job to please her husband, Botox, liposuction - seriously, that's just wrong. Learn to value your wife, she's special in her own way. She's beautiful in her own way. Change the way your mind thinks, seek protection from the whispers of Satan.

      • Agreed.

        Wael Editor

      • All these are haraam if it is done for beauty .But if some thing is done to correct the fault then as per scholars it is ok ..

        In above case it will not be allowed ..

      • These are not whispers of shaitaan but general sexual desire .Unfortunately he didn't get it what he wanted and now struggling ..

        If these things are not required then why to claim marriage is to solve sexulal problems ?(along with other stuff).... I am married since 6+ years and still trying to make my mind to see my wife as beautiful but unfortunately little success . in my case marriage didn't solve my sexual problems so i can understand the problem of this brother ...

        Only thing after marriage i have learnt that marriage might not solve your sexual problems though as a bachelors we used to think it will solve your problem and keep you satisfied ..

    • OP: I would highly recommend breast enlargement. I know some people reading this would frown and say no youre not allowed. But in your situation, I think it will be allowed. Your wife is suppose to do whatever she can to be pleasing to your eye..and if you want her to have larger breasts, then I would definitely tell you to look into this.

      Many girls develop big breasts during pregnancy as glandular development of breasts takes place during pregnancy. Keeping that in mind plastic surgery should not attempted before first child is born.

  13. I agree with Precious Star. I really think you need to look at yourself because its all me, me and me. You had a choice to say No. You creating your own problems the way you think and your mind has been corrupted. How do you think this must make your wife feel? The sooner you get these thoughts out your head your marriage will be on track. Count your blessings before its too late.

  14. Bother ,

    The size can not be changed but If she gains weight then her size of breast will increase a bit .

  15. Assalam alaikum,

    I feel sorry for you and your bride. May Allah bring to you a solution, Ameen.

    It was disturbing to read how you went about the marriage in the first place and didn't make sure there was attraction there, but what's done is done.

    You can't depend on bringing a child into the world and waiting to see if her body changes.

    It is best that you sit down with your wife, hold her hand, ask her for advice as to what you should do or what she wants. It is getting late in your marriage.

    If you can't feel attraction now, letting her go in kindness would be better than this. But if that thought is unbearable to you--than try to find other ways to develop your sense of attraction. What if you were married a woman who you were very much attracted to, but had to have her breasts removed due to breast cancer? Would you desert her?

    You can think of many scenarios, but at the end of the day, you and your wife are the ones going through all of this. I know if I were your wife's situation, I would want to be part of the discussion and decision to stay in the marriage or get out. In the case you let her go, it is best that you do not consummate the marriage.

    It's a difficult decision, no doubt, but it must be made.

    May Allah swt help you towards finding attraction for your wife, Ameen.

    • Saba:It was disturbing to read how you went about the marriage in the first place and didn't make sure there was attraction there, but what's done is done. It is best that you sit down with your wife, hold her hand, ask her for advice as to what you should do or what she wants. It is getting late in your marriage.

      OP says "By the grace of Allah, I got married on May 7, 2015. The girl I married was my own choice. I had wanted to marry this girl for three years. To be honest, I was infatuated with her."

      Attraction was there but girl turned out to be flat chested / small breasted. I don't know what advice the girl can give in such situation. Now husband has a problem of not getting an erection. OP may never find a girl with perfect breasts as his image of good breast is based on plastic surgery altered breasts of porn stars.

      • The OP says he never talked or met his wife prior to marriage. If this is what his attraction was based on, its a bit nonsensical when he has very specific requirements for his intimate needs if you understand what I am saying. There is no way that he can see a girl's awrah prior to marriage in conducting an Islamic proposal--and yes, porn has deluded his mind--so then, he needed to meet his future bride *in person* and judge as best as he can. A two-dimensional picture isn't going to cut it for a three-dimensional real life person especially for someone who has specific needs.

        If he decides to not divorce, she should be part of his healing and even her own and they should work on this together...unless he can deal with it on his own and change himself without her help. If he decides to divorce, she should know the reason, even if it will hurt.

  16. Keep your hair on ppl. I didn't tell him to strap his wife down and force her to have the surgery. Just to keep an open mind.

  17. Asalam Alekum

    Brother how could you think of divorcing her?
    She loves you dearly and you love her too.
    The prophet sallahu alayhi wa Salam had many wives and did he divorce any one of them? No.

    Secondly A women's body changes when she becomes pregnant and breastfeeds perhaps you would enjoy better at that time.

    There is 2 options to choose from;
    •You either go ahead and do surgery for breast implants which in my opinion I think is Wrong in many ways as the above comment, the nipples have to be moved, but think about this it would be impossible to breastfeed baby in the future.
    •Or buying breast enlargement pills, but before buying this seek a Doctors advice.

    This breast enhancement pills are herbs containing chemicals called phyto oestrogens ,this chemical stimulate the oestrogen receptors in the breast tissue and permanently enlarge breast size.

    Subhan Allah there are many things that God has created for us for wellbeing to medication you can do anything but not fight death as death is placed upon every human.

    I hope I have been of Help
    Wa Salam.

  18. Oh my God! What is this world coming to! Brother, i will try very hard not to be harsh about this but you got married like a MONTH ago. I know a zillion cases wherein the man cannot "perform" in the beginning. It is easy to blame the woman but honestly, this is happening a lot these days. You need to take care of your own diet rather than thinking of making your wife somethi she is not. You say you WERE attracted to her that means the attraction is there. Do not expect everything to be perfect maybe she doesn't like something about you should she contemplate divorcing you?

    Divorce is a big no here! Anybody who is even suggesting divorce here is absolutely wrong and should fear Allah before suggesting such a thing. Give it time brother. I know a couple who had problems till 3 months of their marriage the problem also lies with the kind of diet we have these days.

    You say you find her beautiful stop trying to put this on her and try to work on yourself. She would be devastated if u talked to her about this i mean what do you expect her to say in return? What if she complains about you like that? Anyway, I feel strange saying this but consume warm milk every night before going to sleep and inshaAllah you will be able to perform.

  19. To the OP !!

    I read this thread today. Its very late, no doubt. But it might help anyone who is going through same trauma.

    Brother, let me share you my case. My wife is good looking, fair and have good chest. In start I notice I was not having much pleasure from her chest, even though they are of good size. In start I was not able to penetrate (erection lost, target lost, not correct position etc etc). I have not watched pron nor masturbated any single time in my bachelor time. But still I was unable to penetrate. I kept trying and it was almost after 40 days that we consummated the marriage. During this 40 days, I had very evil thoughts that may be I have erection problem, not a man etc etc. Also, was having a shame kind feeling in-front of wife which she also noted and said once informally to me as well that are you feeling ashamed of yourself because you cant .xx.?." I replied instantly no, it is not at all the case! I replied just to defend my manly-position. Well, during this 40 days I kept learning internet on problem of newly married man not able to penetrate, not getting erection etc etc. And I got to know its not only man but also women who has some nervous problem of first time penetration called "vaginismus" i.e. "contraction of the vagina". I realized we both have to be very relaxed to achieve our first time penetration. I told my wife be relax and don't fear. Keep your body loose and myself I also kept myself cool. Thanks God finally one day we managed to do! It was a rocking feeling !

    Now for you OP! Believe me or not, I am quite sure that once you get the feelings of first time penetration, I can bet you, you will forget chest size issue! You will run for second time sex and you will get erection in no time. Day by day, you will improve. The Most important thing here is your wife is "Muslima" "Muhajiba" and top of that "good looking". Remember Prophet (PBUH) said,

    A woman is married for four (things); her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. Choose (marry) the religious woman so that your home will be in abundance. (Bukhari)

    Do not marry women for their beauties; it is possible that their beauties cause them to become morally corrupt. Do not marry them for their wealth because their wealth may cause them to go astray. Marry women because of their piety. There is no doubt that a woman whose cloth is torn is superior to women who are better. (Ibn Majah)

    Bottom line: Marry a women who is pious / religious. Why? Because she will give you everything you want. Yes including nice love-making! Believe me you are lucky, its just the matter of right timing and you will be flying high enshaa'ALLAH

    Never forget one thing here, some times, in fact most of the time, a beautiful women, good chest, complete physically attractive is a "pain in ass". I have very good experience of some near ones who has a wife with full of physical attraction, but their life is miserable! Why? See Hadeeth 2 above for reason!

    Good Luck and ENJOY your Married Life !! AMIN SUMAMEEEN

  20. Posts like this are a recurring theme, where the man hasn't seen his wife before marriage and then after marriage doesn't feel attracted to her and is thinking of divorce. I think people need to wake up and grow up. Marriage isn't a joke, you don't just give it a whirl and see how things go. You meet your potential spouse in person ! A simple photo or your parents simply telling you to marry a certain someone isn't enough!
    You plan and research until you feel satisfied and then you agree to the marriage.
    For those men who get married without seeing their future wives and the complain about their appearance have only themselves to blame. If they didn't have such an immature and cowardly approach to marriage then maybe they would be married to a person of their choice and happy about it.

    For those who have seen their wives yet still complain about their appearance just baffles me. I feel quite embarrassed saying this but it's not difficult to tell whether a woman has certain physical features or not. Whereas for women it's pretty impossible to fully know about a mans physical features until after marriage. Please don't get me wrong I'm not saying women should be stared at and treated like objects and disrespected, but I'm just stating the obvious.

    Ultimately, I really do feel that marriage for a lot of people is a joke. Divorce has become the norm because people seem to lack conviction to their marriage. On the other hand there are those who need to go through with a divorce but are still struggling because they don't want to break their marriage or their homes.

    Sorry for the rant, it just baffles me how men are resorting to divorce over their wives physical appearance simply because they chose not to see her before marriage. Not only do they ruin their own lives but also the lives of an innocent girl, and where men don't have much of a stigma attached to them the horrible truth is that women do. A lot of the times they are overlooked because their divorced. Not forgetting the mental torture of being rejected by their husbands, the loss of self esteem and confidence, and then the pain their parents go through.

    So seriously, people need to take a much more mature approach to marriage, you will never find the perfect spouse in this world, so get your mindsets right before considering marriage.

  21. So brother this post was posted in 2015. What happened? Did things change?

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