Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Newly married and marriage is falling apart 😐😐😐😐😐😐

Who will marry me?I’m a revert to Islam, I’ve struggled with my deen off and on so I thought maybe marriage would help me to stay the course....

I met someone, we married halal two witnesses though I am yet to receive my mahr.

When I chose him it was mainly due to his love for Islam, I thought this is someone who could guide me, teach me, love me.

The first few days was fine, then arguments. He has a opinion on everything and a child with his previous wife who I’m sure she is still attached to him and I think he is attached to her. I asked him how would he feel if she got married and he said he found the question annoying. Why? If you don’t care why would that frustrate you?

I feel like I’m suffocating. Day by Day I like him less and less and I wonder if I made a huge mistake. I was way more happier alone.

I feel like he treats himself great and expects me to just make do and be happy with it. Before I married him I worked and made my own money, but he makes it so hard for me to work as every job he takes issue with. But the things I want I cannot have.

I’m frustrated and I feel like I’m already on my way out we haven’t been married long and marriage shouldn’t feel like this.

What am i doing wrong?

- HalalHeart

 

 

 

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4 Responses »

  1. As-salamu alaykum HalalHeart. I´m sorry that your marriage is not working out the way you´d hoped. We often think that marriage will be like a happy, magical valley where we will be happy and loved, and our problems will be solved. But the reality is that we are still who we are. Our problems don´t vanish. Instead we just bring them with us into the marriage.

    It sounds like you two have problems, but it does not sound disastrous. I sometimes say there are three deal breakers that finish a marriage: adultery, emotional or physical abuse, or drug / alcohol addiction. None of those have taken place in your case. That tells me there is hope for your marriage.

    I suggest the two of you see a marriage counselor who can help you understand each other´s needs, communicate better and work through your problems.

    I also suggest that you should keep a job and work so that you can earn money to pay for the things you need and want.

    May Allah guide you to what is best and strengthen your faith and your resolve.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • As salamualikum,
      I know questions should be asked on sperate posts but as you dont reply to all posts, i wanted to ask
      Do you also consider silent treatments as a form of abuse, particularly when the other person just refuses to understand your point of view , or is acting totally opposite. Is then remaining silent abuse or in such circumstances where the spouse goes on doing his tasks despite th being wrong the appropriate response. Or should we keep on clearing our point of view at every chance we get
      Thank tou

      • We do answer all posts, but there is a backlog, and we are currently still publishing posts from 2018.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. What am i doing wrong?
    You don't mention how long you knew your husband for before you married him...but it seems like the marriage was rather rushed? Did you ever look into why he got divorced from his first wife? Because the reasoning for someone's divorce is super telling about their personality...it seems to me like a lot of the things that bother you about your husband are things you should have known before you actually married him. How well did you really know him?

    Have you talked to him about the things that bother you?

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