Islamic marriage advice and family advice

No freedom given by parents

Assalamalikum, I really don't have anyone to talk to about this situation so here goes.

I am a 22 year old Muslim women that just graduated college. My parents have always been strict when it comes to religion when it comes to school they've been strickt  on everything.

In high school, it got worse they kept on hearing stories about other students like they were doing drugs or dating and all so they isolated me. Picked me up from high school dropped me off would check my phone never let me go out with my friends even if I wanted to study in the library they would think about what people would say if they saw me. My high school was mostly guys so everytime I did something they accused me of being late because of a guy or that all my friends were horrible because most of they were guys and they weren't Muslim. My parents always disliked any of my friends who werent muslim.

They did that for 3 years and in the last year they went to Our country for a few months. After they were gone I started skipping class it was the freedom of not being controlled and I loved it. when they came back they found out and they didn't trust me after that. After that me and my parents don't talk much I mean we never talked much but know they ask a question I answer done that it.

I finished college and I feel like I'm so dependent on my parents. I live in there house my dad works I eat here I sleep here like I'm not independent at all. During pledge I worked without them knowing because they are against it.

I have to finish college work and get married. But for me I want to travel I want to be on my own so I can take care of myself. I got a degree for being a teacher and found a program that lets me teach in Korea. They pay for my house,food in the beginning, flight tickets and I get paid a decent amount. I always wanted to go and here's my chance but my parents are against the idea totally. They don't think I can take care of myself they also say that what would people think about them for letting the oldest daughter go to a country by herself. They've always said I'll never make them proud that I should have been the oldest daughter but They not give me the chance. I've been planning this for 4 years but I don't know how to make them agree how to make them understand that I want to work and depend on myself not them. Sorry for writing so much I really don't have anyone to give me advice


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5 Responses »

  1. Assalamualaikum.
    First of all, as a muslimah you can't travel or live by yourself without your mahram.
    Second, my idea maybe a bit far-fetch but how about finding a husband who is also has that wanderlust in him, and you guys can travel the world together? You guys can teach in different countries, find employments in different places, or work and save together and then travel during the summer together? I'm sure there are men out there who love to see the world as much as you do. And I'm sure you'll have more fun and be more save if you travel with someone you love and care about.
    May Allaah help you find a righteous and pious husband who has these characteristics.

  2. Salaam, sister believe it or not im in a similar situation, im 23 training to become a teacher, and dad drops me off, picks me up, not allowed to go out with friends, expected to stay at home etc. , so sister your not alone, i have younger cousin sisters that have ALOT more freedem than me, i deal with this situation by praying to Allah that he gives me sabr, and i really hope Allah provides you with sabr aswell. Do dua my sister, trust me itlll help you so much, people might not understand what your going through, but Allah does, and sister you said marriage after college, thats a good thing as you never know your husband might give you more freedom than your parents, i am not saying that should be your only reason for getting married, but in sha Allah it'll all work out for you. I hope Allah answers your duas and blesses you with loads of happiness, Ameen, sorry if i saod anything wrong xxx

  3. I hope you’re not listening to other people when they use “you can’t travel without a mahrem” as an excuse. It’s 2018. Islam is a religion that adapts to every generation and century. Women couldn’t travel before without a mahrem because it was not safe for them to do so. I’m a Muslim Arab girl and my parents trust me enough to let me live and study abroad (this is my third year I moved to the UK when I was 18). You need to talk to your parents and make them trust you, you need to tell them how Islam is a lifestyle not a prison. Islam preaches about independent women, research about it and use it as your explanation. You need to talk to them in a way that would make them understand where you’re coming from. Maybe try to show them that you can depend on yourself. Don’t just get married because you want to escape from your strict parents. Marriage is a serious commitment and it has to be for the right reasons and with the right person.

    • I love your comment!

    • R
      Please provide some references for your comments .

      Islam will work for 2018 ,2019 ,2020... .....till world ends .

      There are horror stories of women getting trapped/raped in outside countries (even in home countries)so there is no straight black and white answer for it

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