Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I have no freedom, no rights

Daughters in Islam

Daughters in Islam

I know in life you can only rely on mostly family than your friends however I feel opposite.
Being the youngest and only girl with two older brothers feels like I'm in prison most of time.
I know they only care and here to protect me from getting hurt.
but theres a limit to how I get treated.

they always spy on me - it's like I have no space anywhere I don't even have a phone or anything. Even if I just go upstairs to have sometime to myself they question me where I'm going - even in my own home it is like I have no air to breathe in.

I never get equality or respect in the house; everyone looks down on me. My mum and dad are so sexist and I have no freedom at home. I have no rights to share what I feel without being told off for opening up. I'm always crying, depressed. I don't know who I am anymore; everyone's always on my back.

I'm 20 and I feel like I'm 10. I'm not even independent and they tell me off for that which is their fault because I never got any opportunity to work and they still don't let me. I always explain to them that they stop me from following my dreams and ambitions but then they deny it. I can't choose my own career path - I always have to do what they want me to do.

I wanted to go to uni and they never let me. When people ask they say we did let me but that I said no. They always lie about me going to college when I'm really stuck at home. I feel like I'm worthless and that I'm in jail. I'm always getting told off for little things and I don't know who I am any longer. I just wish I felt I had someone on my side; everyone's always attacking me, saying cruel things like "I don't care", "I'll slap you". I always feel emotionally abused with the behavior they give me.

They ruin my self esteem by calling me names like lazy and stuff. When I tell them I want to do this or that they don't encourage me but say do it later on in life, don't worry now and stuff. Its like I don't know where to start.

Even my mum's never on my side. I feel alone at home. I really need help and a dua from stopping them treating me like this because I can't help having ideas to run away and stuff.

Kay 786

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17 Responses »

  1. Hi sister Kay,

    Its really sad to hear your story, as am a good muslim and also very realistic which i dont just follow my grand parents years ago since i have a mind and i need to use it for whatever i hear its good or bad since there us many things is fake islam by human being.. an indeed whatever has been written from allah in the quaran is true.

    Well Regarding your case, First its a misconception of your parents belief and way of thinking. Its cheap by the way. The real islam is about Freedom to the right path and equality on every humanity. not by race or gender. imposing on a female whether its your wife, sister or daughter is a sin! stole someone's freedom and free will is a sin! its against humanity!

    I know all these games whats happening to you, sister do tell me honestly, your bro etc use to follow you and spy you for everything right? but am sure your bro have all the freedom and better not to mentione. I would suggest you try to spy him and see the reaction. Then ask him to check in the quraan where allah's has talk about equality for humanity. look below some of the ayaat in the quraan where allah talk for both man and woman which mean equality

    deeds of righteousness be they male or female and have faith, they will enter Heaven, and not the least injustice will be done to them. (The Noble Quran, 4:124)"

    Allah Almighty further equalizes between men and women; "For Muslim men and women,- for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are patient and constant, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in Charity, for men and women who fast (and deny themselves), for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in God's praise,- for them has God prepared forgiveness and great reward. (The Noble Quran, 33:35)"

    Righteousness determines the value of humans in Allah Almighty's sight. It is not their gender or race: "O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other. Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well-acquainted. (The Noble Quran, 49:13)"

    Sister, First you have to talk to your parents once again, if they dont understand then try to ask a pious man to come and talk to your parent, if they still not understand even you are on their responsibility, you have the right to find someone and get marry , someone of your choice who know the value of his deen, then refrain from their cheap control. THEY ARE AGAINST ISLAM EQUALITY. Dont let yourself fall in their trap.

    I understand parent , bro etc want to protect and care for their familly, but not this way. even some husband are like this, hope so u get the right one insha allah.

    Once you feel like you are doing something halaal which is not against allah's rules, then do it. You have the right to go out with friends, familly and bro. u have the right to go to uni, work etc.. you have the right to not wear niqaab as per your wish as long as u r well covered in a muslim's way. You have the right to have a mobile phone and they have to right to check your mobile as long as you are not a kid. if in some circumstance if they have right to check yours, and too have the same rights to check for them. i know bro wont let you ! but this is not equal!

    Sister its good for you to know that islam is also about equality, never get islam wrong because the behavior of your familly and never let shaitaan tell you that islam is like prison, It our cheap people who make it look like u r in prison or sufocate. bear in mind, allah is not injustice and indeed allah love equality against his creature.

    Sister if still nothing, then come back to us here and insha allah we must find another way for you.
    i would like to know if did u ever commit any critical cases in the past where your familly has got a crush on you? did u ever commit any mistakes which is wrong? is good to know and feel free to share since its all anonymous here.

    may allah help you for sort out of this probs. and there is no specific dua for this, so whatever you want to ask allah for any help in your way, it will call a dua. (Supplication)

    Yor Brother Uzair Khan

    • salaam uzzy ,

      thanks for your beautiful comment , it strengthened me in a way.
      I just wished people knew how to respect women out there more we go through so much and yet without us men wouldn't even be here in this world.

      • Wasalam, Kay,

        You did not replied what i have asked exactly, but nevermind , my wish is to make you feel at ease and support you and other who are seeking help as per my knowledge & Life experienced. also you will get many other brothers & Sisters here to help you.

        Trust me, you dont deserve this life.. As per my experience, hope you dont mind am asking you, are you from Pakistaan or india? or your familly background is from one among?

        Thanks 🙂

        • oh sorry tbh I did do a lot of stuff in past due to the way they treated me since beginning I did go against their wills at times because , when you force people to do what you want instead theyl do the opposite which is what I did at times but its been like this ever since I was born their sons are their most favouritism they come first in everything before me I even tell them you only got one girl but sometimes you wish she was a guy aswell they say don't think that its not like that but I see my brothers getting more respect and encouragement than what I got or get but yh it wount be long till they realise its all wrong.

          I don't mind you asking and im indian .

          • i doubted u were an indian or paki.. since i heard alot about their culture which really makes me crazy but not all ofcourse. may be their traditions and culture look a bit too old and they dont wanna follow the modern life. then our youngster will get trouble to adapt with this old culture.. by the way an aussie-mauritians (Australia & Mauritius) my names sounds may b from india or paki, but am not nor even my familly.

            Somehow i agree with you kay, you know, when you make someone feel sufocated like in a prison, if not today but tomorrow the prison will break either in a good or bad way, and it will not be ur fault! familly will be responsible.

  2. yh that's really true what you said like our cultures are too backwards thinking and stuff find it hard to adapt themselves to western culture they fear that we would turn into a khafir as we live in a kahfir country so they go to far and stuff however they should know that more they suffocate somoen more itl affect them and what you feared of will happen because you didn't give them that trust they needed .

    no matter what culture or race everyone should trust their children out there , it can be hard but when you know somethings not right that's when your actions should take place.

    I thought you was a paki by your name but yh I heard about Mauritian culture they seem to be more understanding to most Asians out there.

    yhh that's true they cant blame the child but themselves .

    • Hii Kay786,

      assalaam, Your problem is solved yet? 😛

      • walkium asalaam uzzy,

        not yet brother it takes time to heal everything at the right time everything will be flowing well the way I want it to I left it all up to allah for now allah will know whats best for me at what time and day from now on im just waiting patiently and in shaa allah allah will solve my situation sooner or later

  3. Asalamwalaikum Sister. I feel the pain that you are going through and nobody should be going through this type of pain. As you know that nowadays everyone can be modernised living in this world whilst most of our parents live in the olden times with a backward mind. Its very sexist of what they are putting you through but they should know and understand how valuable it is to respect and treat a woman. A Woman was made from the rib of man, she was not created from his head to top him, or from his feet to be stepped upon, she was made from his side to be close to him, from beneath his arm to be protected by him, near his heart to be loved by him. I hope your family will start to realise one day in shaa allah especially your mum. The Daughter is most knowingly important to their mother aswell as the father, but don't worry when everything settles and calms down in shaa Allah, your parents will start to notice as well as your brother's about what they are doing is wrong. Sometimes, situations can occur which makes everyone blind to the person and who the person really is and why the person has developed a situation, everything has a reason towards it. Try to keep out of your family's way and don't respond back to the nasty thing's they may say. Make Dua to Allah and have sabar, those who have patience the most and have faith in Allah get rewarded in the end. Our Prophet Pbuh (Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wa Sallam) went through alot during his time's but he always had patience. In shaa Allah I hope everything will get better for you and in your family, in shaa Allah Ameen. You are always in my duas x

    • i really love your advice thank you so much for your kind and beautiful words sister Ash786 I will also remember you in my duas aswell I wish everyone best in life out there whoever is facing any sorts of difficulties I pray that Allah swt places the difficulties with something better ameen.

  4. I am deeply grieved at your situation, Dear Sister.

    I would recommend you read my post when it gets published (it's pending and ready to be published in a few days) and you'll realize that your situation is far better than mine.

    Until then, I can only advise you to please keep an element of sabr within yourself. It strengthens one's believe in Allah, and that's what I am doing too.

    May Allah (SWT) provides you a way out of your depression ASAP.


    • thank you adnan I wish allah swt makes every muslim brother and sister whos in same situation as us stronger and place their situation with something much better in return ameen.

      I understand that in life no matter what we all face everyone has same situation as u ur never alone and always believe that no matter what happens allahs always here to help each and individual of us.

      theres two ways to solve problems the easy way lisening to the shaitan whispers and following it what it asks u to do in end u fall deeper into the situation with only it being temporary solved issue , to fool us.

      the second one is kinda hard because it tests our patience and our appreciation for what allah swt already gave us by praying asking for forgivenss always looking at positive side than slowly allah will give everyone out there what they really deserve with great time comes great consequences and I myself is following the path of sabaar.

      pray this dua inallahee wah inallahee moos sabereeen it gives me courage to stick on the right path I hope it helps u to brother.

  5. I feel the same when your small no doubts but when you grow into your early 20's he'll has started can do this, can't wear that etc. Can have friends ask permission for everything feel like a child Allah has given us free will I feel like a servant not allowed to breath or say my opinions

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