Islamic marriage advice and family advice

No friends, feeling alone/sad.

Lonely lady sitting on a rock

Assalamu Alaikam,

I have this issue where I just started college and I just finished my first week. I can't help but feel really sad because everyone seems to have found friends except me. I know it's all from Allaha (swt) but it is hard for me to stay positive all the time.

The positive side is I made duaa all week and yesterday I made a few friends. But the thing is... they are non-muslim and into drinking, smoking weed, and other haram. They are getting tattoos next week and planning on going to many parties and having sex/other stuff with many different boys. I would never do any of this and so I am starting to believe maybe I should stay away from them? It's just really hard because I will be alone again but maybe it's for the better because I won't struggle with being friends with people I have nothing in common with.

There are a lot of Muslims in my school but I am very shy to just go up to someone and talk to them. My brother said I could make even one friend just going to pray in the Masjid that my school has because I could meet a Muslim there but I feel embarassed that they will see me take the hijab off once I am done praying since I do not cover yet, only when praying. (I do make duaa that Allah gives me the strength to wear it full-time).

But anyway, what should I do? I am really sad for being alone, how do I cope with not having friends? I know it's only the first week of school but I have come home crying twice already because I feel lonely and I miss high school.

I have a non-muslim friend who is going to school only 10 minutes away but she is wonderful because she doesn't drink or smoke and so it's easy to be best friends with her (she even said she prefers being friends with Muslims because they don't need to drink and party to have fun). Inshallah she will become a Muslim one day. But anyway, I know I need to be patient and make duaa and believe me, I trust Allah (swt) and I pray 5 times a day and I know His plan is better than mine but I still feel sad and alone. I hope I find best friends who will be good to me but in the mean time what should I do? Also should I stay away from those friends I just met?

Thank you


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3 Responses »

  1. Sister you are never alone. Allah (swt) is with you always. Do not mix with the crowed of people who might lad you to do haram stuff. I can be a friend to you if you need friend/guidance. Do not be ashamed that you do not wear hijab. You are my sister in Islam and you need to be strong. Now make friends with all the hijabi sisters. Do not feel that you are any less worthy. Allah swt brings different tests to different people at different times. Also join an online Islamic study group. Join local masjid. Get to mingle with the cool "Hijabi chics" who do not judge you on where you are right now in your deen but where you are going. You have to stay with the hijabi sisters as much s you need to feel safety of islam around you. Do not leave Islamic company and join the haram social circles. After all the worse these hijabi sisters can do is say some thing to hurt you. So what Inshallah we can say some thing on this board to un hurt you. We going to win any way cause we are much older and wiser.
    There are many hijabi sisters who could be feeling lonely just like you. So go give them a shoulder to cry on.

    So be patient and be bold and go for it.

  2. I felt like this the first 2-3 weeks of school, trust me it gets better. I'm shy to an extent but my program consisted of me talking to new ppl almost everyday for a month, group work etc.. you know there's loads of good girls who aren't Muslim that don't drink or smoke etc, that's how I made my friends, I was friendly and spoke to everyone until I met ppl who I wanted to be friends with. Don't force anything or stress, you'll meet ppl soon inshallah. Focus on your classes, friends come and go anyways lol

  3. Assalaamualaikam

    These people don't sound like the sort of people you'll want to be hanging around with - tattoos, drinking, drugs, sex before marriage... these aren't things that will help you be close to Allah and they could lead to you being put at risk in this life as well. It's absolutely fine to take some time to make friends, and you'll find that most people's social circles change a lot in the early days of college/uni, as they realise who they do and don't get on with.

    I'd suggest that you try getting involved in activities that you find interesting and enjoyable, and inshAllah through these you'll meet likeminded people. Going to the mosque is an excellent idea. With regards your scarf, you'll find that most people will simply be pleased that you're trying and want to support you. If your college has an Islamic students society, join that and inshAllah you can meet other sisters there. You'll also likely make some friends over the course of your studies, so look out for girls in your classes who seem studious and kind, and maybe ask if they want to study together sometimes?

    When choosing friends, I'd suggest going for quality over quantity. It's better to have a few good friends who help you strengthen your faith and live a good lifestyle, than a lot of "mates" who have different priorities and values.

    Midnightmoon editor

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