Islamic marriage advice and family advice

No Imam will marry us but we are living together anyway

Assalam'eyelekum.. I met with one girl, we both are Muslim and decided to get married. I tried and spoke to many Imams of masjids, but no one is ready to do the Islamic nikah for us, because I am not from this country and she is local (UK). So we have been stuck in paper work. The Kazi/Imam told us after clearing all of our legal paper work then only they can do Islamic nikah for us. Even we have requested them to do at least some sort of oral Islamic nikah, by which both of us become halal for each other, but non of them agree to it.

Now without Nikah we are living together, we know it's a sin, but who is responsible for it?

- Brother Soheil from UK

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25 Responses »

  1. Asalaamualaikum Brother...

    You and a sister are 'choosing' to live together in sin - knowingly. Yet you are hoping that someone will make you feel better and tell you that the imaams are to blame for not doing your nikah?

    YOU and the SISTER involved are 110% responsible for it...'it' being the sin of living together.

    Grow up brother...and do it the proper way.

    • I am very sorry to hear from you and this is what I was expecting the first reply, will be narrow minded.
      you could advise him to do nikkah by himself along with two witnesses and that's it.
      please guide people in right way else keeping quiet is also a good way to earn sawaab

    • Why don't you help them and find someone for them to do their nikah. That's what their problem is and that is mainly what their complain is

  2. Asalaamu Alaikum Brother:

    The answer you are looking for is not what you got and I know it doesn't make you feel any better for someone to bash you and the sister. I will tell you this, I give you both lots of credit for trying to find an Imam to do the proper nikah for you. Am not saying that what you did is Ok, not at all, but there must be a way for these situations and circumstances. It is very obvious your looking for help and need help to be within the Islamic rules and laws. My understanding was, any two people can witness your verbal nikah and this would be valid. I remember hearing a story while I was younger, that even two birds flying by can witness a nikah. I don't know how accurate this information is, but I don't think your situation is as complicated as everyone makes it. Do some more research into this and ask for a Fatwa on this. This is probably your best valid solution until you can do this the proper way according to laws of where you reside. Islam makes things easy and does not complicate things for those who strive to do right. Do this ASAP, and ask Allah to forgive you for your wrong doings and sins, intentional and non intentional.

  3. Asalaamualaikum Br Mahmoud...JazakhAllah for adding was more a practical and compassionate reply...

    May Allah help the brother and sister...

  4. Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

    Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

    I'm a bit late coming into this question but there is a lot left out here so I want to add to some of the answers. First of all, please know that there are some requirements for marriage to be valid in Islam. One of those requirements is that the lady have a wali, a guardian. You say she is Muslim. If her father is Muslim, then he is her wali and you may not get married without his permission. If her father or other family is not Muslim, if she is a convert, then the Imaam of the local masjid or another trusted brother in the community can be the wali for her.

    Is her father Muslim? Did you get his approval for marriage? If you did not, regardless of your paperwork, there can be no valid marriage between you. The wali is there to ensure that the lady's rights are protected, because, especially if you have had improper contact before, she may be emotional and overlook some condition that may make you an inappropriate husband for her.

    You do not have to have the Imaam of the masjid witness your marriage. If you have the consent of her wali, a mahr (bride gift for her from you), two adult male Muslim witnesses, and consent of both of you, and you announce the marriage, then your marriage is valid.

    I implore you to fear Allah and do whatever is necessary to clear up your status, as I seriously doubt you are married at this time. While you are in this period of doubt, you should separate, and she should go back to her family if that is possible. The guilt will cause a rift between you and will ultimately damage any future you have together. It will not be easy, but it is the right thing to do. Have the courage to fix this and remember that the physical pleasures of this life are short. The punishment of the Hereafter is severe and being deprived of Jannah is a price no believer should be willing to pay.

    Fi Aman Allah,


    • Asalamualikim.
      Noorah Haalan thanks for your excellent feedback, you are right. there is no other way of getting nikah without a wali, and atleast 2 adult male muslims as witness, My Allah forgive all of us. Ammen

  5. may i ask what sh0uld be the case if father has n0t appr0ved the marriage and stil s0me0ne wants to get into nikkah for the sake of just making it better and islamicaly legal? then wh0 is to be replaced ? as m0stly girls get int0 a situati0n like this when parentz 0r m0stly fathers d0nt permit them.

  6. Assalamu Alaikum,

    I live in Malden, Mass. USA. I have had the same problem. It makes me sick that no Imam will marry us because of legal paperwork. I am a US citizen and the man I live with is not here legally. We do not want to get married here legally and if we did, He would probably be deported. We plan on living in his country in the next few years. We just want to see an Imam to make this Halal. I had two Muslim male witnesses marry us. I pray that this is good enough. By the way, A female does NOT need a wali to get married.


  7. Asalam Alaykum,,

    I am an american citizen by birth being a revert to Islam.

    (Sister Sue, wa alaykum as-salam. Please register and submit your question as a separate post, which will be answered in turn. Thank you. - Editor)

  8. A female revert that has been married and divorced and would like to marry again does NOT NEED A WALI. I wish Muslims by birth would understand that.

  9. I am also hearing mixed opinions here south of Boston MA about whether you need a wali or not. I am only Muslim in my family and being white american find it difficult to survive as a Muslim never mind finding a husband.

    • Dear Sister, the most important thing is to read the holy book Quran by yourself, you will find the answeres to all of your questions, dont waste time in finding someone to guide you,

  10. Assalamualaikum,

    I would like to add to this thread, although it is quite an old one (this is for those who are still looking for more answers).

    Unfortunately in some cases there are too many people giving advice and different answers. I also looked for an Imam and contacted various registered mosques regarding my situation (which is that I have recently had a civil marriage but would like the Nikah done asap), but no mosque nor imam has replied back. Our families are happy with our civil marriage and are also looking for an Imam.

    I have read on various Islamic sites that a Nikah is the proposal of marriage a man makes to a woman in the presence of two witnesses and agreement of the girl's Wali. My question is to BETTY, who say's that female's always need a Wali...what does the female do when her Wali has passed away? and There is no other relatives that can take the place of a Wali? I have also read that a Nikah does NOT have to be carried out by an Imam?, it can be the couple, Mahr (the gift) and two witnesses??

    So, who is right? All these confusing answers. I would like to know myself, if this is the case that I do not require an Imam then I will go ahead and gather two witnesses and read the Nikah asap.

    I am very sad that no mosque nor Imam has been able to reply back to my enquiry and it deeply worries me that Muslims should be out there able to access advice from their own community especially when they are in need of it, also that there are too many various answers that it is hard to know which is right and who is able to give appropriate answers.

    My basic reason for moaning ( and I apologise) is that I have no wali and find that Imam's do not wish to speak to a female properly. I am deeply saddened by this. Jazakallah for any good advice that is given.

    • who say's that female's always need a Wali...what does the female do when her Wali has passed away? and There is no other relatives that can take the place of a Wali? I have also read that a Nikah does NOT have to be carried out by anImam?, it can be the couple, Mahr (the gift) and two witnesses??

      In Islam, a marriage without the permission of wali is invalid, invalid, invalid. No woman should marry herself except the evil and immoral woman according to Islam. For a marriage to be valid, a wali and two religious male witnesses are required.

      If a female's wali (father) passed away, then the right of wali shifts to the next senior male member of the family, the paternal line, like grandfather, uncles, brother, uncle's son etc. After much efforts, and if none of them are available then you can ask an Imam or scholar or qadhi to be your wali. If they are also unavailable, then a pious muslim brother in your neighbourhood can be your wali insha'Allah.

      It is sunnah to marry in the masjid and the du'a of an Imam is welcome. But its not obligatory to perform nikah only with an imam instead a religious person can do job.

  11. Asalam u Alakum,
    Dear brothers and sisters we are Muslim by birth or convert understand this Islam makes a human beings life easy its not to make it difficult my point of view and my understanding from the quran and hadith so far are that a man and a woman must choose each other to marry yes we need our parents blessings as well but Islam does not tie us for that permission as long as the girl and the guy is Muslim aur ahlay kitab a man can marry from outside the religion like Christian,Jews but not woman . Now conclusion is weather nikkah is a Arabic word for marriage so if a imam is not doing it goto ur local court and get it done its a open religion don't get it twisted please . Since my brother and sister had no option they choose the option of court marriage Islam allows it if u don't know search it. 2nd parents need to give permissions so ppl like me and u won't commit zina by not giving permission ur actually pushing for zina so give blessing and let it be 3rd and last a woman does need a wali if father don't want to be then anyone can be plus 2 witness my brothers and sisters get married which ever way possible but don't commit zina .

  12. Brothers and Sisters,
    Assalum Alaikum,

    I have read all of your responses! I have the same situation, all I want to do is an Islamic Zawaj (Nikah). NONE of your answers is clear wether you do or do not need an Imam!

    Also, it seems that some people have licenses to perform Nikah. I don't know who gives them those licenses,

    It would help if someone can quote AL Quran or a Hadith or Sunnah for an answer.

    (by the way I also heard that if the father or wali is not a Moslem, then his permission is not accepted anyway, has to be a Moslem, otherwise it is not required)

    • Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no valid marriage without a wali and two witnesses.” (Narrated by Ahmad)

      and it is sunnah conduct the nikah in masjid.

      Non muslim father/uncle/brother etc cannot be wali.

  13. Fatima - give your proof for the following: A female revert that has been married and divorced and would like to marry again does NOT NEED A WALI. I wish Muslims by birth would understand that.

    "Muslims by birth" are the same as Muslims "not by birth" - you reach a point where both are Muslims looking for marriage, don't give an answer about Islaam without quoting evidences as it's a lie against Islaam whether it be intentional or not.

    It was narrated that Abu Moosa said: The Prophet salallaahu alayhi wa sallam said: "There is no marriage without a guardian."
    (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1101; Abu Dawood, 2085; Ibn Maajah, 1881. Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1/318)

    It was narrated that "Aaishah radiyallaahu anhaa said: The Messenger of Allaahsalallaahu alayhi wa sallam said: Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. But if the marriage is consummated then the mahr is hers because she has allowed him to be intimate with her. If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian."

    (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1102; Abu Dawood, 2083; Ibn Maajah, 1879. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwaý al-Ghaleel, 1840)

    The Prophet salallaahu alayhi wa sallam) also said: "There is no valid marriage without a wali and two witnesses."
    (Narrated by Ahmad and the authors of Sunan except al-Nasaa'i. See Saheeh al-Jaami', 7558).

    Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
    If there is no relative who can act as her guardian, then the position of guardian passes to the one who is most fit among those who have any kind of authority in matters other than marriage, such as the head of a village, the leader of a caravan, and so on.
    Al-Ikhtiyaaraat, p. 350.

    Ibn Qudaamah said: If a woman does not have a guardian and there is no ruler, then there was narrated from Ahmad that which indicates that her marriage should be arranged by a man of sound character, with her permission.
    Al-Mughni, 9/362.

    • sis niqabi, thank you for providing this information. However, Imam Abu Hanifa (may Allah have mercy on him) would have agreed with sister Fatima. The hadith requiring a wali for marriage was understood to refer to a woman who was previously unmarried, young, inexperienced, or otherwise incapable of representing herself properly.

      There is much evidence for this from Quran and Sunnah. See the article on Sunnipath:

      Divorced woman marrying without her guardian's approval.

      Wael Editor

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