Islamic marriage advice and family advice

No intimacy for 4 months, are we divorced?

prayer dua marriage

As Salaam Alaikum
My Esteem Bro Abdurrahman Ibn Yusuf,

May Allah be pleased with your published article. My first question where exactly did you get this Islamic Information in your article?
“Although it is a right of the wife to have relations at least once in four months”.

Here is my situation; My wife has insatiable sexual desires, that she demands daily or on demand. She daily reminds me this is her right daily, or else divorce. We are both in our 50’s, I am older at 56. She is past child bearing age. My problem, I am in chronic pain daily from years of extreme physical fitness actives as part of the Military Paratroopers for 9 years in my life with 100 parachute jumps. I think if I were laying somewhere in a bed in a coma she would still demand sex. My body is with pain at night, which I explained to my wife. She still demands sex in some way or form excluding anal of course. I treat her fairly as prescribed by the Prophet (SA). It is demeaning to me by her everyday reminders. I have reached a point in my life, I enjoy good companionship & Intellectual conversation, not sexual activity every minute of every day. I am not the man I used to be. Would you please give me some clear advice?

Jazak Allah,

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2 Responses »

  1. Assalamoalikum Brother ,

    I am not a scholar .You might get good responses from other regular brothers/sisters in this forum .
    I agree Sexual activity is part of life but some one demanding daily at the age of 50 + looks odd especially your woman . Just check out her environment where she spends her time like erotic movies , TV serials ,Novels , or young group ..If she is working just check what is the environment .
    Most of the time Environment will arouse people for SEX .As she is 50+ and demands sex daily i think she belong to rare case .I know some old people are sexually active but not to this frequency ..

  2. Assalam alaikum Brother,

    I believe that you need to consult with an Imam or Scholar in your area (or a reputable Scholar online if you are more comfortable that way).

    As for your wife, if her desires are very strong because the both of you have not been intimate for 4 months, it may be that her desires are stronger if they are not satisfied--it doesn't mean that her environment is provoking her desire in anyway. From the above comment, I have no idea how a work environment would arouse people for intimacy--becoming suspicious of your wife is not the way to go.

    I do suggest that you have a sit down with your wife and talk to her. If the both of you have been together for a long time, there must be a connection there along with some mercy. Perhaps you can start off by telling her that she is right, it is her right to intimacy. But tell her that you do not want to fight about this everyday--that you want a mutual solution considering your health and her desire. If she continues to be demanding, explain to her that your condition is not a choice and that you wish for her to understand. Perhaps counselling may help? Instead of waiting for her to make the next demand, approach her about this topic first and begin with acknowledging her desire and explaining that you are not refusing her for any other reason except your health. By doing this, you will make her feel that her concerns are your concerns and that you don't want a daily argument, but rather a solution.

    Again, speak to a Scholar.

    May Allah swt ease your difficulties and grant you health once more, Ameen.

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