Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I do not want to marry until I finish my education

Muslim woman studying, books, school

Assalamu alaikum my dear muslim brothers and sisters.

Please, I need some strong advice for my confused state. When I was in my last year of high school, someone  sought my permission to ask for my hand in marriage. I was too young( I felt as though I am literally not old enough) and not mature enough to make certain decisions of my own. Therefore, I did not reply, rather I told my mum about it and she said " are you not studying?" and that was it. So I  took that as a saying of "look, leave all this stuff and concentrate on your studies". Eventually the person got married.

Now I am in college, first year, and I am not able to convince myself on a particular thing. I do not want to get married until I finish college (because I do not wish to deny my husband his rights since I study abroad),  but on the other hand I do not know whether I am committing a sin or not. Thus I abstain from relationships and do not want to have any one asking me regarding marriage,  since relationships and long courtships are not liked in Islam without marriage. Am I disobeying Allah by telling everyone that comes my way to please withdraw his request until I finish college?



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27 Responses »

  1. Waslam sister..
    I really dont think that staying away from marriage for educational purpose is a sin.

    Acquiring the right kind of education is an obligation upon a muslim.

    If you really think that u can stay away from all the evil and fitna while staying single and ur intention is to be equipped with education n you dont want to deprive ur future partner from his rights then u are doing nothing wrong.

    Thats what I think but there are brothers n sisters here who can give u a better advice insha Allah

    Three things you should not delay ISLAMICALLY THEY ARE TOLD NOT FOR NAY JOKE BUT SERIOUS MATTER .....
    It is reported that Al-Ahnaf b. Qays – Allâh have mercy on him – said:

    “Restraint is praiseworthy except in three things.” People asked, “And
    what are they o Abû Bahr?” He replied, “Make haste to do the righteous
    deed, hurry to conduct the funeral of your deceased, and marry the
    girl in your charge to a suitable man [AS SOON AS YOU FIND HIM.]”

    Abû Bakr Al-Daynûrî, Al-Mujâlasah wa Jawâhir Al-’Ilm 6:307.

  3. Assalamualaikum sister,

    It is for sure that you should not delay marriage, as long you are able.

    A practical issue here is difficulty in finding the right match. If you keep rejecting every man that wishes to marry you, you may lose a perfect man. An option to avoid this is that you let him talk to your parents and if they like him, then agree to get you married to him after you complete your studies, if Allah Wills so.

    All the best!
    Muhammad Waseem

  4. Salaam.

    I would advise against delaying marriage without a very good reason. It is not impossible to study while married sister, in fact some brothers like their wife to be studying. So I advise against rejecting just on that notion.
    At the same time, there are some pre-requisites: you need to feel genuinely ready. You need to know your rights and responsibilities and have a certain level of self esteem. I will finish later IA.

    • If you feel you geninely are not ready then simply don't look consider marriage. You need to get into marriage when you feel ready rather than just doing simply because you feel you should. I know for some this may seem controversial - but marrying because you 'should' do something or for 'guilt' is not a good idea.

      My advice to you is delaying it just to complete your studies is not a great idea if you feel ready in all other respects and if it's something you want. I can't answer if you feel ready, only you know that. But do try to be somewhat open-minded if you can. If the right person comes along, listen to what he's got to say (in a halal environment of course) - consider him carefully. It might be that he had similar aspirations.
      You would be surprised. 🙂

      Keep an open mind.

      But if you do want to wait, then wait. Marriage is a blessing and a sunnah, it is a beautiful thing. But I think it boils down to what you want. I dont think you should do something you dont want to do because you feel you should. I personally believe it is not a sin to delay marriage provided you are not falling into sin by doing so.
      This is only my opinion though, Allah knows best.

      Sara Editor

  5. Salam Sister,

    My daughter will begin her second semester working towards her masters degree. She has had two suitors come and ask for her hand in marriage but she did not feel any chemistry with either of them hence she did not accept. Right now...her focus is on finishing up her masters degree. If the right guy does come along, it would be her choice whether to accept or not (after I have completed a thorough check of his background with family, friends and the help of law enforcement).

    It really comes down to what it is that you want. I have a friend who got married and her husband not only agreed to let his wife finish school...her parents had him sign a contract stating that he would allow her to finish up her studies. Guess what? That contract went into the garbage as soon as she got married. He did not allow her to finish school, end of story. End of her education. really does come down to you. What is it that you want? Don't worry about others and what they would do or tell you that you should do. Look within yourself and ask yourself, "what is it the I want?" I personally see nothing wrong with waiting until you finish your studies to marry if that is what you want. Allah knows what is in your heart. Allah hu alem.


  6. I disagree with some of the others that marriage is not to be delayed at your age. You're still too young and not that mature to know what to look for or prioritize in order to get the best husband you can possibly have (and believe me, you want a good husband, not to be trapped in a bad marriage where your husband neglects you!).

    Honestly, all those Muslims who marry "just to not commit zina" or "because they love each other", they often end up in horrible marriages after a short while, because they never thought things more thoroughly through than that initital reason that they got married for. A lot of times these people end up committing other sins, like maltreating their spouse severely.

    I also don't believe that any humanbeing is so much like an animal that he or she cannot control their sexual urges until someone good.

    • I second that.

    • Assalaamu'alaikum Wa Rahmatoullaahi Wa Barakaatuh...

      Look, Nikkah is half of the Imaan. I don't know what's going on with the muslim nowadays. You accept not to practice a sunnah of our beloved prophet (PBUH) and consider your education worthier than the wisdom of the Best of Mankind (PBUH). I'm not saying to study is Haraam, no...Alhamdulillah you can study but you are giving importance to something of lesser benefit over a much more worthier deed. Actually this is the trick of shaitwan...make you think that "study my dear its better because in nikah there are many trouble waiting for you, are you not fine now".

      Allahu Akbar...those man coming to you, don't think that they need you, actually for sure you letting go a good partner of your Life. Remember the ratio of man & woman are not the same. In america it has reached; 10 women for 1 how many among them practice Deen Islam as it should be, its very few sister. Now just think if you're among these girl worthy to have such a husband, this to you need to think. Remember i don't know what kind of study you are doing right opinion its something for this world, am i wrong?

      Ya Allah Azza Wajal, we need help. I'll ask you now; how many surah you know by heart and their translation too? I'm not judging you sister...just ponder on it, how the unbeliever is keeping us Busy, away from our Deen. Do you think we need to study bachelor, master, Doctor and so on of any course. Why we do so nowadays, its because to our food and necessities, right!!! But who said that the food come from their. We said we have to make effort to get our Rizk but today our necessities has become ou goal & we have forgot our Purpose on this earth. If you take a look at the life of the Sahaba (RA), never did the Prophet (PBUH) told them to go & work but everytime, He encouraged them to perform prayer & Alhamdulillah help was coming from Salaah. Till now its the same thing but our Imaan are weak, that's the problem. All the problem today is because of us, muslim. And what we do, we point our finger at the western or the unbeliever to such and such thing. Allah Ta'ala take decision on the deed of muslim not non-muslim. So, of today our palestine people are suffering and starvation in African countries, its due to the action of the muslim.

      What i want to tell you is that you're giving importance of something of this world over Deen. Sister Alhamdulillah soon i'm going for master in engineering too but everysecond of my life, i put Deen first. For example, you have 0 & 1, ok...1 is Allah Ta'ala, i mean Islam and 0 is everything on this earth, work, comfort, i mean everything good on this earth. Now just imagine you are working hard to get all the goodness of this world, education, comfort, good food, Alhamdulillah a very nice house, car and many other things. Alhamdulillah all this is fine. So, you are accumulating alot of 0. And then when you have time you work on your Imaan which mean 1. So, you are giving priority to 0 over 1. So, now think of this; alot of 0 then you place the 1; 00000000000000001, what is the outcome...its one. But imagine, you work on your Deen first, always its about your Imaan then afterwards your free time is about this world. So, you putting forward the 1 first then the 0; 100000000000000000000, now see the value. Its above our imagination. So, sister if you put your deen first and you sacrifice your world, thats where actually Allah Azza Wajal raise you up till your name is taken in the best of Assembly, the assembly of the Angels. Where Allah Ta'ala will love you and will tell all the angels to love you too, i mean all & all the angels that exist.

      Today people are living a life of trial and error. So, don't be one of them. Adina Mohammadi with all respect i don't agree with you. First of all, in Islam there is no such thing about love before marriage. If its so like you are telling right now, its from shaitwan. Now, you'll tell me its not you, its other muslim brothers & sisters. Yea true, i do agree with you. What i want to share with you sister Adina why from today you don't start to make Da'wah to these muslim, i mean share your knowledge to them. Insha-Allah you'll see that this will help them out. The problem today is that we don't care for our muslim brothers & sisters, if we do, its very little. Look at the sahaba (RA), they were dying in the battle and when water was brought to them, what they said, give it to my muslim brother next to me, he need it more than me. But today, we put forward our Nafs, our desire over a muslim. Another thing Adina, one of the goodness of Nikah is to protect our private part, meaning to refrain from Zina, its a barrier. This is one of the benefit of nikah, so, its obvious and permissible for a muslim to marry so as this protect him/her from zina. Actually you something very simple; who do you think shaitwan will try to fool (attack)......someone practicing Deen or someone taking Deen for granted??? If those muslim who got married a very young age and are divorcing right now, its not because they are not mature or don't have education, its just because they are not practicing Deen properly. Remember the words of the Quraan also where Allah Ta'ala say accordingly that you'll get a partner as you are. If you have made effort on your Imaan for sure you'll get a good husband. But if you have work hard to get reputation or become an educational person, thats what you'll get & that's where the problem start. Praying is not Islam completely, its just one part of it. We need to struggle in the path of Allah Azza Wajal.

      The problem today is many among us focus on our necessities but not the purpose of life and when its time to get married they want someone who knows deen, follow deen properly. If you want someone to respect you, someone who knows your right, treats you well and many other good things of married life; change your perception from now. Make deen your goal not your necessities. Our sister here should be working hard and Alhamdulillah i appreciate it. Now sister ask yourself if you doing same or more effort for your Deen. If yes Alhamdulillah, i'm proud of you but if not, its time to change.

      Where you go around the world, there is problem, everywhere. You know WHY!!! Its because we are not practicing Deen properly, its because there is no Da'wah as it should be. The love that every muslim should have for each other, its gone. Very little amonut of muslim consider this nowadays. Sometime i ask myself, Alhamdulillah all the editors on this website have Masha-Allah a very good knowledge of Deen, why don't they leave their home and go around the world and make Da'wah or even in their locatlities. And Alhamdulillah if they are doing so, hats off, Allah Ta'ala will reward you enormously, that much that your heart can't imagine. One thing, Da'wah on website is Alhamdulillah very good. But leaving your family, comfort like the Sahaba (RA) is just awesome. This is where Hidaayah of this world come from; when you invest your wealth, life and time in the path of Allah Ta'ala.

      I'm really Sorry if i was rude to anyone, didn't mean. My Du'a is with you all and remember me too in your Du'a. Last but not least, please remember that our purpose on this earth is to worship Allah Azza Wajal Al Maalikul Mulk alone, thats it, nothing more nothing less. Don't ever think that our work or degree will bring us food, nope...its our prayer(Salaah).

      • Brother, I have not said that marriage isn't important or that people should not get married, I only said that people need to put more thought into marriage than they do. I don't think there's anything wrong with that advice, especially considering that on this forum we read about peoples' very real marriage problems every day that could've easily been prevented, really. A lot of those problems stem from the fact that people didn't give marriage a thorough thought, they just married "to not commit zina" - which, yes, is a valid reason islamically to get married, but one also has to think practically and consider what reality is like and how likely a marriage will be good and last, in this day and age, when you marry just for the sake of zina. Allah has told us to marry, but He has not told us to be stupid with marriage, you know? And I'm sorry, a 17 year old girl does not know how to choose a decent husband for herself, I should know, I have been a 17 years old girl. I definitely did not understand what to prioritize in a man at that age, as I'm sure lots of young girls do not. If you're 17 and you don't want to marry at this point, what's wrong with that? Islam isn't about forcing people to marry when they're not ready for it and can keep away from sin. There's no rule that say "you have to get married in your teens, or else...".

        • Assalaamu'alaikum Wa Rahmatoullaahi Wa Barakaatuh...

          Masha-Allah...Sister Adina Alhamdulillah i really appreciate your care/worry of Nikkah...really i'm telling you very little person have fikr for Deen like you nowadays. Sister nikkah is something in human nature. If the Prophet (PBUH) encourages young guy who can afford to marry early, meaning the girl will be younger than the guy, do you think there is any lack in the Wisdom of the Best of Mankind (PBUH). Sister by the time you reach the age of puberty, you can get married.

          The problem come from the man side. Even they are very young, Alhamdulillah they will live peacefully by the time they follow Islam as it should be, thats it. But what happen is due to the fitna, media, entertainment (TV), music and many things that affect our Imaan badly, keeping us busy, that destroy our married life when we get married early. Why?? Because we have not work on our Imaan properly. The time you work on your Imaan, Allah Azza Wajal will bless you with Wisdom & knowledge and Alhamdulillah you'll live happily in life. Sister, everything of this world is about Islam, nothing else. Our brain can not understand Islam. We just need to follow Islam as taught to us by Nabi-e-Kareem (PBUH).

          Sister everyone's fate is different. Your destiny & others differ from each other. I you had got married at that age, its your destiny...otherwise it would have not happen. Take note that everything that happen is always in the control of Allah Ta'ala. Remember that Allah Azza Wajal said in the Quraan accordingly that Good is from HIM and Bad is from us.

          Last but not least sister, Adam (AS) face trouble because of Islam...if you see the life of all Prophet (AS) and their followers, all of them faced problem. Yahya (AS) was even slaughtered because of this Deen, even Zakariya (AS) was sawed into 2. Now, think of Nabi-e-Kareem (PBUH) how many difficulties he faced because of Islam to propagate. He also face problem with his Wives. Now what about us sister. Sister Allah Ta'ala says in the Quraan accordingly that those who struggle in the path of Allah Ta'ala got the good news of paradise. So sister i'm not telling you that marriage mean suffer. Maybe Allah Azza Wajal is testing these couples or maybe they have done something bad before & Allah Ta'ala is purifying them. Sister, remember if we are facing problem its due to our Action. So, ponder on your situation and try to find out the fault.

          Finally sister the key to a better life is we need to keep constant Da'wah (teach & learn from others) towards Islam with good characters (helping others & etc), stay always in the state of Wudhu(purity) and Zikr(remembrance of Allah Ta'ala), follow Deen 100% (Quraan and Hadith), be kind towards the creature of Allah Azza Wajal, be sincere and patient.

          Sister i apologise for everything i said. For sure i'm not in your situation but i'll make Du'a for you sister that Allah Ta'ala give you & your family tranquility of the Heart, Imaan and a wonderful Life on this earth & hereafter. Take Care and be steadfast in your Salaah. The solution of all your problems is in prayer (Salaah).

          May Allah Ta'ala bless us all...

          • All you say sounds good, brother, but you're very unrealistic, with all due respect. You say "if people did this and that, there wouldn't be any problem". Yes, that's right, but reality is that people do not do this and that so there ARE problems, and as peopl who lives in reality, you can't NOT take that into account and view marriage as something small that you just jump into with the first person who proposes marriage. As I said, neither Allah or the prophet has told us to take a very stupid and failure-esque approach to marriage. Statistics show (yes, even with Muslims) that people who in this day and age (which is the day and age we have to go by) marry too young, end up divorced. When statistics clearly state that, why do we as Muslims choose to ignore that, get cocky and believe that we do not fail in marriage? We do! So why not do ourselves a favour and NOT be part of the statistics?

            It kind of sounds to me like you have isolated yourself from reality so much that you have no idea what real people in society are actually like. The only thing you have to go by is how things "should" be, not how they actually are...

  7. Salaams,

    You'd be better off to research the requirements of marriage and work towards how you can meet them. A woman should not delay marriage for flimsy reasons. If a man is suitable following your research then you should take the opportunity.

    There are many women who start off like this and prioritise their own education and careers and end up becoming too independent. Then they are stuck without a spouse or if they do get married, they have difficulties within the marriage as the husband finds it too much of a challenge to be competing against his own wife.

    Pursuing an education is a duty for all Muslims as the Prophet SAW said. However be careful you don't to want become consumed by your quest for a career and then find yourself heading for your thirties without a spouse.

    At the end of the day, a woman should be educated but bear in mind that ultimately she will hope to be a wife and mother. Feminism is a poison that has created so much fitnah. People won't like that because it's 'old-fashioned' .

    Believe me I have seen many friends and some family members who ache for lost opportunities to be a wife and mother. One friend has a great resume, travelled the world and earned plenty of money. She then got married in haste in her thirties, only for it to barely last a year. My own arranged marriage didn't work out and I tried to comfort her with that, but her reply was at least I have children and a purpose.

    So in summary, if you come across an ideal spouse, who would be supportive of you completing your education then take the opportunity. At the end of the day a decent man is going to want his wife to be educated as she will be the mother of his kids. However, no man wants a wife who is superior to him.

    I hope that makes sense, I'm in a rush.

    Take care.

  8. "A woman should not delay marriage for flimsy reasons. If a man is suitable following your research then you should take the opportunity."

    It's an even worse idea to get married for flimsy reasons. Marriage is a big deal! It's half our deen completed! So you better marry someone who completes you WELL. And for the record, wanting to establish oneself is not a flimsy reason to avoid marriage for a while - especially when you're only 17.

    Also, I have a problem with people suggesting that youngsters get married early, but tell them they can remain at their parents' house until they're ready to move in together. Why do parents have to still look after their married children? If a man or a boy is not in a position to financially support a wife and children, then why suggest marriage to them? It's not parents' islamic responsibility to support and keep their married children in their house.

    "There are many women who start off like this and prioritise their own education and careers and end up becoming too independent."

    "Too independant"? What does that mean?

    "Then they are stuck without a spouse or if they do get married, they have difficulties within the marriage as the husband finds it too much of a challenge to be competing against his own wife."

    Marriage is not a competition or a battle of the sexes. Whoever views marriage like that, yes, they would indeed be the most happy with a spouse who is always beneath them in some way. But I'd say it's a insecurity issue on the man's part, not something a woman should accept as normal and live by.

    A person can actually be very independant and still be in need of a spouse...

    "Pursuing an education is a duty for all Muslims as the Prophet SAW said. However be careful you don't to want become consumed by your quest for a career and then find yourself heading for your thirties without a spouse."

    So what if people end up in their 30s with no spouse? I'm in my mid 20's and have never been married. Not because I don't want to get married, but because I, unlike my married, remarried and divorced friends, don't want to marry anybody - and I only want to marry once and never get divorced. Unfortunately, it takes an unexpectedly LOT of time to find the kind of Muslim man who's not going to make my life a living hell, like a lot of the Muslim (and non-Muslim) women who write in here on this blog every day are living in such marriages :). Are these unhappily married Muslims, stuck in bad and even unislamic marriages, better and more righteous Muslims than single Muslims who just mind their own business and do their best to, in halal ways, find someone who will treat them with dignity and respect? But can't seem to find it, even when they've hit 30+.

    Not marrying is not actually a sin, as such - so why do we Muslims treat singlehood - whether voluntary on involuntary - like it's some bad sin? Some of the prophets never married and never had children - are they not just as noble as those prophets who had wives and children?

    "At the end of the day, a woman should be educated but bear in mind that ultimately she will hope to be a wife and mother. Feminism is a poison that has created so much fitnah. People won't like that because it's 'old-fashioned' ."

    I'm not a feminist and hate feminism, because the modern version of it is to basically promote free sex, free abortion and other sexual related things. I can't really take that seriously, one bit. But as a woman, I do get very upset and sad to see other women advice each other to "not be too independant, because men can't cope with that" and to get married when they're really not ready to do it - and call this a flimsy reason to avoid marriage. You don't have to be a feminist to promote women-friendly agendas...especially when they do not contradict Islam in any way.

    "Believe me I have seen many friends and some family members who ache for lost opportunities to be a wife and mother. One friend has a great resume, travelled the world and earned plenty of money. She then got married in haste in her thirties, only for it to barely last a year."

    The problem was not her age, but her haste, because people like you put pressure on her - you make her think that she needs to get married in a hurry, because getting married when you're older is wrong. If no one had given her the idea that she's getting old, she might not have married someone bad in haste. My aunts often tell me that I'm getting too old and need to get married ASAP, but the guys I've been presented to so far are rubbish husband material, so I've said no thanks.

    • Everyone's entitled to an opinion. Just because you don't like what you read doesn't mean you're correct.

    • Sister Adina,

      You my dear are one very smart young lady. Marriage is a big deal and not some game to roll the dice and hope for the best. You can get a great education and find a suitable spouse all while keeping away from zina. Life is about making choices ...good choices. If a sister feels that it is in her best interest to delay marriage for the purpose of completing her studies, so be it. It is Allah and Allah alone who knows what is in her heart.


  9. So, you are saying that a divorced woman should not advise another sister? You are doing exactly the same thing that is happening in Ummah today i-e; judging this sister when you hardly know in what circumstances she divorced or whether she put enough effort to prevent it from happening. After all it's always a woman's fault that she got divorced?

    I sincerely don't understand why someone who is divorced is telling people how they should behave and degrade themselves to make a marriage work when she herself admits that her own marriage didn't work.

    Care to explain how she was promoting women's degradation by advising this sister? What exactly did she say that you came to this conclusion?

    Yes, education is important and none of my married friends (not many though) married so called submissive, illiterate, immature women who can't make their own decision as in always depending on their husband. In this day and age, it's to a man's benefit to marry a woman who is educated, independent, wise and mature. (I don't expect you to agree on this though)

    I don't mean to carry on debating here with you sister but think what you are saying, you may as well be hurting someone. If someone said something then it's better to withdraw from that situation/leave that argument.


    • No, that's not what I'm saying, brother. Anyone can give advice, but seriously, Rashida came quite aggressive to this sister, who is only 17 years old! Not to mention that I personally thought it's ludacris to advice a 17 year old to get married. Someone who's already been married should know more than anyone how much work a marriage is - and seriously ask him- or herself if a 17 year old is ready for such responsibilities.

      Well, this sister basically advised her little sister to always be "below" a man, independancewise, which I find very insulting as a woman. Why should a woman be more dependant on a man than a man on a woman? How is that Islam? Instead of directing her critique at insecure men, who can't handle to see their wife succeed, if it's more than them, she's directing her critique at sisters who are succeeding. I do understand that men like to feel like the man of the house, like the provider and that his wife needs him - but again, an independant woman is not synonomous with not needing a husband and relying on him for things.

      Well, I guess we have our culture differences. Where I live and have grown up (Scandinavia) we're not really into leaving things that bother us alone for the sake of the peace and hurt feelings, so yeah, it is hard for me to not answer back when I read something I feel like needs to be adressed.

  10. To the people who are indirectly condeming marriage of young people.

    How would you defend Hazart Ayesha's marriage with Prophet PBUH ? She married at the age of 9,some say 10 ?

    Some people claim that marrying young is not a good idea.Well,the non-muslims,majority of them loose their virginity by the age of 17 or 18. Why can't muslims develop legal islamic relations(marriage) in their youth ? Just because of stupid reasons.

    People might think that eveyone can hold them off before marriage but they are highly mistaken.Everyone has weakness and there is no guarantee that a person will be able to hold his or her chastity till marriage,regardless of his/her religious affiliation and devotion to his/her religion.

    Do you really want our youth to indulge in zina(this goes especially to western muslims) ?

    Some of the above comments reeks feminism.They are indireclty attacking young marriages.It is clearly evident from the tone with which they have typed.

    Women seem to think that they can go on delaying marriage,expecting unreasonable or more accurately ridiculous demands to be met. They are under this illusion and they would probably come out of this nonsense when they would be nearing their end of child bearing years. No wonder,you have articles in the magazines and newspaper,citing high number of single muslim women beyond the age of 30s and 40s , unable to get marriage,yet educated.

    The infection of feminism has now deeply infiltrated in the minds of muslim women and to some extent to muslim men.We are seeing a new terminology " muslim feminism" emerging. This situation is further aggravated by some of the new converts who bring their feminist notions and mix it up with islam and also by the muslim youth in the west that are acquiring education in western institues. Only,firm islamic knowledge will be able to equip them with abilities to tackle this issue.

    • Well, I'm Shia Muslim and we don't believe Aisha was that young when she married, first of all. Second of all, you can't compare the norms of a society from over 1000 years ago to society today. In most countries, even where the population is majorly Muslim, it's strictly illegal in 2013 to marry at 9 years old, not to mention that most 9 year olds in this day and age haven't even hit puberty yet. So it's easy to defend why it was okay to marry at 9 over 1000 years ago, and why that's not a very good idea in 2013.

      People are talking a lot about peoples' right to marry young - but again, no one has answered me on how a 17 year old boy is supposed to support his 17 years old wife. Most of you just want to dump that responsibility on the parents of these KIDS. Yes, KIDS. How is that fair, that parents have to financially support their married children and maybe even their kids, too, if they've had kids at 17-18?

      I'm realy annoyed by you having brought up feminism twice now. I can't see where feminism is an issue at all! But if it makes you feel better to call some os feminists, then go ahead, I don't really care. To me you're a sewer rat, so that's what I'm going to call you, if you call me feminist :).

      If people are too weak to control their urges, maybe that's what they should work on instead up jumping in to a marriage at 17.

      I also don't understand why everyone seem to have ignored what I mentioned: that statistics show that people marrying young have a way higher risk at ending up divorced than people who marry later in life. It's really naive to think that 17 year olds don't still grow and may in just a few years totally change - not just themselves, but their view of marriage and their choice of husband/wife, too.

      • Well, I'm Shia Muslim and we don't believe Aisha was that young when she married, first of all

        Thank you for telling that in the beginning of your comment.It explains a lot about your belief.

        Everyone must take note of this critical point before taking her comments seriously.

        I am out.

        • Assalaamu'alaikum Wa Rahmatoullaahi Wa Barakaatuh...

          Sister Adina i respect all your advice but you just give the death blow to all your advice. Actually your school of thoughts is different to ours, thats all. Our sister here is a sunni sister and we all stick to the norms of our old muslim society which is over 1000 years like you said.

          The time of Nabi-e-kareem (SAW) is the past for us but the key to paradise, nothing has changed & none will be changed.

          So, sister nily work on your Taqwah rather than your education. Put forward your deen, the world will come after you. Do you think its because you're going to classes thats why you acquire knowledge. No sister its just because Allah Ta'ala wants you to get this kind of knowledge that's why you memorize it. Knowledge is from Allah Azza Wajal but if you have Taqwah...everything will be fine. Do you think you need knowledge to be able to get married. To be a daughter, Wife, mother & etc are in your blood. By the time you have Allah Al Malikul Mulk in your heart, automatically it will develop in your heart and you'll live a happy life. Like a sister said above about Ayesha (RA), just 9 years old but look how her life is. She is just a normal girl like girls nowadays. But what brought her to high status in society, its her love for Allah Ta'ala & Nabi-e-kareem (SAW).

          So, my opinion is by the time you're studying if ever someone ask for your hand, make Salaatul Istikhaarah. That's it, because Allah Ta'ala help will be coming to you & no doubt there is no bad outcome in Allah Azza Wajal's help...there is always khair.

          I wish you the best in life, take care and be steadfast in your prayer with FULL OF CONCENTRATION, DEVOTION & SINCERITY.


  11. this is real childish. the comments are going out of control, if no one has any decent advice to give its best kept quiet. i think the editors should close the comment section.

    ma salama

  12. Ahmed and Najah are right. I have deleted about ten comments just now. And since the post has received some constructive advice, I am closing it to further comments.

    Personal insults are not allowed on this forum. Adina, you are on moderated status now.

    Wael Editor

  13. Salaam,

    I wanted to add one thing I remembered! I listened to a lecture a yaer back by Faraz Rabbani about marriage where he discussed the issue of marriage and when to look etc. He said that the sunnah is when you are ready, seek marriage. He also talked about how marriage is an emphasised sunnah, it is something to be encouraged and it is something beautiful but in some cases it can be obligatory (if one is at risk of falling into sin) and in other cases it can be makrooh (if one is unable to fulfill the rights of a spouse.) So things are not always black and white in life.

    He also discussed 'readiness'. What is being 'ready.' He defined it as knowing your spouse's rights over you and your rights over him/her and knowing your responsibilities and being fairly confident you can fulfill them.
    This is what he said - in a nutshell.

    I agree with this - I also think one needs to start getting to know themselves, their strengths, weaknesses. And unusually the search for a spouse teaches you a lot about yourself - there are lessons to be learnt. Even to an extent getting yourself educated can be an important stepping stone to finding a spouse if it helps you find 'yourself', provided it doesnt lead to one becoming bossy or overly arrogant (which usually is not the case anyway).

    So according to what he said (and I think he's a Sheikh) it's not sinful - as long as you are not falling into sin. Are you really 17 years old? If so, you are quite young so InshaAllah you will have some good prospects and I wouldnt worry too much. There is this ideology that it's either find a spouse or get an education. But one can do both - so keep an open mind. Keep getting closer to Allah and use education as a means to this too! If you feel you are ready then do look into any proposals you may be interested in. But if you do not then that is your choice - you need to do what's right for you little sister. And only you know that.

    Just make sure whatever you do, any correspondance with proposals is within Islamic boundaries and make sure you are comfortable. Never accept someone just because you 'feel you should.' Also there are other steps one can take to prepare oneself such as marriage preparation courses and information etc. Do them early on and InshaAllah when the time comes you will be more clued up.

    And of course do istikhaarah - scrollto top of page and see link istikhaarah qs and as to see how to do it properly.

    Do read this post below as well when you get the chance.

    May Allah give you and us all success in this life and the next and bless us all with a loving pious spouses

    Sara Editor