No One Will Marry Me – Is There a Spell on Me?
March 30, 2007
This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, the IslamicAnswers.com and Zawaj.com Editor and Administrator.
QUESTION:
Dear Wael,
I am over 30 years old and in my lifetime I have had over 15 marriage proposals and still get but every single one did not and does not happen and I've been told that a relation of mine who is jealous has put strong evil to stop me from ever getting married.
So even once the proposal comes, the moment we're about to finalize everything the opposite party looks for excuses not to continue, this is very painful for me and my family, please advise me what solutions are there to remove the evil that is put on me and how can we stop it from constantly being put on us. I pray 5 times, I try to do good not bad, this is so painful for me as just last night again mine and my families hearts were broken when a good proposal that I got and we were going to finalise last night and suddenly for no real reason the boy decided not to go ahead and it's not the first time that this has happened it has happened over 10 times and I really need help.
- Sister Z. from Australia
WAEL ANSWERS:
Dear Sister Z., As-Salamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullah,
It sounds to me like you or your family are doing something to scare these young men off. I suggest that you ask the young man to tell you honestly what is the problem, and why did he change his mind? You said he backed out "for no real reason." This sounds as if maybe he did give you a reason, but you feel it's not genuine.
Considering how many times this has happened, you must have observed some pattern. Try to figure out what you are doing that is causing these young men to back out, and see if it's something you can change.
Glory to You Allah, we praise You, we bear witness that there is no God except You, we ask Your forgivess and we repent to You.
Best regards,
- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator
IslamicAnswers.com Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
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As someone who has been in your situation before, I'd like to leave an alternative opinion. Indeed such things does happen in my country/neighbouring countries. If you can find an ustadz capable of verifying for you whether indeed you have been put under a spell, he should also be able to remove the jinn that has been used to keep you out of marriage. There are also short surah's which you can use get rid of the evil, like the ruqyah or the mat'surat.
ture say siis
The witchcraft and evil eye (boori nazr) are true and they do happen. What you need to do is to recite surahs and duas against it. You should recite surah Falaq, Ikhlas, and Nas 3 times each after every prayer. You should recite Ayatul Kursi after every prayer. These are all from ahadith. You can go to http://www.islamqa.com and search for evil eye or witchcraft and then you will find many questions (like yours) and the scholars' answers on how to remove such evil things. You should also never forget that it is Allah without whose Will nothing happens. Trust Him and have faith in Him and recite these things and inshallah you will be fine. If you want to, you can recite the dua that Musa (alayhi salaam) recited when he was in a foreign land without a job or a family. Then he after the dua he was given a place to live, a job and a beautiful pious wife. His dua is: rabbi inni limma anzalta ileya min khairin feeqrun. It means something like 'oh lord I am in need of any good you bestow upon me.' You can find this dua in the Qur'an where his story is mentioned.
Dear try to lower the demands and compromise a lil more and make it fast in finalising and insh Allah it will solve.
had u been indian I was ready.Salaam
What the hell, how has wael or whoever replied to the young lady,like
Are you for real, is that how some gives back advice,
Instead of giving back constructive advice, you give negative remarks, how dare you
Acuse the girl and her family for misfortunes?
I really think the administrator should not be allowed to give back snobby advice!
My advice to you is, pray and do dua, try to see someone who can maybe help
With a taveez to keep away any evil actions, and inshallah pray the 4 kuls, surah falak,
Nas, iqlaas, and tahajad namaaz is amazing sister, what ever you ask for will come true read allahs name
And do zikar as much as you can, and inshala you will be fine, pateince is a virtue! Xx
Sana, I believe my advice was constructive. I was not trying to be snobby at all. When a pattern keeps occurring over and over again, the obvious step is to ask ourselves why? For example, if, every time I go for a walk, I fall down and get hurt, is it reasonable to try to blame the sidewalk? No, it's much more reasonable for me to visit the doctor and find out if I have a problem with my legs, or an inner-ear problem affecting my balance.
It's easy to blame anyone and everyone else, but more often the answer is within ourselves. It's also very easy to say, "Oh, it's magic," because such a saying allows us to avoid taking responsibility and working on our own character and behavior. I do believe that magic exists, but I think it's extremely rare and that people use it as an excuse and a cop-out far too often, when it would be more productive to work on their own character and behavior.
Many people avoid the important step of self-analysis, of looking at ourselves honestly and asking in what way are we responsible for our own situations. People avoid this because it's difficult, but avoidance is not an answer.
That's why I suggested talking to these men and asking them frankly why they changed their minds. To me this seems like such an obvious step that I am amazed that anyone would dispute it. How can you solve a problem if you don't have information?
Of course as Muslims we believe in Qadr, and we know that sometimes things happen to us from beyond our control, and we must accept them. But those are things such as birth and death, illness, the natural gifts we have been given, or natural disasters and other tragedies.
When it comes to personal relationships, more often what happens to us is a result of our own choices. Even when we are mistreated or deceived by someone else, we have a choice in how to respond. We can learn from what happened and become stronger and wiser, or we can fall into a fatalistic and victimized mentality, which only leads to more suffering.
In the end it's not about blame, it's about solving the problem, and to solve the problem we must be honest with ourselves and with others. Of course we should always turn to Allah and seek His help and guidance. This is a given. But remember that Allah says in the Quran, "Allah does not change a people until they change what is within themselves."
I'm very big on taking responsibility, and this website tends to reflect that. In part this comes from my own life experience. I have learned that we can never truly address our problems, or find healing and forgiveness for our past mistakes, until we admit our mistakes to ourselves and to Allah, and look honestly at our own behavior. There are over ten years worth of questions answered on this website, so anyone who has browsed the website to any degree will perceive that central theme, and should expect an answer in that vein.
You are right Wael. I wish i can have a friend like you to talk to in person.
I need help.
I could not get married because of my bad character and rude behavior. I was raised in a bad way. I am spoiled, selfish, arrogant, harmful, greedy. Many people told me that i have a black heart but i quarreled with them of course and called them jealous and bad people.
Now i start to wonder if i am not the bad guy here.
How can i change myself from within??
Dear 'Yet Muslima',
I find this hadith inspiring and encouraging: Narrated Abu Dawud, that the Prophet said, “I guarantee a home in the lower part of Paradise, (this is relative, there is no ‘low’ place in Jannah, there are 100 stations, between each one is like the distance between the heavens and the earth) for the one who gives up an argument, even if he was correct, and I guarantee a home in the middle of Jannah for the one who leaves lying, even in a joke. And I guarantee a home in the highest part of paradise, for one who perfects his character.”
'Yet Muslima' - by asking us for advice you are already trying to improve yourself, this is a sign of being humble MaashaAllah. Assessing ourselves and admitting to our faults takes a lot of courage, so Alhumdulillah it is very brave of you for opening up. You have beautiful intentions; of course you can improve yourself inshaAllah.
When things go seemingly wrong, it is always good to question and assess one's own behaviour first. As Allah only improves out conditions when we try to change ourselves.
Your admittance and your intention to seek to better yourself is the first step. Make dua to Allah(swt) for help in doing righteous deeds to acheive this pure goal. Now - effort and training is required on your behalf.
- If you feel you are selfish, then you need to train yourself to consciously think of others, do things for them, help people in need.
- If you feel you are arrogant - make an effort to mix with those people you look down on; acknowledge Allah for all He has given you and do not attibute the success to yourself. Do acts of charity in private. If an arrogant thought enters your mind, fight against by seeking refuge with Allah from whisperings of Shaytan. Keep repeating something positive in order to cancel out the arrogant thought.
- In what way are you harmful? Physically? Or through words? Whatever it is, make a conscious effort to refrain from these things. If you need professional help in refraining from whatever it is that you are doing, then seek help inshaAllah. See a counsellor.
In order to improve ourselves, we also need to leave any bad company as this will no doubt influence us and make it difficult to cut away from damaging habits. Make an effort to mix with gentle, kind pious people. Learn about the beautiful character of Muhammed (saw) and you will begin to crave to be like him inshaAllah. This craving will give you an amazing amount of inspiration and encouragement.
Make a conscious effort and soon it will become a habit for you to speak gently and to be sincerely kind and loving towards others inshaAllah :O).
Read this article on 'Ten steps to improve Your Character' by Sheikh Muhammad Hassan. http://jannah.org/madina/index.php?topic=2757.0
May Allah make this journey easy for you
SisterZ (SisterZ from the UK, not the one from Australia who intially wrote this post, lol)
IT is very tough job
as it took many years of preparation to get qualities like those
what you do is totally against Islam
as Islam is religion of peace ,and you can see the life of our beloved Prophet,SAW,
it was good character that brought people forward to accept islam.
though nowadays it is a myth.
you will not see a person with good character even single one.
first make intention you truly want to change to correct path
then you have to hold onto patience in each and EVERY STEP each amal you do.
and believe in yourself that you want to follow Islam,the religion of peace and try to read translated quran as much as possible.
my x wife had same qualities plus lust what you have.
her lust had overtaken her,now she is state where she cannot show her face even to her relatives because of her single amal.(she followed lust.)
Black magic does exist and can ruin people's lives. I've been in a similar situation and I find the administrators comments/suggestions offensive and a little bit naive. There are plenty of evil people who put magic on others and marriage is something which is very commonly the thing they would like to change-either break it or stop it from happening. If a spell can be cast then it can also be removed, basis knowledge and logic tells you that.
Some suggestions would be great instead of actually being patronising and dismissing the problem altogether.
sana,
i think you are the naive one. As muslims we all believe on magics. but its so easy.
you can fail many exams, then to say to your parents ohh i am failing cos someone put a spell by jealousy. come on!
i totaly agreed with Wael. my own sister was really too much confident on herself and aggressive with her talking, loud laugh. but nice heart and mashallah so beautiful. Many guys approched her for mariage, they look so interested. but once we talk about serious, something weird happens is that nothing happens!
Once she asked one of the proposal, as she felt confortable to ask, she has very confident personality. He said this is just his estekhara. But later he admit to my brother (as he is friend of my brother initially) and told me that she is beautiful and smart but i look for a shy woman, totally covered (my sis doesnt wear hijb and wear pretty modern clothes), in brief, its like my sister scares guys.
then we advised her to be less confident cos they must think she is arrogant and wear normal clothers when a guy proposes her.
seriously, it took her a year to change cos she really understood if she doesnt change she ill never get married. or maybe an extra open minded european would. but not a muslim.
she changed and next proposal, she liked him and his family loooveeed her so much and him also.
I totally agree with Wael, when i was failing exams, my mom always pressure me to check on my original copy to check on my faults.
forget the magic, we are muslims but not only to become crazy on magic , paranoid and obssessed.
Good story, thank you.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sorry, but I think you guys did not get the whole story here.. you did not understand correctly blaming the girl both WAEL and SARAA.. the girl sisterZ has noooo problem .. its not like sh eis arrogant or rude or picky or anything she is willllingg and accepting any of those guys proposals.. its not her she is fine with any as she states above.. its the guys who is rejecting it seems like for no reason.. because they obviously wanted her in first place thats why they came for her hand otherwise if they didnt like her and wanted it they wud have never came in the first place.. and i dont think she can have said or done anything so bad when they came over for them to change their mind that quick.. especially if her and her family wanted her to get married to anyone... so it is not really much her fault... For some reason i have seen that happen before and i have no idea why.. and no matter what duas or alim u go to it doesn't seem to work.. so i have yet to find a real solution.., the only thing that can be done is to keep trying...praying and duas asking/begging allah..
And as far as jadoo, or black magic as they say... some do believe that cud have be done.. since that kinda stuff does seem to come true and happens alot all over the world... so yes for ur case too SisterZ it could be that..
And it seems WAEL (if your a male) males usually younger ones and supposedly so called modern people dont really believe in jadoo black magic and stuff..no mattter how much u say or see others going thru it.. most of the guys in US are all like that lol
Sorry i couldn't help much.. im still trying to find a solution... but I hope your situation gets better and ill make dua for u too...
Assalamoualaikoum. The matter is that am a 20yrs old girl and very much in love with a guy who is 25yrs. we both have love for 9yrs. But by the time we wanted things to be official, that is informing our parents about our relationship and we want to make our future. His parents are completely against. But eventhough we have continued to love each other, text, call and meet. He told his parents that he had swear upon quran that he will never leave my side and will marry me only, and if they doesnt agree till June- July, we going to move on. Everything was going on perfectly.
Then one day the guy asked me if i don't know any person who can make some duah or some religious rituals which can make his parents give their consent for our marriage. My neighbourg told me that she knows someone who do these things. So, i went to him. He gave me a bottle of water to do "roussal" with for 3 days. The very 1st day i bathed with the water, The guy's parents lied to him and bring him to see a girl. But at night my boyfriend told me the truth about where he went. And told me please do bathed again with the water because he wanted to stay with me and with no one else.
The 2nd day i do "roussal" with the water, my boyfriend mobile was switched off. And his cousin told me he is getting engaged on the same day. I was so shattered. And i didnt take "roussal" again with the water with fear he might get married this time. And i have stopped going to that person.
Then from another person i heard that his Mom and Uncle are doing bad things on his name to separate us. They have cast a spell on him so that he cant recognized his feelings for me. Please help me. What duah or Durood should i need to read
Farzana, no one cast any spell, and it has nothing to do with the "roussal". His parents pressured him to marry someone else, he agreed, and that's why he stopped contacting you. Sorry about your difficulties. You have to let go of this guy and move on.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
ASSALMUALAIKUM (Wrwb) i wanna know meaning of the name WAEL...
Alesha, there was actually a question about this that was previously answered. See it here:
Is Wael a good name?
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Suratul Furqan: A.74
And those who say: "Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqûn"
Suratul Qasas: A.24
So he watered (their flocks) for them, then he turned back to shade, and said: "My Lord! truly, I am in need of whatever good that You bestow on me!"
After Musa AS made this dua he got a wife and a job
Surah Nooh: A. 10 - 12
"I said (to them): 'Ask forgiveness from your Lord; Verily, He is Oft-Forgiving; (10) 'He will send rain to you in abundance; (11) 'And give you increase in wealth and children, and bestow on you gardens and bestow on you rivers.' "
Nooh AS advises his people to seek Allah's forgiveness and in return they would receive what is mentioned in the ayat.
Understand from the above what you will, look up the Arabic if need be, you can also ask Allah using your own language.
You can even compose your own dua like Allahummarzuqnee bi zawjatin saalihatin, jameelatin.
Oh Allah, provide me with a pious, beautiful wife.
And tahajjud is a must. Absolutely. One would be silly not to.
Whether or not your wife will be as you have expressed your desire for her to be is not guaranteed and it may be that Allah tests you through her or vice versa.
Ultimately know that things will happen when they are destined to do so, so make use of your time whilst you wait.
Wassalamu 'alaikum