Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Non Bengali Man wants to Marry Bengali Girl

marriage islam nikah purpose ofSalaam, brother and sisters I will make this brief.

My friend (Bengali Girl) has been very good friends with a non Bengali guy for 10 years.

They are best friends and would like to marry.

The Man recently converted to Islaam.

He is of good character, and a very decent honourable guy any woman would be happy to Marry.

But of course he is not Bangladeshi. Indeed he is not even Asian.

He wants to meet his best friends (Bengali Girl) Father and ask for his daughter hand in marriage.

What would you advise him to say? Is there anyway he can impress the father?

The girl has told her father and her Mother and they are planning to disown her if she Marries this Non Bengali Man.

Any advice is much appreciated.

Thank you

-brothermo


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10 Responses »

  1. Some parents of subcontinent want to preserve their culture by marrying within their community.They may not feel comfortable in allowing their children to marry people from other cultures.They are just trying to protect their daughter.

    You may check out this link http://www.zawaj.com/interracial-marriages-in-islam/

    • "They are just trying to protect their daughter."

      Protect their daughter from what?

      "He is of good character, and a very decent honourable guy any woman would be happy to Marry."

      A man like that?

  2. Salaam alykuum

    The problem your friend is encountering is nothing new. Bangladeshis just Indians and Pakistanis are conservative in their outlook. When it comes to seeking a spouse, parents seek potential compatibility - that is looking at the family and potential spouses background, education, values etc. Usually many Bangladeshis marriages are successful however, many marriages with huge cultural differences are not seen as suitable and Bangladeshi parents are not too keen on the idea of their son or daughter marrying outside their culture. Your may has two options - seek advice from a Islamic Schloar or forget about the relationship (not easy - I know).

  3. Assalamualaikum,

    It is very difficult to solve such issues. It is difficult to change people having a closed mind. If anyone can advise them and make them open-minded somehow, this may work, in sha Allah, with Allah's Tawfeeq. Otherwise, even Islam may not have an effect on them. And Allah Knows Best.

    Abu Abdul Bari
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. As-salamu alaykum brothermo,

    I suggest that the man visit the girl's parents and bring the Imam of the masjid with him. If he can find a Bengali Imam who is sympathetic to his case, and who can make the case to the parents that what matters in Islam is character and faith, not race, then he may have a chance.

    Or maybe not. Some parents can be very stubborn and will adhere to their culture above all, even above Islam.

    I have to admit that my suspicions are also aroused by the fact that the couple have been "best friends" for years. It may be that the parents suspect this man of behaving improperly with their daughter and they are biased against him, perhaps justifiably. Allahu 'alam.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. Well, I don't know much about it.

    But if you're A muslim you can marry another Muslim from any race I believe!

  6. This is a very unfortunate situation because I had a close friend of mine who is Bengali and it is very hard for her to get married because her parents would not accept anyone outside of Bangladesh. The family is traditional and these types of families will even disown their own child if they do go against their wishes. I have not met any Bengali woman or man who has married a non Bengali person, I am sure there are some out there but I haven't yet seen an interracial marriage within the Bengali community.

    Just keep praying, nothing is impossible with Allah. He created our hearts and He can change them. It may be very difficult and you may later realize that their minds won't change. It is very difficult to see your daughter with a "stranger", but if you are serious about marriage and try your best to convince them then maybe there will be a chance. You just have to stop being "best friends." This is not allowed in Islam.

    I ask all of you whoever is reading this to pray for my friend and pray for all the people going through this type of hardship, including the ones who brothermo is speaking of. Parents do not even know what they are doing is making it easier for their children to fall into zina. May Allah protect us from this.

  7. well i know of a couple like that. my family friend (indian background, urdu speaking girl) married her classmate who is a bangladeshi boy( bengali speaking) while they were staying in oman with their respective families nd every1 in his family was very happy about it.
    i still dont get why this is such a huge deal with some people and ' no issue at all ' with some others.

    im cluless.

  8. It all depends on the mindset of the family/parents individually, as you can imagine.

    While of course I know Bangladeshis adhere to tradition and do not want their future generations to stray from it, in the last few decades [more so recently] I have also seen many interracial marriages by Bangladeshis...both men and women.

    A lot of modern parents [and their children] do not find this to be very different from marrying a Bengali who has been born/brought up abroad and has little connection left with his/her Bengali roots...ultimately, they are able to see the importance of being compatible, having utmost respect for each others' families and traditions and being good, pious, honest and honourable human beings as being the defining factors of a partner.

    In addition to the suggestions given by others above, I would like to add, ask your friend to be patient, and go into it with an open mind. He should be able to demonstrate to the girl's parents that he is deserving of their daughter even after not being a Bengali, and show respect for their opinions. But he has to do this gradually and be open to skepticism. The parents could be worried about the girl and her future children losing touch with tradition, he has to demonstrate he will respect and even participate in them. Ultimately things will work out if Allah wishes, if not, it is perhaps not to be.

  9. Assalaamualaikum, bro. Islam do not believe in racism, cast-ism or this n that......So follow Quran n Sunnah and forget everything else. Tell him first take a musalla, do wudhu and read two rakah of Salatul Hajat and just one tear will be fine In Sha Allah. Allah is always with us. Stay with Haque. And request humbly to her parents and tell them what he wants that he wanna marry their daughter and if Allah finds Khair (goodness) in their future then they will agree and if not then tell him to be patient. Allah knows the realities of hearts. Take care. Jazaak Allah Khair. Wassalaamualaikum

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