Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Relationship with a non-Muslim man for 5 years but he questions Islam.

depressed girl woman

Assalamalaikum,

Forgive me, this might be a long post but I'm really conflicted and not at peace. Jazakallah for reading.

I am a Muslim girl, born and raised in a Muslim family. I have always done everything "right" in life, was always that child from that family who studied well, who dressed modestly (I don't hijab though but I dress modestly), who always spoke with respect to everyone. Even after moving to United States, I didn't feel the need to have a boyfriend until I started college. A non-muslim had approached me and became friends with me. I have so many non-muslim friends and so many approached me before but I have always turned everyone down. On the other hand, he was such a nice person and he never asked for my number until I was ok with it. He tried to learn about my culture and eventually I couldn't resist his charm anymore and we got into a relationship.

That was 5 years ago. We are still together. He told me he will always keep our relationship secret until I want him to but he tells me he can't wait until the day he can show the world that I'm his partner. I have taught him about Islam, about my culture, about how I see my future and my children who will learn Islam. Nobody knows about our relationship since 5 years, just him and I.

With him, I grew into this confident and wiser individual. He taught me so much about life, family and love. He himself went through poverty, loss and rejection his entire life. Now that I'm finally at that age when both of us have our career going and I'm ready to get married, I'm so scared to bring him up to my parents. Firstly, because I have committed such a big sin, I have been with a man before I got married. I'm so scared of all my relatives judging me and not respecting me for marrying out of the race. Every time I see him, he looks at me with loving eyes and I do the same but I feel so guilty.  He in fact helped me so much with my anger issues. When he sees somebody in trouble, he is always the first to jump and help them out.

Will Allah punish me for having chosen a man who is not a Muslim but has heart of gold? Will He ever forgive me for committing Zinaa? Every time I talk to my other Muslim male friends, who express sunnas when they talk and how they love going to Saudi and do haj, I think about him and how he doesn't think the same. He might never mention any hadiths or sunnas in his conversation to my children, not because he doesn't care, but he might not be all that aware even after converting. He isn't against living in a society like Saudi but he is all for women rights because he has seen women being treated badly all his life, so he thinks that hijab limits women and the society in Saudi doesn't let most women be who they want to be. I get his point of view, but if this was a Muslim man, I wouldn't even have to explain why this bothers me so much.

I have always been guilty since 5 years but I cannot just let go of him, for I love him and I want to marry him. He wants to marry me too. But when I think of him and Islam, I flinch. I know that I can't change some of his views, but I know he will be a Muslim someday. However, he doesn't agree with everything Islam says. What do I do? In the back of my head, I'm scared that my kids might not follow Islam closely because their father will not be as religious. But than I think of how wise he is and how compassionate he is to everyone, including strangers, and it makes me happy that my kids will learn that kindness and compassion from my husband. I'm also scared that my parents will never accept him, especially because of his race, religion and culture. I am scared that my parents won't trust me after this. I'm scared that Allah subhanatallah will not forgive me because I don't think I can stay away from him. But him questioning some things in Quran makes him a bad person? Does that mean he can never be a true Muslim. I always pray and cry and ask for help in my duas but I always end up feeling conflicted. Please help.

ultimate212x

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47 Responses »

  1. 1. you could marry a muslim person and be unhappy
    2. marry an non muslim and be unhappy
    3. marry a non muslim and be happy
    4. marry a muslim and be happy

    seems like the 4th option is the best, but the next best has to be 3. So if you have the right person, then option 3 might be better.

    Plus will conversion really change a persons nature? Sometimes conversion is only external. i know many muslims who drink, smoke, prostitutes, and I know many non muslims who do not do any of this

    it is all at an individual level

    Plus if you have already entered into a physical relationship with him, that bears weight too

    • Assalaamualaikam

      It is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man. So, options 2 and 3 aren't really options, Islamically. Option 1 wouldn't be that great, either. There are numerous reasons behind Islamic marriage guidance, and the teachings come from Allah, so should be followed by practising Muslims.

      As this is an Islamic website, it's important that we do not steer people towards or encourage actions which are contrary to Islam.

      Midnightmoon
      IslamicAnswers.com editor

    • "So if you have the right person, then option 3 might be better"...."marry a non muslim and be happy"

      Are you serious???????

      • yes i am

        speaking from practical experience, conversion to a religion does not change a persons nature. It is just like changing clothes. Either a person is capable and desirous of following or not.

        Secondly it is much better to live with truth than create a lie on false pretences. If you want to be with someone and feel that person is your match so be it.

        I know of 2 couples both married with inter faith marriages in which neither spouse converted, and after 10 years they are going strong and have beautiful children.

        • Ben,

          Are you muslim? The issue here is not whether they can live together or not. It's about halal and haram. It is a sin for a muslim women to marry a non muslim men for whatever reason. Even if he is has the best character or manners in the world and would keep her happy. Full stop.

          If something is haram, we just have to leave it no matter how tempting or good it may seem.

        • Assalaamualaikam

          Islam is a complete way of living, and as such, has guidance for all aspects of our lives. In relation to marriage, the guidance is clear - a Muslim man is permitted to marry a woman who practises Islam, Judaism or Christianity; a Muslim woman is permitted to marry a Muslim man.

          Sometimes, people who aren't practising Islam themselves can look at guidance such as this and think "But why? Isn't that unfair?" - but if you consider the situation from other angles, there are many valid reasons why such guidance exists. For example, a Muslim woman married to a non-Muslim man may find that he encourages her not to observe her faith (such as by encouraging her not to wear hijab, to pray later in order to do other things...), or may even find that she is mistreated or abused because of her faith. From a different angle, you could consider the historical context in which the Quran was revealed to The Prophet (peace be upon him) and the need in that context for women to have additional rights and protection from persecution and discrimination.

          Midnightmoon
          IslamicAnswers.com editor

        • @ben
          Firstly, you are absolutely right, it is better to live with the truth rather than false pretenses. As Islam is the truth, it is better to live with the teachings of Islam rather than false pretenses.

          I have quite often read you mentioning about a persons nature being unchangeable. I think you are in a misconception here. The resounding answer is that... people can and do change for variety of reasons. I feel quite taken aback when you say that converting is merely like changing clothes. I am not speaking about other religions but as far as converting (rather reverting) to Islam is concerned... Allah mentions in the Qur'an that if He had revealed the Qur'an on a mountain... the mountain would crumble into pieces in fear of Him.

          The Qur'an is for the heart, mind and soul. It has the power to change the most wicked of people. Let me enlighten you... before Qur'an was revealed, the arabian lands were infamous for being filled with barbaric, illiterate, ignorant and cruel people. There are many examples of people who were murderers, bandits, thieves, rapists, oppressors... and when these same people came to understand Islam and the message of Allah in the Qur'an, their very evil "nature" was shattered to the core. The murderers became protectors, the bandits became guardians, thieves became security watchers, the rapists became the most modest and chivalrous, the oppressors became the most generous. Perhaps, I cannot convince you by my words. I would suggest that you "sincerely" try understanding the message of Qur'an from a trusted scholar and see your own nature and thoughts change to its very core and insha-Allah (by the will of Allah), Allah may guide you to accept and walk this beautiful path. 🙂

          I would agree that Islam is a choice. You either follow it or you don't and as you say, it is better to live with the truth than create a lie on false pretenses. What say? Ain't it better to live with the truth that is Islam! 😉

          In Islam, interfaith marriages are not allowed except for one case (marriage of a muslim man to a christian/jewish woman, but not the opposite, i.e. marriage of a muslim woman to a christian/jewish man) which are in today's time, not recommended and highly subject to many condition.

          Also, in Islam, the success in marriage is determined by how close the husband and wife are able to come to Allah by fulfilling each others rights, which includes maintaining harmony, raising children, going through hardships, etc. The relationship works two ways, not one way and there are no dividing lines between husband and wife of religion.

          • MAY ALLAH HELP YOU IN TAKING DECISION, BUT YOU MUST REMEMBER... HUMAN AND JINN ARE BORN TO WORSHIP ALLAH NOT TO THEIR WILLS...

        • @Ben.

          1- Are you a Muslim?
          2- If you are a Muslim, are you aware that Islamic matters are not about your practical experiences?
          3- If you know that already. Do you also know that, it is a great sin to advise a Muslim to go against Islamic teachings?

          "...And cooperate with one another in virtuous conduct and conscience, and do not cooperate with one another in sin and hostility. And fear Allah. Allah is severe in punishment."

          (Quran 5: 3)

  2. Iam sure you have entered in physical relationship with , thats impossible if you are not , secondly , there are men like this who play with muslim women in the name of having interest in islam , !, he should have interest in islam for allah not any girl , rmember the verse of quran surah imran verse19 / the only acceptable religion in the sight of allah is islam//

    Its said in quran to marry a muslim slave then to marry a non muslim prince ..

    • "I am a Muslim girl, I come from a conservative religious family, I wear hijab/dress modestly, I know the Quran and the Sunnah of Prophet(pbuh),I pray five times a day, I fast in the month of Ramadan,I know this is haram, but...I love him, I can't live without him and have gone all the way with him, now what should I do ?."

      The story remains the same like following some set blue print and it repeats itself to the 'T', although the characters, places and scenarios may different each time.

      And mind you, these are not those naïve, gullible and semi-literate village girls, but highly educated sophisticated girls studying in Universities or holding good jobs, dwelling in urban areas or cities, who have good knowledge of Islam and they talk of critical thinking and logic:-)

      Surge in cases like these, nowadays points towards the degradation of moral & religious values,the failure of Muslim parenting and of our Ulema's role in guiding the Ummah.

      • And mind you, these are not those naïve, gullible and semi-literate village girls, but highly educated sophisticated girls studying in Universities or holding good jobs, dwelling in urban areas or cities, who have good knowledge of Islam and they talk of critical thinking and logic:-)

        Surge in cases like these, nowadays points towards the degradation of moral & religious values,the failure of Muslim parenting and of our Ulema's role in guiding the Ummah.

        Brother, I can't help sense some sort of "looking down" upon these girls in your words. Do the sins of others elevate any of us in the eyes of Allah swt? OR Do our own good deeds and gratefulness bring us closer to Allah swt?

        I suppose if coming here and reading the stories of different "characters" each day makes a person feel better about themselves then it does serve its purpose. But no, none of these people are characters, but they are unmistakenly real life humans--not angels. They aren't programmed to be perfect, but rather have to choose good over bad and that is part of being human--choosing.

        I never read anywhere that shaitaan attacks less or more semi-literate village girls over highly educated sophisticated girls. I also assume that girls that fornicate do so with the opposite gender, boys--the "other characters". What does any of this have to do with critical thinking skills and logic? Protection from shaitaan doesn't live in a secret place far off in a village - but rather in following the Quran whether one is educated or not.

        You are quick to blame the Muslim Parents and Ulema, but for what purpose would it serve to point one finger at someone when more fingers are just pointing back. If we aren't part of the solution, then we are part of the problem.

        • I am not looking down on them but certainly, I feel I am not obliged to sympathise with these girls.

          Do the sins of others elevate any of us in the eyes of Allah swt? You are being too presumptuous, the answer is 'No', infact I think, sins of others gives us an opportunity to thank Allah swt, as because of his blessings, he has not put us through such trials and also it warns us to be alert & not repeat the same mistakes like the people did, when faced with similar situations in our life.

          The dictionary definition of character/s is distinctive qualities: the set of qualities that make somebody or something distinctive, especially somebody's qualities of mind and feeling.

          You are mixing the word 'characters' with actors or drama artists, I did not meant to use the word to generalise and in a demeaning way for all posters.

          No one is perfect, that's why Islam shows us the way, the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh) teaches us the etiquette's of leading our earthly lives, warns us about the sins and their consequences. Justifying sins by giving excuses that humans are not perfect is a tell-tale sign of weak imaan.

          Lets be honest here, city girls are more educated, aware of their rights, aware of the laws, aware of numerous cases of failed affairs in their immediate society(read, seen,heard), than a simple girl from a conservative village but strangely that does not makes city girls more wise in taking good or bad decisions in life with respect to relations eg, getting into haram relations( not generalising, but it is a fact).

          The responsibility of the Muslim parents and Ulema can't be undermined, blaming ourselves or society for the problem or for being part of problem is cliché reasoning.

          • You may not feel obliged to feel any sympathy. To each his own. However, what good comes from your comment? How will it bring the poster closer to the path? Or are we here to admonish her?

            We can point out to her the correct path, but leave the judging to Allah.

            Making generalizations about educated girls isn't productive.

            You said:

            Lets be honest here, city girls are more educated, aware of their rights, aware of the laws, aware of numerous cases of failed affairs in their immediate society(read, seen,heard), than a simple girl from a conservative village but strangely that does not makes city girls more wise in taking good or bad decisions in life with respect to relations eg, getting into haram relations( not generalising, but it is a fact).

            If we are going to be honest, let's be. shaitaan KNOWS that Allah exists, he knows the reality of the world, and YET he continues in his kufr ways. So he is a disbeliever despite KNOWING the truth. Education, knowledge are NOT a foolproof protection against sin. shaitaan, when he lived amongst the angels, worshipped Allah and ultimately what stopped him? It was his arrogance--not his knowledge or awareness of the truth.

            In the Quran, it says: Al-Hijr [36 to 38]

            He said,"My Lord, then reprieve me until the Day they are resurrected."
            [ Allah ] said, "So indeed, you are of those reprieved
            [Iblees] said, "My Lord, because You have put me in error, I will surely make [disobedience] attractive to them on earth, and I will mislead them all
            Except, among them, Your chosen servants."
            [ Allah ] said, "This is a path [of return] to Me [that is] straight.
            Indeed, My servants - no authority will you have over them, except those who follow you of the deviators.
            And indeed, Hell is the promised place for them all.
            It has seven gates; for every gate is of them a portion designated."
            Indeed, the righteous will be within gardens and springs.
            [Having been told], "Enter it in peace, safe [and secure]."
            And We will remove whatever is in their breasts of resentment, [so they will be] brothers, on thrones facing each other.
            No fatigue will touch them therein, nor from it will they [ever] be removed.

            So, shaitaan knowing full well, having full awareness, and being "educated" chose kufr, disobedience because of his arrogance. Ironically, he asks Allah swt for time until the Day of Judgement to mislead us and Allah answers this du'a in the affirmative. So can those who transgress and realize their mistake NOT ask Allah for forgiveness? Can they not ask Allah to guide them along the straight path?

            Besides, we can sit all day and make generalizations about city girls, city boys, girls and boys living in urban areas and so forth and so forth--so then what? If your point is that educated city girls are corrupted and stay away from them (or whatever you are trying to say), we can say plenty about the boys who also zina and don't EVEN come close to feeling guilty--we don't get flooded with those posts. Should we discuss how the boys who toy and play with girls are also aware of what they are doing and show no remorse? Should we debate about which gender shows some kind of remorse over the one that doesn't?

            I don't get your point and how it is helpful.

          • "Lets be honest here, city girls are more educated, aware of their rights, aware of the laws, aware of numerous cases of failed affairs in their immediate society(read, seen,heard), than a simple girl from a conservative village but strangely that does not makes city girls more wise in taking good or bad decisions in life with respect to relations eg, getting into haram relations( not generalising, but it is a fact)."

            This is just such a bizarre and backward comment. I realize that not everyone on the internet is from North America or Europe, but in general unless you are from a 3rd world country you are going to be raised in a city or at least a suburb. Even recent immigrants that I meet on occasion are not "village girls" but have been raised in cities. Other than that, every female I know, including colleagues, friends, family, strangers I meet during my volunteer work/travels/recreational activities are all "city girls."

            I understand that everyone has their own perspective based on their life experiences, but the distinction between "loose city girl and simple village girl" has no place in the 21st century. It has no place in Islam. In my opinion it has no place on this forum but that is not my decision. I will say that the generalizations you are making are borderline derogatory.

            Also, I think you should peruse through some of the posts on this forum and you will see A LOT of men who have committed zina, who have hurt other women, and who have otherwise engaged in impermissible sexual behaviour. So please think twice before you start making assumptions about "city girls".

      • 100% agree with you. It's a;ways these girls that end up committing zinna and yet still feel inclined to to feel guilty..which in'ts place is a good thing, but let's be honest if she wanted to put Islam over her desire to be with him, she would not be in this situation.

        • Surely this is a bit harsh? No human is fully in control over their actions or destiny. Even the most pious and well meaning person can commit a mistake.

  3. Assalam alaikum Sister,

    There are some tests in life that are really painful, difficult and horrible. We want them to be over and done with. Other tests are more challenging because instead of feeling painful, they make us feel good and we get a temporary worldly reward. I see your situation as the latter. You are in a situation where you clearly like being in a relationship with this man and his good nature weighs more than your thoughts of the Aakhirah on the ethical scale in your mind. So putting aside all the details of how wonderful he is, you have decide ultimately what you want in this world. Do you want to follow Allah's commands OR do you want to make your own rules?

    We can't really make our decisions based on what makes us happy or unhappy in this life. What I mean by this is that some things that are good for us, may not actually make us "feel" happy, but we should still follow the Laws of Allah despite our feelings. If you seek to only feel happy and fulfilled worldly - then realize that that is your decision. By no means am I saying that following Allah's Laws make us unhappy - it is just that it can seem that way depending on your mindset.

    Remember that Allah says in the Quran [2:216]

    Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.

    So ask yourself, are you claiming to know what is best for you more than Allah? You have to fight in the way of your soul and choose to follow Allah's commands above your desires. You choose. You can be a slave to Allah which will lead to endless happiness, inn shaa Allah OR you can choose to be a slave to your desires which currently is disguised as "love" with this non-Muslim man with charming and good traits. Of course, the trial wasn't going to be a non-Muslim man with no charm and no good traits - it had to be something that was going to hook you and reel you in and keep you sustained in this "trance" where you aren't even thinking about the bigger picture. You are so focused in on this person and how he makes you feel, that you seem to have lost your way.

    Sister, break off this relationship and repair the damage done to your soul and relationship with Allah swt. Recognize this FIRST and then you can start to fix matters, otherwise further discussion is pointless. No matter how far things have gone with this man, you should not forget that you are alive and until you keep on breathing, you should constantly maintain your link with Allah swt.

    I hope that you "wake-up" and begin to properly love yourself again enough to see the wisdom in Allah's commands, inn shaa Allah. May Allah ease your difficulties, Ameen.

  4. assalamalaikum
    Will Allah punish me for having chosen a man who is not a Muslim but has heart of gold?
    DEAR YRS IS PRE-MARITAL WHOLESALE CASE AND STILL ASKING WILL ALLAH PUNISH??????
    LIKE THE NAME THE RULE IS ALSO ultimate-PUNISHMENT IMMINENT IF CONTINUED-
    THAT YR PROPAGATION OF ISLAM TO HIM TURNS OUT TO BE CURSE BECAUSE YOU HAVE CROSSED ALL BARRIERS-
    SEE THIS WAS THE MESSAGE TO MY MEMBERS TODAY-AND I READ YR MESSAGE TODAY EVENING-
    PROHIBITION/MIXING OF MEN&WOMEN-SAYING ALL ARE OUR OWN HOUSE PEOPLE&FREELY INTERACTING OF NA-MAHRAMS
    http://www.islaam.net/main/

    The meeting together, mixing, and intermingling of men and women in one place, the crowding of them together, and the revealing and exposure of women to men are prohibited by the Law of Islam (Shari'ah).
    These acts are prohibited because they are among the causes for fitnah (temptation or trial which implies evil consequences)the arousing of desires, and the committing of indecency and wrongdoing....
    Among the many proofs of prohibition of the meeting and mixing of men and women in the Qur’aan and Sunnah are: Verse No. 53 of Surat al-Ahzab, or the Confederates (Interpretation of the meaning);
    For anything ye want, ask them from before a screen: that makes for greater purity for your hearts and for theirs... "In explaining this Verse, Ibn Kathir (May Allaah have mercy on him) said:

    If one wants to ask a woman for something, the same has to be done from behind a screen."

    The Prophet (May peace and blessings be upon him) enforced separation of men and women even at Allaah’s most revered and preferred place, the mosque.
    This was accomplished via the separation of the women’s rows from the men’s; men were asked to stay in the mosque after completion of the obligatory prayer so that women will have enough time to leave the mosque; and, a special door was assigned to women.
    Evidence of the foregoing are:

    Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin (Radhiallaahu Ánha) "Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) said.....
    "Allah does not accept the prayer of a woman who has reached puberty unless she wears a veil."Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 9, Book 89, Hadith # 293 more in this worlds best book.......
    http://muslimcanada.org/purdah.pdf
    Visit HURL THE TRUTH AT FALSEHOOD at:
    http://creatorstruth.ning.com/?xg_source=msg_mes_network
    FROM THE ABOVE QUOTES U CAN UNDERSTAND THE SANCTITY OF ISLAM THAT THE WOMEN USED TO GO HOME BACK FROM SALAH STICKING TO THE WALLS AWAY FROM THE NEARNESS TO SAHABAS MUSLIM MEN-WHO WERE THEIR RELATIVES-AD RIGHT HAND OF PROPHET SALALALAHUALAIHIWASALAM-
    AND YOU ARE STICKING TO NON MUSLIM FOR 5 YEARS AND DECLARING HE HAS A HEART OF GOLD AND HE HAS IN FACT MADE YOUR IMAN A HANDFUL OF MUD AND SAND USELESS FOR IT TO BE TAKEN AS BELONGING TO A MUSLIMA-
    IF U HAVE LITTLE IMAN ALSO LEFT IN YR HEART YOU WILL CHANGE YR CELL NUMBER AND DIS CONNECT IMMIDIATELY MAY BE ALLAH WILL FORGIVE AND TAKE YOU BACK TO THE ROAD TO ISLAM AS OF NOW YOUR IMAN IS AT STAKE-
    THAT MUCH ONLY I CAN SAY BECAUSE YOU HAVE PLAYED WITH SHARIAH AND SHARIAH IS VERY DEAR TO ALLAH ABOVE THE WHOLE WORLD AND WHAT EVER IS IN IT-
    REGARDS

    AND YOU ARE TAKING

  5. I'm not sure I completely follow you. Is your boyfriend willing to convert to Islam but is not 100% on all aspects? Keep in mind that totally accepting Islam is a gradual process. Even the Quran was revealed in stages. So he may be questioning some aspects but that is part of the learning process.

    Lots of good muslim men do not utter hadiths and sunnahs while conversing. That's not necessarily the key to raising good muslim children. Actions speak far louder than words.

    But if he does not wish to convert and in fact is against Islam wholeheartedly AND will never accept that you will raise your children as muslim, then, you are going to run into huge problems and will end up hurt and damaged.

    You must figure this out right away. Continuing to carry on as you are with this man is, obviously, unIslamic, but it is also unfair to him. You can't string him along because of YOUR religion -- and that is what you've been doing all these years, if I can be so frank. Either ask him to accept Islam and get married, or move on.

    My hunch is that if he has been with you all these years despite the secrecy etc, then he may be in it for the long haul. So have a serious discussion with him as soon as possible.

    The longer you allow yourself to stay in this situation, the more likely it is that you will damage yourself spiritually and emotionally, and him too.

    • Continuing to carry on as you are with this man is, obviously, unIslamic,

      This is true and must be considered.

      Either ask him to accept Islam and get married, or move on.

      I don't think it is her job to ask him to accept Islam. This can be done in the case where they were both non-Muslim couple and then she converted. What she should do now is move on and think about her sins that have been compounded for five years, and then repent sincerely. Perhaps Allah will have mercy on her and forgive her. But what she is doing now is making things even worse. when her children also get lost in the future, that will be another sin, and she will have a share in that too. Therefore if she does not wake up from that delusion which she calls love/ compassion/kindness, she is going to wrong her soul forever.

      • Why should she not ask him if he is willing to convert to Islam? It is not a "job". If she wants to marry him, he must be a Muslim. What's done is done, she's already slept with him, all she can do now is ask for forgiveness.

        Note I did not tell her to continue sleeping with him.

        • Why should she not ask him if he is willing to convert to Islam?

          She was not allowed to be in a haram relationship with the man in the first place, let alone to be allowed to ask him to accept Islam so she could marry him.

          It is not a "job". If she wants to marry him, he must be a Muslim.

          He must be a Muslim for the sake of Allah, not for the sake of a woman. As I said before "This can be done in the case where they were both non-Muslim couple and then she converted", and that would be allowed only for a period of time, for a purpose.

          Her Job is to do some growing up in her deen and character. Not wearing hijab signifies weakness in iman. What kind of Islam is she inviting the man to. Lets assume he accepted Islam, is that going to increase her iman and make her start to wear hijab? He is already against hijab and he thinks it limits women. She is not able to tell her about the importance of hijab, since she does not wear one or does not know the importance herself.

          What's done is done, she's already slept with him, all she can do now is ask for forgiveness.

          In fact, it is not part of a sincere repentance to still want the same thing that led you to the sin, even if you wanted it to become halal for you. You should be ashamed of yourself and feel shy from Allah that you want his forgiveness, but you still can't let go of that thing. If you can't be shy from Allah, fear Him. If you can't fear Him, that is a big problem, and not being able to notice the problem is a bigger problem.

          Note I did not tell her to continue sleeping with him.

          Of course, no wise person will say she should continue sleeping with him, but what does it mean when you asked her to keep in mind that totally accepting Islam is a gradual process and that the Quran was revealed in stages? How could a woman who is emotionally lost in a delusion (which she calls love), be able to wait for such a man to accept Islam in stages? What do you think is going to be happening during/after each stage, especially when sex has become like a drinking water between them? You are a woman and you should know better than me, that a woman in such a delusion won't be able to handle such cases carefully.

          • I'm not sure I understand why she can't repent for her past mistakes, and see if this man will accept islam so that they can lead a halal life together.

            Are you saying that once you have intercourse with a non-muslim man, you are not permitted to marry him even if he converts to Islam? I find that a very strange rule. There are many couples who transgressed before marriage, but then decided to make a concerted effort to lead an Islamic life.

            Please do not assume that if he converts it will be ONLY for the sake of the marriage and not because he believes. As you can see from her post, this is unclear -- it seems like he might very well accept Islam but still requires further education.

            Conversion is not an overnight process. People don't just snap their fingers and say "today I believe". If her family and community get involved, he may agree to accept Islam.

            I find a lot of people are very harsh against converts. There are many ways people come to Islam, and sometimes it is via marriage. I know a man who converted for the sake of marriage but he genuinely believed in it at the same time; the marriage fell apart years later, he remarried to a Christian but stayed a muslim, and in fact wanted his ex-father in law to teach his new son to read the Quran. So you can't make these far-reaching and biased assumptions about people.

          • @Precious Star
            I would agree with brother Issah advice on this one. It is not sister 'ultimate212x''s responsibility/obligation/job to get the brother to accept Islam. The issue brother Issah is trying to highlight is not about marriage or repentance, rather the interaction process of convincing the man to accept Islam.

            I would also agree with your idea as well in an attempt to save two broken-hearts, sister ultimate212x could try to get her love interest to speak with a trusted and knowledgeable Imam who can enlighten both the sister and the man about Islam, but there are conditions on this one.

            Sister ultimate212x herself should not engage more than necessary with the man as you are aware that conversion is not an overnight process. What I mean is... sister ultimate212x should not herself get into explaining Islam to the man (not that I doubt my sister's knowledge and credibility) because that means spending more time with a non-mahram man to explain Islam which is Islamically, not necessary for a woman to give dawah to a man. Please don't misunderstand me here, I am not saying that muslim women cannot give dawah. There are some considerations that need to be made for a muslim woman to give dawah. 1 on 1, non-mahram sister-to-brother dawah are not allowed and vice-versa!

            In sister ultimate212x's case, she can only advise the man to meet the Imam and leave it at that or perhaps speak to a trusted brother to give dawah to the man. If sister ultimate212x has a brother or uncle, perhaps even her father could speak to the man about Islam and the man can also have the opportunity to express his interest in sister ultimate212x. But the challenge here is that, if the man does not agree to accept Islam, sister ultimate212x is going to have to make a really heart-breaking decision of leaving the man. As for involving the community, there are chance of this backfiring... other complications like societal reputation of family and sister ultimate212x could be at stake.

            The other challenge is... sister ultimate212x's parents. What is sister ultimate212x going to do even if the man were to accept Islam and her parents would reject the man? ...Sister ultimate212x is already aware and afraid of the perception of her parents. We'll then have another post by sister ultimate212x titled "can i run away with a revert muslim with whom I was in a relationship for 5 years" or "parents not agreeing for me to marry a revert muslim, what to do?"

            In my opinion, it is highly unlikely that this scenario will work out. I would listen to brother Issah's advice on this one. I could be wrong, Allah knows best. If it does work out, Alhamdulillah, this case would be an exception and a miracle from Allah.

            So, dear sister Precious Star, is it worth going through the struggle knowing these complexities?

        • @Brother khiskisay.

          "The other challenge is... sister ultimate212x's parents. What is sister ultimate212x going to do even if the man were to accept Islam and her parents would reject the man? ...Sister ultimate212x is already aware and afraid of the perception of her parents. We'll then have another post by sister ultimate212x titled "can i run away with a revert Muslim with whom I was in a relationship for 5 years" or "parents not agreeing for me to marry a revert Muslim, what to do?""

          "In my opinion, it is highly unlikely that this scenario will work out..."

          "...is it worth going through the struggle knowing these complexities?

          Honestly, those are part of my concerns too. If her parents did not support her, then (what usually happens is that) she will continue meeting the man privately (and committing the same sins) with the hope that things might work out eventually. What if things did not work out? Is the relationship worthier upon her than a sincere repentance? Also, even it worked out, how is she going to be able to support a new convert become a better Muslim since she is weak herself in her practice? Are they going to be living a kind of Muslim-life where they do not practice well? Is he going to motivate her to wear hijab? Only Allah knows what else she lacks in her deen. This is not merely assumptions, but realistic. The fact that it worked for others successfully, does not guarantee success in this case. One needs to be cautious in everything with regards to their deen.

          The thing is not that I am being harsh against converts, Astaghfirullah. I respect most of them, and hold them in high esteem, as I have lived with pious brothers who were converts. I prayed and traveled to Mecca and Medina with some of them. By Allah, I saw in them what I saw. I even argued (on this website) about this on a forum where the sister's parents were against her desire to marry a pious Muslim convert from the west, and there was another brother supporting her parent's view and saying that, born Muslims are better than converts.

          But anyway, I will agree that the man should meet an Imam to get answers to his questions, and that the sister should stay at home and repent sincerely and never interact with the man ever again, until when he sincerely accepts Islam, and then approaches her family in the proper Islamic way, and asks her hands in marriage. If she wants Allah's forgiveness and blessings in her marriage, then she must start doing things in the way approved by Almighty Allah, and never commit sins with the man from now on.

          And let her know that, a love which its benefits is not extended to reach Jannah nor praised in the sight of Allah is not a true love, no matter how its beauty may look to us through our worldly eyes and thoughts. The true love is to love Allah first, and then love things for His sake, in the way He approves; a love that is praised by Allah, and by His Angels and the His righteous servants, which will earn you rewards and blessings in Jannah.

          When you find yourself in-love with someone in a way not approved by Allah, then you are not in-love, but are lost in a bad desire and delusion. As there is no love beyond the way approved by Allah, except bad desire and lust in a delusion, of which in the end is the regret and sorrow. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says, "Have you considered him who has taken his desire for his god? And then Allah knowingly led him astray (due to the path he has chosen for himself), and sealed his hearing and his heart, and placed a veil over his vision. Who will guide him after Allah? Will you not reflect (i.e repent and let go of all haram desires, lest you get lost in delusion)?" (Quran 45: 23)

          Also, she needs to improve herself religiously (by educating herself and practicing). As this will not help her alone, but will also be useful to her future husband (be it a convert or a Muslim husband), in addition to her future children inshaAllah.

          My only concern is that she does not get lost forever, and then misguide her children too. May Allah forbid this to happen. May He guide her and the man to the right path, and to what is best for them both, in this life and the next. Ameen!

          • (be it a convert-Muslim or a born-Muslim husband)

          • Assalam alaikum,

            I agree that this sister should not try to put great efforts into convincing her boyfriend to become Muslim--she can refer him to speak to an Imam, but otherwise, she should break all romantic ties with him completely.

            The OP's situation is akin to a person setting sail off into the sea on a beautiful ship that is damaged and will sink immediately. shaitaan promises humans that he will make the path to hell appear extremely appealing and hard to resist. It is important that when we make a mistake that we acknowledge it, repent, and then move on in a positive direction as prescribed by the Quran.

            Allah is oft-forgiving if we so decide to reject sins, but His punishment is great if we embrace the ways of shaitaan.

  6. speaking from practical experience, conversion to a religion does not change a persons nature. It is just like changing clothes. Either a person is capable and desirous of following or not.

    Secondly it is much better to live with truth than create a lie on false pretences. If you want to be with someone and feel that person is your match so be it.

    I know of 2 couples both married with inter faith marriages in which neither spouse converted, and after 10 years they are going strong and have beautiful children.

  7. I haven't read the other replies so don't know what they have suggested / can't comment on them but here is my advice.

    If he is a good man, willing 100% to allow you to continue to be a Muslim ie practice and raise your children as Muslims and willing to take the shadada even only for the nikka I would marry him. You sound confident that you know him well enough to be able to answer these questions honestly to yourself.

    I know many Muslim woman who held out for Muslim men and they (the men) weren't even practicing and treated them badly. Why is bad Muslim by name better than a man with good morals who will be committed to you? Look for a good heart that will take care of you and your rights as insaan.

    I know a story about a couple in a similar situation. The guy took shadada only to perform nikka so the girls family would approve but he actually became very practicing 10 years later, more the his Muslim wife who was born into the religion. This was the way to bring him close to Allah - Allah knows best.

    Two more pieces of advice. Forget what happened in the past. Ask Allah for forgiveness of your sins. He loves those who ask for forgiveness. We should rely on His mercy and have hope and faith that he forgives those who truly feel sorrow for the acts - you obviously do or you wouldn't show such remorse about it in your question.

    And here is the thing I can't stress enough. PLEASE if you have decided you are going to follow this through and marry don't worry about what your family will think about his background not being the same. Racism is from Shaytan. Tell them you know him from University and he is a good person willing to take shadada. And then please sister try to keep it halal. It will be tough with your family and it might cause problems in terms of stress for you as a couple but only if you allow it to. Once you make up your mind to follow the path through with him keep a strong heart and develop a thick skin. Let whatever things your relatives say go over your head - why? Because in a couple of years time when you are settled with him in your marriage and have children they won't say a thing. And if you let it get to you now and it effects your relationship with your husband he will feel hurt and might carry that hurt around with him forever.

    Lastly though please do istikhara. Have a very frank conversation with the guy and make sure you and he know exactly what you agree on for your life together. He may not know hadith sure but maybe in years he will. Maybe your children will teach him. Maybe he will teach you. Bottom line don't write him off if he is a good man. They are very hard to come by. And just because someone is born a Muslim unfortunately doesn't make them a good man. You only have to read posts by Muslim women on here who go through hell with their husbands. Do Zikr and dua, over and over and ask Allah to protect you from harm and bring you closer to good. Just because this guy wasn't raised a Muslim doesn't mean there won't be good in him and your relationship. Allah's mercy is boundless.

    • Well. Do you know what is meant by the word "Muslim"?. A person who submits to the will of Allah. If Allah asks us not to marry non-Muslims and warns us that they lead us to hell-fire who are you to change or ignore Allah's words? Are you more knowledgeable than Allah? Allah's mercy is boundless. yes. Does that mean He will forgive us for whatever we do? Then what is the need for him to send Prophets and Books? He could have simply allowed us live as we want as He is going to forgive us all for whatever we do.

      OP says she would continue to lead this haram life, even after being well aware that it is haram and still seeks forgiveness from Allah. Great.

    • Assalaamualaikam

      Allah has blessed us with guidance, so that we have the knowledge to not stray from the straight path. This guidance clearly states that a Muslim woman should not, under any circumstances, marry a man who is not a Muslim. For example, in the Quran, 2:221 it states: a man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you.

      A man does not have to be born into a Muslim family, but he does have to accept Islam and be a Muslim in order for it to be permissible for a Muslim woman to marry him. Islam is a complete faith, and a way of life, so conversion solely for marriage would not be appropriate, as he wouldn't be accepting Islam in his heart. This wouldn't be fair on her or him - would you want to live your life either pretending that your husband shares your faith and the two of you lying to the rest of the world, or pretending that you believe something that you don't and having to live a lie? If a person reverts to Islam, it needs to be because they truly believe and wish to accept Islam for their own sake.

      It's not a question of whether he is a nice person or not (without knowing him, we can't comment on this), but on whether it is permissible to have a relationship with a non-Muslim man. Such a relationship would not be valid.

      Midnightmoon
      IslamicAnswers.com editor

      • Subhan'Allah yes you are right about islam being from the heart. May Allah guide us all including myself and forgive us for doubting His omnipotence. I rethought the advise I gave because I wondered whether it could end up leading her away from eman. Allah knows best. One thing I believe sincerely is that if you ask Allah for guidance and throw yourself on His mercy - fully without doubt you will find the signs and the guidance you need. Brothers and sisters please make dua that I am one of the guided and I never despair about Allah's mercy or stray too far away from eman. In sha ' Allah. Also if you read this please pray for my health. Subhan'Allah between writing the last post and this one I had to go to the emergency ward. I had a completely random allergic reaction - the doctors are unable to tell me what caused it without doing more tests which takes time and I'm living in the fear that it may happen again suddenly but next time I might not be so fortunate, either to make it to hospital in time or to be afflicted in another part of my body. What a reminder for me! Subhan'Allah. We never think it will happen to us. Allah have mercy on us all. Please please make dua for me. We will all taste death I know this. Allah have mercy on me when the time comes, let it be when I am in the best of eman and character and having repented with sincerity. We are all stumbling in this world.

        • Assalaamualaikam

          I am sorry to hear you were unwell; inshaAllah the doctors can do tests and hopefully find out what happened.

          Midnightmoon
          IslamicAnswers.com editor

        • In sha Allah i will pray for your health. Please sister we can't doubt or ignore Allah's commandments. We can't give preference to the ideas of non-Muslims over Allah's laws. Non-Muslims did not create us. They themselves are mere humans.Allah created us and what He says is right and that is what we must follow. Every single sentence in Quran is from Allah and we must follow it wholeheartedly. Love or any other worldly desire should not make us go away from Allah. If we do so, we will be ultimately losing everything and will end up in eternal turmoil in the hereafter. Which one is important? happiness in this world which is temporary? or happiness in the hereafter which is infinite?

  8. Sister,

    The fact of the matter is, that he is haram for you to marry. So you will have to end this haram relationship ASAP. I sympathise with you that good muslim men are near to extinct these days. As sometimes it may seem that western men treat women better in terms of love, understanding and affection. They don't undermine women or treat them as second class citizens.

    I have some non muslim friends, who seem to give me more comfort then my relatives and other friends. And I always wish that they had been muslim and pray for them to see the truth. As I care for them I do not want them to be dwellers of hell.

    I see some really good non muslim men and cant help but think, oh if only they were muslim they would make such good husbands! I would be happy to marry a western man who has converted to Islam. As he will be learning Islam from his heart and not just be a duty instilled from family. They would be far more respectful and loving to women then some men in our culture.

    But we must choose what is acceptable to Allah. If you love Allah you have to leave your haram desires and look for halal options within marriage.there are good muslim men out there who you may click with. It's just a matter of finding him. Remember the hadith if you leave something for Allah. Allah will reward you with something better.

    This is a test of your iman. The harder and painful the struggle the bigger the rewards. If he does not revert to Islam for Allah's sake then you will have to leave him if you truly want to follow Islam.

    I would suggest you take him to a good imam to get his questions answered. He can discuss hes doubts with the Imam. Then it will be up to Allah whether he reverts or not. You will have to make a tough decision. Choose Allah and you will be victorious in this world and the next!

    • Dear Sumaira ,

      After converting to Islam those non muslims will not remain as what they are now.Lot of Halal and Haram comparision will start in life .

      Non Muslim will appear good as they don't have to bother much about their wives ,girl friends ,no hijab ,no restriction so everything looks so good if he is well mannered person ..But the moment he comes in to Islam he needs to think and put lot of things in place to put Islamic environment in a home.like hijab , discouraging wife's social mixing with men , late night parties etc etc

      And I don't think you will enjoy it really if you have got used to lot of freedom ....I have seen people enjoying life to full extent and trying to project themselves as very pious people ..

      Grass on other side looks green 🙂

      Good luck

      • Brother Cool,

        I don't understand what you are trying to say here. Freedom does not mean partying and having relations with the opposite sex. Even if I was allowed to do these things by my family , I wouldn't.! I'm a muslima I follow Islam, and its not my cup of tea anyway! When I said non muslim friends I meant FEMALE friends! I do not talk to non mehrem men unless out of dire necessety. I do not know what you are assuming about me here. But you are wrong. You should not falsely asssume bad of others, in this case you dont even know me!

        A good husband doesn't mean someone who allows his wife to sin! It is actually the opposite. A good husband is loving and compassionate and kind to his wife. He helps his wife emotionally, spritually (To become a better muslim, discourages sin and encourages good deeds) and phisically (housework,money, parents etc etc) He is his wife's soulmate, best friend. As the hadith goes "husband and wives should be garments to one another"

        The most important thing in a marriage is that both must create an Islamic home, so a good muslim man (Be it a born muslim or revert) would look to marry a pius muslima not a party animal!!!!

        I admire and respect reverts as they go through so much struggles in their life to follow Islam which as born muslims we do not have to go through cause our parents and community are muslim. So we have help and support and encouragement from every direction.

        I know many revert brothers who have married pius muslim sisters and they have grown in Islam together and are very pius muslims, Masha Allah. And their kids are becoming Aalims.

        Many famous scholers are reverts too, take Abdur Rahman Green.

        In a marriage the most important thing that matters is compatibilty in terms of spirituality, not race, colour or language or how they came to Islam.

        Allah created many nations, so that we may know each other not to create prejudice! variety is the spice of life. We should intermingle and marry from different cultures and race instead of sticking to the same old same old. Bored of asian.... ..

        • Assalamolaikum Sumaira ,

          Sorry if my comments looks BAD to you .It is not a personal attack on you nor i have assumed any thing about you .

          1) I was making point relating to "Grass on other side looks green " kind of when you were praising non muslims . They might be really good or just appear good but need to be carefull (Even with muslims too)

          2) Another point what i wanted to mention is due to Islam lot of restrcitions will come and lot of Muslim sisters who have already got used to freedom will find it difficulty to accept it .(Alhamdulillah nice to know that you are such a practicing muslim ao this comments is not for you)

          One example : Take one previous post where one muslim sister was cheated by his BOSS and she ended having Zina with him for so many years and and finally he dumped her and married some one .As per her it was small company with 4-5 people where daily she will interact with any one ....
          If i was her brother or guardian with deep Islamic inclination definitely i would have stopped her to join this company at the beginning itself as i know probability of having such things are HIGH in this kind of environment ..But imagine what would have been the reaction of sister ..She might have made a mountain of it and saying how can some one stop her from working lab lab laa ,,,, So being islamic comes with little strict check list and same good person might looks bad to such sisters ....or can say he will appear NOT so NICE man and non muslims who dont have to bother much such stuff will appear VERY NICE men ....

          • Salam brother cool,

            Thank you for clarifying. I do not believe a persons situation makes them sin. Whether they sin or follow Islamic limits is all down to the person's iman. As I said in some prevouise posts if a person wants to sin then noone can stop them except the authority or law. Even if you stopped your sister from working. She can still talk to men on the phone or go on Internet dating in secrecy. You won't even know! So how can you stop her! Even if you beat her she may run away!

            Everything is down to how strong your iman is and how much you love Allah. You can only force kids to do things or show them the right way. But you can't do that with a same adult. That's why when we are adults we are responsible for our actions. We should advise our brothers and sisters to the right path but we can't force anyone and be overly strict with them. If you tighten a belt it will tear!

            For example my cousins parents and brothers were so strict and kept her in the house all day. She didnt even have a phone. They were strict to her her whole life. One day she ran away with a guy! How did this happen when her family let her do nothing and were so strict in observing her behavoir???

            And I know many muslimas who's parents are relaxed but keep a balance with them. Not too strict but not to nice, but still kind and affectionate. They set boundries which their adult children can follow easily. So the child does not feel miserable and suffocated. These girls have turned out to be very pius muslims Masha Allah.

            I went to mixed college. I work in mixed environment. I live in the west. There is plenty of opportunity for me to sin very easily, my family wouldn't even know. But I don't because I fear Allah! So its not about what situation your placed in or your surroundings or what country you live in, its about keeping your heart pure and iman strong at all times.

          • I completely agree with the sister. We are adults and we have been created with free will. It is a fine line between trying to protect some one and oppression. To oppress a person is a sin. The control some men try to force in the name of protection is not from the sunnah. Look at how the women in the time of the prophet (saw) lived. They were active in the community and outdoors.

            Women, like men will also be tempted but also have boundaries. I wanted to just ask this question in relation to brother cools observation - which I think is valid, and this is a genuine question. What difference would it make if a Muslim man was placed in exactly the same scenario. He got a job in a small team of 4 or 5 people and among them were non Muslim women who he worked very closely with daily. Became close to on a colleague level, spent 8 hours a day 5 days a week with. Is there not the same issues of temptation there and the same capacity for sin? And let's remember the sin for zina is not more for a woman than a man or vice versa. But somehow it implies that if the man does this it isn't as bad or he is more in control? Some would argue that men are less in control in such cases of temptation. But in truth we have to work to earn a living and live in this dunya for a period of time. We will sin, we will suffer these are both part of life and our challenge. But while we are here we can repent and try our best to keep Allah in our hearts and minds - have Taqwa and develop love for Him. This way we can believe that what He prescribes is best for us and strive to implement those teachings in our lives.

            Allah created love and mercy. These are beautiful blessings He created for us. Harshness can turn hearts away from the Deen rather than bringing them towards it.

          • Salam Sumaira and Cyreen,

            1) When i say STOP means convincing sister for not joining that particular office place ,Why it is not convenient etc etc and not putting house arrest or cutting all connections which will back fire ...
            There are many companies which are bigger in size and you work along with lot of people but because of presence of bigger crowd chances of having SUCH affairs are low compare to very smaller offices ...

            In this case i might ask her to try some bigger and reputed company for JOB ..As i said it is all about PROBABILITY THEORY ..
            Life is all about probability theory ...
            A Person sitting in a BAR has High chances of having Alcohol compare to a person sitting in a Religious Gathering 🙂
            But you might find exception as Person sitting in a BAR might not drink at all and person attending religious gathering might come drunk ..

            2)I strongly believe that SITUATION makes a difference ...Not everyone is so strong in Deen ...People who have strong Imaan will pass with flying colour in all situations ...But what about Average Muslims ? They might FAIL ...
            And I think lot of population will come under AVERAGE category .

            3) Cyreen ,
            There is nothing wrong if some one from your family advises you to STOP working in such wrong places or look out for other good places for a JOB ...
            If your husband or father ,brother want to know where you work and how is that PLACE you can't deny them this information ....

            4)Cyreen ,
            Coming to your point where if situation is REVERSED where a man get a chance to work in a small company with rest all as women what he should do ?
            As i said if he is Strong in Deen he will pass with flying colour but if is average muslim he will struggle .....If he is BAD person he will be definitely HAPPY to get this FREE SEX and enjoyment from women in that office ..
            If he feels this place is threat to his Imaan he sholuld search for another JOB ..
            Also PROBABILITY of those women inviting him for SEX are less compare to reverse SITUATION ...EVEN if this GUY falls in to this he might enjoy this and MOVE ON (If he is bad guy) compare to sisters who will go through emotional phase and feels like How other sister in some previous post felt ...

  9. Assalam alaikum,

    I have read through you question with great interest. Sincerely, it aroused in me a feeling of sorrow & hope. Sorrow in that their are many red lines in Islam which have been crossed knowingly & unknowingly. However, the sense of hope araises thet sister has streched her hands for help. Please follow below advice to save yourself, by the will of ALLAH from sins of this world & the torment of the hereafter inshallah.It might seem irrevelant to the question; but i firmly believe in outlining priorities to act as our roadmap to life's answers;

    1 - You have stated that you strive to do the right 'thing'. That is very commendable on your part. Now the second step is gaining 'ilm sheree' (islamic knowledge) on what the 'right' thing is as per the Words of ALLAH (Al-Qur'an)& the authentic traditions of the Holy Prophet peace be upon Him (as-sunna). Please let us read together the following translation:

    [{It is not righteousness that ye turn your faces Towards east or West; but it is righteousness- to believe in God and the Last Day, and the Angels, and the Book, and the Messengers; to spend of your substance, out of love for Him, for your kin, for orphans, for the needy, for the wayfarer, for those who ask, and for the ransom of slaves; to be steadfast in prayer, and practice regular charity; to fulfil the contracts which ye have made; and to be firm and patient, in pain (or suffering) and adversity, and throughout all periods of panic. Such are the people of truth, the God-fearing.}] Verse 2:177

    We should always strive to follow Allah's rules & obligations as per his instruction. I humbly request you & myself to look where we stand in relation to 5 complusary prayers (Salah). Have we established it in our lives as it is the most important form of worship after Tawheed.If it is still pending, then we are far from being 'right'.After Salah, we should strive to follow the rest as outlined in the above translation of the Qur'an.

    2 - As you stated regarding the said non-believer (Kafir), you couldn't resist charms & eventually you succumbed to his seductions. Kindly note that Shaitan works the same way in igniting Fitnah and calling people to hell fire.Think about it; you were not coerced or blackmailed into anything.But eventually, may ALLAH forgive you, you ended up commiting Zina, whose punishment is so severe in the hereafter for those who do not repent.You will ask yourself;how did it happen?Well the truth is that it was coming all along since you 'befriended' a person of the opposite sex 5 years ago.It was a disaster waiting to happen; sooner or later no matter how innocent it seemed.

    I have alot i would like to share but due to other commitments, i shall outline some guidelines:

    (a)- Sincerly repent to ALLAH for the crime of zina and make hijra(abandon)every highway leading to the crime; like droping all male 'friends';muslims and Kafirs alike.

    (b)Cut all communications with the guy. Don't try to fool yourself that you will guide him to Islam. You should fight for your own soul to be guided by ALLAH. Only ALLAH can guide. You cannot claim that you KNOW that he will accept Islam someday.By the way, who is he to agree or disagree with the Qur'an?

    MAY ALLAH GUIDE US TO WHAT WHICH IS RIGHT.AMEEN.

    3 -

  10. Re:I am a Muslim girl, born and raised in a Muslim family. I have always done everything "right" in life, was always that child from that family who studied well, who dressed modestly (I don't hijab though but I dress modestly), who always spoke with respect to everyone

    It looks like scene repeating itself every time with many of muslim girls/boys .
    Nowadays it is very difficult to find pious men and also pious women in the world .

    I am surprised that you can go till the level of ZINA despite having sound religious back ground ..Please dont blame Shaiyateen you yourself are accountable for your action .You did Zina to enjoy that act and now can't blame shayateen for it ..We belive shayateen exists but a person is accountable for his action and not shayateen .

    Most of sisters seems to be fine with Zina as modern girls and later repent it sincerly and become pious muslimas and crib about bad muslim men
    .As per some sister above it feel good to her that that there are other people too who are Zaani/sinfull ..What kind of logic is this.

    I said before why you like non muslim men is because of freedom and less restriction compare to mulim culture .

    Imaan is test so you need to drop this men from your life to be on right path .

  11. the answer may be bitter but its truth.

    first its your parents fault for not telling you that you should marry only a muslim and not fall into traps.

    you did zina with non muslim? the truth is you never cared about Islam and you enjoyed with him...he used you.its simple.

    ask for forgiveness and move on.by looking at non muslim,i can feel he is an idol worshipper,if he is then he has trapped you,

    i just want to say,after death when judgment day comes...when AllahSWT is judging everyone...when all the believers are happy meeting with prophet MuhammadSAW...where do you wanna be?with fake idols?

    you wanna end up with abu jahl in jahannam or live with our NabiSAW in jannah?

    your heart may say is loving a non muslim a crime...loving is not a crime but...whom you love...it matters.

    relatives dont matter,but imagine...you are in judgement day now...will you answer AllahSWT that i fell for his charms so i joined in doing shirk with him and did zina...

    imagine your cousin going to jannah...while you...going the other way...forever...where you can never come out again...

    i am not trying to scare you but hey,you will get a heart disease no matter how much you love smoking.,..

    do dua to AllahSWT to give hidaya to him as in sha AllahSWT he may be a muslim too...just pray...if he does not become a muslim no matter how much you pray for his guidance,then he does not care about you,he just wanted to convert a muslim girl.simple.

    dont worry about relatives,just ask for forgiveness from AllahSWT and move on.

    get along with religious sisters and explain your problem to them.

  12. Repentance from a heart to Allah..... ca change everything....

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