Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What should I do with this non-Muslim guy who loves me?

Pre-marital/extra-marital relationships are haram in IslamAsalmun 3laikom,

So my question is a bit complex. Me and this middle eastern guy and two other girls were in the same study group at uni for 1 semester (6 months). We exchanged numbers so we could all share answers and help one another by making watsapp group.

This 'guy' has a typical arabic name which I thought he'd be muslim. I wasn't in love with him at first, then he kept messaging me about his personal stuff. I told him keep away brother and that as muslims we should know chatting is a sin. He said his intentions are clean and that he is just talking to me as a friend. I told him we cannot be friends and sent him Ali Dawah youtube video how a man and woman cant just be friends.

As days passed, he'd be asking normal question uni related stuff, then add his personal information such as his struggles, life story, etc. Which made me emotional towards him so to be honest I developed feelings for him. I told him we shouldnt talk anymore as the convo is becoming off topic and that shaytan is third one between us. I asked him which masjid he goes and why he always refuses to talk about religion. he said religion isnt important, God is.

I was a bit confused why he asked me questions about prophet Muhammad saw, about why he had 13 wives and what kind of man does that, I kinda thought, "Why he would ask such questions if he is a good "religious person, who prays and fasts?"

A few months later, he messaged me and said, "That's it i wanna tell you the truth, I'm not a muslim, I wasnt born as one, and I didnt choose my religion."

I didnt reply to him because he basically lied the whole 8 months. No we never met alone, never called each other because he didnt even say he loved me before until he said he was not muslim he said he really "loves". He begged for forgiveness and said I was "everything" to him and that he misses me.

I did estikhara if i should reply and say you are forgiven. And it was positive, so I replied after two weeks saying you are forgiven but you need to stay away, he then immediatly responded and said to give him chance to talk and that I'm hurting him. I told him tomorrow at uni with a mutual friend of ours who is a muslima (I didnt wanna be alone with him). The only reason I liked this guy was because he said he prays, gives charity, is nice to people.....

Now in meet up he told me to slap him, I told him it's haram to touch you. I didnt speak much as my friend was speaking on behalf of me that we cant marry a non-muslim. He said if I convert will you accept, I said but you wont. He said I dont need to change, why cant you just accept me for who I am? I told him and brought the Quran outta my bag and said I'd choose prophet Muhammad over you as Ive been inlove with him since I read about who he is.

Anyways, he got pissed and last question I asked was "So are you thinking to revert for sake of Allah and not your own desire?" he said no.

We left, few days later he sent me message saying I wont love except anyone else but you, you'd be a loser if you refuse me, you'd lose many things in life if you refuse me. I gave him a sheikh name and said go and see him and ask him questions.

Now am confused, what should i be doing, I feel guilty, I hate myself for even responding to a male 🙁

If you could help,


Tagged as: , , ,

4 Responses »

  1. As-salamu alaykum sister. First let me commend you for (mostly) keeping your distance and not getting involved with this guy in a relationship or on a physical level. So many young woman let themselves get drawn into something haram and then find themselves in serious trouble.

    You already know that there is absolutely no future between you and this guy. He is dishonest, he deceived you, and most of all he is not Muslim. Nor is he sincerely interested in becoming Muslim.

    Your only concern should be to stay away from him and cut off contact with him altogether.

    In fact you should not have met him after he revealed the truth to you, nor should you even have continued your email contact with him from the beginning, when he kept trying to get close to you. You have failed from the beginning to set proper boundaries. What's done is done, however. Now it's time to do things the right way and end your contact with this guy before he drags you into a disastrous situation.

    Wael Editor

    • Good job, wael.

      Apart from, islamic issue's, i could understand from her post (you'd be a loser if you did go .........) is that he such a guy who will command women, it's clear if he is really in love he wont let that word come in to his heart. i met a lot of guys with his attitude, which is very dangerous for her future.sister just leave him for his attitude. it's ok.

      thank you.

  2. I think you'd be a loser if you did go with him and end up in hell so he kinda has it wrong :). Way to go, I think you did the right thing and handled the situation really well. Some people in your situation may have even believed him and figured he'd be on his way to becoming muslim, but wow, you did really well.

    Just keep handling the situation as you have been I think you'll do fine.

  3. hey, you have not seen him or virtually talked to him. how can you know what kind of person he is? hence i suggest you not to chat with men when you are not ready to marry. I am afraid you girl say this is sin that is sin and you proceed further and play with lives. Dont try to have boyfriends or chat with them.

Leave a Response