Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My Muslim Mother is Letting a Non-Muslim Man Stay at our home

Posted by • April 23, 2014 • Printer-friendly
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Why is she letting him stay in our home?

About  3 years ago my parents got divorced and we moved across the country .

About over the couse of 6 months my mom has been letting her childhood non-Muslim friend stay in our home

She says that he is homeless and going through a tough time , but I just talked to him earlier and he said that he quit his job.

I am losing so much respect for my mother.

And she says that my  grandfather told her that it was ok , but when the topic came up and I told my grandfather what was going on he said that he has never ever said such a thing.

I am having serious inner conflictions with this.


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2 Responses »

  1. Saba
    April 23, 2014 • 4:37 pm

    Assalam alaikum,

    It would help to know if you are a male or female (though I suspect you are male) and what age you are.

    Any human's approval, regardless of their importance, doesn't make it halal for this man to be staying at your home like this. If he is homeless or out of a job, he needs to fend for himself by either going to a shelter or seeking help from social services (I am assuming this available) OR he should seek help from his own family/friends.

    Sit down with your mother and explain to her that she is not responsible for him and that you are extremely upset by all this. If she brings up your grandfather or anyone else, simply tell her that this is not allowed as per Allah's rules. Put your feelings aside and treat your mother with respect when you try to guide her. Recall how Prophet Ibrahim's (AS) advised his father:

    Al-Quran [19:41-46]

    [Mention] when he said to his father, "O my father, why do you worship that which does not hear and does not see and will not benefit you at all?
    O my father, indeed there has come to me of knowledge that which has not come to you, so follow me; I will guide you to an even path.
    O my father, do not worship Satan. Indeed Satan has ever been, to the Most Merciful, disobedient.
    O my father, indeed I fear that there will touch you a punishment from the Most Merciful so you would be to Satan a companion [in Hellfire]."
    [His father] said, "Have you no desire for my gods, O Abraham? If you do not desist, I will surely stone you, so avoid me a prolonged time

    Prophet Ibrahim's (AS) response to his father after this last statement is:
    Al-Quran [19:47]

    [Abraham] said, "Peace will be upon you. I will ask forgiveness for you of my Lord. Indeed, He is ever gracious to me.

    Based on this, I suggest that you make her feel that she has no other choice but to do the right thing and tell this man to leave. Tell her that this is not how she raised you and that you want the best for her in this world and the next and that non-Mahrams cannot live like this under one roof - regardless of whether an intimate relationship exists or not. Be firm in your talk with her, but never disrespectful. Tell her, if she is lonely or needs support, there are halal options for her, but even if they are limited, it doesn't mean that she can let her guard down.

    It will require a lot of maturity on your part and I can imagine that this is very painful--so I pray that you have the patience and wisdom to deal with this in the best of ways, inn shaa Allah.

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