Non Muslim woman married to a Muslim man who is cheating her
She found that he's cheated her
Assalamualakum,
I am a non Muslim but have been married to a Muslim for 17 yrs and have 3 beautiful children together. I have lived the lifestyle and respected the faith for my husband and my children as they are being brought up Muslim. I am a working mum and wife as is my husband.
Nearly 3 years ago my husband cheated on me, when i saw all the calls and i confronted him he begged me not to tell anyone but still denied that anything went on, but from that day he changed towards me dramatically. Everything is my fault now whether, its with the children, the home, making decisions i can not do no right. He is a strong minded person and has a good way with words to twist any situation around on me,so i start believing maybe its my fault and try to make it right but then he will change the rules again so i am always in the wrong as far as he is concerned.
My husband prays and always has and goes mosque and does ramadan, but i always question how can you do those things but cheat as well.I believe he obviously does fear Allah enough to do this to me and the children,but i do still love him but we are getting further and further apart. I asked him to have an Iman to come round but he refused.
I do not know what else i can do. He has now gone away to visit family on a six week holiday and did not want me to come, he made me feel very unwanted and made all excuses as to why i could not go,how am supposed to trust him when i am going out of my mind while his away.
I just find it so hard to keep my children believing in there faith when see what there father is doing and question it.
Please help me..
~ vicky1995
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Salamualaikum sister where is your husband original from if i may ask???
Why does it matter?
it does because different cultures have different attitudes towards women.
Dear Vicky,
There are some questions that come to my mind upon reading your story:
1) Is he still cheating? Do you have reason to believe it is still going on? Do you trust him? or have you lost all trust with him?
It is very hard to trust a person once they have cheated because if they can do it once- why not do it twice or continue....unless they give you a good reason to beleieve they have stopped.
2) As well, do the children know about his behaviour? and what are they questioning? If they are questioning- they need to ask their father, thats what i would think.
Religion is not based on one human beings behaviour, people are not perfect- Just because your husband cheated/ or drinks/ smokes etc that means that islam promotes it. Maybe your children need to separate the two. This of course depends on their age. I am assuming older children. If they are young, then- that is different and daddy needs to answer for his behaviour and you should let him know the kids are asking questions.
3) if he is manipulative with his words- be very careful- and never doubt yourself. Stand firm in what is right and do not let him manipulate you. Thats actually abuse, if the person does you wrong- and then breaks you down and makes you beleive that you are the crazy one. Thats called emotional abuse/manipulation.
Lastly, sister, i think when he comes back- you need to have a serious discussion with your husband. tell him from your heart your worries and concerns and see if he responds warmly and want to work on the marriage. Marriage is challenging and you will face bumps, but If he is cold and distant and has emotionally checked out and is still cheating/contantly critisizing- sister dont let him play you.
It is hard to leave as you truly love this man, but if he is gone and does not care and does not provide love, and makes you feel like a worthy human being- know that there is happiness outside.
If he continue to be distant, maybe its his way of telling you he wants out.
I wish you all the best, and hope that helps.
Samira