Is it normal that I crave isolation so much?
Isolation can destroy our perspective and leave us depressed
Assalam O Alaikum,
I used to enjoy having friends whenever I had the chance to, I didn't get so many chances though. I was emotionally and physically abused at home while growing up. I was bullied roughly in elementary and middle school, got rid of it in high school but had many issues with drama and people backstabbing me, I got into major depression, at times I wanted to talk to people, and other time I just wanted to be alone. I attempted suicide a few times, but I am out of that phase.. Well at least I think I am. Yesterday I caught myself searching for the easiest way to die, after searching long enough, I finally snapped back to reality when I thought about eternal hell for doing it, I couldn't believe what I was searching cause it's been so long since I thought about suicide, it came out of no where.
Most recently I had two close friends, whom I told everything to, but one of them totally put me out and I lost her a few weeks ago, and one I lost today because she threw a fit over me caring for her and mixing it with pity. But even though these two girls were my only friends, and knew EVERYTHING about me, I didn't feel anything as I lost them. It was as if they were never important to me (which they were) I just noticed that I CRAVE isolation. I want to be forever friendless,I want to be alone and I never want to be close with people, it makes me happy whenever I feel the vibe in me wanting to be alone, I don't want to be in contact with anyone. I am not married. However, I have always wanted to get married, but even now im thinking about never getting married and just stay on my own even when my parents part away. I honestly cant feel anything. I've always wanted friends, always wanted to be social but you have no idea how much I am craving my upcoming days being friendless. Is this normal? By the way I am 18. And female.
Salam! 🙂
Allahs_slave
7 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Wa'alaykumsalam sis,
I know exactly how you feel as I've been through those rough stages. It feels as though our whole life is falling apart, our confidence reached a new low, unsatisfied to even go out of the home to meet relatives, loss of great friends, bullying etc etc. This happened to me when I was 17 years old and so I remained patient and now im 20 and everything is perfectly great.
I took that stage of my life as a TEST from Allah and so at that time I began to build my relationship with Allah, day and night I was with him and when my eman became pretty strong is when I came out of that lonely period. But mainly I've never thought of suicide, firstly because I was too young and can live my life so much more if Allah wills and shape by hereafter for as long as I live, secondly, we didn't come into this world by ourselves and so we shouldn't destroy our life by ourselves. Allah said in the Quran " do not make your own hands destroy your own life ", thirdly, I prefer few years of sufferings rather than an eternal torturing and so suicide never crossed my mind.
People can tackle problems in their life differently. Theres a sying " The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude towards the problem" and " You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude of what happens towards you and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you ".
Those saying are very true, atleast to me.
Basically, I'm a gamer and so even when I isolate myself, I'm never alone and bored and I always got somthing to do. Other times while isolating myself, I pray 4 times ( I try my best for 5 though ) and read Quran etc while at that lonely depressed stage. Allah said:" Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction". If we have Allah daily in our lives, then we have everything, we just need to wait and not be in a hurry. And now, Im out of that terrible stage of life, we just have to be patience. I've got all my lovely best friends back, we hang alot always, I got many new friends too and whitin few years from now its marriage time for me and m very excited about life and I continuosly thank Allah for shaping my life beautifully. That doesn't mean I wont be tested again, ofcourse I will sooner or later in the future and Insha'Allah I'll pass it.
But since you're a sister and most certainly ain't a gamer, never isolate yourself to an extent that you are all alone and got no one. That is terrible. Our prophet said that good company is better than no company, no company is better than bad company. So I doubt that we cant find good companies. Theres a sying that " Idle mind is satan's workshop ". So becarefull in staying alone. Theres a hadith which states that we should always stick with a group ( jammat ) because the wolf attacks the sheep who wanders alone. Making the satan a simlitude to the wolf who attacks those people who are alone.
So I would advice you to build your relationship with Allah in this stage of your life. Try praying 5 times, do lots of isthigfar,make lots of duas, nag Allah, read Quran daily and fast somtimes. All these you do when you're idle. Once your eman comes stronger, you'll insha'Allah get everything back of whats good for you. Just have patience. Very soon you'll be out of your depressing situation. Talk to rightous muslimas, join islamic courses in order to find them. Kepp yourself busy by helping your mum or siblings too. Theres many duas that you can recite, hope somone can put them up as i'm using mobile and its difficult.
All the best.
Assalamualaikum,
I deal with the exact same problem though not to the same extent. I crave isolation to escape judgement, mean looks and rude remarks from people, especially Muslims. I just wanted to tell you that, one time I was invited to an iftaar with a family friend and begged him to stay at home and break fast alone, he told me that one of the Sahaba or an important Islamic intellectual said something along the lines of : isolation is good for the educated but harmful for the ignorant. He said that the person that shys away from the ummah is like the crippled lamb that falls behind the flock and is the first prey of the wolf (Shaitaan). Of course, I was offended by that (I'm not ignorant!) but in actuality what it means is that people like us (if you're not an Islamic scholar) need to be among people, need to have friends, need to interact with them. Putting up with things we don't like can only make us stronger. I swear to you, I absolutely hate walking into a room full of people, even if it's my mom, dad and siblings. However our annoyances fall under the category of annoyances that we must bear for the sake of Allah. I remember another hadith I read somewhere a hadith that it is better and brings blessing to bear an annoying situation (family/people in general) with patience than to avoid the situation that risks annoying you. By all means, leave behind any friend that insults you but for the sake of Allah, maybe finding a pious, believing friend to replace her - either at the mosque, or someone you know but haven't really gotten to know - could be a good idea. I have to do the exact same thing right now and Inshallah we will be successful!
Allah knows best.
Wa'salaam
Dear Sister,
I thought I was the only person in the world who felt this way.. I crave a lot for isolation too. I try my best to not to attend functions or maybe parties , its not coz i dont wana befriend people , I guess it maybe due to the fact that I dont feel social myself. I have this inferiority complex when it comes to appearances, I feel myself ugly when people around me are stylish and fashionable. I bear it for Allah . I also have a problem of probing for some topic that the ones surrounding me would be interested in and when I tend to come up with something and this doesn't interest them I fee downcasted. This feeling is terrible. I am not really into cosmetics, fashion and girly topics of the sort while my friends are, I am much more interested in Islam, Science , Society etc etc.. I am not that serious person either , people say I have a lovely sense of humor..
Ultimately I found out what was bothering me, it was this sense of not belonging, this comes by wanting too much attention and when we receive none we feel that we are ignored, and although people wouldn't notice this I myself would feel ashamed and not wanted and stray far away from the crowd..
This happens every day in my life.
I never had a best friend in life, so maybe your really luckier than me in many ways..
I have accepted the fact that I'm different but not boring..
I am me, Allah created me this way..
I embraced teaching and I love it, now I have a crowd who would listen to me with interest of what I'm talking of and they do love me.. not kids, am talking of people almost my age, I'm 22, my students range from 16-20 , maybe you could try something like this to boost your confidence..
And when in a relationship just give alot not expecting much, that is how less disappointments will be met..
I came out with this through experience , we muslims have the best weapon on Earth and its DUA, just ask Allah for what you want, he knows whats best for..
Be patient and watch miracles happening around you..
FIRST DUA, YA ALLAH! PLEASE DEPRIVE ME OF SUICIDAL THOUGHTS..
AAMEEN..
"we muslims have the best
weapon on Earth and its DUA"
Very well said, brother.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I totally agree with the first post. The posts advise is really helpful Mas'Allah.
I too was going through the same as you when i was a little younger to you now i am in my 30's and all i can say to you is find yourself within Allah because Allah is the one who will get you out of this and please even though suicide is not allowed please don't even do it or attempt it you can do this and the healing process will come. You must remember everything happens for a reason and those reasons you don't know but you learn to know why as time goes on its life testament path from Allah. I believe you need to believing yourself that you are worthy of Allah and yourself you dont need people to make you happy trust me believe in yourself and your confidence will grow to be loved by Allah that's all that should matter. One more thing do not get married until you deal with this issue first once you have healed and found yourself then get married, inshallah things will settle down for you just give it time.
People have become fake, judgmental, superficial and often mould themselves according to what today's society wants them to be. They give up their own unique existence only to fit in.
People like you who remain original and dont change then find it hard to be a part of that superficial crowd and are then sidelined until they find people as original as them (hard to find) and then get along very well.
Your friends that left you had finally decided to be part of that band wagon but you were proud of the way Allah made you and did not change.
This is what I have noticed in life.
Final word: Befriend your family first, your parents, siblings etc, joke around with them like friends and ull see what a confidence booster that is. Also, marriage is a blessing and should be sought but make sure the suitor that you choose is who you want, not any body else.
i totally agree with you, you are 100% right brother so true as well. Thank you at last someone speaks and takes words right out my mouth something that is so right and is reality for what it is.