Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Nose Job issue. In this society why face beauty matters.


Asallam o Alicom brothers and sisters.

I need your suggestions.

My issue is the features of my face. I always heard from people around me that all my sister and brothers are good looking except me. I faced too much insult since my childhood.

My engagement was ended after the death of my uncle, my aunty (sas) said that "humy deni thi to is ki sister dete, is k to naqosh he ache nahe hen." as I have a big and wider nose. My cousin once said me that "I'm surprised how much difference in you both sisters - she is much pretty and you are not".

I had a net friend since last 7 years. I was in love with him since 6 years. We had some issues some type of misunderstanding. He had a beautiful girlfriend during our breakup period. We never met live, but we had chats on skype and cellphone. He recently proposed to me. I asked him "why me? You are handsome and you like pretty girls so where is your girlfriend?" etc. But he was insisting to continue the relationship and want to marry me. He discussed about me to his family. His mom said ok and that the girl (me) should talk about us before we go for the proposal & I discussed here with my family. But when all the matters going to be ok suddenly he left me alone saying that "my mom and family is not accepting you because you are not beautiful and  I rejected the all beautiful girls of my family and if I marry to you all my relatives will laugh at me & my family". He said our same ages, the  area distance, the net, and my looks all matters. I was feeling so ashamed to be so much insulted by him and his family.

I'm still surprised and tensed and don't know what to do. I cry all the time and ask to Allah why this is happening to me, why all the people are rejecting me while I'm not ugly. I'm just a common girl. but around me everyone is most beautiful and even in his family beauty of face matters.

My question is that in my case while everyone rejects me because of my face and in particular my nose, I think I should go for rhinoplasty. No one I guess no one will want to accept me and everyone keeps rejecting me. I was facing this issue since long long time. And I'm sick and tired by again and again being rejected just because around me everyone is beautiful/handsome and I have not good features (specially nose) and once DR also told me that the bone of my nose is increase, May Allah bless me otherwise I will need operation.

Should I go for a nose job?   Because as in Islam we hear man can marry to woman for 3 reasons, for woman’s beauty, woman’s wealth, or woman’s good moral and character.
Here is the issue of beauty. Can I go for nose job so I will be acceptable? Because I can't stay in my parents’ home for longer time - I need safety and security, we live in a combine family and I'm facing sexual harassment from someone here so I can’t stay here, and I'm scared what will happened to me after my father.
Please help me I don’t know. Will Allah angry at me if I go for nosejob just  to marry ? to beautify me and make me acceptable for anyone ?
Does Islam allow it? any fatwa? any contact number of any Alam-eislam. please friends help me.

miss friend

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15 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    Changing one's physical features strictly to become more attractive is not permitted in Islam. It's considered as "changing Allah's creation", which is an accursed action. Some people are more attractive than others, or some may have more "socially acceptable' facial features than others, but being on the wrong end of those spectrums doesn't give one the license to break a rule Allah has put upon us.

    There are many attractive women who have just a difficult time getting a proposal. Some women are average, some are beautiful, so finding a spouse can be hard for anyone. Not only that, but some "ugly" women manage to find good husbands in spite of their looks, so we know it's possible to find someone who is compatible with you, cares for you, and doesn't put a premium on your features matching some social standard.

    I think maybe some of the trouble you've had in finding a spouse may have more to do with the fact that you have been actively participating in a haraam relationship for the past 7 years. Even though he rejected you in the end, engaging in those type of associations could earn Allah's displeasure enough for Him to withhold from you a good spouse. If you repent of that relationship and go forward dealing with non-mahrem in the proper way, it could be that opportunities for marriage will begin to come to you in shaa Allah.

    -Amy Editor

    • @AMY, haraam relationship for the past 7 years. ?
      loving someone one is called Haram relationship ? we were best friends he knew that i love him . but we know its v hard we get married eachother. we never talk about any wrong/objectionable stuff ? is it still haram ?

      • believe you are from Indo-Pak, here as you know,we have many co-ed schools & colleges ( mostly English medium) and most work places are also not segregated, quite common for girls & boys, men & women to interact with each other on daily basis. So it's a shock for someone from conservative Islamic cultures & countries to know, Muslim girls over here have male friends with pure feeling in the heart, without lust or flirty intentions.
        Personally, I want you to stop interacting (if you have not already) with this man, as I think he is a coward, who ditched you after proposing marriage,he is bothered about what his relatives would say or how would they react ( Log kya kahenge) and does not think of your feelings.
        Now that you have got Islamic advice that "changing one's physical features strictly to become more attractive is not permitted in Islam", so stop thinking on these terms and accept yourself as you are and don't get disheartened & depressed.
        I bet,just the thought of remaining single 10-15 years from now will scare you with all your brohers, sisters and cousins( hum-umra ke) married & living happily with their spouses & children.
        Perhaps you are aware, it's a taboo to remain unmarried especially for a single woman in our culture, also it's difficult as she has to face sexual harassment & inappropriate approaches from perverted men in the society.
        You & your family have to make more efforts to find a suitable spouse for yourself, without any delay, as you are working against the odds. ( hath par hath dhare ghar mein baithane se kuch kam nahi hota).
        And don't be too choosy in selecting your spouse, you have to make some compromises like looks of the fiancé, his family status or wealth etc etc.
        Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth. " (Tirmidhi).
        Finally, make dua to Allah daily and keep your trust in him, insha-allah, he would answer your prayers soon.

    • Please dont make the questioner feel guilty. its all too easy to talk this way and it usually comes from people who happen to be secure and happy about their looks (and rightly so).
      they tend to say things like 'there is no standard for beauty' but unless you're facial features ARE aberrant you really don't know what its like. its just an attempt to assuage anxieties. though i appreciate the good intention.

      i know people mean well but sometimes it can seem a little supercilious. i agree with you about the relationship thing though. but as far as a person's looks are is what it say everyone is beautiful in their own special little way is just not true. at least in my own experience i have found it not to be. its a conciliatory effort that is often contradicted by other people who will flatly tell you to your face that you have 'anomalous features' so what then? who is lying and who is being honest? misplaced hope can hurt more than cruel comments. My sisters have even done this to me! Their lies (albeit well intentioned) made me feel worse

      Im not trying to be provocative i just had to share my sentiments on something that has troubled me for a very long time. peace.

    • Assalamu Alaikum,

      I am a boy and have a very big and bulbous nose, and the shape of the nose is ugly. My face looks ugly for my ugly nose. I am single and 26 years old. My "BIGGEST DREAM" in my life is - to marry a beautiful girl. The truth is - I cannot marry someone who is NOT attractive to me 🙁

      I extremely fear that I will be rejected by any attractive girl for my ugly face. May be I have to be alone for my whole life if all the attractive girls reject me.

      Can I get a nose job JUST to make my nose average-looking (not ugly)?

      Please reply asap. Thanks.

    • Assalamu Alaikum,

      I am a boy and have a very big and bulbous nose, and the shape of the nose is "UGLY". My face looks "ugly" for my ugly nose. I am single and 26 years old. My "BIGGEST DREAM" in my life is - to marry a beautiful girl. The truth is - I cannot marry someone who is NOT attractive to me 🙁 🙁 🙁

      I extremely fear that I will be rejected by any attractive girl for my ugly face. May be I have to be alone for my whole life if all the attractive girls reject me.

      Can I get a nose-job JUST to make my nose "NOT UGLY"? 🙁

      (It's EXTREMELY RARE that I found someone else with an ugly nose like mine 🙁 )

      Please reply asap. Thanks....

    • Hey i have a medical condition where the bone in my nose is crooked...and leans on one side. The doctors have said this makes it difficult for me to breath and only repairable through surgery. I have also ruined my nose shape due to obsessive compulsive disorder. I used to continously pick it from childhood which had greatly changed the shape of my nose. Is it allowed if i get a nose surgery to fix the bone and also correct the shape while I'm doing it? They may have to reconstruct my nose altogether so is it alright if i ask for a better shape which resembled my original nose shape?

  2. im in a similar situation. but ive had no relationship ever and i know it isnt right to get surgery. sometimes its best just to accept that one is not blessed with looks and just forget about getting married. I know it is hard coz this world is all about looks and beauty and if u dont fit the bill then u dont belong to the human race. i live as a loner now. but its alright. a person just has to accept the difficult position they've been put in and realise that hapiness isnt meant for everyone. only attractive people. i understand how u feel though

  3. Assalaamualaikam

    The general consensus amongst scholars who have looked at the issue of cosmetic surgery is that it would be considered changing Allah's creation, which is a sin. As far as I am aware, the only times when such surgery would be Islamically acceptable would be if it was to remedy a significant health issue. Instead of feeling that you need surgery, try to say Alhamdulillah that you do not have to endure severe ill-health and that your body is as Allah willed.

    True beauty comes from much more than your physical features. An unfortunate trait in modern society is to place too much emphasis on whether a person's ohysical appearance meets certain criteria for "beauty" - these criteria constantly change, though. Rather than focusing on physical features that you feel you have or haven't got that make you "ugly", try to look at the positives when you look in the mirror - do you like your hair, your eyes, your smile, etc? And what about all the other things that make you who you are - your experiences, goals, personality? Once you can look at yourself and see a person who is worthy of respect and love, inshaAllah it will matter less if others fixate on one or two physical traits.

    It seems, though, that your physical appearance probably isn't the root of your problems - you describe feeling criticised and rejected by your family, seeking approval and compassion from elsewhere, and ask if having a nose-job will make you acceptable. Although it may seem like a quick fix, cosmetic surgery won't fix how you feel about yourself and won't change the characters of the people around you. You are already more than acceptable - Allah doesn't just accept you, He loves you. You don't need to conform to impossible ideals; living your life by Allah's guidance is a far more beneficial and lasting goal.

    You mention feeling unsafe at home, and if you are concerned about psychological, physical or sexual abuse, it's important to take steps to address the situation. If you can, try to speak with your mother or father about what has been happening - your father is your wali and so has a duty to protect you from harm. A major factor in the continued existence of abuse and harassment is that people struggle to speak up and say "No - this is NOT acceptable".

    Try not to get fixated on whether your physical appearance meets current definitions of "beauty". We all age and change, and looks do not last forever. Good deeds and piety are far more worthwhile investments of your time and energy.

    Midnightmoon editor

    • That is sound advice brother. but i think phrases like 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' are just statements most of us would like to believe. the truth is looks do matter..even to muslims. and if you dont have the looks..then..good luck! lol

      no but seriously all this stuff about personality is a gross exaggeration. looks are like either have them or you dont. most people mind you i think are really good looking. i havent met a single person and thought they dont look good but when i look in the mirror i meet the only disgusting person in the world. but Allah creates what he wants.

      but im sure this questioner is not as bad as she fears.

  4. Salaam sister

    sorry to hear about your troubles. you shouldn't get a nose job though. i suffer from similar problems, so i understand how you are feeling. its not nice to feel that you don't fit in and can't get married as a result but hey thats the life we just have to live. we just have to accept that Allah has made some people beautiful and some guys like me quite revolting lol. im sure you belong in the first group though.

    but i do understand your pain. it can often feel like you don't belong. i for example dont consider myself to even belong to the ummah now. coz i'm not really a muslim like all the others. im something different. a loner without a purpose. and all this stems from the way i look. but what can you do? if you let these things eat away at you then you will start to feel like this. you will feel worthless and inferior to everyone else on earth. believe me that is not a road you want to take. i dont know what advice to give other than to encourage you not to end up like this coz eventually you will feel tempted to just give up on life altogether.

    i wish i could say more to help. i just dont want u to end up like me, so ashamed of the way you look that you feel you dont even deserve to live. please hang in there.

  5. Salama Aleykum my dear sister in Islam.

    Sister you should never doubt yourself, and you should never try to please the creation (humans) , while

    angering the Creator (Allah). my dear sister know that any man that fears Allah and knows what is the best in

    this world and the hereafter will not think about your beauty but rather your manners and your devotion to

    Allah. I don't mean to scare you but suppose you went ahead with the surgery and as soon as you were

    done or while you are on the operation you died, how will you feel. believe me we all have insecurities,

    even the most beautiful woman you see has some kind of insecurity. my sister in Islam, I myself people talk

    about my nose and they compare me to my sisters, but I always say Allah gave me a full health, iman, and

    brain that can tell right from wrong, so Iam beautiful. I will give you one last advice make the relationship

    between you and Allah very strong and Allah will make everything easy for you insha Allah. Alhamdulilaah

    Iam married to a very good looking brother and we have been blessed with two beautiful children. Have

    faith in Allah, most intelligent men don't look for beauties rather they look for a good muslimah that will

    make a good wife, and become a good mother to his children. May Allah help you and raise your Iman so

    you don't think about changing the way he created you.

  6. dont think that he left you becoz of ur looks . have u not heard about the breakups of most attractive women by their co star ? they have affairs with most beautiful women n marry with average looking girl. this is very common. I m average got married at 24 I ve 3 most beautiful friends they dont get any sincere proposal or guy everyone just pass time, they are 33 now because its all about luck. it doesnt ve to do with looks. if there is a marriage in ur fate u will marry definitely. what u can change is ur nature become ur nature simple luvable n fair. n believe in Allah n ur fate . u must knw bepasha basuu . how many surgeries still his boy friend ditched her. bcoz he was not in her fate.

  7. @saima*I m average got married at 24 I ve 3 most beautiful friends they dont get any sincere proposal or guy everyone just pass time, they are 33 now
    coz they r 33 it doesn't mean they would never get married and it doesn't mean your marriage will be successful as ever. so don't be so proud of it. they are unfortunate to have a friend like you talking behind them like this, just go say straight on their faces.

  8. Listen... Relax. I am dark. I have big nose. I had the same story. Be patient. Always love yourself. God made you this. You think you are a nobody but nobody is perfect. God is perfect. SO CHILL... stopp letting everyone tell you that you are not. If they tell you that you have a big nose. Tell them that you are proud of yourself because your nose can be fixed with surgeries but those people who call you big nosed have sick minds and hearts which can not be fixed with surgeries.
    The guy you loved left you because ur had big nose. You should be glad he left you because if you were pretty and after marriage something happened to your face like getting it burnt or something. He would have left you thn too. So chill. He is the one who dont deserve you. Your biggest fault was telling him that he is handsome and why he would want to marry a girl like you????? no princess. Judge yourself with ur heart. One day we all will die and this body will stay in graves. Our souls will meet in heaven. If your soul is good thn you are perfect. You deserve a prince charming so be happy

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