Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am not able to find job due to the economic conditions

Money roll, dollar bills, cash

Shortage of Money

Salam brothers and sisters,

The reason I am posting here is because I cannot really discuss this with a friend or family member.

I am originally from pakistan and came to uk five years ago when i got married as my wife is british born. I love my wife who is a practising muslimah and we have a daughter.

My wife is a medical practitioner and works fulltime. I have had odd jobs here and there but haven't really worked much for the past 2 years as I stay home and look after my daughter. Being a house husband carries alot of stigma and from time to time I get very depressed.

Although running the house is a job in itself and my wife assures me she is proud of me, I get these thoughts that I am doing something wrong n I'm looked at being not manly etc. I have a degree from pak but in this economic environment I will never get a job which will pay our mortgage.

Please tell me how i should get rid of these thoughts n in what ways can i get more satisfaction out of day to day things like cooking n cleaning i said i love my wife n our daughter n i want to stay in the marriage fr my whole life..

my wife has made me a better muslim, i never used to pray namaz n because of her teaching i pray 5 times n my imaan is stronger....

i will look forward to ur advice.....

~ alikhan

Tagged as: , , , ,

3 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    I want to let you know up front that I am advising you as a wife whose husband also looks after our home. In essence, our roles are reversed. What I am about to tell you is what my husband would also likely tell you.

    First off, even though I personally understand why and how you have the arrangement where your wife works and pays the bills and you stay home and clean/cook/care for children, and that this may be an agreeable situation for both of you, it is still better that a man do anything he can to fulfill the sunnah and provide for the needs of his wife and children. Masha'Allah, you have a wife who is willing to take up the slack when circumstances have prevented this, but this is not a situation that is good for either of you to look at as permanent. Even in the best of marriages, situations like this can breed resentment in both of you, and cause arguments or even have you both thinking of divorce (she because she knows she has a right to be taken care of, and you because you don't believe you can provide for her and that she would be better off without you).

    So with that being said, I don't believe it is best to focus your energy on how to find more satisfaction in your current role. Men were not made by Allah to be in the homemaking position, although there are certain times and situations which require it. Just the same, women were not made to be the breadwinners, even though this is done at times out of necessity. Women and men who are more in touch with their fitra know this deep down, and find that God-given true satisfaction in fulfilling their intended roles.

    Therefore my advice to you is to invest in becoming the man of the house again. You said you have a degree, but in short it's not one that will get you a good job. In that case, maybe you should try to work toward another degree. If you can't leave the home because of the responsibilites, try to attend class online. Many universities offer this now. Choose an area of study that will open up lots of career opportunities for you that will have decent pay.

    In the mean time, continue to do odd jobs for pay if you are able to find them. Even if you aren't able to pay for all the bills right now, making even a little bit of cash here and there to pay for diapers or a nice pair of shoes for her makes a lot of difference for a woman in your wife's position. Perhaps one of your gigs will turn out to be something more permanent, and you can take on more financial responsibility as time goes on.

    The bottom line is, don't be lulled into stagnation over a temporary circumstance. Economics and job markets will change, so make the most of any opportunities you can whether your are working or not. Your wife will need to know, whether she's said it yet or not, that you are capable of taking care of her if such a time arises in the same manner that she is taking care of you now. So look at your options with that in mind, because you never know if someday she will fall ill or have some other circumstance arise which will prevent her from working, and then it will be on you to rise to the occassion.

    -Amy Editor

  2. Salaam brother,

    There are a lot of people who can not find a job these days.You should be proud of yourself for helping your wife out.Allah will help you cause you are there to support your family in a different way.Its not your fault you can not find a job its difficult these days.Keep praying and be happy for everything Allah has given you.See this as a test from Allah.You are doing a great job even a better job then working eight hours a day in an office in my eyes.I am sure one day you will find a job.

  3. I agree, is not your fault you can't find a job right now. And honestly do not feel bad at all your wife and your children are your family, and your doing that for them not for anybody else. Just ontill you get in your feet to find a job soon insallah and then your wife can stay home and do house work. You don't have to feel low because I know alot of people that are in your shoe doing the same thing ontill they find jobs to support there families. Insallah you find a job soon and good luck.

Leave a Response