Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Not attracted to husband

Pregnant teen

Salam aalakoum,

I've been married for a few years and hamdula im pregnant now. Ever since I got pregnant my intimacy has disappeared to the point where I can't even kiss my husband. Our bedroom life occurs when he asks for it and I feel disgusted and forced. My husband is great. The only thing is he has a very immature view of life. This has caused has us to have big arguments and fights. I feel that this has also affected how I view him. I wish I'd met him 5 or 10 years down the track but I'm here now. I don't know what to do. We really have nothing in common, can't hold a conversation together. He's on one level and im on the other. And I've put up with that but now that the intimacy has vanished I don't know what to do.

I dread the thought of being intimate with him. I feel I could happily live my life without a man and I feel sorry for him.
I'm just at complete loss. I don't know what I should do. I can only remain quite for so long because it's causing friction in our marriage. I sound ungratefull but what does one do when the most important part of marriage is no longer there alongside other things? I think of taking a break from us and maybe il run back to him when I see his worth? I'm just not sure.

Any help would be appreciated.
JazakAllah khar


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4 Responses »

  1. I think that maybe you just need to spend a little time with him, like a honeymoon, and kind of get intimate. This is because spending a weekend together will have some type of intimacy. Or you could fancy him and decorate the room with roses and such, and maybe he'll feel the mood. Also, get to know him better and maybe just kind of talk a little about qualities, and maybe you'll feel some attraction.

  2. Dear Sister

    During pregnancy, a wife is being transformed into a mother. It is like a new person moving in with you . So a natural conflict arises between two different roles. A pregnant wife is bound to get angry and feel irritating over minor matters. The good news is that this transition is temporary.

    Just keep your husband informed about your internal feelings in an appropriate way(avoid hurting his feelings) and do not tense up over needlessly.

    Take Care

  3. The changing hormone levels during pregnancy could be the reason for your lack of lust. (Other women may experience the opposite during pregnancy) Which means that after the pregnancy things will likely return to normal within a few months. In the meantime you should tell your husband at least as much that being pregnant you have difficulties now getting aroused. Than the two of you could at least try to find a way to overcome the problem. Maybe extended foreplay could help.
    If you not only feel a lack of interest in sex, but also other problems like, for example: constant sadness, feelings of failure or guilt, fatigue, disturbances in your sleeping pattern, problems concentrating and remembering, or even thought about suicide and death; then you may suffer of a kind of depression (depression during pregnancy aka antenatal depression). If the feeling of yours that you consider your husband to be immature developed only during your pregnancy but was not there before, then it may also result from depression (in this state of mind one tends to assess and interpret things more negatively then normally would).

  4. as-salaam-u-alaykum,

    1) Have Sabr
    2) Start Praying
    3) Be Grateful


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