Not interested in marriage.
Salam, is it okay for a Muslim woman to not marry? I'm tired of searching and putting effort in searching. And my prayers, I rather pray for something other than getting married. In my head, I know there are so many problems in the world, and the last thing I really care about is about my love life, which I haven't cared about. I would love a scholar's input about this.
If Allah swt wants me to marry, it's his decision and I leave it to him. Because it's almost near impossible doing it on my own. And I really don't know. The moment I start on this husband chase, then my mind set goes into this: 'how to make myself appealing for a man,' and I feel like it's wrong.
I really don't want to get sucked into the whole cockaphoney nonsense. My family is a liberal family. They have this modern idea that I should just go out and date. So forget about asking them.
When I ask to be arranged with someone they give me incompetent guys who get very threatened by me. My parents had to tell me to tone down my character. Which is just absolute nonsense. I have my requirements, which is you have to be Muslim and you must pray and you cannot be taking drugs and be smoking. My parent's idea of competent is big earnings, graduate. And when they do think of holy. They don't even consider if the person's character is matched with mine.
And now I am match maked with this person. Whom I can barely tolerate. What do I do? Make dua and just tolerate this man, or just be honest, cruel and frank?
I can't stand him because he has very little manners. The first thing he asks me is how much money I have. And the next thing he tells me is he wants to be rich. I keep meeting this sort of men, or men who cannot stand my character. I'm beginning to forget about marriage, and just want to focus on other ibadah's that are less challenging for me and may produce faster and better outcomes.
What do you think... Sigh... make dua for me please.
Allah swt You are the greatest, show me a sign.
Salam
~ Freida
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Salaams,
I can appreciate that you want the opinion of a scholar, but unfortunately none of us here are lol. We will, however, try to give you the best advice we can and Insha'Allah some of it might help your situation.
Personally, if I was only meeting guys that seemed mismatched with me, I wouldn't feel so thrilled about the idea of marriage either! On the other side of the spectrum, marriage makes perfect sense when you come across someone you get along with and feel very compatible with, and you start to feel like you love them. It doesn't sound like you've had that happen yet, and if I were you I wouldn't deprive yourself of the opportunity to experience that by getting exasperated and settling for a "match made".
If you are comfortable with taking your time and staying single for now, then do so. There's lots of time ahead for you to meet someone you will click with. Take the stress off yourself and do what's comfortable for you at this time, and chances are when you aren't even thinking about it Mr. Right will cross your path and you will find yourself in a whole new world of love and daydreams.
As to your family, they probably aren't going to stop looking for a husband for you no matter how many times you ask. You can kindly let them know, "No matter how many guys you throw at me, I'm not going to accept any proposals unless I really like the guy. Just telling you now." I agree, you shouldn't have to change who you are as a person just to "catch" a man. The man for you will love your hi-tone character, and wouldn't want you any other way. As far as the wannabe rich match they have for you now, you can reject that proposal if you aren't feeling it (over and over, if necessary!). It's not cruelty, but it is honesty- and there's nothing wrong with that. In moving toward marriage, you have to be true to yourself because you are the one who is going to be living life with someone that needs to be a good fit for who you really are. Stay focused, keep being yourself, and Insha'Allah the madness will have a sweet ending for you!
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Amy, very sweet words, I enjoyed reading that :O).
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Look if ur not ready to marry and your parents r not forcing u then divert your mind in something practical like making ur career which will help u .
Regarding this guy say no , y to marry a person u don't like
For time being Forget abt marriage concentrate on your career the right guy will come
Salam Freida,
I am not a scholar, but I am a mother. Life is way too short to end up marrying someone just to say that you are married. Your happiness is important just as his is. End things amicably and know that sometimes things come our way when we aren't even looking for it. You deserve to be happy in marriage, not just marry some guy just because it's what we are groomed for all of our lives. You can't tolerate him yet you are contemplating marrying him? Don't...it will not last and you know it. Also, if any man asks you how much money you have...just tell him you have enough. No man needs to know how much money is in your bank account. It is yours and yours alone. If you choose to share it, that is your business and yours alone.
May Allah guide a wonderful man to you who has the qualities you desire and who sets the butterflies in your heart aflutter...amin.
Me neither, I wish I can break my engagement and stay single for the rest of my life. That way I can get the chance to make something out of my life and live my life the way I want it not the way others want me to live (e.g. parents).