Not sure if I made the right choice in marrying him
ASLAMO ALIKOM WARAHMTO ALHI WABARAKATOH
Hi everybody. I am going cut to the chase. I knew my husband for two and we got married ?? I have been married for six years and my marriage. and i start was like eveybody' else we fought a lot and laughed a lot. But recently our life has changed. I really dont know why, if this change is normal or happened in every marriage.
We used to talk a lot about diffrent things but now we don't, if we talked it will be about food or work etc and also when i think Oh my God i am going to spend the rest of my life like this. I am a person who like to go out a lot to see places, or dine out. The past six years i have visited three places.
- ATA12
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Salaam My Sister,
I am sorry for this lull you are experiencing in your marriage. Many marriage therapists claim that the "in love" phase of loving someone (the part where you see them through rose-tinted goggles and delete all the boring or not so great parts about them) starts to fade, and we are presented with the actual real person for the first time without the rosey hue of the "in love" part. This is what leads to the popular phrase "the seven year itch" - because people come out of that soft glow at around the 6-7 year period and " the itch" kicks in and off they go to pastures new to experience the whole thing all over again.
I can hear a lot of boredom in your question rather than problems, as you have not mentioned that your husband is treating you badly - so one thing I will say to you is that a good man who doesn't bring home problems for you and fulfils his duties as a husband is an absolute diamond worth holding onto.
A comfortable husband can be difficult to motivate into action in his spare time but establishing simple routines like a walk in the park every Sunday can do wonders for a relationship - I recommend it regularly. The home is a place where we turn off and we can sometimes forget that the other person wants some time or energy from us - and we assume that everything is OK and get stuck in a rut. As you establish these small elements into your routine, conversation will start to flow and you will begin to reconnect. As you reconnect with your husband, you will be able to introduce other things - like dinner out every now and then, or socialising with friends.
I repeat: if your husband is a good man, who fulfils his duties, acts kindly towards you and doesn't bring home problems - then work at the marriage and don't give up because of boredom. Just start dragging him outside of the house and he'll soon get involved and chatting with you. It may take a few outings to get there - but it will happen and you will be introduced to a new phase of love and support in your marriage.
Peace,
Leyla
Editor, Islamic Answers
Asslam O Alaikum sister Leyla:)-
Welcome back after a break. Nice to see you on board again:)- May Allah bless you all panel members. (Amin)
Wa Alaikum Salaam, may Allah bless you for your kind words :0) It's good to be back
Peace,
Leyla
Editor, Islamic Answers
Salaams sister ATA12
I think you both should spend time together like communicating again as if you take it at another level. Why not join the gym together, dine out, go travelling, pinics it doesnt have to be expensive etc. I am sure once you do this you will see you will re-bond with each other. It is easily done once we get married and have kids because it becomes busy and socialising goes downhill, do not be scared everyone has these little downhills, as long as you do activities together you see you back on the happy forms. No one said marriage was going to be easy as long as your husband is a good man and does hes duties as a good husband, appreciate what you have sister because there are a lot of women I know who do anything to have rather than be on there own. Inshallah you will be fine just support each other as you are not on your own may allah shine through you both ameen.
I think this article may help: How to increase emotional intimacy with your partner
http://www.uncommonhelp.me/articles/emotional-intimacy-in-relationships/