Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Will my boyfriend marry me or is he playing around?



I need to know only one thing. I have a boyfriend who I want to marry. He is a shia muslim and I am sunni, and his father was recently murdered in a target killing. He is the eldest of three siblings. He claims that he loves me too, but sometimes I am unsure of it because he acts in a suspicious way.

He says he has a lot of responsibilities on his head and he might hit a financial constraint very soon. I think he says that so I don't expect him to get married to me. He is a very gentle, non-violent and calm man and is very active in charity about which he does not flaunt much, which is why I like him. But he talks to me only when I message him first, and it's me only who shows a need to talk to him on phone. He occasionally tells me that he loves me a lot, but does not elaborate. His statements are emotionless, as if he is just playing around. We are two mature persons and playing around is not fun any more.

He has never stopped me from demanding marriage, but said he would not be doing it before three years. He is 4 years older than me. I have tried to confront him a lot of times about why he does not properly express his love if he does so, and each time he politely explains with the same reason: that he was busy or has a lot of work to do after his father died. He never gets furious but still I doubt him. The signs might be clear that I am doubting him, but I don't want to get mashwara from any man; I am seeking help from Allah (S.W.T) in the form of any dua or whatever you suggest to get quick confirmation of what exactly is he thinking. I shall be obliged.


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4 Responses »

  1. Sister.

    If he can't marry you now then he is not serious. You tell him of he wants to be in a relationship then your families have to meet and something has to be arranged to atleast do the NikH. You are committing sins every time you are with him and talking to him without a marhram. Some men like to pull your chain and just leave you hanging. If he has no money, then let him atleast show yo he is serious by getting Nikah and then you can find a place later to live together.

    Also sister, please check his beliefs very carefully. You say he is Shia. But if what he believes goes against what the prophet and the Quran say , then think carefully about this man. Don't bring children into the world where they will be encouraged to do shirk and do things that turn them away from Allah.

    All the best sister, and pray istilhara prayer to ultimately help you with the decision.

  2. Walekumsalam dear Sister.

    First of all, in light of Islam, your relationship with him is Haram. You must correct yourself about it by distancing yourself from him and seek forgiveness from Allah(Swt)

    In general, it might be true that he is having lot of responsibilities on his head and he might hit a financial constraint, especially since death of his father. and it could be true that for these reasons he plans to postpone marriage for couple of years. please note that such events can turn a person cold in terms of love and feelings. but you must know what you want. if you wish to get married now but cannot wait this long or if you find him not genuine in his dealings, or if you realize that marriage between a shia-sunni can be unpleasant as well not just to you but two families as well, then you should give up the idea of marrying him.

    It might be also like that you both are not compatible in terms of emotions and that's why you feel he does not reciprocate the feelings the way you desire, if so, then certainly you should not get into it.

    my personal suggestion would be to leave this man for the simple reasons 1. He is not willing to get married as of now 2. you doubt him in some ways 3. You find him emotionless.

    Pray to Allah (Swt) to bless you with a loving practicing muslim Husband.

    Your Sister,

  3. dear sister,

    first of all, iam not sure about shia- sunni buisness. some say its not allowed and some say it is. personally i will not marry a shia as i dont agree with their belives but i guess its a different story with you since you already have fallen in love with him.

    i just want to tell a you what i felt when my dad died. iam a woman and when my dad died 10yrs ago, i was the only one in thefamily who could take financial responsibility. at that time i was totally cold towards love, although there was no man in my life but honestly if there was one i would just asked him to wait as marraige was last in my list. its not that you stop loving them its just that the other responsibilities of family just puts a lot of burden on you.

    i would suggest that be patient, not sure about three years wait but try not to put deadlines to love. it doesnt work this way. if you are ready to wait then wait. leave this chase for marriage at the moment. give him some space. stop speculating why he is not initiating any talks. sometime when sucha life changing event has taken place one just wants to be their cave and share nothing with anyone specially loved ones.

    for you my sister, only Allah knows whats in this man's heart. his coldness and distance are indeed hurtful to you. dont waste all your emotions chasing him, if a man wants to marry a girl , he just does as he doesnt want to loose the girl. once sometime has passed, you can have a chat that your parents are looking into getting you married and see what he says.

    if you dont end up getting married to him then trust Allah's decision as only He knows that although this very nice man may seem apparently just the one , he may be not b the one who would be good for your deen.

    be patient, stop the chase, prepare yourself for the worst. Trust in Allah , and most importantly dont keep thinking about what he is upto or thinking, just ley him be. you be yourself and engage in activities that does not involve him so that you can detach yourself too from this hurt your are going through at present.

  4. Sis,

    I agree with all here, Shia have almost Shirk level beliefs, hence good luck to your islam if you do get married to him.
    But apparently that is not your worry here, you are more concerned with whether he will marry you or not rather than if he is willing to come to the right path and make both your lives free of hell.

    Any how my small thoughts on this matter.
    Good luck with your choices.

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