Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Shall I just be careful not to get too close?

Posted by • July 28, 2011 • Printer-friendly
boyfriend girlfriend haraam

Salaam to all:)

I like this really nice brother and he too feels the same about me, but  he is religious (i am too) he says that we should reform ourselves and maybe get out of this "being together",as it is sinful, as we are not in a marital relationship.

But the thing is, we have met up many times in secret, just us. We have become a little intimate also and now he said to me that he wants to reform (both of us) during the month of ramadan. (believing what we are doing is a sin)

We met in seminars, and we have never had a relationship of this sort before with anyone so he likes me I like him too, no marital relationship..can we still see each other..??

( we can't marry or maybe just yet...) bearing in mind he is a very different guy..compared to most..will not find anyone like him..i like him...

Shall  I just be careful not to get too close.. (physically)

I am really confused and here for advice, please give me advise...thank you:)

 


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3 Responses »

  1. María M
    July 28, 2011 • 3:53 pm

    As salamu alaykum,

    Sister what you are doing is haram, stop sinning, repent (you have a link on tawbah on the top of the page)and stay straight until you are ready to marry, when you are, he will have to tell his family and yours to propose, you will find the explaniations in the following post:

    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/boy-girl-relationship-ready/

    María
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    Reply
  2. Helping Sister
    July 28, 2011 • 6:16 pm

    Asalamoalaikum Princess K,

    In your post you write, “Shall I just be careful not to get too close.. (physically)”.

    My dear sis, in a relationship physicality isn’t everything that builds a connection, so is being emotionally attached and that is as haram as being physically intimate. This is because these emotions are what drive you towards being open to such a degree (and you begin to share your intimate thoughts and desires and most of the time it leads you to getting physically intimate). You cannot be close to him in any regards before marriage. The relationship you are in is haram.

    Even if do decide to keep the relationship at the emotional level whose to say it wont increase? How much can we control are nafs when we are fond of the opposite gender and dream of our future with them? We can’t, its way too difficult and most people fall in the pit of doing haram and for thereon it just increases.
    You also say in your post that he is a different guy, not many of the guys like today. If I were you and truly felt he was different and someone who is rare to find, I’d tell him to make this open within the family and every time I would talk to him or meet him would be with the presence of a mahram, either from my or his side. If you cant get married right now but you really feel he is someone with good deen, character, will be able to have a stabilized future then you can take these steps, but to play hide and seek behind the parents, that’s where most of our Ummah go wrong.

    Make it official in the family and talk to him with the presence of a mehram (for instance if you have an elder brother bring him with you every time you want to see each other), and it isn’t like you guys do intend to get physical or talk of anything sinful so this shouldn’t be difficult right? The difficult part may be getting the families involved but if you both are serious then you can exercise the rights Allah swt has given you.
    If you can’t do this then you must end your relationship because it is haram and will inevitably lead you to sins which has already started to happen.

    -Helping Sister

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