Islamic marriage advice and family advice

OCD about my sexuality is driving me mad!

gender issues


I think I suffer from HOCD and it is taking over my life.

I am a 19 year old girl and throughout my life I've only had crushes on boys but have never been in a relationship with one as this is haram. I have always thought of myself as a good muslim. I pray, and I always try to be the best muslim one could possibly be.

About a year ago I was sitting with my female muslim friend in a cafe and she randomly told me that she has always had this "urge to have sex with another woman" and I thought she was joking but when I asked her she said she really felt like that so I gave her some Islamic advice and didn't think much of the subject. I forgot about it when I went home and carried on with my life.

A few weeks later my mother coincidentally told me that she had a dream that she saw this female friend of mine and in that dream some people were taking out bad things from my friend and that I was also in this dream as my friend was calling me to help her but my mum didn't let me go.

So as soon as my mum told me this dream I was worried that maybe I felt the same way as my friend did. A few weeks later homosexual thoughts started coming to my mind.

This scared me a lot but I still got on with my life. Then it got worse to the point that if I saw a pretty woman I would get these odd arousal feelings that would scare me a lot as I never felt this way before and always had crushes on boys only.

For about 2 years now we've had a maid that comes every once in a while to help my mum with the house and I never thought much about her before but when these feelings and thoughts starting crossing through my mind, once I saw her cleavage and I got that weird body feeling that instantly made me go nuts as I was scared I was a lesbian.

I have become so sick to the point that I can't eat or sleep, the only time I am not thinking about this is when I am sleeping.

I have always had crushes on guys and only see myself being with one in the future. But I really can't get these thoughts out of my mind. They've been very bad these past few days and I don't know what to do. Will these feelings ever leave me alone as they are killing me. Please help,


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13 Responses »

  1. Walakumasalam dear Salmah,
    Above description of feelings do not make you lesbian and yes these feelings will leave you alone insaAllah.
    Right now you are fighting so hard to resist them that as a result you are continuously dwelling on them.

    What you should do is to let them come to your mind and let it pass through instead of resisting them.
    Say Astughfarullah and try to busy yourself in some thing that interest you.

    It is common that females do feel attraction towards each other. Although just the thought of it comes under norm but we as a muslim should not go any further and you have not crossed any boundaries masaAllah.
    As one sister on this forum described Hadith that we will not be punished for sinful thoughts until we act upon them. These are shaitan whispers.

    If you look at this page there is icon named [ tagged as] . Click on OCD among it and you will come across some very nice suggestions by brother and sisters to different people suffering with compulsive disorder.
    You do go thru them and see which one impress you . InsaAllah this phase will pass away too.

  2. Asalam alaikum,
    Based on the description above, you are not a lesbian..
    But it does sound like you are logically trying to figure out your own personality. Like Gracias said in the comment above, as long as we do not act on these thoughts from shaytan, then we are ok. It is just a new test you have become aware of through exposure to your friend. I have full confidence that you can win this test because you are a good practicing Muslimah. It is normal to care deeply about our friends, but when ever you see some girl or woman and have those strange thoughts just look away and say Astaghfirilla, or the Calimah, and "Authu bilahi mina shaytan ir rajjeem." Life is all about self control, and how well we can keep the balance of our emotions, thoughts, and actions. Just keep up your guard and be aware of the presence of shaytans whenever those "feelings" come to you.
    All the best,

  3. Salaams,

    I think there are a lot of misconceptions out there about sexuality, attraction, and attractiveness. It will leave someone confused if they are only looked at from a surface level.

    First of all, humans are complex. We've oversimplified ourselves by believing we can only find men OR women attractive, even attractive in a sexual way. In reality, any person can be attracted to both genders- sometimes equally, some more than the other...and even that by various degrees. Moreover, what we find attractive in the same or the opposite sex can change at various points in time.

    It's entirely possible for a person to find another person of the same sex as attractive and even sexually desirable without it meaning that person is homosexual or even bisexual. For me, for someone to be "homosexual" means that this person prefers to engage in intimate sexual acts with someone of the same gender, and will avoid or not find satisfaction in sexual acts with members of the opposite gender. This doesn't sound like that's your case.

    My personal view is that it's entirely normal for someone to have curiosity about what it would be like to be sexually intimate with someone of the same gender. Some people find it immediately repulsive and stop wondering about it, while others explore the ideas a little more. Some may even act on those curiosities. Some people find that after exploring it, it really doesn't satisfy them as sexual thoughts about the opposite gender, and they never think about it again. It really does vary.

    The important thing for you to remember is that we are only accountable for our actions. We are not accountable for thoughts and feelings. Chances are your thoughts and obsessions may fade over time, and not bother you any more. But no matter how it plays out- please, please don't beat yourself up for finding women attractive. Women ARE attractive. And so are men! So is nature! Allah has made things beautiful, so for us to notice that doesn't make us sinners. What makes us sinners is what we do with that awareness if we are maintaining the boundaries Allah has set for us.

    Unfortunately, many of us (even those in Islamic countries) have grown up programmed to equate beauty with sexual desire. We've been conditioned to think that seeing something lovely means we want to be sexual with it. This is simply not our fitra, but we've been so brainwashed we can't tell what a normal feeling is from an abnormal one. That's why it's important to be patient with yourself and look at the whole situation from a broad perspective. If you keep focusing on what you think is "wrong", it will only become a larger problem than it really is.

    -Amy Editor

  4. OP: For about 2 years now we've had a maid that comes every once in a while to help my mum with the house and I never thought much about her before but when these feelings and thoughts starting crossing through my mind, once I saw her cleavage and I got that weird body feeling that instantly made me go nuts as I was scared I was a lesbian.

    Do you look forward to the time when the maid will come back? Do you think about her a lot? Do you feel something when you see her?

    Do you still like boys in sexual ways or romantic ways like you did before? If you do, your attraction towards women is temporary and will disappear when you get in relationship with a man.

  5. assalamualaikum. This problem you are having is from shaytan: jinn. Have you ever been really sad, crying, worried, or depressed, recently. Or in the past? What your going through its not normal, don't worry. Okay this jinn is making you feel wrong about liking boys guys Witch is nothing wrong about that. This might sound crazy but let me ask you this. Do you feel that you desire is being control by something else but your not sure what it is. Randomly imagine of the same sex at times, but you know it's not you but think it's you, Will its not you. This jinn is known for OCD on so many levels.

    • Are you a Jinn doctor? How can this Jinn problem causing sex OCD can be solved?
      Is this trus Jinns can have sex with humans?

      • assalamualaikum. No I'm not a jinn doctor, this issue your experiencing Is usually form jinn. Example: when a female jinn fall in love with a human male the jinn will possesses the man, and when that happens after sometime the human man will some how start to have feelings for the same-sex. And the same thing goes for a human woman. So what your going throught could be four thing your going through depression, evil eye, black magic, (Allah knows best). And yes of course jinns can sleep with you.

      • recite
        AYATUL KURSI countless times especially before going to bed
        always remain with WAZU
        INSHA ALLAH you would be saved by these kind of feelings

    • Jazzak Allah khair

  6. why don't you tell your parents to get you married as soon as possible. That way you can satisfy your sexual needs from your husband and won't fall into greater sins.

  7. Asalamualaikum, i am currently going through the same thing, i have been questioning my sexuallity but i know that i like boys. But i am very scared that i might start liking my best friend who is also a girl, we have been best friends for 2 years and i have never had trouble like now. When i see her i always think she's so pretty and i think her eyes are a really nice colour but my mind keeps telling me "no you will end up liking her more than a friend because your feeling might change for her". Can you please tell me if it's the hocd playing with my head or will i actually end up liking her? I really don't want to like her as it is haram and very troubling. Thank you.

  8. This seems like it might be caused by jinn possession?

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