Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My Father Is 65 But Still Visits Prostitutes

Prostitution, prostitutes

Visiting prostitutes in haram and unsafe.


Dear friends, i'm 32 years old man who is married and have kids of age 4-5 years. My father is 65 years of age (approx.) i'm very much depressed by my father's habits and behaviour.

despite of the fact that my mother is alive and healthy (mashallah),  his age,  and now he is grandparent of my kids he is very much into illegal relationships with women and prostitutes.

He is very much well educated, well respected and an honoured man. he say his prayers 5 times a day regularly, did Hajj as well. he has earned a great respect all of his life and people used to give examples of him about what a good person he is. which is very true except this bad habit he is really gem of a person.

Although he secretively do all these things and as far as i know nobody at least in my family and in my circle know about his activities except me. this is a very sensitive issue as i cannot talk about it to anyone not even my siblings and close friends as i don't want anyone to disrespect him.

I wanted to share it with someone to give me some advice to what to do but i can't. now you please tell me whether i should talk to my father that he should stop now or should i remain silent. i've ignored his activities from last 4-5 years thinking of that he will quit these habits when he will be a grandparent but he didn't.

what if i come in front and tell him that i know every single activity of yours, will he able to face me again like nothing really happened and everything will go back to normal? should i ignore all this and let him do whatever want to do atleast things at my home will be normal as nobody knows except me. but I'm afraid what if people started knowing about this? confused please help me out...

~ novel86

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14 Responses »

  1. Dear brother, as-salamu alaykum,

    I feel you should confront your father. For one thing, his actions are haram. He is risking his deen, his soul and his aakhirah. As someone who loves him, it is your duty to advise him sincerely.

    Secondly, he is risking acquiring a sexually transmitted disease and then giving it to your mother.

    Lastly (and least important), if this becomes known it would humiliate him and destroy his reputation in the community.

    Speak to him privately and tell him that these behaviors must stop.

    Wael Editor

  2. ASA sis. O hope this doesnt come across as harsh but as a nurse i have seen way too many families that women are diagnosed with hiv/aids and are close to death before they realize living a facade
    For fear of shame is not worth it. Actually a current patient of mine a woman in her 40s has full blown aids and is on hospice. She got it from her husband sleeping with hookers . Tell me. Is
    It worth it to wait til your mum has an incurable disease? Just for shame?

  3. Brother,

    I agree with Brother Wael on this, speak to your father. Let him know how much you love him and how his extra curricular activities are haram and against the teachings of Islam. I would also mention the fact that he could very well bring home a sexually transmittable disease to your mother. Something that could be life altering for her.

    The last thing you want is your children's grandfather coming over when he has been with prostitutes. They can carry all kinds of disease and you just never know what could even be on his hands. I wouldn't want him touching the children at all or kissing them even on the cheek.

    I can't even imagine how hard it will be for you to confront your father but, maybe this is what he needs...a wake up call so to speak. Being confronted is going to probably anger him or who knows...he might even deny your charge against him. Hopefully, he will hear you out and listen to what you have to say. God willing he will stop this illicit behavior and seek forgiveness from Allah never to repeat it again.


  4. Seriously editors? A burning pentacle? What precisely is that supposed to represent? If you think it represents satanism, or the existence of satan, I would suggest to you that you do a little research into wicca. I hardly think that the OP's father in question is a wiccan. Wicca happens to be an accepted religious practice here in the US, and there are many a grave stone in Arlington National Cemetary with the pentacle on it as a religious symbol. It is no different than the Star of David or the cross. It is a symbol of a religious practice regardless of whether you agree with the religion or not. So why decide to use another religion's symbol being burnt to represent a muslim man who is deep into zina? Why not just use a burning Ka'ba? A burning Quran, a burning mosque? Wouldn't that be more to the point of the post?

    • Lydia,

      The Pentacle has been used in many eras and by many cultures and religions the world over. It has been used by ancient Pagans, ancient Israelites, Christians, magicians, Wiccans and others. In Islam, some have even referred to it as an Islamic star. The pentacle does not belong to any particular faith or religion and history clearly shows that. Some Muslims even see the star as the five pillars of Islam: daily prayers, fasting, Islamic creed, alms-giving and pilgrimage to Makkah in a lifetime. My take on the picture of the burning star was simply how when we do not follow God's will, we end up hurting ourselves in the process. Allah hu alem (only God knows). Maybe the editors will change the photo as I am certain that they in no way wish to insult or hurt anyone irregardless of one's faith.


      • Thank you Najah for explaining this to me. Though I knew that the pentacle was represented by many religions/eras, I actually had no idea that it existed on some plane in Islam as well. Islam is an oddity to me as a former person of the book, a person whom was raised to identify with the relics and symbols of Catholicism, and trained to clutch to them. So obviously, I identify with symbols out of imbeded training. Islam is different in that there are really no relics or symbols to represent IT. And that really throws me into an uncomfortable place in regards to my religious upbringing. There's a sort of openess within Islam and no specific symbol/relic practice to ground me and this throws me off balance. So I clutch instead to the icons of my former religion/culture, because their symbolism keeps me grounded (in my mind).

    • Lydia, I'm not sure which of our Editors posted the star image, but I'm absolutely sure that he or she did not intend to equate it with any other religion. We Muslims usually don't think of this image as belonging to any particular faith. It is sometimes used in Islamic art and calligraphy as well. We certainly did not intend to malign anyone's faith.

      We edit a lot of posts, and sometimes it can be difficult to find an appropriate image. I myself have sometimes put up images that other Editors found inappropriate and removed.

      I have replaced the image with one that I trust is not offensive.

      Wael Editor

  5. Assalamu alaykum brother i agree with everyone here.You should confront him and tell him that you know about him doing this major sin and tell him to stop. After you confronted him you still need to tell your mum, this is very important so she can get checked of sexual disease. Oh and i agree with sister Najah you should take care of your kids as well as you never know...

    • After confronting his dad, I dont think its a good idea to inform his mum about the truth. His parents are very old now and it would be upsetting to hurt his mum's feelings now. He should just tell his mum to do a full medical check up.

  6. u should talk to him.n pray for ur father.

  7. As-salam-Alaikum ,

    As you said that your father is a very respectful person in the society and everyone knows him by his good nature you should confront him as that will help him understand that what he is doing is completely wrong and that this will affect his entire family.

    If you live in a city where Tabligh jamaat exists then I would says tell him to go for tabligh for few months, that will stop him from this habit and will bring him close to Allah swt.

    There is nothing much you can do because he is your father, you can get in touch with his friends and ask them to help you in this case only if you know that his friends might know what he is doing as you know.

    May Allah swt bestow happiness on you and your family.

  8. pray ALOT for ur father! sit with him and unravell things out..if you wont talk to him then u'll be answerable on the day of judgement for seeing him doing this but not stopping him..
    praying always work brother make abundant suppkications for him

  9. Salamunalaikum,

    First question i would ask is - how do you know?
    Your narrative does not say how you came about discovering these activities of your father.
    Hence unless you have witnessed something which leaves you without a doubt i.e. seeing the act its self, what i would suggest is to establish first why your father communicates, visits or whatever you think he does that ties him to this conclusion? yes you should speak to him about it but not with a pre meditated mindset that you already know what he is doing unless you have irrefutable proof.
    maybe just maybe he might give you an explanation that never crossed your mind. Point being be non-judgemental and objective. Ask out of inquisitiveness rather than accusation and as always hope and pray for the best.
    May Allah swt guide us all. Aameen.


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