Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Older sister in love


Is she being hypocritical about this?

My sister loves a man and she wants to marry him.

She tells us not to ever fall in love and let our parents choose our husbands. But she continues talking to this man after my parents rejected the proposal. She is being a hypocrite. She doesn't mean to be a hypocrite as she repents for her sins at the end of everyday. So I asked her "why don't you just stop talking to him?" She says she feels guilty that she talks to him but she can't stop talking to him.

She told me this quote: ("A sin that causes guilt is more beloved to Allah than good that causes arrogance." - Yasir Qadhi).

So in other words she believes she is in guilt and Allah will see that and forgive her even if she talks to him. She feels guilty doing so.

But my question is: is this right for her to keep talking to him and feel guilty at the end of everyday?

Wouldn't Allah like it more if she just stops committing the sin she knows shes committing and she is guilty about?

Tagged as: , , , , ,

2 Responses »

  1. Dear 'ima4lyfe', Asalaamualaikum,

    You are right when you ask: "Wouldn't Allah like it more if she just stops committing the sin she knows shes committing and she is guilty about?"

    Your sister is purposely taking wise words out of context . "A sin that causes guilt is more beloved to Allah than good that causes arrogance." That is true. But if we purposely continue in a deed, knowing it is a sin; thinking we will be saved by our 'guilt' - this is our delusion. It is not only completely wrong but also utter foolishness and we are damaging our own souls.

    If we commit a sin and feel guilty, the next step is to stop that sin, make intention to never do it again and to repent sincerely. If we fall weak and commit that sin again, we should turn to Allah and repent again, with the sincere intention of never repeating it again.

    Knowledge is a blessing from Allah, but can become a burden on us if we do not atleast try to implement it. So, if we deliberately do something knowing it is wrong, think of the major sin we are incurring then.

    Hadith: "Fear Allah in proportion to your knowledge and make that fear and piety the guiding principles or your life!"
    Remind your sister that she has the knowledge - so use it to guard herself.

    Advise your sister that she is making a mockery of wise words and of Allah's teachings. Allah is forgiving, but we need to be sincere in seeking repentance aswell. Ask your sister if your father was physically abusing your mother continuously but also claimed to feel guilty - would that make it ok? Tell her that now that she is aware of her sinning, she needs to account for her actions and intentions before it is too late. What if Allah takes her life while she is sinning? Remind her that these pleasures she is indulging in are so very short term and will bring her nothing but long term destruction unless she stops and repents now.

    Hadith: (According to Wahab): "Allah told the children of Israel: When I am obeyed, I am pleased. When I am pleased, I bless beyond limit. When I am disobeyed, I get angry and curse (Some of the) effects of the curse last for seven generations (not the actual curse). (Ahmad & Jazaul A'amaal)


    In order for forgiveness to be accepted, these conditions should be met:

    (1) The crime is committed out of ignorance, not with the intention that, "Let us go ahead and commit this crime as Allah is forgiving, so He will forgive us.";

    (2) Quickly turn into shame and repentance after committing a crime out of ignorance;

    (3) After asking for forgiveness, make a promise or pledge to "mend his ways", and to stick to his promise. Let us examine verses of Quran.

    "...if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (your conduct), lo! Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (6:54)

    "Forgiveness is only incumbent on Allah towards those who do evil out of ignorance and then turn quickly (in repentance) to Allah. Toward them will Allah turn in mercy; for Allah is full of knowledge and wisdom." (4:17)

    "Forgiveness is not for those who do ill until death faces one of them, who then says, 'Lo! I repent now, nor for those who die as disbelievers, for such we have prepared a painful doom.'" (4:18)


  2. Salaam sister. I think the best course of action is to observe yourself during this time and make sure you are being kind and supportive toward your older sister. I know it is very frustrating when people dont practice what they preach - but similarly, if you feel that people should not be judgemental of you, then it makes sense to practice acceptance and patience with your sister and advice her with kindess and gentleness, so you dont fall into the same trap of doing what you dont like being done

Leave a Response